“Don’t worry about it.” Her expression contradicted her words while the tension between us hung heavier than the saltwater scent. “I’m exhausted. I’ll see you in the morning?”
I wanted to say, No, let’s talk this out. I wanted to be sure this didn’t make her retreat even further into her own head. Instead, I nodded silently and watched her walk back toward the house.
What the hell was wrong with me? Pulling a move like that with Camilla was no better than throwing gasoline on a fire. I felt like I was on trial, and anything I did could influence the jury’s ruling.
Fuck.
A few minutes later, I walked my sorry ass back to the house. Funny, we hadn’t gone far, but the sand stretching before me seemed endless. Upon hearing voices, a part of me hoped they talked her into hanging out instead of retreating to her room alone. But the closer I got to the deck, the more it was obvious Camilla wasn’t there. The guys were playing poker around one of the tables while the women sat drinking cocktails and chatting near the pool.
“Hey, everything okay?” Jack asked, halting the conversation.
“Yeah,” I said on a shrug. “She went to bed?”
Jack nodded before asking, “Want to play? Maybe you’ll change Hunter’s luck.”
“I’m down two hundred already,” he griped.
Needing the distraction, and always wanting to be a thorn in Amatto’s side, I plopped down on one of the empty chairs and said, “Deal me in.”
Chapter 18
Camilla
This getaway proved to be a blast for my daughter… not so much for her mommy.
I’d already been a bundle of nerves from the moment my feet landed on the paver stone driveway. But even before that kiss, I’d felt like there was a blinking neon sign over my head that read, I’M FALLING FOR TREY. And after it, I felt naked.
More flirting on his part, and more adorable interactions with Alivia made it impossible for me to relax enough and have a good time. I was confused. Trey being a charmer wasn’t anything new, and neither was that short fuse of his when he felt threatened. It was experiencing those two extremes within a five-minute span that messed me up.
I’ll fight you if I have to.
If that wasn’t a threat, I don’t know what was.
And then he’d kissed me. Besides the fact he’d literally lit me up from the inside out with that one perfect kiss, he’d also unintentionally opened a portal into a black hole of doubt. Was there a purpose to his charm? Did he have an agenda?
Worse yet, he quickly stepped away with remorse written all over his face. He regretted it. He clearly felt that kissing me was a mistake.
There was no relief to my torment. Even after the kids were all tucked in for the night, I’d lain in that ridiculously comfortable bed, thinking of him on the other side of my wall. Was he experiencing his own battle? Was he thinking of me? Or was he plotting?
I needed to talk to my friend.
Although it was late, wishful thinking forced me to send Debbie a text asking her to call me if she were awake. My phone rang almost immediately.
“Okay, what’s wrong?” she whispered as a greeting.
“You know me well. Is Carson asleep already?”
“That shocks you?” A few seconds later, a door squeaked shut as she continued a bit louder. “I just moved… so, talk to me.”
I detailed the house and how down to earth Trey’s friends were. I filled her in on what we’d been doing since arriving earlier that day… flirting and random touches included. And I then gave her a play-by-play rundown of our walk on the beach.
“He freakin’ kissed you!”
“He threatened me,” I countered.
“That wasn’t a threat, Cam. He basically reacted to your moodiness. The poor guy probably thinks you’re back to wanting sole custody. You yourself said he’s been kind, sweet, attentive, and considerate these past few weeks.”
“Maybe there’s a reason. Maybe he’s taking me for a fool, getting on my good side. Maybe I’ve developed these damn feelings for him under false pretenses.”
“Whoa, calm down. Trey may be a lot of things, but vindictive isn’t one of them.”
“You don’t know him,” I argued.
“I know what you’ve been telling me. That behavior isn’t stemming from malevolence.”
“No, but it could easily be coming from determination, a plan,” I argued, frustrated a part of me felt that way. He had been so sweet lately, so accommodating—it would crush me if it was a mendacious act. But that tiny voice in my head kept warning he could be a great actor. “He came right out and said, ‘I’ll fight you if I have to.’ And he knows damn well I can’t fight him, Deb. The money here is unbelievable. My only chance would be to find a lawyer who would help me because of the high-profile status this case could bring with it.”
“You need to relax. You’re looking for poison ivy in a rose garden. Stop being so defensive—open your mind a bit. See the big picture, Cam. Maybe he’s developing his own feelings for you, and it’s not Alivia that he’d fight you for, but a life with both of you.”
The visual came quickly and disappeared just as fast. “Regardless of Alivia’s deserved place in his life, I don’t belong in his world, and I’ll be damned before I allow myself to fall for him… regardless if he supposedly has changed.”
“Knock it off, Cam. The situation is different now, and you need to finally admit that to yourself and stop holding on to an ideology that no longer exists. He isn’t the man you assumed him to be. He’s proving that every day. Please stop looking for trouble that isn’t present and let things play out as they should. Okay?”
“Yeah, okay.” I would for my daughter’s sake. No matter what my feelings were for the man, I needed to stop being so defensive and trust this was all happening for a reason.
Alivia and I appeared as the group of them noisily had breakfast in the great room. I had explained to Leila earlier the need to leave, and although disappointed, she completely understood… which made me feel even worse for lying to her.
Shane was the first to spot us, running over with a frown on his adorable face. “You’re leaving?” His eyes bounced from me to Alivia and back. “We’re gonna have a soccer game today on the beach.”
“Yes, sweetheart. I have so much work to do.”
“Well, can Alivia have a Mickey Mouse pancake first?” Both sets of eyes landed on me, while my daughter pressed her hands together, further twisting the knife in my chest.
“Sure, she can.” When I released her hand, she and Shane scurried toward the granite island, where the kids were eating.
Trey was next to approach barefoot while wearing a pair of casual black sweatpants and a plain white T-shirt. As my eyes feasted on how sexy he looked, his gaze narrowed on our luggage sitting at the foot of the stairs. With an expression completely devoid of humor, he asked, “What’s going on?”
“I need to get back. Leila arranged for Ryan to drive us home.”
“When did you decide this?” It was hard to miss the accusation behind his words.
“Last night. I got an email from one of my clients.”
“It’s a holiday.”
“No… for me it’s a day to actually earn an income.” Despite watching his jaw clench, I instantly regretted using those words. “I didn’t mean to insinuate—”
“Yes, you did,” he shot back. “But I get it. Still, there’s no reason for Alivia to have to leave.”
Thrown by his suggestion, I widened my eyes and countered, “She can’t stay here alone.”
A sarcastic huff came as he stared me down. “She’s not alone. I’ll bring her back in a few days. It’ll give me a chance to spend time with my daughter,” he said poignantly. “And you can work without disruption. Isn’t her camp closed for the week?” The more my mouth silently flapped open and shut, the more arrogant he became. “You needn’t worry. I have plenty of help here.”
Hurt that I was so easily dismissed, and frustrate
d that I had no retaliation prepared, I continued to be at a loss for words. Taking the opportunity, he threw me his cocky smirk. “Good, that’s settled,” he said before turning on his heel and rejoining his friends.
Damn him.
Debbie was dead wrong. This man clearly had an agenda, and I needed to prepare myself.
I couldn’t help but think of something my father would say when we were kids. “The truth costs nothing, but a lie could cost you everything.”
The one tiny little fib I’d told about needing to get back had created a situation that could easily snowball, leading to overnights, trips, and spending time together without me. I was my own worst enemy, because as much as I hated those possibilities, I had no right to.
I tried not to take my daughter’s happy dance personally. When I informed her she could stay, without batting an eye, she hugged my legs tightly and said, “Bye, Mommy.”
At least Trey’s friends seemed disappointed I had to go. Trey, not so much. After Leila couldn’t convince me with promises of fireworks and s’mores around a campfire, she assured me Alivia would be fine. I smiled tightly with a nod, never doubting that she wouldn’t be but more so doubting Trey wouldn’t now take advantage of this turn of events.
While lost in thought, Debbie called me during the drive home. Not wanting to speak freely when the Devil’s Lair driver could hear everything I said, I engaged in a text conversation with her. There were many emojis, many exclamation points, and many shouty capitals coming at me from my friend.
On Debbie’s insistence, once we arrived in Queens, I had Ryan drop me off at her house. She was right. I needed to get a grip on this situation. The more defensive I was, the more that would cause Trey to do the same.
She answered the door with a scowl. “Before you say one word, you’re right. I need to stop being so paranoid.”
“Well, thank Christ.” Moving aside, she waved me in and shut the door behind me. “You saved me a lecture I practiced on Carson.”
“Where is the poor guy?”
“He just finished mowing the lawn. Do you want to hang by the pool or stay inside?”
Although the air-conditioning felt good, I said, “Out.”
Debbie’s face lit up. “Great. I’ll make a pitcher of margaritas, and we can chill on the deck.”
Carson and Debbie lived in a modest house on a large corner lot, something of a rarity in Queens. Up until now, their above-ground pool and functional deck had been a nice luxury in my life. Even when she and Carson weren’t home, Alivia and I spent many days enjoying their backyard. But now that we had experienced Club Lair, I felt guilty comparing all its magnificence to the cute little getaway my friends had created.
As Debbie quickly busied herself filling a blender with the needed ingredients before pressing a button, the sound of my cell phone ringing rose above the whir. When I still hadn’t answered at the third ring, she silenced the appliance. “Who is it?”
“Trey.” I tapped the screen, my heart beating frantically over why he could be calling me. “Hi. Everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything is fantastic.”
Debbie chose that moment to say, “I have the margaritas. I’ll meet you outside.”
Sure enough, Trey heard her. “Working hard?”
Ignoring him, I asked, “Does Alivia want to talk to me?”
“Great deflection.” His condescending throaty chuckle both irritated and excited me. “No, Alivia is busy playing soccer on the beach. I came in to tell you what happened between her and Shane earlier.” Of course, I thought the worst, but before I could respond, he added, “It was a very enlightening conversation that I had the privilege of overhearing.”
“Okay…”
He went on to explain, “Shane innocently asked Alivia where her father was. When Alivia shrugged, Shane said that his mom died, but Leila was now his mom.” Leila had filled me in the day we visited their penthouse that Shane had come to them a few years earlier when his mother had died of cancer. I knew exactly where this was heading before he even said, “Quick as a flash, Alivia turned toward me and asked if I could be her dad.”
“What did you say to her?” I asked, trying to hide the panic that set in. I hated that I wasn’t there to witness it all. I hated that I was faced with this conversation when I wasn’t ready to be.
“I said I would love to,” he admitted. “And then I changed the subject.” I anxiously waited out his long silent pause. “Hello? No response?”
“What do you want me to say, Trey?” I snapped. “I really wish you hadn’t said that, but the damage is done.”
“Damage? That wasn’t damage, Camilla. That was one of us finally opening the door on how we’re going to tell her the truth… because we will, and soon. Enjoy your margarita. I’ll have Alivia call you later before she goes to bed.” With that, he hung up, and left me hating myself for so many reasons… mainly, for allowing my doubts to possibly ruin a good thing.
Chapter 19
Trey
Of one thing I am sure… my daughter has me wrapped around her little finger.
After another exhausting day, the minions were in bed minutes after the last firework exploded above their awestruck little heads. Hell, even I was wiped out from all the activities we’d engaged in.
I’d played beach soccer for the first time in my life. Me, the same man who less than two months earlier had blatantly made fun of my bandmates for running around like idiots in the blazing sun, has been initiated into their goofy dad club.
I had spent more time in water these past few days than I had since wading in the stream as a kid back in Utah.
The kicker: I loved every moment of it. Every time my sweet little girl called for me or giggled at something I’d said, my heart was pumped full of a love that I’d never known. The only thing that would make my time with her even better was if she called me Daddy. And that day would come soon. Camilla could no longer have an argument when all the signs pointed to Alivia accepting me as her father.
While the women whipped up a batch of their favorite cocktails in the kitchen, and the guys relaxed on the deck, I ventured onto the beach to think.
Tonight, the ocean looked more like a lake. But while the moon’s reflection created an aqueous orb in the tranquil dark abyss, my mind spun like storm-ravaged seas with what I had overheard. I felt bad listening, and yet I didn’t. Knowing what I now knew could alter the path Camilla and I took. Not knowing which way that path would turn messed with my head.
“Needed to be alone?” Jack asked, taking a seat beside me and breaking my reverie.
“Just chillin.’” When I slid my focus his way, it was obvious something was on his mind. “What?”
“I’m really proud of you, man.” His expression remained the same when I scoffed at his claim. “Why, because I haven’t busted on Bert and Ernie all day?”
“No… although that is quite shocking. Watching you with Alivia today, the way you handled it when she asked you to be her dad… you were pretty impressive. Not sure I could’ve handled it any better.”
“Don’t be so quick to praise me. I had to physically fight to keep from telling her the truth right then and there.” Jack grinned at my candidness. “How do you do it?”
“Do what?” he asked.
“Not want to lock them all up in a protected fortress to keep them safe?”
“Ah…” He nodded knowingly before focusing on the ocean. “Who says I don’t want to do just that? You’ve witnessed all my not-so-subtle meltdowns and battles with my wife, of which I often lose. It all comes with the territory.”
“I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle it when it gets even harder,” I admitted. The breath I dragged in was so deep, it sounded above the water lapping a few feet away.
“Yes, you can. You’d be surprised what you can handle… what you have handled.”
“That was all different. I love that little girl in a way I’ve never experienced. I know it without a doubt. And I’m fuck
ing terrified I’ll lose her.”
My vision blurred a touch, yet I could still see Jack staring at me in my peripheral. He remained silent, a gentle nudge to keep me talking. A small part of me wanted to tell him everything… what I’d heard, what I felt. There was a ton I needed to get off my chest. But that would have me there for hours.
Hearing Camilla moving around in the room that butted up against mine last night meant she had been awake. My intentions had been to knock on her door and check to see if she was okay. The way she abruptly took off to hide in her room after that kiss we’d shared worried me.
What I hadn’t expected was to hear her not only admit to having feelings for me but to accuse me of having an agenda. When that call ended, I’d retreated back to my room and got no sleep.
Her decision to leave this morning turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Not only because I had Alivia to myself for the first time, but because I didn’t have to address what I’d overheard just yet. Unfortunately, I couldn’t avoid her forever.
When I still hadn’t said a word, Jack took the lead. “You won’t lose her and can’t keep thinking that way, Trey. You need to focus on the now, on what you want in the future.”
“How do I shut it off?” His brows’ raising forced me to add, “The constant fear I’m not meant to be happy… that I don’t deserve Alivia.”
“I can tell you to stop thinking that way until I’m blue in the face. So instead I’ll tell you to concentrate on the hard fact that your daughter deserves you.”
I studied him for a few minutes before saying, “I think Camilla has feelings for me.” His face lit up, prompting me to shake my head and add, “No, it’s not a good thing.”
“You don’t feel the same?”
“I can’t feel the same.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Are you listening to me? Somehow I’ll fuck it up. And then I’ll lose my daughter. Old habits die hard, and my urge to run is back with a vengeance, but I won’t walk away from Alivia. So, where does that leave us when it ends?”
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