My stomach churned, my body battling against the protections I’d had in place for so long. I reminded myself that I had ridden with Liam the other night. But that was an emergency, an override of my rules and boundaries to save the life of a tiny, defenseless kitten. If I rode with Liam today, I’d be putting myself at risk for no other reason than I wanted to experience an afternoon of adventure with him.
It was playing with fire. Liam could hurt me. I didn’t think he would, but you could never be one hundred percent sure of these things. I could hurt Liam. Not me exactly, but if Garrett ever found out, my selfish proximity to Liam could cost him everything.
I closed my eyes against the swarm of guilt, but I couldn’t deny one simple fact: I wanted to go.
I opened my eyes, meeting Liam’s familiar gaze, the same one that said he was still examining all my pieces and getting closer and closer to figuring out where they went. “I’ll be ready.”
Liam’s shoulders sagged the slightest bit as his muscles relaxed. “Great. I’ll see you then.”
Taylor said nothing but squeezed my arm and gave me an encouraging smile. Then, they were gone.
MY STOMACH WAS in a million knots. Sweat trickled down my back. This was a bad idea. What had I been thinking, agreeing to this?
The state of my nerves had been made worse by the fact that I’d spent my break on Jensen’s laptop, devouring more articles about Bethany. I’d come across a small blurb in the campus newspaper about her reporting Garrett for domestic abuse. It sounded like no one had believed her.
God, did I know how that felt. To have the one person you trusted above all others betray that trust in the worst possible way, and then have no one believe it had happened. It was brutal. So, what in the world was I doing opening myself up to someone else, risking them betraying me like that? Some little voice inside told me that Liam would never do that, but maybe I was a total idiot for listening to that voice.
I paced back and forth in the small space for employee parking at the back of the Kettle. I’d texted Liam earlier to tell him to pick me up here. The last thing I needed was people seeing me getting into his car.
I tightened my grip on my bag as the familiar black SUV with its tinted windows pulled up. Liam shut off the engine and hopped out. I stayed put. Not even how handsome he looked in jeans, boots, and a ballcap could distract me from the sheer terror flowing through my veins.
Liam came to a stop in front of me. The smile he’d been wearing slowly slipped from his face as he took in my expression. “Tessa. We don’t have to do this. We can wait. There’s no rush. Or, I can call Taylor and see if she and Walker can come with us. We’ll make it a big group thing.”
My heart wanted to break at his kindness, his understanding, the way he never pushed too much. He seemed to be a master of gentle pressure. Enough to encourage me out of my comfort zone, but not so much that I felt bullied. “I’m scared.”
It was his kindness that let me utter that one truth. Liam crouched just a bit so that he no longer towered over me. “What can I do to make you feel safe?”
I wanted to throw myself into Liam’s arms and tell him everything, beg him to stand between me and anything Garrett could throw at me. But that wasn’t fair to Liam. And how was running to another man for help going to change anything for me in the long run? I needed to stand on my own two feet. I needed to be in control. “Can I drive?”
Liam straightened, surprise creasing his features. “You want to drive my car?”
I nodded.
He rubbed a hand over his jaw. “That will make you feel safer?”
I nodded again.
Our eyes locked as he seemed to try and understand why I’d make such a request. Who would put up with all my weird requirements and tics for more than a few days? Hell, more like a few minutes.
Liam tossed me his keys. “She’s all yours.”
My brows rose. “Really?”
Liam’s gaze met mine, a sincerity in them that nearly cracked my heart in two. “Whatever you need. Okay?”
“Okay.” The word came out as a whisper.
Liam clapped his hands together. “Let’s hit the road. There’s an eight-year-old boy back at the ranch who’s driving his grandma crazy asking when it’s time for his horseback ride.”
A small smile curved my mouth. “Can’t keep Noah waiting.”
“No, we can’t.”
Liam and I got into his SUV. I had to adjust the seat and mirrors to fit my much shorter height, but in a minute or two, we were off.
Liam tapped his finger in a staccato beat on the armrest. “So. Cake or pie?”
I burst out laughing. It was just the question I needed. “Cake. Definitely.”
He made a humming sound at the back of his throat. “What’s your favorite kind?”
I pulled onto the main road out of town. “I’m kind of a purist when it comes to cake. Vanilla butter cake with vanilla buttercream icing.”
Liam’s brows inched up. “I thought every girl loved chocolate more than anything.”
Paved roads turned to gravel. “Not this girl. I mean, I like chocolate, but vanilla cake is my favorite.” I stole a quick glance at the passenger seat. “What about you?”
Liam grinned. “Pie. Chocolate cream or pecan.”
I made a mental note to include those in baking plans for the shop in the coming weeks. “Both solid choices.”
He grunted. “I know my desserts.”
“I’m sure you do.” I turned off the road, punching in the code that would open the gate to the Cole Ranch. “Have you ridden before?” It had just dawned on me that Liam might have no idea what he was doing when it came to horses.
“My grandfather had me riding before I could walk.”
“Really?” Surprise laced my tone.
“Really. I grew up in a small town in Georgia. He had a ranch there, and I spent a lot of time with him.” Liam’s drumming had stopped, and his voice had taken on a wistful quality.
“He doesn’t have the ranch anymore?” I knew it was unfair of me to ask questions about Liam’s past when I wouldn’t answer any about my own, but I was so hungry to know more about this man.
“He passed away years ago. My parents didn’t have time to run a ranch with their jobs, and my career was just getting going, so we sold it.”
I could hear sadness and regret in his words. “I’m sorry.”
Liam shook his head as if clearing the cobwebs of reminiscence. “I’ll always have the memories. And it just makes the times I get to spend on land like this”—he gestured to the rolling pastures surrounding us—“that much more special.”
I liked the way Liam looked at life. It wasn’t overly Pollyanna, but it always put things in perspective. “That’s a good way to think about it.”
Liam sent me a grin. “Glad you think so.”
I pulled the SUV into an empty spot in front of the ranch house. Before the vehicle was even turned off, Noah dashed out the front door and bounded down the steps. “I’m ready! I’m ready!”
I couldn’t help but laugh, a smile stretching my cheeks tight. “I think someone’s excited for our ride.”
Liam chuckled. “I’d say so.”
We hopped down from the SUV, and Noah’s arms immediately encircled me. I didn’t get hugged often. The adults in my life had quickly caught on to the vibes I sent out about not going overboard in that area. The only people who even touched me were Sarah and Jensen. But Noah held nothing back. And I soaked up his easy affection.
The boy’s little head tipped back. “I’m going to ride Stargazer.”
I brushed the hair back from his face. “I think that’s a great pick. What about me? Who am I going to ride?”
Noah’s arms squeezed me tighter. “You’re going to ride Lightning, and Liam’s going to ride Bob.”
Liam chuckled. “I’m riding a horse named Bob?”
Noah nodded vigorously. “Yup. I named him after Sponge Bob because he’s got a yellow coat.”
/> I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing.
Liam readjusted the hat on his head. “Bob, it is. Lead the way, little man.”
Noah took off for the barn at a run, but Liam fell into step with me. He leaned in closer, whispering in my ear, “How come you get Lightning, and I’m stuck with Bob?”
Liam’s breath on my neck sent tingles down my spine. “You could always ask to switch, but you know that would break Noah’s heart.”
Liam’s gaze locked with mine. “We can’t have that.” He let out a sigh. “Me and Bob, best pals.”
A soft smile stretched my lips at how sweet Liam was with Noah. “Just be grateful Noah didn’t put you on one of the mules.”
Liam shook his head. “Thank God for that.” He pointed to the bag on my shoulder. “Don’t you want to leave that in my SUV?”
I stiffened. My bag went with me everywhere, even on a horseback ride. “No.”
Liam’s forehead wrinkled. “Okay…”
I turned away, heading for where Noah was talking to one of the stable hands. I stopped where Lightning was tethered, giving his muzzle a gentle rub. “Hey, boy. You want to go for a ride?” Lightning huffed as if to say, “Of course.”
I made quick work of checking the tack and fixing my bag behind the saddle. By the time I was finished, Noah was already up on Stargazer, and Liam was getting ready to mount. He looked at me. “You ready?”
My stomach clenched. “Ready.”
I led Lightning to the mounting block and swung up onto his back. I reached back with one hand to make sure my bag was still in place. You’re going to be fine.
Noah bounced in the saddle. “Let’s go!”
Liam grinned. “You’re in charge, little man.”
Sheer joy and pride filled Noah’s face. “I know the best ride.”
Liam adjusted his hold on the reins. “I can’t wait to see where you take us.”
Noah urged his horse forward, leading us through an open gate and into one of the rolling pastures, this one free of other horses and cattle. Liam found his way next to me. “Grilled cheese, or PB and J?”
The tension in my shoulders melted a bit. “Like that’s even a serious question. Grilled cheese all the way.”
Liam clutched his chest. “That’s it, ladies and gentlemen, I’m done for. A woman who appreciates the fine cuisine of grilled cheese as much as I do.”
We rode for at least an hour before turning around and heading back. Noah chattered about school, the animals on the ranch, and his first guitar lesson with Liam. Liam and I could barely get a word in. It was perfect—the peacefulness that comes with innocent voices, beautiful landscapes, and time communing with horses.
Part of me had worried that once Liam got me semi-alone, he’d push. Ask me questions I couldn’t answer. Demand to know more about my past. But he didn’t. I didn’t have to answer one question that made me uncomfortable. And not just because Noah was a little chatterbox.
Liam didn’t push. He kept things light. The questions he asked Noah and me centered around favorite flavors of ice cream and who would win a fight between Thor and Captain America. It was easy being with him and Noah, my soul relishing in the human connection I’d had so little of these past few years.
I wanted more. And that terrified me.
We came to a stop outside the barn, each of us slowly dismounting and leading our horses inside the outbuilding. I tethered Lightning and began the process of removing his tack so I could give him a nice rub-down. I carried the saddle to the tack room, placing it on a peg that read, Lightning. When I turned, I almost crashed right into Liam.
“Sorry,” I muttered.
Liam chuckled. It was low and husky and made my stomach flip. “We have to stop doing that.” I nodded, taking a step back as he swung his own saddle up onto a peg. “So, did you have fun?”
I licked my lips. “It was great. Thank you for inviting me.”
Liam reached out, moving slowly, and swept his thumb across my cheek. “You have a little dirt.” His thumb lingered, his hand almost cupping my face.
My heart thundered in my chest. When was the last time someone had touched me this tenderly? I honestly couldn’t remember. My breathing hitched.
A loud thump had us jumping apart. Noah’s voice sounded from outside. “Oops. Can one of you help me with my saddle?”
Liam shoved his hands into his pockets. “Can’t leave the little man alone to deal with his tack.”
I shook my head, unable to speak as my heart still rattled in my ribcage.
Liam motioned towards the stalls. “I’ll just go help him with that.”
I nodded, clearing my throat, hoping that would somehow help my current mute status. “Yeah.” It came out on a croak, but at least I’d spoken the word.
I needed some air. I made sure Lightning had water and then headed outside. The sun, low in the sky, gave the fields a beautiful, golden glow. I closed my eyes and angled my face towards the sun beams, breathing deeply. How could a simple touch undo me? Liam Fairchild must have magic in those fingertips.
The wind shifted, and my eyes popped open. There was an itchy sensation between my shoulder blades. I spun around, expecting to find Liam, but there was no one.
Unease swept over me as my eyes traveled around the Cole family ranch. Two men were filling a truck with hay. Sarah and Jensen sat on the front porch of the ranch house. Another ranch hand led a horse out to pasture. Irma motioned for Noah to follow her inside.
No one was looking in my direction, but I could feel eyes on me, boring into me. Goosebumps peppered my skin as my head whipped around, trying to find the source of the discomfort. A hand brushed my arm, and I jumped.
“Hey, hey. What’s wrong?” Liam’s concerned expression filled my line of sight.
What if someone was watching right now? Garrett? Or one of his minions? A paparazzi angling for a shot of Liam? Hell, even a ranch hand with a camera who wanted to make a few extra bucks by selling a photograph to some gossip magazine.
My breaths came in quick pants. How could I have been so stupid? Taken such an unnecessary risk? I shook off Liam’s hand. “I have to go.”
His brows pulled together. “Okay, I’ll take you home. Just give me a minute to get the horses settled.”
I shook my head. “I have to go now. I’ll get Jensen to take me home.” I took off towards the barn to grab my bag. “I’m sorry,” I called over my shoulder. A completely baffled look filled Liam’s expression, along with a touch of hurt. My chest burned, and I forced myself to look away.
I snagged my bag and headed for the front porch. Jensen and Sarah were coming down the front steps when I reached them. “I’m sorry to be a bother, but could one of you drive me home?”
They shared a worried glance, but it was Sarah who spoke. “Of course, honey. Let me just grab my keys.”
“Thank you.” She headed back up the steps, pulling the door open and unhooking a keychain from the key rack in the entryway.
“Is everything okay?” Jensen asked, voice soft.
I nodded, wrapping my arms around myself. “I’m fine. I just need to get back.” I’m sure the Cole family thought I was a lunatic by now. Today would just add to their pile of evidence.
Sarah inclined her head towards an SUV on the side of the house. “Come on.”
I followed her to the vehicle in a daze, getting in and fastening my seatbelt on autopilot. We were silent on the drive. I stared out the window, letting my mind go unfocused, trying not to think about anything. Before I knew it, Sarah had pulled up at the back of the Kettle.
I reached for the door handle. “Thank you.” I couldn’t even look at Sarah.
“Anytime, honey. Whatever you need, just ask. I’m always here.”
Her kind words broke me. Tears streamed down my face as I slipped from the car without another word. My keys shook as I tried to unlock the door. It took three attempts before I got them into the lock.
I hurried to flip the latch behind m
e when I got inside. Running up the stairs, I unlocked my apartment door, my hand even shakier now as sobs wracked my body. I slammed the door closed behind me, flipping the deadbolt and hooking the chain.
Then I let myself dissolve, crumpling to the floor. The carpet at the end of my bed softened my landing, but it still jarred my spine when my knees hit the floor. I pulled the thick duvet from the bed. I needed its comfort, its protection from reality.
My cheeks grew hotter, and my sobs heavier as I thought about how crazy I’d just acted, my paranoia of being discovered wreaking havoc with my logical brain. No one in Sutter Lake had sold Liam out to the media, and he’d been here for months. Garrett hadn’t found me, and I’d been here for two years.
I squeezed my eyes closed against the wave of embarrassment that encroached. None of it mattered now. No one would put up with this level of crazy. I wanted so badly to be normal, to go on a ride, or hell, even a date without panic destroying every tendril of enjoyment.
But I was damaged goods. I’d probably never be free of the hold my paranoia had on me. Normal would never be within my reach.
16
Liam
I stared off after the SUV as it disappeared down the dirt and gravel road, dust kicking up in its wake. Particles that filtered through the air, slowly dispersing long after the vehicle was gone. What the hell just happened?
Guilt flooded my gut. Did Tessa freak out because I touched her cheek? I was trying like hell to move slowly. Not to make any sudden movements, literally or figuratively. But something about Tessa made my brain cells short-circuit.
God, her skin had been so soft. I swear I could still feel it against my hand. And when had that ever happened? Never, that’s when.
A throat cleared behind me. I turned to see Jensen. She studied me in a way that said if I’d stepped out of line, she’d squash me like a bug. “What happened?”
I swiped the hat off my head in a frustrated pull. “The hell if I know. We were fine. I went to help Noah with his saddle, and when I came out here, Tessa looked as if she’d seen a ghost. She couldn’t get away from me fast enough.” And didn’t that just cut deep? I fisted my ballcap.
Beautifully Broken Life (The Sutter Lake Series Book 2) Page 10