by S. E. Law
So I get it, I do. Jonah didn’t even go to the hospital when his older sister had her baby last year. His aversion makes sense, but it still hurts. After all, we’re dating and I could have died in that accident. But according to my friends, Jonah resisted. He was their first call, even before contacting my parents, yet Jonah didn’t bother coming to the hospital that night. He didn’t even ask my friends to keep him updated. He was just … nowhere, to be precise. So even though I understand it, I’m still pissed at Jonah, and in my opinion, rightfully so.
“You didn’t bother to call.”
Jonah shrugs. “I wasn’t sure your phone was working. And aren’t you not supposed to use phones in hospitals, anyway?”
I try to remain calm.
“Only around certain equipment. You could’ve called Dee or Liz to ask how I am.”
He rolls his eyes.
“You know they hate me,” he says. “They probably wouldn’t have answered.”
I roll my eyes right back.
“They would have because I asked them to.”
He makes a petulant frown.
“Well, whatever, Summer. I’m here now so what more do you want from me?”
My mind slips back into the daydream I was having before Jonah showed up. That’s what I want. Not the jerk standing in front of me, still unable to look at my bruised face.
“I want a boyfriend who cares.”
He throws up his hands in exasperation.
“Listen, Summer, this accident has been really hard on me too okay?” Jonah says. “I’ve been crazy stressed, and I came to the hospital to see you even though you know how much this sucks for me. You’re acting like a real brat right now, FYI.”
His words take a second to sink in. Did Jonah just call me a brat? I’m lying in a hospital bed unable to move my legs and I’m the brat?
If I could get up and slap him right now, I would.
“Do you even know what I’m going through, Jonah? I can’t move my legs,” I say through clenched teeth. He throws a bomb right back my way.
“Do you know what I’m going through? I had to park a million miles away, walk past a bunch of sick people reminding me of when my dad was sick, and now I’m here being berated by my girlfriend for even showing up. What gives? You need a little more compassion, Summer.”
I can’t take this anymore. Jonah is making this entire thing about him, when I’m the one laid up in a hospital bed. It’s so typical of the person he has become. I remember our argument the night of the accident. He was childish and mean because I wouldn’t cancel my plans to make steaks with him, and now, he shows up here acting like it’s a huge inconvenience for him to visit his girlfriend when she’s injured. What the hell?
I don’t need that kind of person in my life right now. I don’t want that kind of person in my life, period, so there’s only one thing to do now.
I keep my voice steady, neutral, and perfectly calm. Jonah gets a kick out of it when I yell, and I won’t give him that satisfaction right now. Plus, I really do think the nurses would come running if I started to scream.
“You know what? I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this. You do deserve better. You deserve to live your life happy and free, without a paraplegic girlfriend to hold you back from your true potential. Let’s just call this for what it is – a break-up.”
Jonah nods furiously as I speak, although he still can’t meet my eyes. What a coward. He’s not even going to put up a fight.
“I do deserve more from life,” he says. “And being here creeps me out, like I said,” he mutters, eyeing the IV stand next to my hospital bed. I’m not even hooked up to the IV, but Jonah shudders at the piece of equipment. “You need a lot more care than I can give you right now, Summer, and I’m not really a wheel-around-his-girlfriend kind of guy anyways. I’m glad you understand that because you’ve saved us a lot of time.”
I fix him with an evil stare, but he doesn’t see it because he’s focused on the painting above me. I’ve looked at the print a hundred times and it is not that interesting. It’s just a carbon copy of the same picture in every room: an oak tree on top of a sprawling hill, the leaves a muted shade of yellows, browns and grays.
“I understand completely,” I say through gritted teeth. “I really think this breakup is for the best. Thank you for coming to see me. I appreciate it.”
He shrugs, already turning to go.
“Yeah, sure. We can still be friends, right? I mean, I wouldn’t mind being friends with someone in a wheelchair. Just not a girlfriend, if you get what I mean.”
I bite my tongue. Literally. It’s painful, and the taste of iron fills my mouth, but I manage to smile because it prevents me from saying what I really want to say to Jonah, which is a big fat screw you.
“Of course, we can be friends. I’d like that.”
Jonah smiles and nods. “Good. I guess I’ll see you around then. Feel better soon.”
“Thanks,” I manage in a stilted voice. “Have a nice rest of your week.”
“Yeah, bye.”
He leaves, carelessly banging the door shut behind him. Meanwhile, I count to sixty, and then I do it again. When I’m absolutely sure that Jonah is long gone, I let out a long, loud scream.
Two nurses rush in.
“Ms. Ames, is everything okay?”
I smile weakly.
“Yeah, yeah sorry. I just broke up with my boyfriend.”
Danielle, the young nurse who first took me to physical therapy, puts a hand on my arm. “I’m sorry about that, sweetheart. Are you okay? You know boys can be such turds sometimes.”
“In fact, this one was more than a turd, he was a complete jerk,” I tell her with a laugh. “I’m glad it’s over.”
She and the other nurse, Becky, giggle. “Well, good riddance then!”
“You can say that again,” I manage with a wry smile.
Satisfied that I’m not dying or in pain, the nurses head back to their post, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to feel sad about this breakup, but instead, I’m over the moon. Jonah was never going to be a forever kind of guy. He doesn’t have the stamina to be with someone for the long haul, through thick and thin. He’s more of a “fair weather boyfriend” who only sticks around when the going’s easy. I mean, I understand his childhood trauma, but his behavior was atrocious even taking that into account.
Relief courses through my veins. Breaking up with Jonah leaves me free to continue my earlier fantasy involving Dr. Maddox because now, I’m officially single.
Where was I again? I close my eyes, allowing the daydream to wash over me once more. Ah, here we go. Ridge is touching me, stroking me, and making me feel so damn good. Mmmmm. And now that Jonah is out of my life, maybe I can turn this dream into reality.
That’s the thought that finally pushes me over the edge, and riding an ecstatic wave of bliss, I come hard with images of Dr. Maddox in my mind.
13
Summer
Nurse Danielle enters my room with a sly smile on her face.
“Guess what today is?” she sing-songs.
I want to ignore her, but ignoring Danielle never works because the woman has a way of getting me to talk to her. It’s annoying and a little uncanny, but she’s genuinely a nice person, so I let it slide.
“It’s time for physical therapy?” I ask, trying to keep the hope from my voice.
Danielle shakes her head.
“No, even better. It’s going home day! Congrats!”
My heart sinks and I blink with confusion.
“What are you talking about?”
She beams brightly.
“What do you think? You’re ready to go home, Summer,” she says. “Your friends are coming to pick you up.”
“But what about physical therapy?” I ask. “I thought it was going well and it was helping so much.”
She pats my leg. I only know this because I watch it happen. I haven’t regained a
ny feeling in my legs, but Ridge says I’m getting stronger and that my muscles are actually still quite toned even if I haven’t used them for weeks now. I open my mouth to protest. I still need physical therapy. I’m not ready to leave yet!
Fortunately, Danielle answers my question before I can ask.
“Don’t worry, you’ll be coming back five days a week for physical therapy,” she says while bustling around the room getting my stuff together. “You haven’t seen the last of us yet.”
I blink.
“Then why am I going home? Wouldn’t it be better if I stayed here?”
Danielle smiles, but more firm now.
“It’s time for you to become independent, Summer. You can’t stay in a hospital room forever. No one does that.”
Actually, I hoped I could. My parents have enough money that they could probably keep me here indefinitely. But if the hospital wants me gone, I guess I have to leave.
“How will I get to and from therapy though? You know I can’t drive…”
“We have a van service for that,” Danielle explains. “They’ll pick you up and drop you off for every PT appointment. And I’ll be there to escort you from van to therapy, don’t you worry. I won’t let my favorite patient just leave without a promise to see her again,” she remarks with a wink.
I smile in spite of myself. It’s really hard to hate someone like Danielle because she’s bubbly and upbeat, even when I’m sad and depressed.
“Okay, I guess I can live with that. Do I not have therapy today, then? Or is that where we’re going now?”
“Dr. Maddox has a long weekend starting today, so your session is canceled. He’ll be back Tuesday, and so will you.”
Disappointment wells in my chest. Ridge didn’t mention anything about a vacation when I saw him for physical therapy yesterday. I know we have a professional relationship, so wouldn’t he tell me that we were being rescheduled?
Danielle reads my mind.
“Don’t look so glum, Summer. Dr. Maddox wrote some great notes in your chart. He’s confident that the therapies are working the way he wants them to, and a few days off won’t hurt. Otherwise, Dr. Maddox wouldn’t have taken off. He’s really responsible that way, and he did make a note to remind you that you need to do your at-home exercises every day too.”
I sigh. Those exercises are the worst. A few nurses, including Danielle, have caught me “working out” over the last few weeks, and it’s so embarrassing to be seen moving my body without the help of my legs. I look so helpless, like a newborn rabbit. I don’t even like Ridge seeing me like that, and he’s my physical therapist. At least now, I’ll be able to do them in the privacy of my home, rather than in a hospital bed where anyone can walk in at any time.
“You’ll do them and you’ll like it,” Danielle proclaims, pointing a finger at me. This would be a lot more threatening if Danielle wasn’t such a tiny person. I appreciate her attempt, though.
“I’ll do them, but I won’t like it.”
She shrugs. “Fair enough. Just so long as you do them. Now, are you ready to get packed?”
I glance around my room. There are some random clothes strewn about, and I also have a cactus from my friends, but nothing else of note. The bouquets from my parents and Jonah have long since died and been tossed away, forgotten.
I point towards the small suitcase Liz used to bring me all this stuff. “Just throw everything in there. I’ll deal with it when I get home.”
Danielle gets busy packing my belongings.
“You know, there are some cute clothes here. You should get back to wearing some of these.”
I don’t respond. I do look better than when I first arrived, but I’m hardly a beauty queen. My face is still bare, but at least my hair is brushed and I always make sure I smell nice before seeing Ridge.
With my belongings packed, the room looks barren. I’ve spent a little over six weeks in this room, with not much to look at but my window and my TV. It started to feel like home, even if that sounds scary.
A knock on the door frame drags me from my thoughts, and Liz pokes her head in.
“Hey, girl. You excited to go home?”
I shrug. “Sure, I guess.”
Liz sighs, entering the room with Annabel and Dee on her tail. “We thought you’d be happy that you finally get to leave.”
“I am,” I lie. “Just tired.”
“Well, wake up, because we’re having girls’ night tonight.”
I blink.
“That’s really not necessary. You can just drop me off, and you guys go and celebrate.”
Danielle cuts me off. “Actually, you really should get out a little Summer. You’ve been here for a while now. Go out! Let loose and enjoy yourself,” she urges.
“Hey, you had to go and get into a car accident and ditch us last time we tried to have girls’ night. You owe us this one,” adds Dee.
I bark out a laugh. Leave it to my friend to say something so off base, but also kind of funny. “Okay, fine.”
She grins.
“Atta girl. Now let’s get out of here. I brought the truck so you can just sit in the bed and hold on.”
Danielle’s eyes go wide.
“We don’t let patients leave without seatbelts.”
Dee laughs.
“Easy there, cowboy. I’m just kidding. I have my SUV, so she’ll be strapped in safe and sound.”
It occurs to me that I haven’t been in a car, or any kind of vehicle since the accident. To my surprise, I don’t feel fear or anxiety at the thought of getting into a car again. In fact, I don’t feel anything at all as we leave the hospital.
“Bye Danielle,” I say faintly, lifting my hand in a wave.
She winks before turning.
“This isn’t goodbye. We’ll see each other soon, remember?” she says. I nod, and the four of us drive to the apartment. The girls chatter in the car but I ignore them because I’m focused on taking in the sights. I haven’t seen anything but the hospital in six weeks, and it feels new to see trees and buildings and people.
Once we get to my apartment, Dee sets up my wheelchair and helps me into it. The building is already wheelchair accessible, so I use the ramp to get inside.
Interesting. My apartment looks exactly the same as when I left it. It’s almost a little eerie.
Annabel says, “We came in and got rid of any food that might go bad and watered the plants, but we didn’t touch anything else.”
Sure enough, my two oversized house plants are still thriving.
“Thanks,” I remark.
The girls wait until I’m settled on the couch with my remote in hand, and then they get to work getting my place wheelchair ready. All of my cupboards are emptied onto the counters. They move pots and pans, utensils, and all my dishware too. In less than an hour, my entire apartment looks the same, but with most accessories at a lower level so that I can reach them.
“Now, we eat.”
At some point during their rearranging of my life, they ordered Chinese food, and my stomach grumbles. I haven’t been hungry much lately, but the smell of non-hospital food has me starving. Once the food arrives, I pick up the nearest container and dig in.
“So, what happened with Jonah?” Liz asks carefully around a mouthful of shrimp lo mein.
“We broke up, you know that.”
She scoots forward on the chair across from me. Annabel and Dee are seated to my left on the couch.
“Yeah,” she says gently, “but you didn’t give us details.”
I shrug.
“He showed up and made me feel crappy, and acted like my accident was all about him. So I broke it off,” I say simply.
“And how are you feeling about it?” she probes.
I take another bite of my fried rice. “I feel fine. We were only together for six months, so it’s not like I was that invested.”
“That’s good,” Annabel says gently. “I’d hate for you to be stressed over this on top of everything else.”
I smile wryly.
“Well, when he came to the hospital and started telling me how stressful the accident was for him, I decided I was better off without him.”
Dee cheers. “It’s about time you realized he was a selfish jerk.”
I roll my eyes.
“He wasn’t always, I swear.”
“Yes, he was,” they say in unison.
My friends are right, and I just grin. “Whatever. It’s over now, so there’s no point talking about it.”
“Hey, sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings by bringing it up,” says Liz.
“No, it’s fine. I’m not hurt and you didn’t.”
Dee, Annabel, and Liz share a look. “Okay, it’s just that so much has happened recently…”
I let out an annoyed breath. “It’s not about Jonah, I swear. I just don’t want to talk about the mistake I made for six months, okay?”
We’re all silent for a few minutes.
“Okay,” Dee finally says. “Let’s talk about me then. My boss is being a total douche again.”
Thankfully, Dee successfully diverts the conversation to her job, and the girls follow with other gossip. I watch the three of them talk, sometimes adding in my two cents when I’ve been quiet too long so they don’t think I’m vegging out. After a few hours, they stretch and smile, remarking at the time. They have work tomorrow, and I have an early physical therapy appointment.
Annabel pulls me in for a hug first. “I’ll come by tomorrow, if you’d like.”
I nod. “Oh sure, thanks.” I’m actually thinking about seeing Dr. Maddox, but I don’t want to let on.
Dee and Liz follow, promising that they’ll be around over the weekend so I’m not alone, and once they leave, I wheel myself into my bedroom and climb into bed the way the nurses taught me. I don’t bother brushing my teeth or changing out of my sweatpants. Instead, I let myself dream of Dr. Maddox. I want to see him again and hear that baritone voice as he encourages me to reach new heights. I want to feel his hands on me, as his firm fingers knead and massage my muscles. I want him to kiss me, but how can that happen when he’s a doctor and I’m his patient? It seems impossible, but still, a girl can dream, right?