by KT Strange
"Hey." Cash knelt down, and I could feel his warmth as his hands wrapped around my shoulders. "You okay?"
I swallowed hard. I wasn't sure.
"Guys?" Finn called through the door.
"Fuck off!" Cash shouted over his shoulder. I couldn't see him that well, the only light a thin crack of light that seeped under the door. His fingers were rough as he stroked under my chin. "You okay?"
"I. . ."
His mouth pressed gently over mine, and I melted, my legs sliding apart. I felt his naked body slip between them, and he pulled me, tenderly, right up against his chest. My pulse was slowing, my nerves tingling less, and all that was left was a warm, buzzy feeling that being close to him satiated.
"I love you, Darce," he said into the shell of my ear.
"What took you so long?" I asked.
"I could say the same thing." His mouth was soft on my ear, giving me tiny kisses that were pushing away my desire to hide.
"I blew the power."
"Good." He sounded proud. "Fuck yeah. Means I did you right."
"Cash!"
He laughed and he kissed me again, before getting to his feet. I heard the squeak of metal, and the water stopped.
"Let me get you a towel. And don't worry about the lights, alright? Just gives the other guys a higher bar to reach."
I ran my fingers over my lower lip, my nerves slowly settling in my stomach. His hands wrapped around my wrists and he helped me to my feet. A towel pulled around my shoulders and he tugged me in for another hug.
"Mine," he mumbled, and then a low, soft purr started up, somewhere north of his solar plexus. I sighed and let the noise, and the light vibration, soothe me.
"Guys?" Finn was still outside. "Seriously."
"I said fuck off," Cash's voice was amused but also determined.
"Well shit, whatever," Finn answered, and his footsteps trailed off.
"This moment's mine," Cash said. "I gotta share you, I'm proud to share you, you're ours, but sometimes a man's gotta have a few minutes with his girl."
My heart fluttered in my chest and I rested in his embrace. I could deal with a few minutes. I wanted a few minutes. Or, a lifetime, really. That should have terrified me; our lives were right on the edge between chaos and death, fame and obscurity. I had no time for love, but the guys? They'd shown me that there wasn't a life without it.
"I love you too, so much," I whispered back in the dark. His arms went tight around me and he sighed.
"I'll go first. Tell them to shut the fuck up and not tease you about sparking out the battery."
"Thanks," I said, meaning it with all of my heart. "I'm kinda worried about, um, sparking up during sex."
Cash pulled away, and I heard the noise of him fumbling for the doorknob.
"Don't worry about it. We'll figure it out. And maybe some of the guys are into that. Eli? He's kinda kinky." He swung the door open, silver light spilling over his skin, and he shot me a wicked smile before slipping out and shutting the door after him.
Nineteen
Darcy
I took time cleaning up once the lights came back on in the bus, my muscles aching from my cold-water swim and Cash’s enthusiastic fucking. Still, even as I dried myself off, I could feel the warmth of his hands on me, the heat of his gaze on my face as he looked at me like—
My hands froze in my hair as I stared at myself in the mirror. He loved me. They loved me. The girl in the looking-glass stared back, her eyes heavy with exhaustion, the reddened marks on her neck and breasts from the scrape of a man’s stubble.
Who was she? She looked so different from the Darcy that had existed even a few months prior. Her hair was wild, and I leaned forward, widening my eyes. There. Deep in the iris, was that a—
I slammed my eyes shut, blinked rapidly and peered close again. Little threads of light, glowing blue-white, laced through the eddies of each iris. My breath was hot in my throat, and I swallowed. That had never happened before. It was almost like, it sounded stupid in my head, but like the closer I got to the guys, the more I melted into the pack and they melted into me, the more my powers were coming to the surface.
The lightning, the storm inside of me? It was rising through the cracks in my armor, whatever had protected my heart before when I’d lived with my family and then forged out into a world of mundanes who were nothing like the people I’d grown up with.
“Fuck,” I whispered. I got dressed. Max had knocked on the door a few minutes after Cash left, offering me clean clothes. I wanted to look so badly in the mirror, but tried my best, tying my hair up into a loose, damp bun so I didn’t have to spend any more time fighting the urge to claw my eyes out.
What the hell was happening to me?
The air was cold when I stepped out of the steamy bathroom, and I pulled the hoodie around my body, zipping it up. It was one of Finn’s, big on me, the sleeves falling past my knuckles. The carpet of the bus was soft underfoot as I pushed through the privacy curtains. The boys’ low voices led me to where they were sitting, arranged on the couches at the front of the bus. Max was there, curled up, watching everyone with her chin on her elbows. She looked sobered up, and Chelsea sat next to her.
Finn got to his feet as soon as he saw me, wrapping me in for a big hug. His face pressed into the top of my head and I felt his chest expand under my ear as he inhaled my scent.
“My hair’s wet,” I warned him.
“Don’t care.” His answer was muffled in my hair. I met Chelsea’s gaze, her eyes soft and understanding.
“How’s the asshole?” Everyone knew who I meant. Finn pulled me to sit on the couch. Cash stole up to my other side, his arm making its way around my waist. Charlie watched me from the floor, his back against the couch. Eli leaned against one of the kitchenette cabinets. Ace was huddled next to Charlie, but as soon as I settled, he moved across the aisle to curve against my legs. His head bent, resting on my knees. I threaded my fingers through his hair and he sighed, a soft huff of air. I was willing to bet his eyes were closed as I ran my nails through his soft, blond locks.
“Jake’s dealt with,” Chelsea said, “Although I’m not sure how well the glamour on his memories will stick.” Her lips tugged down into a frown. “It’s not meant to last forever.” She shot a quick look at Max who shrugged her shoulders.
“I’m really not mad that you did it to me.” My best friend was fast to forgive, and I was grateful for it. I’d been keeping secrets from her for way too long.
“Mhmm,” Chelsea said, changing the subject. “But one thing we’ve been talking about—”
“You’ve lost control of your powers a handful of times now,” Eli interrupted, his tone flat, striking right at my heart and stealing the air from my lungs.
“What?” I stiffened and Ace rumbled quietly against my legs, trying to soothe me. I pulled my hand from his head and swallowed.
“Darcy,” Charlie spoke up, and I dragged my hot stare away from Eli to the dark-haired wolf just a few feet from me. “How much do you trust yourself?”
“What do you mean by that?” My stomach turned over, clenching painfully. Finn’s arm slid over my shoulders, warm and heavy. Cash pressed tight into my other side, and I was bookended by warm, well-muscled werewolf boys. Too bad it didn’t touch the icy finger of fear spearing me right in my gut.
“You said you’re not good with your powers, and you seem to be, well, lighting up without wanting to.” Charlie unfolded his legs and sighed, gazing at his hands for a moment.
“Do you guys think I can’t. . . well I can’t control them, you’re right,” I fumbled for the right words to say. “What do you want me to do about it?”
“Those witches I mentioned might be able to help you, if you could find one,” Chelsea offered.
“Yeah, but do you know where I’m supposed to go for this ‘help’? And I can’t exactly go running off for months? It takes years to learn how to control your powers. That’s why we start so young. . .” I trailed off. Finn’s p
urr started up, a low rumble that mirrored Ace’s. My fingers were tugged into Ace’s gentle grip, and he looked up at me.
“I just don’t know what you guys want from me,” I finished, feeling helpless and lost.
Charlie exchanged a look with Eli and then Chelsea. Max cleared her throat.
“You guys really need to start telling her what you talked about instead of beating around the bush,” Max said, her voice bordering on irritated. “Like, now.”
Eli gave her a humorless smile and sighed.
“We’re leaving the tour.”
My heart dropped.
“What?!” I jerked forward, and Finn had to hold me back from getting to my feet.
“We’ve got to, sweetheart,” Cash rumbled into my ear as he kissed me there. His breath was hot on my cheek, his body firm and comforting against me.
“But you can’t. You can’t leave the tour, that’s crazy.” I looked at each one of them. All but Charlie and Eli wouldn’t meet my eyes. “Why?”
“So we can try to find you the help you need,” Eli said, voice firm. “It’s already decided.”
“Oh really? Like hell it is.” I got up, pushing away from my guys. Ace made a noise of protest, and I had to balance getting up and not stepping on him. “This tour? This tour is everything you’ve fought for.”
Charlie hmmm’d.
“Not exactly,” he said, and looked up at the ceiling for a moment. “We wanted to be a family, together, to be safe. We’re not any safer on the road than we were back home, not really.”
“But you wanted to play music, for people, for your fans? Hello, you have a crazy huge swell of fans happening right now!” I wasn’t going to be the reason they quit. No way. Tears were hot along my lash-line. Charlie got up, following me.
“Don’t cry,” he said, reaching up to smudge away a line of wetness as a tear dripped down my cheek.
“This is everything, the music, the shows, this is what you wanted, isn’t it?” I searched his face, looking for an answer, daring him to lie to me. He sighed and closed his eyes before opening them again.
“This is what we want.”
“But we want you, safe, complete, not tossing around lightning bolts, not running the risk of hurting yourself or other people.” Finn’s voice was reasonable and I twisted to look at him. He and Cash were almost shoulder to shoulder, Ace at their feet. All three of them stared at me, three pairs of blue eyes begging me to, what? See reason? I swallowed hard, my throat tight.
“I haven’t hurt myself—”
“Yet,” Eli’s said. He looked firm, determined.
“I get no say in this?”
“Darce,” Max spoke up and I glanced at her. She slid her feet off the couch and onto the ground. “There’s something up with you. I know this is your dream, and their dream too, but just because they leave the tour doesn’t mean that it’s over. It’s not over. None of it. Just on pause until you guys figure things out.”
Chelsea snorted.
“That should have been the first thing to say to her,” Chelsea muttered to Eli. “Maybe try that next time.” He shot her a withering look and looked at me again.
“So what, we go home, and put out a Craigslist post asking for witches to help me with my storm powers? That’s not how this works.” The urge to cross my arms over my chest, to hide, to defend myself, was so strong. Ace’s hand clasped the back of my bare calf, just under where my denim shorts were cut off, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Chelsea watched me carefully.
“Your power is growing with each day, it seems like. Haven’t you noticed?”
Of course I had.
I couldn’t lie and say I hadn’t. I glared at her and she gave a slow nod, as if taking my silence for evidence that I agreed with her. She really did the wise-and-ancient thing well when she wanted to.
“We go home, we get off the tour and out of the public eye, and we regroup,” Eli said, as if it were the most reasonable plan in the world.
“And what about Troy? He’s going to shit a brick if you leave tour, and Willa—”
“We’ll say there were some creative differences,” Chelsea said as she looked at her nails. “Kick Phoenixcry off the tour kinda of thing.”
“What?!” I stared at her like she was crazy.
“It’ll make the fans go nuts,” Finn said, making me look at him. “Darcy, baby girl, we need to do this for you. For us. We need you safe.”
“Really?” I grasped, reaching for the last thing I should have ever brought up. “You sure you don’t just want me to be able to make a heartstone?”
Finn’s face. . . guilt, and hurt stormed across it. Immediately, I regretted throwing that in his face.
Max whistled softly and Chelsea winced.
“I didn’t mean it,” I whispered, reaching for him. “I really—Finn.” He looked away, his jaw tight. Fuck. Sometimes. . . sometimes I really felt like I was too stupid to live, and didn’t deserve any of them, or any of the love the poured on me.
Cash let out a long sigh.
“Look, this is stupid,” he said. “Yes, a heartstone would be great. You know what I want?” He stood, demanding I look at him as he towered over me. His expression was heated. “I want you, Darcy. I want to be able to shift, show you who I am, the wolf inside of me, and one day? I want you to give us a child, I don’t care whose, to see you, to see our pack grow again. I want to live a damn long time. Those things? We can’t have those things without a heartstone. But if we never get one, I’m fine with it too. Whatever, they don’t matter as long as we’ve got you.”
My cheeks were warming as he spoke. I felt Finn’s touch at the small of my back, and I reached for him. His fingers wrapped around mine and squeezed, hard. I’d have to make it up to him later. I really needed to stop speaking before I thought. It wasn’t just my heart, my feelings, on the line anymore.
“I don’t want to be the reason everything falls apart, Cash,” I said, trying to figure out how to make him understand what was going on in my head, in my heart. He nodded.
“I get it. I do.” He cupped the side of my face with his hand and kissed me. Finn’s fingers slid up my wrist, dragging along the curve of my arm. Ace pressed in close too. I heard someone, Charlie, maybe, grumble a sigh under his breath. “Sweetheart, Darcy, you’re the lifeblood of this pack, and if something isn’t right with you, then we’re not right. We need to get you fixed. Even it takes you years. We just need to find help, and we can do that better on our home turf.”
“Besides,” Chelsea interrupted and I glanced at her. Max was studying her toes, her cheeks pink. “I think I might know someone who could help.”
Eli glanced at her, eyebrows high.
“Oh really?”
She bit her lip.
“Yeah.”
“Nice of you to say something before now,” Eli said, sounding more irritated than I’d ever seen him. Chelsea glared back at him, not intimidated by the growl in his words.
“I don’t owe you anything, wolf,” she said. “I help because I want to help, and maybe, just maybe, before you get your tail in a knot, you think that I didn’t mention it because this person isn’t exactly your average, run-of-the-mill witch, alright? There’s creatures out there that are dangerous even for unicorns.”
Eli met her glare with an even, unimpressed stare. She slapped her hand down on the couch cushion, and I was reminded of a horse stamping their foot. Eli twitched and looked away with a roll of his eyes.
Max flicked her gaze between the two of them quickly, a smile quirking on her lips.
“Anyone tell you that you’re hot when you’re mad, Chelsea?” she asked. Her words seemed to instantly defuse the situation, and we broke into strained laughter. Cash curled me against his chest in a deep hug.
“All right. So, Chelsea’s got someone we might be able to talk to.” Charlie pointed at Eli. “You’re talking to Willa.” Charlie turned to me. “And all you gotta do, buttercup, is relax and take it easy.”
&
nbsp; “Some of those things are my job, though,” I said. I should have talked to Willa, really.
Charlie’s expression turned serious.
“You nearly drowned tonight,” he said, and Cash’s arm around me went stiff. He took a breath then relaxed.
“Yeah maybe just take a night off from working,” Ace said. “Since work seems to be nearly murdering you on daily basis.”
Chelsea got to her feet.
“I’m going to go talk to my guys,” she said. “But yeah, make your social media announcement, and we’ll handle the rest. One band feud coming up.”
“You guys are feuding?” I asked, dismayed. Chelsea grinned.
“Fans like nothing better than picking sides. And even more than that? They like it when bands kiss and make up.”
“You,” Max said, pointing at Chelsea, “are an evil genius. Is that a unicorn thing?”
“Why don’t you come with,” Chelsea said to Max. “Say goodbye to the guys.”
Max glanced at me and bounced to her feet.
“Give Darcy some time with her puppies? Sounds good. If they get any more adorable, I’ll vomit,” she said, a bright smile on her face to take the sting out of her words. Eli rolled his eyes as the two left. I shivered in Cash’s arms.
“It’s going to be just fine,” Charlie said, shrugging one shoulder. “I mean, normally we’re running away from our problems, not toward them, but I figure we’ll make it work.”
Twenty
Darcy
Home. The Seattle skyline made my heart ache. We shouldn’t have been there. We should’ve been back with Glory Rev, the boys on stage, a thousand screaming fans going crazy in the audience.
But we were home. I tried to stay off social media the entire time, not wanting to see the backlash or the feuding between the bands, even if it was fake. Max had ridden with us, making the several day trek back across the country. Having her close made it easier, I think. The guys liked having her around too. She had a slow, sarcastic humor and it felt like she fit in with us. Part of me was looking forward to going back to our little dorm room, painting each other’s nails, just doing us stuff.