by Ali Winters
Black spots danced in front of Nivian’s vision, pulsing, moving in to swallow her whole.
Finn’s screams echoed in her memory.
Something was wrong. Kain’s skin was marbled with cracks of light… he was breaking before her eyes.
THIRTY-FOUR
NIVIAN
NIVIAN’S FEET WERE frozen in place as she watched Yeva’s power kill Kain little by little. Her limbs turned to stone, heavy and rigid. She was helpless to do anything. Yeva’s power had destroyed Finn, and now it would destroy him as well.
Kain’s back arched as the light of the power increased, nearly blinding her. She brought a hand up to shield her eyes from the strongest rays. Colin collapsed to his knees, but he held fast to Kain’s arm. Azira used the altar to keep herself upright, while Evander was no better off. Caspian chanted through gritted teeth, his skin took on an unhealthy, ashen pallor.
The shield pressed the power down onto Kain. More fissures broke out along his skin, his clothes shredding.
A sob ripped from her throat. She didn’t care about the world ending anymore. Nothing mattered if she lost him again.
Before she realized what she was doing, Nivian was sprinting toward him. She threw herself into the shield. The barrier stung like red, hot needles burning into her flesh, but she didn’t care and forced her way inside. It resisted, but her will was stronger.
Azira moved to the side as Nivian grabbed his arm. Fire flared behind her eyes and spread. Everything burned as the power ran through her.
Nivian leaned over him and placed her mouth close to his ear. “You can do this. I need you to do this.” The lighting stormed faster. “Please Kain… I can’t lose you again,” she begged. Tears streamed down her face.
Kain stilled. The light and power faded with his movements, sinking into him.
The shield vanished, sending Colin, Azira, and Evander stumbling back. Caspian fell forward onto the altar, catching himself with his hands just before his face collided with the dais.
Nivian draped herself over Kain’s chest, panting. It took her several seconds to notice his chest didn’t rise and fall, that the only beating of a heart she heard was her own.
She pulled back and stared into his pale face, holding her breath as long seconds passed.
Caspian’s hand brushed over Kain’s forehead, plucking up the now dull stone. Nivian opened her mouth to speak, but Caspian dropped his chin, shaking his head.
Then he just walked away.
She let her horrified gaze drop to Kain’s face, then to Azira crying as Colin held her up. Caspian and Evander seemed to shield her from the sight as they huddled together, worn and ragged.
Nothing. They did nothing but walk away and Kain was once again in her arms, still as death.
“What happened?” she hissed with venom. “Why isn’t he awake?”
Caspian separated himself from the group and took one step toward her, stopping when a growl rumbled up in her chest.
“I do not know,” he admitted.
Nivian reached up and stroked Kain’s face, her fingers trailed down his neck, across his chest, and down his arm. She threaded her fingers through his and squeezed. His skin was cold in hers, the warmth she’d grown used to was gone, as if he were part of the stone he lay upon.
“But it worked. It worked. Yeva’s power became part of him. I saw it. It worked!”
“I am afraid it might have been too much for him to bear.”
She pressed Kain’s hand against the side of her face. “Please Kain… please don’t leave me again.”
Still, he didn’t move.
The world was doomed. The end would come for everything and everyone, leaving nothing in its wake. She let them all down because she had let Kain down. Again. He had trusted her, even though he didn’t remember her. His heart had trusted her and she had failed.
Her knees threatened to buckle from under her, and she crawled up on the dais next to him. Wrapping his arm around her, she placed her head on his chest.
Kain had absorbed Yeva’s power, but in the end it was too much for him and she had wasted his last few days on earth waiting for him when she should have been with him every second, trying to make sure he would survive this.
“I’m so sorry I keep failing you,” she whispered into his chest. “All I wanted was to be by your side… for you to know how much I loved you.”
Once, those three words had felt like the hardest in the world to admit to herself, let alone for her to say to him. When in reality, they were the easiest and most natural to say. She was a fool to let fear and uncertainty cloud her, to keep her from embracing her existence fully.
Nivian poured her heart into every tear until she was empty and exhausted.
“Nivian, we must go,” Caspian said, drawing her from the edge of the precipice she teetered on, wanting to let go and fall into its depths.
She sat up and turned on Caspian. The darkness of her power skittered over her, pulsing and undulating and flowing over Kain, causing his lifeless form to quake.
Caspian took a step back and bowed his head. His powers curled in on itself, submitting to hers. He was no longer her superior, but she was his. The realization took her by surprise and the ripples of her power snapped back.
It was not his fault it had failed, but her own.
Nivian slid her legs off the altar, ashamed of her lack of control. She stood and let Kain’s hand slip from hers.
The smallest finger of his hand twitched as she turned away. She froze.
“Forgive me, Nivian,” Caspian started, but the rest of his words fell away as she watched Kain.
His lashes fluttered, but then nothing.
She waited and waited.
It was only the wind playing tricks on her hopeful mind.
Another flutter.
Caspian’s hand fell on her shoulder. She pushed it off and moved back to Kain’s side. What did it matter where she spent the last days of existence? She could stay by his side and wait for the nothing that would come for her. She took his hand in hers, warmed by the sun; she could almost pretend he was only sleeping.
A sudden flurry of movement and Nivian fell, landing on her backside in the grass below. Kain gasped, clutching at his chest as he fought to pull in air.
She scrambled to her feet as he managed to sit up. Nivian threw herself onto the dais. “Kain!”
Everything except him dropped away. He was all she could see, all she could feel.
Nivian wrapped her arms around him, nearly knocking him over again.
“Kain… Kain!” She couldn’t say his name enough, as if each time she uttered it out loud it would make him more real, more alive, and keep her from sliding back into the nightmare from moments before.
His arms came up and wrapped around her. His head drooped and he rested his forehead upon her shoulder, his breath nuzzling her neck. Her fingers dug into his shirt, trying to pull him into her.
She leaned back and held his face in her hands. Still pale with bags under his eyes, but he was alive! And looking back at her, smiling.
Nivian pressed her lips to his and kissed him for the first time since she’d found him on the rock. Her heart danced when he kissed her back. It was the way he had kissed her the first time in her apartment. It was the way he had kissed her before he’d told her he loved her for the first time…
Could it be possible he remembered her, remembered something… everything?
When he finally pulled away, she was surprised to see smears of dampness on his cheeks. He reached up a hand and brushed hers away. She’d been crying. It was silly to cry now and she laughed at herself as she rested her forehead against his.
Caspian coughed, reminding her that the two of them weren’t alone. The voices of the others came back to her awareness.
Nivian held tight to Kain but acknowledged the others with a tear-stained grin. Azira was jumping up and down, hugging everyone as they all tried to talk at once.
“The two of you are bo
und together, both of your life forces have been renewed for eternity. It now falls upon you both to protect the balance of life and death above all else,” Caspian said.
Nivian knew all of that, but it was such a relief to hear. She could only nod in response.
“I will gladly protect it with all the power within me,” Kain rasped out.
Caspian smiled. The always formal veneer he wore, even in his joy, slipped and the grin made him look younger than Nivian had ever seen him.
“Then, with that, I will give you some time alone.”
Grateful, Nivian turned back to Kain. The way he looked at her made her heart soar. She licked her lips.
“Kain?” she spoke his name tentatively.
“Mmm?”
Her heart thrummed wildly in her chest as she summoned her courage. “Do you remember anything?”
Immediately, she held her breath. He was the same Kain she’d always known. She knew it with every fiber of her being. He swallowed hard, his eyes un-focusing as if he were trying to make sure. She waited, each passing second agony.
He blinked several times and searched her face before averting his gaze.
“I… don’t. I don’t remember anything. I’m sorry,” he said.
THIRTY-FIVE
NIVIAN
HER FACE FELL. She tried to hide it, but she wasn’t quick enough.
“Nivian…. I’m—”
“No, it’s okay,” she interrupted, waving away the apology she knew was coming. Nivian tried to let go of him casually, but her limbs were stiff, her movements awkward. “We should join the others.”
She stood and held out her hand. He took it and stepped up close, his body barely brushing against hers. Nivian wrapped her cloak around them both and transported to where the others waited at the edge of Hunter Corp.
If the others were surprised they hadn’t taken longer, they didn’t show it. The look on her face probably told them all they needed to know.
As much as her heart longed to be at Kain’s side, she needed to give herself some time to deal with the fact that everything they’d ever shared now existed only in her mind. Nivian wanted to mourn their past. Because as much as it meant to her, she had to let it go. It wouldn’t be healthy for her to continue to cling to it because there was no telling how long it would be until his memories returned.
She knew Kain would be a good man in his new life. It wasn’t part of his makeup to be anything else. But that kiss had given her too much hope.
Whatever had made him fall for her to begin with was gone. Recreating those events wouldn’t make them real. No, she needed time to say goodbye before she could get to know this new man.
There was no doubt that they would have a connection again. He was the light to her dark, the life to her death, regardless of his memories.
“You should catch up with what’s been happening around here. I suggest staying for a while, but take a few days. Rest, pack, and get your life in order. I will send Azira to pick you up in three days, that should be enough time,” Colin said. He gave a grudging look toward Caspian then walked toward the main building of Hunter Corp.
“I’ll go get the car to take you home. I think Caspian’s too drained to transport you anymore today.” Azira smiled at Caspian. He ran his hand down her arm, his fingers lingering on her wrist for just a moment before dropping them to his side.
Once the energetic Hunter took off toward the garage, it was just the three of them. Kain’s attention was on Caspian and she took the opportunity to inch away. Nivian was just glad that Azira seemed to understand she needed space.
When Kain’s eyes finally landed on her again, she was several yards away. She watched him from the corner of her eye. She’d been caught. Guilt inched up her neck and stained her cheeks.
Kain frowned, keeping his gaze locked on her as he spoke to Caspian. He kept his voice low, but she could still make out what he said.
“I am glad things turned out as they did,” Caspian said, filling the silence. “And not just for the sake of the balance.” The Reaper’s eyes flicked to her for a fraction of a second.
“Will my memories ever come back?” Kain asked.
Even though Nivian kept inching away, their words were carried along the wind. It was as though Gaia wanted her to hear.
Caspian heaved a sigh. “It is doubtful. I thought Nivian’s presence might help, but there would have been fragments almost immediately, or the ceremony would have restored them in full if it were to happen. I am sorry. I am afraid what you experienced while you were in the Underworld is permanent. Your memories will not return.”
And with that, he turned toward Nivian. She stood stunned. Caspian had been so hopeful; she had been so hopeful. And now it was crashing down around her.
“Wait!” Kain ran after them.
Nivian only turned sideways, her hands bunching up in a fistful of her cloak. Her Kain, the Kain she knew, would never come back. Nivian allowed herself a quick glance at him through her thick lashes.
She still loved him; she would always love him. Thinking of Kain as two different people would be dangerous. He was the same person, she just wasn’t part of his life yet.
But now, with the ceremonies complete, she would be. Even if only as a friend. She would take whatever part of him he offered her. She would be what he needed.
Kain’s eyes widened as he approached her, his mouth opening and closing a few times, searching for words. His face lit up, reminding her of the Kain she’d always known. Her mind repeated the words Caspian just spoke: Your memories will not return. Her heart couldn’t help but hope that some small memory… some microscopic fragment had come back.
But when Kain stopped only two feet away from her, he didn’t reach out as she’d expected, didn’t embrace her as Kain would have in the past. He looked at her for a long moment before clearing his throat.
“Will you meet me at the apartment?”
Of all the things she’d expected, that hadn’t been any of them.
“I have some work I have to do first.” She could feel Caspian’s skepticism but was thankful when he kept quiet.
“Well, maybe just sometime before I have to come back here then?” He pointed a thumb over his shoulder toward the hanger.
She nodded. “I will try,” was all she could say. Then she wrapped her cloak tightly around herself and transported to the outer gates of G.R.I.M. Headquarters.
Caspian appeared at her side seconds later.
“Nivian,” he started.
“Not now, Caspian,” she muttered, utterly deflated.
“I will defer to you once you have recovered and get settled in to your new role, but until then, you should go rest.”
She cut a glance toward him, narrowing her eyes.
“I say this as a friend.” He squeezed her shoulder. Then, just as he had done so many times before, Caspian pulled her into him and hugged her. “You have been through a lot. Allow yourself to rest. You deserve a little time to yourself. Your duties can wait a few days.”
She shrugged, ready to protest, but she didn’t have the will and nodded instead.
“For what it’s worth, Nivian, I am sorry he does not remember you. I know how it feels.” He let his arms slowly fall away.
Nivian’s head jerked up. There had once been something between them. He had told her only some of the story a long time ago, but she’d forgotten. And when she was in the Underworld, she had given those memories up for good. She clapped a hand over her mouth.
“Caspian…” she whispered through her fingers.
“I am always on your side, Nivian. Never forget that.” He spoke those familiar words that had brought her comfort when she needed it most.
She swallowed thickly.
“You and Kain will build new memories. This is not the end, just a new beginning. And even if he can’t remember you, it’s still Kain inside. Your story is far from over.”
His words stoked the dying embers of hope flickering in her heart, bri
nging it back to life.
Nivian nodded and followed him inside, parting ways at the stairs, where he continued up to his office and she down to the heart of the building.
To her throne room.
She closed the heavy doors behind her, the clang echoing throughout the chamber. Nivian circled the edges of the round room before taking a seat on the throne. The fit was off, just a little too wide to be comfortable. If a stone seat could ever be considered comfortable.
She gave a half-hearted laugh. The room was cold and empty. It was so far from her tastes, so far from what she would have built.
But it fit the mysterious attitude Silas had adopted for himself. He had locked himself away in this place since her creation, not even revealing his face to anyone until Yeva had woken.
She wondered if it was Yeva’s loss that had made him shut himself off from them. And right then and there, Nivian vowed to not let that happen to her, no matter what happened between her and Kain, they would be different. They had to be.
She would refuse to repeat the mistakes of the past.
Changes were coming, and she planned to start with this room. First, by opening it up, make it warm and inviting. Allow the Reaplings to come and go, to ask questions, to feed their curiosity, to be more than harbingers of death.
As Reapers, they brought death to the world, and though each soul died alone with only their Reaper for company, they themselves did not have to live such a cold existence outside of their marks.
It was cowardice to refuse to see Kain. It wasn’t as if he didn’t have a lot heaped upon his shoulders without a single memory to rely on. He had to start over from scratch, they just had to get to know each other again.
She told herself she would see him before he had to go back to Hunter Corp for… she didn’t know how long. But only because he had asked her.
Maybe…
For now, she was hurting too much to see him.
Nivian dropped her face into her hands. She couldn’t deny him anything, he could ask her for the world and she would give it to him, but… knowing he didn’t love her, at least certainly not in the way he once had, hurt too much for her to bear.