“You said you loved me.” Her arms land around his neck as she pulls him in, her mouth whispering something just over his lips, and my adrenaline spikes without notice.
“Oh my God.” I stumble forward just before her mouth has a chance to close in on his. “What the hell is going on?”
Abel steps back, his eyes cut to me with a mixture of panic and anger. “Zoey”—he blinks back as if trying to discern if I were real—“head back to the party. I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Is this her?” The redhead moves in.
“Are you Elizabeth the ex?” I ask as I step in close. The moonlight steals the youth from her face, and I can see the crow’s feet, the creped skin of her neck.
“Ex?” She blinks back a moment. “I’m his wife.” Her lips curl with a hint of satisfaction. “You must be kidding me, Abel.” A laugh gurgles from her, cutting me to the bone with her mocking intent. “This is just a kid.”
It occurs to me that I’m the whore in the equation as I look to Abel, my handsome Abel, my boathouse lover.
He steps in close, his hand reaching for mine, but I pull it back.
“I thought you said you weren’t married? You didn’t tell me you had a wife. You said she was your ex-wife. One of you is lying.”
The redhead pulls her lips in a line. “It isn’t me, honey.”
My eyes hook to his. Abel has that deer-in-the-headlights look and every damn alarm in my body goes off.
My stomach bottoms out. “You’ve been lying to me this entire time.”
“I can explain.” He tries to snatch my arm once again, but I stagger backward, tripping over an uplifted root in the process before flailing as I right myself. The redhead has a good laugh over that one and my cheeks burn with anger, but it’s all for him. “Zoey.” He comes in close, and the back of my hand connects with his cheek without hesitating.
“Don’t talk to me. Don’t you look at me. And don’t you dare come after me!”
I take off for the boathouse, my feet thumping over the sand like a heartbeat. I throw my things into my car and speed off the mountain. It will be the last time Loveless will see me if I have anything to say about it.
I drive for hours until it occurs to me where I should be going, and I turn the car in that direction. I know the perfect place to get lost and forget all about my troubles, but before I get there, I’m going to have a good old-fashioned cry.
I pull over and do just that. I weep for hours at the mess my life’s become.
Some people charge through their time on earth like a boss. I’m not one of them. I don’t think I’ll ever be.
Abel McCarthy broke my heart far more than Holder ever could have. The greatest tragedy being, Abel had just about healed it.
I wish I never met him, but I can’t change that.
The only thing I can do is ensure our paths never cross again. And they won’t.
I fall asleep and dream of dancing in his strong and sure arms, the scent of his cologne, those blue flame eyes haunting me long after I wake up in a pool of tears.
I left my heart and sanity in Loveless.
I don’t care to have either of them back.
Abel
The skin of the lake shivers glassy as if a thousand snakes slithered just beneath the surface. The sky is thick with clouds striped with navy. I watched as the sun rounded out over the horizon the size of a thimble, but that was hours ago and I can’t seem to head to the boathouse, still dressed in the suit I donned yesterday, my ass still firmly planted in the sand. I spent all night driving down dead ends looking for Zoey, shouting her name as if she were a lost child. She’s not returning my messages. I’m sure she’ll lose my number soon enough, forget me as she begins a new life who knows where. I should leave the mountain. This is Zoey’s terrain far more than it is mine. I’ll let Gavin know. He’ll tell her. He may not know where she is at the moment, but eventually she’ll talk to her brother. Last night started out like a dream, some far away fairytale that managed to unfold in my life. Dancing with Zoey under the stars was magic. Hell, I was even looking forward to introducing her to my mother—my mother who wouldn’t have approved, but then I wasn’t looking for anyone’s approval. I rack my brain trying to remember if I ever told Zoey that Elizabeth and I were divorced. We weren’t, but we were certainly headed in that trajectory. It was the next phone call I was going to make come Monday. I only have myself to blame that things fell spectacularly to shit. It was me who stalled the divorce to begin with. I wanted Elizabeth miserable for what she did to me. She wanted my cooperation, and I wouldn’t give it. I was dragging my feet. Giving both her and that asshole she slept with the finger. And now she doesn’t want my cooperation, not in that way anymore. I don’t know what the hell she wants.
My phone buzzes and I fish it out of my pocket, but it’s not Zoey. It’s a text from Caleb.
Heads-up. Elizabeth’s coming your way.
No sooner do I frown into the screen than a shadow blocks the sun from view. Elizabeth. A dull laugh rattles in my chest. Elizabeth always did have a way of sucking the sunlight from my world.
“Mind if I join you?” she asks while taking a seat across from me on the defunct pier that sits between my boathouse and Zoey’s. I’ve had a lot of great memories with Zoey out here, and Elizabeth is here to cast a pall to them.
“I don’t think I could stop you.” My chin lifts to the pink clouds a moment. This isn’t something I want to do, but maybe it’s time. After Zoey took off last night, I tried to go after her, but halfway to the boathouse, Gavin tackled me—got a few kidney punches in while he could. Can’t say I blame him. “How’s Ryan?” My heart wrenches just saying his name. I didn’t get a chance to ask last night. Elizabeth picked the name out once we found out it was a boy. She went with it.
“He’s great.” Her voice flexes as if she might cry, but I know her well enough to understand it’s the way she sounds when she’s excited and relieved at the same time. I know all of Elizabeth’s ways, her mannerisms, and yet I had no clue she was sleeping with another lawyer in my own damn firm. “He’s getting so big. Sleeping through the night for the most part. He’ll be three months in just a few days. It’s hard to believe.”
“It’s hard to believe,” I echo without meaning to. Three months since that paternity test came back. Three months since I packed my bags, transferred my clients to someone other than Peter Fucking Goldberg, and took off for Loveless. Three months since I met Zoey. That last thought actually manages to buoy me on the inside. I hold onto the memory of Zoey like a life raft. God knows with Elizabeth here I’ll need it.
“So last night…” Her voice trails off. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t aware you were seeing anyone, and when you mentioned that you were—it just threw me.” She clears her throat. “I’m sorry I called her a whore. I didn’t mean to unravel whatever it was she thinks you had.”
“What we have. Present tense,” I correct a little too tersely for her liking.
Elizabeth winces as if I threw a handful of sand into her face. “Again—I apologize. I had no idea. When your mother said she was coming up for a fundraiser, I thought it might be the perfect setting to tell you about Peter and me. I meant what I said. We’re through. We’ve already worked out custody arrangement with legal. It’s all set. There’s nothing left between us.”
“Except Ryan. Eighteen years, a lifetime. You will be connected to your affair for the foreseeable future, Elizabeth. And my God, for that kid’s sake I hope the two of you can keep it civil.” Civil isn’t something that comes naturally to Elizabeth. “I meant what I said, too. I’m filing for divorce. I’m just sorry I didn’t do it sooner.”
Her cheeks redden, and her eyes blaze red with rage. Everything about Elizabeth is always burning, from the color of her lips to her hair, to that formidable temper.
“So you’re going to throw away seven years just like that? For that, that kid you’ve been messing around with?” Her voice rises to the sky, evicting a flock of sp
arrows from the evergreen above us. Elizabeth doesn’t understand the fact that the lake acts like a megaphone. Half the time I can hear Neva sneezing on her way to The Corner Store in the morning. But I don’t care to school her on the fact that just about anyone having coffee on their deck can hear her. Elizabeth has never been impressed with Loveless. Not once did she want to venture this way in our entire seven-year history. It’s too bad. She could have used a little bonding with nature. Instead, she chose to bond with my colleague. Elizabeth and I have had everything backwards since the inception of us.
My eyes are slow to meet with hers, but once I land over her gaze, I burn with a righteous anger of my own. “Yes. I would throw away everything we’ve ever shared for another shot with Zoey. I would erase who we were, who we thought we were. Hell, I would erase the day we met to have another minute in Zoey’s presence.”
“Oh, for God’s sake.” She stumbles to her feet, and I hop up and catch her by the elbow before she has a chance to bolt.
“No. If we’re doing this, it all comes out.” My chest bucks with emotion, every bottled-up feeling I’ve staved off for months, for years comes bubbling to the surface.
Her eyes bulge with tears, a ripe anger contorts her features. “Go ahead.” She frees herself from my grasp. “Let me have it. I’m sure you’ve been waiting to tell me off for months,” she riots the words in my face.
“Not true.” I do my best to swallow down the lump forming in my throat. “I didn’t say what I did to hurt you. I meant it. You and I never fit, Elizabeth. We were a square peg trying to drive ourselves into a round hole. It wouldn’t work. It couldn’t.”
“Please!” She tosses her hands in the air. “We were made for each other. I can guarantee you we have more in common than that little tart you’re fucking.”
I shoot a quick glance to Zoey’s boathouse, and my heart hurts for her. Wherever she is, I want to be with her—explain myself if I could.
“You and I have a lot in common. You’re absolutely right.” I lower my voice, stretching out each syllable with an unnatural calm. “But that didn’t make us right for one another. We were missing something. You figured it out before I did. That’s why you were drawn to Peter.” I’m guessing, but I’m betting I’m right.
Her gaze falls to the ground. Her shoulders sag as she holds herself. “Yeah, well. Peter and I don’t have all that much in common, after all. You’re right. We have plenty in common.” She says common in air quotes. “But at the end of the day, we weren’t a good fit either.” Tears roll down her cheeks as she looks up at me. “So you’re really convinced we’re through? Any second chance is taken off the table?”
I give a light nod. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not what you wanted to hear. That doesn’t make you a bad person.”
“But you evened the score!” Her cheeks slap pink once again. “I cheated. You cheated. We’re even now. We both got it out of our system. And if it makes you feel better, the fact she’s a decade younger than me is just acid over the wound.” She takes a step forward, the look of hope piquing on her face. “I forgive you. Can you forgive me? We can go to counseling. We’ll go to therapy. I’ll have Ryan in therapy as soon as he’s of age. You’ll grow to love him. You’ll make a great second father to him.”
“I should have been his first.” It comes out without the proper conviction. “But I’m glad I wasn’t. It’s easier this way. Less messy. And I would definitely go with the therapy as soon as possible. I think you’ll both need it.”
She slices me with a look that lets me know I’ve gone too far.
“I’m sorry.” I kick a rock into the shoreline. “I haven’t slept. I’m worried sick about where Zoey might be. She wasn’t exactly in the best state of mind when she took off. I have no idea where she went, and I’m not going to rest until I find her. I can’t.” I take a step forward and do the unthinkable, pick up her hand. “If at all possible, try to work it out with Peter. As much as I hate to admit it, he’s a good guy. You have a beautiful son together. Go to counseling with him. Stitch yourselves together if you can. You’re already family. I’m just a guy who was in the way when he probably shouldn’t have been.”
She gives my fingers a tug. “So you’re saying we were a mistake.”
“I’m saying we tried. That’s all anyone could expect us to do. We both belong with other people. And if it doesn’t work out with Peter, I have no doubt you’ll meet someone ten times better—someone tailor-made just for you. It’s just—it’s just not me.”
Her mouth opens, and a choking sound emits before she closes it again and acquiesces with a nod. “I still don’t think you’re right. I still think you’re making a horrible mistake—that I made a horrible mistake. And I suppose I’ll be dealing with the repercussions for the rest of my life.”
“I hope not. This sting will go away, I promise. I should know.” I pull her in for a quick embrace, and her arms collapse around me hard, her body bucking against mine as if it were the last time we would ever hold one another again, and she’s right. This is it for us. The first and last time we have this discussion. The final embrace before we part ways and become virtual strangers once again. The road before us diverged a long time ago. I was just too stubborn to notice.
She pulls back and wipes the tears from her eyes while gasping for air. “I’d better get back to Ryan.” She gives a little shrug. “I still think you would’ve made a great father.”
“I hope to one day.”
She closes her eyes while nodding. “Go find her, Abel. I hope it works out just the way you want it to. You deserve to be happy.” She takes off, one careful step at a time, and just like that, I feel the final unspooling of who we were, a weight lifting from me as my soul soars to the surface to catch its first breath in three long months.
“Elizabeth?” She turns, her eyes still tracked with crimson. “You deserve to be happy, too.”
She gives a feeble smile and lifts a hand my way before heading to the opposite end of the lake.
Like the snapping of a twig, it’s over. My entire body fills with relief, the removal of a thousand pound millstone from around my neck in the shape of a wedding ring. I take a deep breath and look back at that empty boathouse behind me.
I don’t waste any time. I head to The Corner Store and try my best to get whatever I can from Neva. But all she can offer is her I’m sorrys, an entire litany of platitudes. She doesn’t look too sorry. In fact, she looks downright pissed at me. She’s a good friend to Zoey in that way, and I can appreciate that. Neva tries to text Zoey right there in the coffee shop while I wait, but Zoey doesn’t answer. For a second, I’m tempted to send an explanation via Neva but think better of it. Zoey needs to hear it from me, not secondhand from a disgruntled girl working her breakfast shift. I thank her and head over to Kennedy and Caleb’s. Kennedy swears she’s tried to get in touch with her all night. Reese swings by and says the same.
I pull Caleb and Mom aside and fill them in on what went down with Elizabeth and me. They both seem to understand. Mom even offers to buy my lunch, but I take a rain check. I can’t stop looking for Zoey. I can’t sleep, eat, or breathe without her. I head over to Gavin and Demi’s. Gavin nearly decks me again, but Demi acts as a buffer to his rage. I spill everything that’s transpired in the last three months at their feet. Gavin closes his eyes as if all the pieces to the puzzle have finally decided to fit.
“I’m headed to Port,” he says, kissing Demi then swiping his keys off the table. “Call me if you hear anything.” He jumps into his truck, leaving a plume of dust in his wake.
“She didn’t go to Port.” Demi shakes her head as we watch Gavin round out the lake on his way to the highway that leads off the mountain.
“Where do you think she went?” A spear of hope spikes through me. “Do you want me to stop Gavin?” I reach for my phone, and she lands her hand over mine to cease the effort.
Demi offers the hint of a knowing smile. “I don’t think Gavin should be the one to fin
d her.” There’s a despondent look in her eyes as if deep down she felt for Zoey and me, for our crooked love story. “I think it should be you. It occurred to me just a few minutes ago where she might be.” She takes a deep breath as she looks to the highway, and then she tells me everything.
“It makes sense.” I offer her a quick embrace, her belly protruding between us. “Thank you. I appreciate this. As soon as I find her, I’ll text you.” I bolt for my truck, fresh mountain air filling my lungs, hope filling my heart.
I’m coming for you, Zoey.
I should have shouted those three little words I’ve been dying to say from the rooftop the second I felt them. I’m so sorry, Zoey. I promise to make it up to you.
You belong to me.
And I belong to you.
Loved at Last in Loveless
Zoey
I’ve only been to Hayworth once before. It was a school field trip in seventh grade and we came down in a caravan of busses to visit the steel mill. Little did I know then that I’d have a very morbid connection to that architectural blight on the Connecticut landscape. The mill once belonged to Demi’s father and now belongs to Gavin and Demi. Who would have thought that a hardworking lumberjack would have married a sugar mama? I shake my head as I take in the late afternoon landscape from an upper balcony at Winter Haven. Not that I think Demi is my brother’s sugar mama in the traditional sense, just sort of by default. I like Demi. And I like Demi and Gavin together. I may not have thought they were so great in the beginning, but now that I see how well they fit together, I more than approve. And that sweet angel they’ll usher into the world this fall has already stolen my heart. Some people are simply meant to be together, and Demi and Gavin are two of them. My expression sours as I watch the wheat fields in the distance shift from gold to a rich shade of amber. The sun is getting ready to set on another day. An Abel-free day. First one. I’m not so sure I like it. I suppose like every other disappointment in my life, I’ll have to get used to it. But I can already feel the answer to that deep in my heart. Just like the absence of my parents, I don’t think I can ever get used to not having Abel around me. He bore into my bones, became a functioning part of my marrow. Without him in my life, I’ll grow anemic and weak. Already I’m craving Abel as if he were red meat.
Beautiful Deception Page 14