She followed his lead, amazed at how quickly her mare responded to her every move. They rode down the path at an easy trot. When they reached the road, he pulled his horse to a stop and smiled across at her. ‘Are you ready to run?’
She nodded, excited. Then, together, they dug in their heels and raced, laughing into the wind. When he slowed at a bend in the road, she passed him, then wheeled her horse around, coming to an uneasy stop beside him, triumphant.
When she looked at her husband, he was gazing back at her with pride and something else that was far warmer. ‘Let us tie up the horses and rest for a few minutes,’ he said, glancing towards a copse of trees at the side of the road.
She wanted to argue that she did not need to rest. But when she tried to dismount, her knees shook so that they could hardly support her. Before she could collapse, Robert was beside her, his arm in hers, supporting her as they walked into the trees. Once there, she leaned back into a stout oak, letting the trunk take her weight as she caught her breath.
‘I knew you would take to riding,’ he said, brushing a lock of hair from her face. ‘Some women are good for nothing but drawing-room decoration. But you need to move.’
‘And that is not unfeminine?’ she said, surprised by his fervent tone.
‘Believe me, my dear,’ he said, ‘I have no doubt that you are a woman.’ He was staring down at her legs again and dropped a hand, almost casually, to caress her hip. Then he leaned forward and kissed her.
The length of his body rested against hers, pressing her back into the tree. And as his tongue slipped between her lips, she spread her legs and felt the bulge of his manhood, pressing gently, then harder, against her. Before he could change his mind, she wrapped her arms around his waist and circled her hips slowly against him.
He groaned into her mouth and his free hand slid between them, giving one of her breasts a possessive squeeze. His other hand was moving now, stroking her bottom, sliding down her legs and up between them, pressing her body against his. Then he stopped, but only long enough to reach for the fastenings of the breeches she wore. He undid them and thrust his hand inside to touch her.
What was happening was wicked, but she loved it. And if she gave him a moment to regain his sanity, it would all stop. So, she did as he had done and found the buttons at his waist, undoing them and fumbling her way inside.
He stiffened in shock when she touched him, then pulled away and whispered, ‘You are driving me mad. But then, you have from the first. And do not dare to apologise for that.’
‘I am not sorry in the least,’ she said and her fingers brushed against his manhood. It was wonderful, dangerous, hard and yet velvety soft, and she felt her body throb as he stroked her in return.
His lips were on her throat, planting hard kisses at the base of her shoulder, nipping the skin, biting and sucking. She leaned her head back and stared up into the leaves above them, dazzled by the sunlight which seemed to grow brighter as he found her centre. Her body tightened, eager for something that she did not understand.
She pushed the fabric of his breeches aside to free him, nudging his hand out of the way and pressing the tip of him against her body. Then, instinctively, she bucked her hips and stroked him, encouraging him to do what they both wanted.
He hesitated for only a moment, before pushing forward. Then, he spread her with his fingers, leaving her trembling as he inched forward into her.
It was different than she’d expected, tight to the point of pain. Then he began to move. As her body adjusted to accept him she felt a wash of warmth and the first wave of pleasure. She wrapped her arms around him, burying her face against his chest, drinking in his scent and listening to the hammering beat of his heart against her ear.
She was finally his, body and soul, heart and heat. And, if she had not known it before, she was sure now. She loved him. The knowledge broke her and she cried out as he thrust, unable to control the joy spilling forth inside her. He followed her, shuddering and falling against her so that the tree behind them was the only thing keeping them from collapsing to the ground in a loving tangle of arms and legs.
When he could manage to catch his breath, he raised his head and looked at her, shocked. ‘We should not have done that.’
She smiled back at him holding him even tighter so he could not withdraw. ‘But we did.’
‘But against a tree,’ he said, shaking his head in amazement. ‘I should have at least treated you with more respect.’
‘I did not mind,’ she said hurriedly.
He sighed in exasperation. ‘That is not the point. I should have known better. I should have exercised restraint, just as I planned.’ Then, he glanced down, towards her legs. ‘But the sight of you in those garments... I lost all control.’
It was not quite as good as an announcement of love and devotion, but it was very flattering. ‘Thank you,’ she said and dipped her head to kiss his neck.
He groaned and she felt his body stirring inside her. ‘I know I should tell you that it will never happen again, but I cannot seem to do so. Such things are quite hard to stop, once they have begun.’
She was not sure that she liked him describing the act of love between them as a thing. That made it sound as though it was not the profound revelation she had had. But she must comfort herself with the fact that he was having trouble resisting it. ‘Good,’ she said. ‘Because I do not want to stop.’
‘You still do not understand how dangerous this could be for you,’ he said.
‘It does not have to be,’ she said, giving a gentle nudge with her hips to distract him. ‘You are worried about the possibility of children, are you not?’
‘And I am as adamant as ever on that subject,’ he said. ‘I do not care if the curse seems to have abated. I will not take risks with your life.’
If he no longer believed he was cursed, it explained the chances he was taking on his horse and with her, just now. She must hope that time would further weaken his resolve. ‘There are things we can do to prevent a child,’ she reminded him.
‘To begin with, I must be far more careful than I was today. I should not have allowed myself release.’
Remembering how wild he had been at the end, she wondered if such control had even been possible. ‘But if we were very careful from now on?’ she prompted.
‘Then we could do more of what we have just done,’ he said, smiling as if he would like nothing better.
She nodded enthusiastically.
‘We must go back to the house and discuss this further,’ he said.
‘In our bedchambers, I think,’ she said with a grin.
‘Let us go to the horses and I will race you home,’ he replied.
* * *
Robert spurred his horse towards the stables, every nerve aware of the woman who rose at his side. Never in his life had he forgotten himself so completely. When one did not want children, one didn’t engage in congress with a woman. If one was careless enough to attempt it, then one practised withdrawal before the completion of the act. One did not indulge every desire and lose oneself in kisses, or in a lush body ready for his entry.
He had known these things. But then he had seen her legs. He had thought that suggesting she wear breeches to ride had been a daring but sensible suggestion and that masculine clothing would diminish her charms instead of increasing them. In that, he had overestimated his control. Well-turned ankles, shapely calves and long thighs had been his undoing. Even now, the thought made him shudder with desire and a boyish eagerness to do the whole thing again when they got back to the house.
But it had still been an unforgivable risk to love her to completion. He must trust that, this time, they would be lucky and nothing would come of it.
The idea of trusting to luck made him want to laugh. Until recently, he had not considered that luck might be anything other than bad. When he was with Emma,
he could believe anything was possible, even good fortune, but he must be careful. He had experienced a similar optimism when he’d been with Elizabeth, only to have it dashed.
But he did not remember this driving need to be with his first wife that he felt when he was with Emma. Perhaps it was the weeks of denial that had sharpened his desire for her. But now that he had failed in his original plan, he did not want to go back to it. Was it really so terrible to want what other men were allowed and have an ordinary marriage?
It would be if Emma died because of him. In the future, he would be careful, just as he had promised her, and make sure that he did not spill his seed inside her. There must be no children. The records in the family bible were undeniable. Gascoyne brides did not survive to see their children. It was one thing to believe that the curse might be ending and quite another to risk the very reason it had ended. Now that he had found her, he could not lose her.
They had reached the stables and he helped her down from the horse and untied her skirts so they fell to hide the unladylike garments that had been his undoing. Then she seemed to stumble deliberately, so he could catch her, pulling her into his arms and losing himself for a moment in another perfect kiss.
When he released her, her eyes sparkled with mischief. ‘Now, are you willing to discuss the ball? Or must it wait until we are in the bedroom?’
He laughed. ‘Are you thinking to hold me hostage at the moment when I can deny you nothing?’ Then he held up his hands in surrender. ‘Do not bother. You and Lucy can have your ball. I must trust by now that you are capable of handling any troubles that may occur because of it.’
‘There will be no troubles,’ she said hurriedly. ‘I assure you, all shall be fine.’
To his surprise, he believed her. Without wanting to, he had been expecting some of the usual signs of impending disaster that he felt when she pressed him to do things he avoided. But today, his hands were warm and his breathing clear. And when he looked at her his usual dark mood evaporated and he felt nothing but optimism.
He reached down and took her hand, raising it to his lips, and agreed. ‘Everything shall be fine, as long as you are here to see to it.’ And that was why he must remember to keep her safe.
Chapter Nineteen
As Robert stood in the doorway of the cleaned and renovated ballroom, he had to admit that it looked a hundred times better than it had when he’d used it as a tennis court. The chandeliers had been brought down and cleaned, the marble floors buffed and polished so not a single boot scuff remained on them and the horrible fresco had been scraped from the wall and painted over in unassuming sage green to match the curtains that had been hung over the freshly washed windows.
The only thing missing now was the guests.
Thanks to Emma, in less than a week’s time the room would be full of friends and neighbours, celebrating the marriage he had not known he’d needed. Once again, he tested his mood on the idea and was surprised to find he was both calm and, if truth be told, a little eager to see his brother again. Was it possible that he was actually looking forward to something he had denied himself for ages?
He might say the same thing for his relationship with his wife. Now that they were intimate, he could hardly remember why it was that he had wanted to deny himself. As long as they were careful, there was no reason why they could not continue as they were doing for a full and happy lifetime.
In fact, the release of sexual energy had done him good. Since he had been with her, his nerves had been rock steady, his mind untroubled and there had been no hint of panic or elevated heart rate. Perhaps the act of love was all that he had needed.
He glanced out into the corridor and saw her approaching, a hesitant smile on her face as she noticed where he was.
He grinned back at her. ‘I was just admiring the servants’ work. They have done well, as have you.’
‘I am glad you approve,’ she said, relaxing a little. But, surprisingly, she surveyed the room with a frown rather than a smile.
‘And does it make you happy?’ he asked.
‘Women are supposed to like entertaining and entertainments in all forms,’ she said, forcing herself to look happier, though she sounded rather glum at the prospect. ‘And I know you assumed from the first that I would be eager to throw a ball.’
‘But you were not?’ he said, surprised.
‘It is more from obligation that anything else,’ she said. ‘It is the right thing to do for your brother and his wife. But I am unsure of how I will do as a hostess since I do not make the best of guests. It is the dancing, you see,’ she said with finality.
‘What about it?’
‘I am not very good at it,’ she admitted. ‘All those little steps and my too-long legs do not match up.’
‘It is difficult being the tallest man in the set as well,’ he agreed. ‘Constantly having to correct my steps for the deficiencies of the people around me.’
‘If you were a woman, you would learn to view the situation not as a lack from others, but as an unfortunate excess on your part,’ she reminded him.
It was a shame to see she still had concerns about her awkwardness, for as her confidence had grown, she had been doing quite well at avoiding the minor accidents that had marked the early days of their marriage. But if they had to have one, he wanted the ball to go well as much as she did. He contemplated the situation for a moment. ‘Is it all dances that you have difficulty with, or just the line dances?’
‘Those are the only ones I have been allowed,’ she said.
He held out his arms to her. ‘Then, I suggest we try a waltz. It is a simple dance and we are fairly matched in height. I suspect you will find it much easier.’
She stepped into the circle of his arms.
‘The step is easy. One, two, three. And I will show you where to go like so.’ He gave a gentle push with his palm and spun her once around. ‘Are you ready?’
She nodded. Then she moved as he led her. As with other activities, he was surprised at how quickly she could learn. With no one else in the room, Robert made no effort to contain his movement, circling the room in long easy strides and wide looping turns. In no time, they’d arrived back at the point where they had started and he released her. ‘You can dance,’ he said with a definitive nod. ‘It was just a matter of finding the right one.’ Then he pulled her even closer so he could kiss her.
As her belly touched his, she pulled away. It was a surprise that she would want to keep a chaste distance between them, for she’d showed no such shyness in the bedroom, only a few hours before.
‘What is the matter?’ He laughed, then looked at her with concern. Though she usually had as much or more energy than he did for games of all kinds, it appeared she had been winded by the activity. ‘Are you well?’
‘Overtired,’ she said hurriedly. ‘Nothing more.’
‘Then you must go to your room, and rest,’ he said, smiling fondly. ‘You have been working too hard and you want to be at your best for the guests.’
‘Of course,’ she said, backing away from him. ‘I will do just that.’ Then, she rushed from the room, her hand over her mouth.
* * *
She had been sick, again.
It was the third time in a week that Emma had cast up her breakfast, even though she’d had nothing more than dry toast and weak tea. All the more maddening was the utter lack of normal sympathy from her maid, Molly, who grinned at her as if each succeeding accident was a blessing.
Robert, however, was more than sympathetic enough for both of them. When he’d realised that she was ill, he’d followed her to her room, asking through the closed door if there was anything he could do.
She had assured him, in a shaky voice, that it was a minor upset. She would be fine, given time and rest, just as he had recommended.
Once he had gone, she counted on her fingers, trying to remembe
r the date of her last courses which had come some weeks before the day that her husband had taught her to gallop and to love. Since then, they had been careful, just as her husband wanted them to be. Between them, they’d discovered a wide variety of pleasures that minimised the risks of having children. Though he had relented in all his other prohibitions, he was just as adamant as ever that they remain childless.
But on that first time, there had been no such care taken. He had spilled his seed inside her, just as nature had intended. When her mother had explained the way such things worked, she had warned Emma that her honour was precious because one mistake might be all it would take to become pregnant. Apparently, that was the truth.
Now, as if guessing what she had been trying to remember, her maid gave her another sly smile. ‘Five weeks late.’
She had been so busy preparing for the ball, she had not thought of it. Of course, she had also been busy doing the very thing that was the cause of her current predicament.
She had not wanted to worry about such things because she had not wanted to spoil how nearly perfect her marriage had become. Her husband had yet to announce that he loved her, but he made it clear each night that he wanted and desired her. And it had been some weeks since he had even mentioned the curse that had worried him so much when they’d first married. But the news she had for him was likely to change everything.
‘Do I need to call a doctor?’ she asked, hoping that there might be some chance she was wrong.
The maid shook her head. ‘There is nothing for them to do for quite some time. Some would say there is little for them to do at the last. These matters usually take care of themselves if they are left to progress naturally.’
She nodded, suspecting that what Molly said was true, but still feeling quite overwhelmed by the truth of her situation. Suppose she was wrong? Suppose what had started by accident ended in a miscarriage as these things sometimes did? Was it even necessary to tell Robert until she was sure?
Vows to Save Her Reputation Page 17