TREY HAD SLIPPED OUT OF bed earlier and took a shower while I laid there and stared out my oversized window. The guilt of last night washed over me like a wave of nausea. I rolled over as the sheet slipped down, exposing me more than I wanted.
Trey turned and smiled. It was a beautiful smile and I wished like hell it did something more to me, but it didn’t. I read in all those damn romance books how your heart is supposed to fall or stupid butterflies flutter in your stomach.
Bullshit.
None of that had ever happened to me.
When he dropped the towel he had wrapped around his waist, something did happen. My lower stomach pooled with heat as I licked my lips.
“Good morning,” he softly spoke.
My eyes lit up at the sound of his voice as I pulled the sheet down, exposing my naked body to him. “Not yet it isn’t.”
His smile grew as he crawled onto the bed and kissed me sweetly. I wasn’t used to guys hanging around the morning after. Not like I had a revolving door of men coming and going. I’d slept with about six different guys my entire life. None of them I shared any kind of relationship with.
All men wanted the same thing.
Sex.
Of course I had had plenty of fun with plenty of guys. If they were willing to get me off in the corner of a club, or in my car, I was more than up for it. Anything to numb the emptiness I felt in my heart. Sex was saved for when I really needed to forget life.
Wrapping my arms around him, I pulled him on me and quickly forgot about my guilt as my legs hooked around the back of his.
“Condom,” I spoke against his lips as he grabbed one off the side table and sheathed himself.
He pushed in as we both let out a moan. Slowly he made love to me. It was different. It was nice. It was something I could learn to like. And that scared the hell out of me.
With his forehead leaning against mine, our breathing slowly returned to normal.
“I need to tell you I don’t normally go home with women like this.”
With a smile, I chewed on my lip. “I don’t normally bring guys home like this either.”
His amber eyes shinned a bit brighter as he kissed the tip of my nose; a sweet gesture that did nothing. I was positive it should have made me feel some kind of swoon moment.
Trey pulled out of me and removed the condom before lying down next to me. “Will you have breakfast with me?”
Pressing my lips together, I had to keep the panic feeling rising in my chest down as I rolled over on my side to face him. “Breakfast?” I asked with a smile.
“Yeah. And maybe after practice, dinner?”
My fingers moved lightly over his huge arm. Damn this guy was built like a rock. “What kind of practice?” His face pulled back in shock before it was replaced by a look of sheer bliss. His grin caused me to chuckle. “What’s with that smile?”
“You don’t know who I am?”
My heart dropped. Oh shit. Am I supposed to know him? Oh hell. Shit. Shit. Shit. What have I got myself into?
“Um . . . should I?”
He pulled my body closer to his as my hand went to his massive chest. “No. You have no idea how happy you just made with that simple answer, Paislie.”
I liked how Trey made me feel. Not many men made me feel like I was wanted for something other than money or sex. “So are you going to tell me why you thought I knew you?”
His smile faded for a brief second. “Promise it won’t change anything?”
Lifting my pinky finger up, I replied with, “I pinky promise.”
“Trey Rogers. I play for the Dallas Cowboys.”
My smile dropped and I pinched my eyebrows together as I let it sink in that I just had sex all night, and then again this morning, with the star running back of the Dallas Cowboys. “Does this mean I have to be a fan of the Cowboys now, ‘cause I’m more of a Texan’s fan,” I said as Trey let out a roar of laughter and pulled me on top of him.
“I like you, Paislie.”
As much as I didn’t want to say it . . . I forced it out as to not hurt Trey’s feelings. “I kind of like you too, Trey.”
Pushing the large doors open, I made my way into the old church. Dipping my fingers in holy water, I made the sign of the cross. My heart felt light and free as I walked further in. Bending on one knee, I slid down the wooden pew and quickly went to my knees.
Crossing my hands, I rested my forehead.
Please forgive me father for my weakness. Forgive me for desiring the needs my body selfishly craves.
“I thought I saw you walking in.”
Her voice pulled me from my prayer. Turning to look over my shoulder, I smiled when I saw Sister Elizabeth.
“Elizabeth,” I said as I pushed myself up and made my way to her. Dropping to my knees, I let my head fall.
“Child, why are you dropping to your knees before me? Stand up, Paislie.”
Doing as she said, I stood, took her hands in mine and kissed the back of them. “I’ve missed you, Sister Elizabeth.”
My eyes took in the only woman I’d ever had in my life as a mother-figure. She was a young, beautiful twenty-year-old when she first held my eight-year-old hand in hers and led me into Saint Patrick’s Orphanage. Now she stood before me as an even more beautiful thirty-seven-year-old woman, who also happened to be one of my best friends.
With a smile, I shook my head. “I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to the fact you don’t wear a habit anymore.”
With a chuckle, she wrapped her arm with mine as we made our way to the front of the church.
“I see the heaviness in your eyes, Paislie. Do you want to talk?”
At one point in my life, I told this woman everything. Every hope, desire, and dream I had floating in my head, even my wish to follow in her footsteps and become a nun.
“I was asking for forgiveness.”
“Hmm . . . for?”
My eyes closed as we sat in the front pew. “My ways.”
“I see,” she said as she looked at me. “Paislie, you’re a young woman and your ways as you call them are normal feelings that every woman has. Even me.”
Pressing my lips together, my chin trembled. “I’m not as strong as you, Elizabeth.”
“Strength has nothing to do with it. I had a calling . . . your calling is not the same as mine.”
“Do you ever wish your life was different?”
She lifted her brow as she stared intently at me. “Let’s go for a walk outside. I need to check and see how my winter garden is doing today.”
Lacing my arm with hers, we made our way out to the garden tucked behind the church.
I inhaled a deep breath of air as I let the familiar smells of this place fill my senses. After walking in silence for a few minutes, she finally spoke.
“Paislie, you let guilt fill your heart when you follow your human nature. Sex is not a bad thing and something you certainly shouldn’t feel the need to drop to your knees and ask forgiveness for.”
I swallowed hard. “What if I’m using it for all the wrong reasons?”
She lifted a brow. “You don’t have feelings for him?”
I let out a gruff laugh. “No, Elizabeth. It’s nothing like that.” Anytime we were alone and just the two of us, I called her Elizabeth. Around others from the church, she was always Sister Elizabeth. Over the years we had grown very close. With just twelve years separating us, she was more like an older sibling to me. Almost a mother figure. “It’s always been about the feeling I get out of sex. The desire to have a man want me for something . . . anything. The attention feels . . . good.”
Motioning for me to sit on a bench, she softly replied, “Oh . . . I see.”
“I’m making myself sound like a slut. Forgive my language. I haven’t slept with that many men, but more than I should have at my age. I often wonder if I’m even capable of loving someone. If I let my heart open up to them, I have a fear they’re going to leave me like my father did.”
“Ever
yone is capable of loving, Paislie. Don’t let what your father did to you lead you down a road you’re not meant to travel.”
I thought back to this morning with Trey. “I did meet a guy last night. We had a . . . um . . . well, we had a good time together.” I felt the heat in my cheeks as Elizabeth covered her mouth to hide her smile.
“Do you like him?”
With a shrug of my shoulders I chewed on my lip. “I think I could possibly like him. He knows how to make me . . . well . . . gosh you know sometimes it would be so much easier if you weren’t a catholic nun!”
With a giggle, she bumped my arm. “I am still a woman though. I have the same desires as you do.”
“Oh, Elizabeth I’m pretty sure your desires are nothing like mine.”
We both laughed as she nodded her head. “Most likely not. Paislie, do me one favor.”
“Anything,” I said with a smile.
“Open your heart and let your father leaving you go. You’re going to meet someone who is going to love you and want to give you every bit of happiness he can.”
Wringing my hands together, I pushed out a deep breath. “I sure hope God will let me know when I meet him. So far he has given me no clues.”
Standing, she reached for my hand. “Trust me. He will. Now help me pick some of this squash. You can take some home with you.”
My heart always felt so much lighter after visiting with Elizabeth. If only I thought the words she spoke were true.
February
“STAY CLEAR OF THAT DEBRIS around turn four,” Dalton said as I focused on my line.
“Yep.”
“Number eighteen is two car lengths ahead,” Russ, my spotter said.
Gripping the steering wheel, I had four laps to try and pass the eighteen car to win the Daytona 500.
“Seventy-eight is coming up on your inside.”
“The fuck he is,” I said as I hit the gas more.
“We’ve only got three laps to go, Malcolm. Easy.”
“Easy? It’s the fucking Daytona 500, Dalton.”
“Where is he?” I yelled out to Russ.
“Lap traffic has slowed him down; looks like you were half a second faster on that last lap.”
Dalton calmly stated, “Keep doing what you’re doing, buddy. We’ll get him.”
The next lap I focused on catching up to the number eighteen car.
“Bumper. Door. Door. Bumper. Clear! You cleared the eighteen,” Russ shouted as I ran the line that had been working for me all day.
“Please tell me Emmit is watching this on TV and wishing his ass was back out here!” I said as I took the white flag.
“One to go. All clear.”
My heart was pounding in my chest as I came around turn three.
“Where is he?”
Russ came over my headphones. “You’re clear by at least two car lengths. Lap traffic coming up, go high.”
Coming out of turn four, I took it high and passed the lap traffic and took the checkered flag.
“I can’t believe it!” I shouted amongst all the whooping and hollering. “We fucking did it, boys! Yes!”
The Daytona 500. I just won the fucking Daytona 500.
By the time I made it back to my trailer, I was exhausted. Almost every other driver had pulled out already as I climbed up the steps and pulled the door open. Sitting on the sofa was a pretty brunette with her hair pulled up and piled on top of her head.
“Congrats on the big win,” she said as she popped a giant pink bubble.
With a grin as wide as ever, I held my arms open as my baby sister bounced up and jumped into my arms. “What in the hell are you doing here, Autumn?”
“Surprising my big brother. Although there is one very pissed off girl who thought she was going to be getting lucky tonight until I had to send her away.”
Laughing, I pulled her in tighter. “Please tell me Sophie is with you.”
“Yep, she is crashed in your bed. Sorry. I know you’re exhausted.”
I held her out and took her in. “You look beautiful. Where’s Jake?”
Her smile dropped and I instantly wanted to hurt the guy just from the look in her eyes. “He um . . . he told me he needed to take a break.”
My head pulled back as I stared at her in disbelief. “Take a break from what?”
With a shrug, she said, “Our marriage. The life we made, the child we have together.”
“That son-of-a-bitch. I’m going to fucking kill him. I told you something like this was going to happen. I never trusted that asshole!”
Autumn squeezed my arms. “Listen, Malcolm, it was a long shot that our marriage would even work, ya know? We got married way too young and had Sophie way way too young.”
“How does he not want his own child?” I fumed.
“I didn’t say he didn’t want her. He doesn’t want her full time.”
My fingers laced through my hair as I paced back and forth. “That doesn’t even make a fucking lick of sense, Autumn.”
The door opened and Hank walked in. Since Emmit wasn’t racing, Hank requested to drive for me. I welcomed him with open arms. The guy was easy going and one hell of a good poker player.
“Hey, Hank. This is my sister, Autumn. This is Hank, my driver.”
Reaching his hand out, Hank gave Autumn a polite grin and said, “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“The pleasure is all mine. I hope you don’t mind a few stowaways aboard the bus?”
Hank glanced around looking for someone else as he said, “Nope. No bother to me.”
Motioning toward the back of the bus, I said, “My niece, Sophie, she’s five and currently crashed on my bed.”
Hank smiled. “Gotcha. The more the merrier.”
Hank made his way to the driver’s seat while I turned back to Autumn. “Listen, let me go shower and we’ll talk okay?”
Her eyes filled with tears, but she quickly got herself under control. “Sounds good. Are you hungry? I can make you a sandwich or something?”
Pulling her toward me, I kissed her forehead. “Sounds good, sis.”
Making my way to the bathroom, I snuck into the bedroom and grabbed sweats and a T-shirt. Glancing down at the princess sleeping on my bed, I felt that familiar tug on my heart. The same one I felt at Emmit and Adaline’s place when I was playing with Landon.
“Jesus, I need to get laid,” I whispered as I headed into the bathroom.
Fifteen minutes later I was sitting across from my sister, listening to her tell me how her husband decided their marriage was over.
“He bought plane tickets a few weeks ago for us to come and surprise you here for the race. Then, last night he decided was a good time to let me know he needed to take a step back and find himself.”
My fists balled up as I said, “You realize I want to make him feel pain, right?”
With a lighthearted laugh, Autumn rolled her eyes. “I’m sure the punch on the jaw from me last night gave him a little dose of pain.”
My eyes widened. “You punched him?”
She looked at me like I was insane. “Of course I did. I grew up with you; I know how to throw a good punch.” Lifting her hand, it was swollen twice its size.
“Shit! Autumn, you should have ice on that.”
Waving me off, she shook her head. “It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt nearly as much as it did last night.”
I jumped up and walked into the kitchen area. Grabbing a hand towel, I put some ice in it and walked back over to her. “Here, put this on there, it will make me feel better.”
With a huff, she took it and placed it on her hand. “Ice isn’t really going to help it now, Malcolm.”
I sat across from her, ignoring her last comment. “So did he move out?”
She looked down and stared at nothing as she said, “He works from home, so he asked if Sophie and I could move out.”
“What the fuck?” I roared as her head snapped up.
“Malcolm! You’ll wake up Sophie.”<
br />
Leaning closer to her, I spoke softly. “He fucking expects you and the baby to move out? What kind of an asshole is this guy, Autumn? I mean, I never really liked him, but my God. What kind of man asks his wife and daughter to move out?”
“The kind who is currently only thinking of himself.” She started chewing on her lip as she said, “I thought about moving back to Waco. Maybe I could stay with Mom and Pop for a bit. Get a job and get on my feet enough to rent a house for me and Sophie.”
I laughed as I stared at her like she was insane. “Mom and Pop? You want to live with Mom and Pop?”
The look of despair was all over her face. I could hear the fear and uncertainty laced in her voice as she frowned and replied, “What else am I going to do?”
I pulled in a deep breath as I thought about how I could word this without it seeming like a hand out. I loved my sister very much and there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her. “Is Waco where you want to be?”
“Kind of. I mean, Dallas is only an hour and a half from Waco, so if the asshole wants to see his daughter it’s not that far. I don’t think I can afford to stay in Dallas, plus Waco is home.”
“North Carolina? You could stay at my place.”
Autumn shook her head. “As much as I would love to take Sophie as far away from Jake as I could, I can’t do that to his parents. They love her and she loves them.”
If my sister moved in with our parents she’d surely lose her damn mind. “What about the ranch? Y’all could stay there. It’s only thirty minutes outside of Waco. And for the time being, you could really help me out with some stuff.”
Her eyebrows rose. “Wouldn’t I need to be in North Carolina for that?”
“Nah. I’ve got plenty of shit and you’d take some heat off of Janet, my assistant. Meanwhile, how long are you planning on following me on the circuit?”
Autumn laughed before her smile faded. “I miss you,” she whispered.
My throat had a huge lump in it as I replied, “I’ve missed you too. Please stay at the ranch, Autumn. The place is plenty big and no one is ever there when the season starts.”
Fiddling with her hands, she asked, “Are you sure?”
Standing, I held my hand out for her. She placed her hand in mine as I pulled her up. “You’re my sister. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you or Sophie. As far as I’m concerned you can live there permanently if you want.”
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