by Helena Halme
* * *
The next morning, Kaisa ignored her hangover and decided to check out the Fiesta. She’d decided to sort it out before Peter came home and wanted to see which tyres were flat, and take some details from inside the car so that she could get a garage to come and look at it. As she went to open the garage door, she thought how heavy it seemed again. With some effort, she finally got the door up and over. She stared at the space in front of her.
There was no car in the garage.
It took Kaisa a long while to understand what had happened. Their beautiful little Ford Fiesta, with the permanent mark of a heart on the bonnet, the most romantic reminder of their love, had been stolen.
Upstairs in the flat, Kaisa paced up and down the lounge. What should she do? What could she do? Phone the police? Instead, Kaisa decided to phone Jeff. He sounded sleepy on the phone and when she began to tell him about the car, she could feel her voice breaking.
‘Look, Kaisa, I’d phone the police. They’ll come and take a statement from you and then you can come to the pub. You’ll need a drink after all this.’
One female and one male police officer soon appeared at the door to the married quarter. The male officer was the one who spoke and asked Kaisa questions. Kaisa had told them the whole story, from taking the car out and noting the flat tyres and the empty tank, to how she and Duncan had taken the taxi to the party after reversing the car into the garage.
‘So, let me get this straight,’ the policeman said. He had a notebook open and a pen poised. ‘You, Mrs Williams, don’t have a licence to drive?’
‘No,’
‘And this car belongs to your husband, who is where?’
‘He’s away – he’s in the Navy.’ Kaisa said and added, ‘A lieutenant in the Royal Navy.’ She wanted to make the police understand that she and Peter were a respectable couple.
‘And the friend who drove the car away, where is he now?’ The policeman gave Kaisa a serious look, as if to ensure Kaisa wasn’t lying.
‘He is at home. We took a cab to the party and then one back. He dropped me off here first.’
‘Right.’
There was a silence.
‘And you discovered the car had gone this morning?’
Kaisa nodded and added, ‘It had three flat tyres and no petrol. And a shape of a heart on the bonnet.’ Suddenly Kaisa felt tearful. ‘Sorry,’ she said to the policeman. The policewoman smiled at Kaisa and said, ‘It’s OK, Mrs Williams. We’ll take a look downstairs and file the report. I’m sure your husband’s car will turn up soon.’
After Kaisa had shown the empty garage to the police, and they’d left her, she phoned Jeff again.
‘Meet me at one o’clock in the pub. You need cheering up and I’ve got some news. I spent the night with a lovely lady from last night.’ Kaisa could hear giggling in the background.
Kaisa was shocked to see Jeff’s new girlfriend was Susan from IDS. Kaisa had told Jeff about the job, and how they’d both applied for the same position and Susan had won. But Kaisa greeted Susan with a kiss on her cheek, and tried very hard to pretend there was no reason why she shouldn’t like her. And, of course, there wasn’t; she’d liked Susan as soon as they’d met. Trying to forget about her failed job application, and IDS, made her at least forget about the car. Perhaps it was best that it had gone; surely Peter could use the insurance money to buy a new one? She did worry about telling him, but she put that to the back of her mind and enjoyed the chicken roast that Jeff’s parents cooked for Sunday lunch. This time Jeff’s mum was all smiles and said she was sorry about the theft of the car.
After lunch and feeling slightly drunk, Kaisa decided to walk home. It was a lovely sunny day. She took in the scent of the sea and listened to the seagulls calling to each other at the seafront, and thought how lucky she was. This is what she had dreamed about during all of those years when she and Peter had been girlfriend and boyfriend, living in separate countries, always yearning to be together. Although they were still separated, at least they were man and wife and shared a home together. Kaisa would just have to get her own career going, so that she could concentrate on work during the times when Peter was away. Then she might not miss him so much, or spend so much time pining for him. Or be tempted by other men, like Duncan.
As soon as Kaisa had stepped inside the flat, the doorbell rang. Outside stood a man she vaguely recognised as living two flats below, in the garden apartment.
‘Kaisa, isn’t it?’ he said and introduced himself as Jack Drummond.
‘How do you do,’ Kaisa replied as she’d been taught to do by Peter.
‘You have a grey Ford Fiesta, don’t you?’ Jack said.
‘Oh, you’ve found it?’ Kaisa wanted to kiss this Jack, who was a little older than Peter and had thinning hair with wisps of grey left on his temples. She was over the moon; the thieves hadn’t got far after all.
‘Yes, the car is in my garage …’
‘What?’
‘Yes, it’s in my garage, but it’s got flat tyres and I’m not quite sure how it could have got there?’
Kaisa went down to the row of garages and helped Jack push the car back into its correct parking spot. Her face was pink from embarrassment. In a gentlemanly fashion, Jack had tried hard not to laugh when Kaisa told him that Duncan wanted to drive them to a party on Hayling Island with the Fiesta, and how he must have backed it into the next-door garage by mistake, after finding that the car had three flat tyres and no petrol in the tank. Kaisa now regretted having told Jack that she’d reported the missing vehicle to the police. He’d asked Kaisa if she’d like him to phone the police on her behalf, and now she saw that it had been a mistake to agree. After recounting the whole sorry tale on her telephone upstairs in the flat, he was quiet for a moment, then turned to Kaisa and asked, with such a wide grin on his face that she thought he’d slit his face open, ‘The policeman wants to know if the heart is still intact on the bonnet?’
Kaisa just nodded and Jack thanked whoever was at the end of the line. He hurried out of the flat and Kaisa just knew he and his wife would spend the rest of the evening laughing at her.
Eight
After the car debacle, Kaisa didn’t expect to hear from Duncan. It was just as well, Kaisa thought, since Jack, the neighbour, had most probably told the whole world about the car ‘with a heart on the bonnet’. That meant that everyone in the Navy would also know that she’d gone out with Duncan. Not that it was unusual in itself; the officers who were ashore often looked after their friends’ wives, but for some reason Kaisa felt this was different. It was a little too familiar for Duncan to be driving Peter’s car. She wished she’d never agreed to Jeff’s plan. Jeff, too, had been busy with Susan. Luckily, Kaisa didn’t have to work with her anymore, because the temp contract at IDS had finally come to an end.
On the positive side, it was only eight days until Kaisa would see Peter in Liverpool. HMS Tempest would be there on an official visit, and Kaisa couldn’t wait to see Peter and feel his lips on hers. She needed to lose some weight before the visit, so she was on a strict diet. No more bread and jam sandwiches.
Now she had too much time on her hands again, Kaisa had started reading Landlocked by Doris Lessing. It made her remember how much she agreed with Lessing’s view of the world. Especially on the subject of men and women. That women were as independent as men, and had no predetermined duty to marry and have children. But what if she was different and truly loved a man? Love in itself would surely be alright, but what about being really in love and wanting to please your husband? A husband who is a naval officer to boot? Kaisa’s need to pamper and please Peter was more acute when he was away. She longed to make him dinner, ready for when he got back from work. She wondered why she’d been so selfish to refuse to make him breakfast in the mornings? She wanted him to need her and her to need him. That didn’t sound like a feminist speaking, now did it? Life just wasn’t black and white. Still, Kaisa felt as if she betrayed some kind of female code if sh
e acted like a normal Navy wife. But she missed Peter so much. And worrying about him and the submarine kept her awake at night. Peter always played down the dangers the crew faced when underwater, but other people had told Kaisa what could happen. Only the night before, when Kaisa had met Justin’s wife, Mary, in the pub, she’d talked to Kaisa about what could happen. Mary’s father had been in the Navy too, so she knew all the details of how things worked. Justin had just gone away and Mary said she always worried about him.
‘You know it’ll be at least two weeks before anyone even starts to look for a missing boat. So if they’re sunk, that’s it, game over.’
Kaisa shuddered, but said nothing. She didn’t want to think about the danger Peter was in; she worried enough as it was. Peter had said HMS Tempest was safe, and Kaisa wanted to believe him.
* * *
Peter had been away for 35 days when she received a call. She was sitting in front of the TV, with a tray on her lap, when the phone rang in the hall. She spent most weekday evenings like this, watching every programme until it was time for bed. Unless, of course, she was in the pub with Jeff.
As soon as she heard the buzzing noise at the other end of the line, she knew it was her husband.
‘Peter?’ she said and then the line became clear. It was so good to hear Peter’s voice. She’d forgotten its softness. She felt as if he was in the room with her, close to her, and not several kilometres away. Peter told her that they were back in Faslane, in Scotland – or Faslavatory as he called it – and that during their time at sea he’d gained his nuclear submarine qualification. Truthfully, Kaisa didn’t really know what that meant, but he sounded so relieved and happy that she was happy for him too. Peter was a winner, which was more than could be said about Kaisa. Perhaps she should put his job first, as was expected of her as a Navy wife, and forget about IDS, and her career? No one would bat an eyelid if she did. But, as she listened to Peter talk about the submarine’s forthcoming visit to Liverpool, Kaisa decided to fight against all and everything. That’s what she’d done before – or they’d done before. It was what characterised them most: they were fighters against all odds.
‘Well, I didn’t get the IDS job,’ she said, trying to hold back tears. Telling Peter made her remember her disappointment again.
‘Never mind, darling, it’s probably just meant to be.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’ve got some not so good news, too,’ Peter said.
The tone of Peter’s voice made Kaisa grab the receiver with both hands.
‘I’ve got a bit of a pierhead jump to a bomber.’
‘What does that mean?’
Peter told Kaisa that he’d been told to join a Polaris nuclear missile sub crew in Faslane in September. ‘Someone’s got the sack – it’s all a bit hush hush, but they’ve asked me to replace him.’
Kaisa didn’t know what to say or think. She knew Peter didn’t like it up in Scotland – he said the Scots were unfriendly, and that it was cold and forever raining.
‘Does this mean I have to move up?’ How would she be able to find a job there? She’d heard the unemployment was worse.
‘We’ll talk about it in Liverpool, Peanut,’ Peter said, and added, ‘I can’t wait to see you.’ He told Kaisa more about HMS Tempest’s official visit to Liverpool. ‘It’s really important that you’re there, too,’ Peter said. ‘All the officers’ wives come along, and it’s actually quite good fun,’ Peter added when Kaisa didn’t say anything in reply. Kaisa would have gone to the moon and back if it meant she could see Peter, but she’d been contracted to work at IDS again the following week, and didn’t know if she could take Friday off.
‘Oh,’ Peter said when Kaisa told him about her problem.
He sounded so disappointed that Kaisa immediately said, ‘But since they don’t want me to work for them permanently, I can’t see any harm in taking a sickie.’
Peter laughed at the other end of the line.
Kaisa had learned the term from Ann when she’d told all the girls in the canteen about being hungover one Monday and calling in to say she had a tummy bug. Kaisa had felt sick herself at the time; Ann didn’t deserve the job she had, whereas she, Kaisa, would never have lied to her employer if they’d given her a permanent contract.
So they planned what to do in Liverpool and Peter said, ‘I don’t mind what we do as long as I can take you to bed first.’ That made Kaisa’s body tingle.
Kaisa told Peter about the car and he laughed so much that, in the end, she got a bit annoyed but let it be. Then he had to ring off because he said there was a queue of guys wanting to use the one and only phone in the Officers’ Mess. Kaisa was relieved he’d not once mentioned Duncan, or wondered why he’d been driving the car. But that was Peter; he was never jealous of her.
Even though the thought of a future move was unsettling, Kaisa felt at peace after Peter’s call. Of course she’d been worried about him, or them, because you never knew with submarines, but this peace had another quality to it – she felt just calm and good. Peter had sounded so warm, gentle and caring; full of concern and love for Kaisa. Afterwards Kaisa couldn’t concentrate on anything. The trouble was, she just loved Peter too much to care about anything else. She felt so stupid, but she couldn’t change that.
The next day, Sunday, Kaisa was about to settle in front of a pile of ironing when the intercom went and Mary came up the stairs.
‘I thought you could do with some company,’ she said. Mary had brought some biscuits, which meant Kaisa was supposed to make them coffee. While Kaisa stood by the door, Mary moved into the lounge and sat down. She had a visible bump now, although she still had slim legs and small features. Seeing the state of her lounge with a stranger’s eyes, Kaisa wished she’d had a tidy up, and was ashamed. But there was nothing she could do now. She poured coffee into the cafetiere and took it into the lounge.
‘So how long has Peter been away now?’ Mary asked as they sat down on the red-and-yellow sofa.
‘36 days.’
‘A month and a week …’
‘Yes,’ Kaisa sipped her coffee. ‘But he phoned yesterday evening and I’m going to see him in Liverpool next weekend.’
‘Oh, that’s lovely.’ Mary looked down at her cup. She’d been all smiles at the door, but now she looked sad. Kaisa didn’t feel she knew her well enough to ask what the matter was. She wondered if it was true that she and her husband had an open marriage, and if Mary was regretting it. Kaisa said nothing and for a while they both sat there eating biscuits and drinking the coffee. Or rather, Kaisa was drinking the coffee; she noticed Mary was just sipping hers.
‘Is it too strong for you?’ Kaisa asked nodding at Mary’s nearly untouched cup.
‘Well …’ Mary said.
Kaisa stood up rapidly and knocked her cup over.
‘Oh, my God, it’s on the carpet!’ Mary said and went into Kaisa’s kitchen. She returned with a cloth and began to rub at the floor. ‘You must get the stain off, otherwise you’ll have to pay a fine at handover when you leave.’ After several goes with a nailbrush Kaisa got from the downstairs loo, and sheets and sheets of paper towelling, the stain had nearly gone, and they sat back down on the sofa. Kaisa made them both another cup of coffee, a little less strong this time, and they began to laugh about the incident.
‘I was just going to get the kettle to water down your coffee,’ Kaisa said between giggles.
‘Your coffee is a bit …’ Mary hesitated, ‘powerful, I’ve got to admit.’ They both giggled again. ‘But I was so worried about the carpet. With you moving to Scotland soon, you don’t want to have to worry about things like that!’
Kaisa stared at Mary, ‘How do you know about Scotland?’
‘Peter’s going to join a bomber, isn’t he?’
‘Yes, but Peter only told me last night on the phone, so how do you …?’
‘Oh, news travels fast in the Navy! Of course he could have had his pick of the jobs, but this one is really good
for his career. I know they call them Bomber Queens, because they get the best married quarters and there’s so much more room on the Polaris subs, but so what?’
Kaisa stared at Mary. Was she trying to make trouble for her and Peter? She looked friendly and was still smiling from the fit of giggles they’d had earlier.
‘He didn’t tell you? You know what they’re like, especially when they’ve been away.’ Mary’s brown eyes were on Kaisa and she looked sincere.
‘What do you mean, his pick of the jobs?’ Did that mean he could have got a job ashore in Portsmouth, or on a submarine based in Pompey, Kaisa wondered.
‘He’s doing really well, from what I’ve heard. He could have said, “no” to the appointer, but this is a really good promotion for him. Unheard of, to move to bombers so quickly. He’ll be on Perisher before you know it, and a qualified submarine captain. I bet you’d like to be the captain’s wife?’ Mary grinned and raised her cup of coffee in a salute to Kaisa.
Kaisa didn’t say anything. She thought about all the jobs she’d been applying for in Portsmouth. The effort seemed worthless now. She wondered if Peter knew that Scotland was the most likely place for him if he wanted to get ahead in the Navy? If so, surely he should have told Kaisa this?
Mary went into a long speech about how difficult it was being married to the Navy. She said the wife always loses out because of the moving about. ‘It’s difficult to keep a career going when you don’t know where you are going to be living from one year to the next,’ she said and fiddled with her wedding ring.
Kaisa didn’t know what to say. Even though she felt closer to Mary after all the fuss with the coffee, she didn’t think she should pry into Mary and Justin’s relationship. But it was obvious something wasn’t quite right. Or was she just the same as Kaisa, wanting a career and not able to have one? ‘What would you do if you weren’t married to Justin?’ Kaisa asked.