“Tell you what?” I stared past him through the glass window of the car. Hanging in the middle of nowhere, uncertainty thundered in my ears.
He cocked his head at me, blue eyes drilling deep. “Why didn’t you tell me about the visions?”
This again. My heart almost stopped. What could I possibly say that would make this any better? My eyes darted around the small space. It closed in on me, I couldn’t escape. I blinked hard, but his eyes still bored into me. The air clogged in my throat like I could hyperventilate any second.
I spewed out the first coherent words. “I don’t know, it’s pretty crazy. How could you possibly understand about my visions? Why don’t you think I’m crazy?”
“Honey, I know you’re not crazy.” He reached for me, wrapping me up in his arms again. One hand nestled my head into his shoulder. It felt good to rest there. “You must be the predecessor to the next Seer. Those things you see are pretty scary.”
“No kidding.” I lifted my head, watching that strong profile. “But how do you know what I’ve seen?”
Those blue eyes seared into me. I could’ve melted into the floor. “Just now, when I kissed you, I saw some pretty strange things.” His fingers toyed with my hair, like it was no big deal.
All of the air blasted from my lungs. Relief flooded my body, as if a heavy load magically lifted off my shoulders. Finally, someone who could help me understand my scary visions.
I collapsed into him, letting his strong arms hold me up. “You really saw something when you kissed me, or when I kissed you?”
Laughter rumbled in his chest. He planted a kiss on the top of my head. “I wasn’t expecting that last one, but I saw something both times.”
“Really? What did you see?”
“First I saw that man with the golden eyes, in a hospital surrounded by white light. He made you feel better. Then I saw that shadow snake slithering up Will’s shirt. Gave me the creeps.” A shudder racked his body. “Now I wish you would’ve listened to me and stayed away from him.”
“Wow, I almost forgot about the man in the hospital. He felt so real.” My mind flew back to those horrible days after the wreck—the hospital, the recovery, all of it. Bryan saw the whole thing, or at least part of it. Somehow that felt more intimate than kissing, like he could see into my soul.
“You have quite a gift,” he whispered into my hair. “I’m not sure how I could see what you’ve seen. I’m shocked, in a good way.”
“This is so weird.” I nuzzled into his shoulder and closed my eyes. Finally I could breathe easy, now that someone else knew exactly what I’d been going through. “Funny how you saw two random visions.”
Bryan stepped back, tilting my chin up. When my eyes fluttered open, dazzling blue filled my sight.
“What do you mean, random? How many visions have you seen?” His eyes weren’t angry, just searching.
“I don’t know.” I broke his gaze. Could I be honest with him? After all we’d been through, he might be the only person I could trust. “Maybe five or six actual visions. Sometimes I just see shadows or light around people.”
“Oh, really?” He pushed the stop button again. The elevator rumbled back to life. “Anything around me?”
“Definitely a light.” I smiled up at him. The vision of the fight came back to me. “Even a man of light when you stood up to Jake. Your guy totally punched out Jake’s shadow. It was awesome.”
“What? You saw an angel fighting a demon?” His hands moved to my shoulders. “Are you sure?”
I tried to shrug, but his hands weighed down on me. “Yeah, I think so. It’s not like they tell me what side they’re on. It’s usually obvious. When I thought he was an angel, he nodded at me like I was right on. That was the first time I saw anything remotely human, except for that Noah vision.”
“Noah vision?” Suddenly his face fell, arms drooping to his sides. He paced back and forth, then turned to face me. “This is so much bigger than I thought.”
The elevator dinged, and we split apart.
“Stupid bell.” With my fingers, I combed away the tangles in my hair. What did he mean? What’s so important about the Noah vision? I shouldn’t have mentioned it, but I thought he could handle it.
Bryan’s eyes lingered on me. He swiped his palm across his lips before the doors opened. Good call. My plum lip gloss all over his face would be a dead giveaway.
The doors opened on Brooke and Tony strutting around the elevator lobby. He crossed his biceps over his chest, glaring at us. “Where were you guys? You weren’t that far behind.”
“There you are. We won!” Brooke danced around and high-fived Tony. “You know what they say, all’s fair in love and elevator tag.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “Why are you acting weird?”
I bit my lip, peeking sideways at Bryan. Maybe we should just tell them the truth, that we were making out and Bryan saw my visions, so I’m really not that crazy. Nope, still sounded crazy.
Bryan threw up his hands, nodding at me. “We were just trying to catch you, but it didn’t work.”
I lifted my hands, too. “Yeah, too bad. We lose.” Admitting defeat was about right after what happened up there.
“Okay, I get it.” Tony’s head bobbed back and forth between us with a gleam in his eyes like he knew the truth. What, did my bright red lips give it away? “You don’t want to pay for the subway, but I say you still have to buy that water and throw it—”
“You mean toss it gently.” Brooke stared him down. “It’s not a baseball game. No one needs to get injured.”
He turned toward her. “Fine, toss it to the bagpipe guy.”
“Deal.” Bryan pumped Tony’s hand, nodding his all-knowing nod. “Now let’s go find some bottled water.”
“Meet you in the lobby.” Brooke grabbed Laura’s arm and walked off with Lenny. She turned, tossing her head long enough to wink at me. Great, now my cheeks burned bright. That girl was good, not to mention subtle.
Bryan led me down a dimly lit hall to a bank of vending machines set back into an alcove. Only the machines gave off any light, almost mood lighting.
He glanced around before he opened his mouth. “Listen, I’m sorry about what happened back there.”
I banged my head back against the Pepsi machine, anything not to look him in the eye right now. “I’m not sorry. If anyone has to know what I’m going through, I’m glad it’s you. As long as you don’t think I’m crazy.”
Those eyes locked on me, covered in shadows. Machines buzzed, but he didn’t say a word. Anger welled up inside me, balled up my fists.
“You know what? I don’t care if you do, at least it’s out there now.” I couldn’t read his expression in the dark, and it drove me nuts.
“Of course you’re not crazy.” He reached across me to feed a dollar bill into the machine, trapping me against it. When he pressed the water button, his hand grazed my cheek. I searched for something in his eyes, hoping they’d tell me what he was thinking. They flickered and suddenly his hand moved behind my head as his lips melted into mine again.
I threw up my fist to push him away, but ended up wrapping my hands around his neck. His arms encircled me, pressing me up against the vending machine. He tasted sweet and minty, his lips soft, his breath hot on my cheeks.
Then he inhaled deeply and pulled away. I rested my hand on his chest. “What did you see?”
He exhaled a low whistle. “You were right about the Noah vision. That was definitely him. Because it was meant for you, that makes this so much more complicated.”
“What?” I reached for his hand, but he stepped back. Cold air filled the gap between us. “I don’t understand.”
He wouldn’t meet my eyes. “I wish I could explain it all now. As a Guardian, I’m just a protector. My job is to stop people from being duped by Nexis. But you, your destiny is so much bigger than mine. If you were only the predecessor to the Seer, we might’ve stood a chance. Now that I know who you are for sure, I can’t risk being a distr
action to you. The world would suffer for my selfishness.”
“Me?” My hand flew to my chest. “Who am I? I’m nobody.”
“No. Don’t ever say that.” He pressed his palms on either side of my face, forcing me to look at him. I wanted to look anywhere else, but he waited till my eyes settled on his. “You are the one. You’re the Seer. Your destiny is to stop Nexis and save the world, and that’s the only thing that matters right now. Even if it means we can’t be together.”
“I don’t understand. I can’t save anyone, not even myself. I wouldn’t know where to start.” Tears percolated in my eyelids. How could this be true? “It doesn’t make any sense. Why can’t we be together?”
“We just can’t. If the Watchers know who you are, then Nexis will find out soon enough. When they do, and they figure out you’re dating a Guardian leader, they could lash out. Even call for war.” His expression shifted, his lips set in a line of stone.
“That can’t be true. War?” Now that I wanted someone in my life, I couldn’t have him? Plus, I was destined to stop some crazy group, going against my parents? Not to mention war, or at least rumors of war. It didn’t make any sense. “If that is being the Seer, I don’t want any part of it.”
“But you are the Seer, and you have to remain neutral. For now.” He rubbed my temples with his thumbs, as if that would help. “You see, if the Seer joins one side, any side, the other immediately declares war. That’s why we haven’t let you become a full member. Because we weren’t sure.”
“For now? What do you mean, for now?” I stared at him, willing him to make eye contact.
He stared down at me, holding his gaze steady. “Unfortunately, war is imminent. The Guardians in Europe are close to declaring war against Nexis. If they do, America will follow.”
“Oh.” The word tasted pathetic on my tongue. “There are Guardians in Europe? Is that where my brother is?”
“I think so, but I’m still trying to find out for sure.” He combed his fingers into my hair, halting as they bumped across my scar. “What’s this, honey?”
I bit my lip. The soft way he said honey, and the revelation about James sparked hope in my heart. Since he finally told me the truth, didn’t I owe him the same? “It’s from the car accident, after I caught Jake cheating. Eleven stitches, three days in the hospital.”
“Ouch. That must’ve been the first vision I saw.” He parted my hair, pressing his lips against the bumpy ridges. “If only I could make it go away.”
“I wish.” My scar tingled with his warmth, and I huddled into his arms. “Me, too.”
“Hold on a minute.” He smoothed my hair back in place. “Maybe that’s why your visions came early. Don’t you think?”
“I don’t know.” With a limp effort, I shrugged my shoulders. “And I don’t know if I care. Right now I just wish I’d never seen anything.”
“Don’t say that, honey. I’m right here. I’ll be here to help you every step of the way. Don’t worry.” His words sounded hollow and empty after all we’d just shared. His cold hand brushed against the small of my back, leading me to the lobby like a little lamb back into cruel reality.
I sank my teeth into my bottom lip, fighting to keep the tears in check. The truth escaped anyway. “Good, because I need you.”
His lips curved. “That’s my job, after all. To protect the Seer.”
Great. More hollow words hurled at my already bruised heart. I tried to push them away, like I pushed away everything else, but numbness wouldn’t come. Instead my whole body ached, more than the superficial injuries from the fire. Why did it have to hurt so much? A sharp pain filled my chest, searing me straight through. Maybe he didn’t understand how much I needed him. How could I make him understand? Even I didn’t understand right now.
I followed him outside, watching as the bagpiper caught the water bottle and tossed it back to him. That was supposed to mean all clear, right? Nothing about this night felt all clear. My life felt muddier than ever, all because someone finally knew the truth.
Chapter 23
The musty odor of books hung heavy in the library. A few deep breaths of that familiar book scent calmed me, like a splash of clean water for my lungs. Lenny’s contagious smile helped, too. Hard to believe he’d been all bruised up only last weekend. We’d all agreed to lay low for awhile, until Mr. Fearless Leader could figure out what to do. That might or might not involve telling every Guardian I’m the Seer. He hadn’t decided yet. As if it was his decision to make.
For the poor beat-up guys, it meant wearing baseball caps everywhere, even class when they could get away with it. Faint brown spots still outlined bruised circles under the brim of Lenny’s hat, but with his freckles and red hair no one noticed any more.
The hiss of whispered rumors pricked me like tiny little daggers. A week later, and the murmurs still followed us everywhere. I tried not to choke on the déjà vu, tried to forget about the Alton High rumors that sent me all the way to Montrose. What would they say if they knew I was the Seer, like Bryan did? Even I couldn’t believe it was entirely true.
Lenny didn’t seem to notice the whispers around us. He waved me over to his table, bathing me in his happy spirit. “You doing okay? You look a little stressed.”
How I needed the glow of his unaffected smile, the warmth of his sincere tone. Such kindness made me want to dump all my problems on him. But I wasn’t that brave, not after all I’d had to carry this week.
“I’m just trying to figure out things right now. It’s all such a mess.”
“You mean the open dorm contest?” A little kid grin spread across his face. “Your floor having problems already? We’re gonna crush second floor Nelson.”
I didn’t have the heart to tell him what I really meant. Let him think I only had simple worries like school-sponsored contests. Innocence like his should be preserved at all costs.
“At this rate, you may be right.” Instead, I flipped open my English textbook. “What are you having trouble with?”
Lenny spun his book in my direction. “I can’t get a handle on this crazy symbolism. Especially in Paradise Lost.”
“Yeah, funny how everything at this school revolves around the Bible.” I thought I’d mumbled so low no one could hear, but Lenny caught my eye.
“You want to know why?” He propped up his book, dipping his head behind it.
I swept my gaze around the room. Only four other students were in the library with us. I almost laughed at his antics, until I saw the semi-serious expression on his face.
“Because the school board is split between Guardians and Nexis.” His deep words were muffled behind the book, but still, they pinged at me crisp and clear.
“Really?” I had to know, so I dropped behind the book cover, my head next to his.
“These people aren’t just teachers, principals, dorm parents. They’re prominent leaders from both sides, sent here to recruit powerful people.” He paused and lowered his eyes, meeting my gaze dead on. “Through their kids. To develop them into the next generation.”
“So this place isn’t just a training ground for both sides?” I leaned in on my elbows as the realization hit me smack between the eyes. “It’s like an army recruiter’s territory, for kids who don’t know what’s going on, and their parents, too? Is that why half the school knows, and the other half doesn’t?”
“That’s one way to look at it. But you didn’t hear it from me. Got it, soldier?” He clicked his tongue between his teeth, arching back.
“Got it.” I slid my hand over my heart, but the weight of it settled me. The Guardian versus Nexis feud was bigger than I imagined. The truth sank deep down, a zombie horde of butterflies eating me up inside.
“Good.” He bobbed his cap and that boyish grin returned. “Now back to Paradise Lost.”
“Symbolism, right?” The text jumbled together, meaningless markings on a page. I scanned the first lines of the epic poem until the letters rearranged into words again. “I like to t
hink of symbolism as a vehicle for truth beyond the words, a truth that resonates deep within. If the words of the poem make you think of something else entirely, it could be symbolism, especially if it’s a deeper level. Does that make sense?”
“Not really.” He shook his head. “Maybe I’ll give it another try and see if I can find something new.”
I read the text from my own book, searching for some hidden meaning that could make sense of all the Nexis/Guardian secrets floating around in my head. As if John Milton knew all the answers. The Puritanical language threw me off. I had to dig deeper.
Right away, the word pregnant from line twenty-two jumped out at me. On the page, an image appeared of a black shadow, its feathery tentacles wrapped around a woman’s swollen belly. I shoved my book across the table, but the image lingered like mist in the atmosphere. A shiver zinged up my arm.
“There.” Lenny’s finger pounded into the pages. “Line twenty talks about wings, and the next line about a dove. Maybe he used those words to represent flight and the freedom it brings. That could relate to the freedom that heaven and Earth experienced before the fall. Does that sound right?”
I glanced up at him. A bright light burned out the shadows, washing away my dark vision.
Peace flooded my heart.
My eyes welled up. “That’s really beautiful. Exactly what Milton meant.” He had no idea of the gift he’d just given me—freedom from the darkness.
* * *
Halloween night I stepped straight from my dorm room onto the streets of Hollywood decked out in cardboard and paper-mache. Pink and gold celebrity stars lined the floor from the stairwell, past our room, all the way down to room 220.
To walk down our hall, the judges had to enter through velvet curtains that outlined a bright red carpet path, flanked on both sides by giant gold-painted cardboard cutouts of the Oscar statue. Behind the giant Oscars hung more cutouts of cameras with blinking flashbulbs. Speech bubble captions by the cameras read, “Over here,” “Who are you wearing?”, and “You look fabulous.”
After the Oscar mob, the scene turned into Grauman’s Chinese Theatre where Laura laid down movie star hand prints as tiles on the floor. Then the judges had to veer single file around the huge Hollywood Hill, a paper-mache monstrosity that engulfed half the floorspace.
The Nexis Secret: YA Fantasy Romance (The Nexis Angel Series Book 1) Page 22