“Anna,” Obsidian shouted into her mind. “I’m bringing healers.”
“I’d hate to inconvenience you. Maybe just send the healer.”
Her words reverberated down the link, and she felt Obsidian jerk like she’d slapped him. Good. The stupid jackass deserved to feel a little guilt and remorse for almost killing his own damned Kyrsu while he was screwing the brains out of some female.
“There was no female.”
“You don’t need to lie. I saw. Now shut up and just get one of the damn healers here. My wing is killing me.”
By the time Truth and the siren had her nearly to shore, Anna could already sense the gathering of shadow magic along the beach. There was something else mixed in with it. The chill of spirit magic. Sand blew in all directions as the power swirled and trailed up higher into the air.
Lances of silvery-blue magic sparkled between the dark shards of shadow. A disc-shaped portal opened a window between two locations.
Obsidian bolted through before it was fully formed. Seconds later, two healers raced after him.
The three newcomers ran into the surf and grabbed Anna from Truth and the siren.
“Give me a minute to thank them. They just saved my life.”
“You can thank them later,” Obsidian shouted as he hovered in front of her. “I’ve never been so frightened in my life.”
“Yes, you have. So, get out of the way and let the healers do their thing.”
Obsidian obeyed, for once. But he paced and snarled softly every time one of the healers poked too deeply and made her flinch.
“It’s your fault, so stop growling at the poor healers.”
“You think I don’t know that?” His mind voice was full of anguish. “I did not mean to fall asleep.”
“Fall asleep?”
“Yes.” He blinked at her for a moment in understanding. “It was a dream. You didn’t know that?”
“No.”
“Ah.” He paused, tilting his head and looking at her strangely. “But didn’t you recognize…?”
She blinked up at him while the healers worked. Recognize what? It had all happened so fast. She tried to remember the vision. She hadn’t seen the woman from the front, hadn’t seen much at all. The strongest impressions were sensations of what he’d been doing, not who he’d been doing it with.
“I’d conjured you in my dreams.”
A dream? Featuring her. Oh.
At that moment, Anna knew she’d been barking up the wrong tree.
“But it doesn’t matter. It will never happen again.” He pushed aside the healers, much to their annoyance, and wrapped her in his arms and wings.
There was something to be said for being held in big, strong arms after a harrowing experience.
It wasn’t until he’d held her for a while that she realized the shivers racking her body weren’t all hers. He was shuddering.
“Forgive me, Anna.”
“Shh, it was an accident. There’s nothing to forgive.”
The healers poked and prodded at her more, ignoring the big gargoyle like he wasn’t in their way. One healed muscles and joints while the other attended to scrapes and bruises and lacerations. The healers’ warm magic was becoming familiar to her.
When they were finished, one of the healers gave her instructions. “If you return to human form for two days, when you shift back, your wing will be healed. But no flying for at least three days after that.”
Anna nodded her understanding.
“Good. Shift now so we can aid you if need be.”
But Obsidian shared power with her, and she was able to resume her human form without their aid.
The lack of wings felt strange. And her balance seemed off without a tail to act as a counterbalance. But she’d suffered worse.
The healers soon finished up and told her to sleep and then have a proper meal upon waking. With that, the healers packed up their supplies and headed back through the still-open portal.
As she watched, the gently spinning magic of the portal vanished like it had never been. With nothing else to do, she looked into Obsidian’s eyes.
He was looking back at her with much the same shock and confusion she’d been feeling.
“Anna, we need to talk.”
“I’m tired. Let’s wait until tomorrow.”
“No. We’ll talk now. While I am sorry I distracted you enough for it to become a danger, there’s more to it than that. When you thought I was with another female, it upset you a great deal.”
“Please don’t ask me to talk about it now.” She bowed her head and then slowly sank to her knees.
“Anna?” Obsidian’s voice softened, and then he knelt next to her and curled a wing around her shoulders. She felt safe and warm for the first time in hours.
“Do you love me?”
“I can’t.” Her voice quivered. She would have done anything to make it stop. “Even if I wanted to.”
He breathed softly in her ear. “But you were hurt when you thought I was with another woman.”
“No.”
“My Kyrsu, that’s a lie. I’m rather certain my fierce warrior woman is in love with me. But I must confess, I don’t know why she hasn’t just taken what I offer so freely.”
“Because she can’t.” Anna glanced sidelong at him. “I’m too damaged. Unworthy.”
“Why, by the Light, do you think you’re unworthy?”
“Something happened years ago that made it so I can’t love like that anymore.”
Obsidian tilted his head, his dark eyes finding hers.
“If that was the case, and that part of you was indeed dead, then it wouldn’t hurt to see me with another woman.”
“I..” God. Why couldn’t he just let it go?
“Because I love you.”
“Oh god, Obsidian,” Anna sobbed into her hands. “You are so easy to love. Even my dead, shriveled little heart foolishly wants to love you.”
“Is that so terrible?”
“Yes, for you it is. I can’t give you what you’re seeking. I can’t be your lover. Even my trust in you isn’t enough to overcome and repair the damage done.”
Her entire body shook, and she fought to keep herself from telling the rest.
“Anna, your pain can only mean that you do love me.”
“But I can’t love you, I can’t. Not physically. It will destroy me. Shatter the last protections I have around my mind.”
“That sounds far too dire, my Kyrsu. Share with me what happened to make you shun something as wonderful as love.”
“No.”
“Yes. Share your story with me, and I will take your pain. Please. I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy. You never were, but I didn’t know how to fix that. Now I sense a way for you to find healing.”
He held her and rocked her, and between that and the rhythmic sound of the waves, Anna found herself relaxing a small bit, and suddenly the story was flowing from her. The one she’d sworn she’d never tell another living soul.
But here it was falling from her lips.
“I’ve always picked the wrong guy. All through high school, I knew I wanted to follow in my father’s and brothers’ footsteps and join the military. But I also wanted to have some fun before all that, so I tended to sneak out after curfew to hang out with the senior boys from my high school.”
Anna sighed. “I would have gotten into a lot more trouble than I did if my best friend wasn’t there to take me home after I’d partied a little too hard. Matt was always swooping in like a literal white knight.”
Obsidian nuzzled her shoulder, and she stroked her fingers in his mane.
Calmer, she continued, “Matt and I grew up together. He’s a lot like you, actually. Quiet, but noble. Fierce when he needed to be. At seventeen, I joined the military. Matt already knew he wanted to help people, but not in the same way. He wanted to study to become a nurse. Even though our career choices differed greatly and took up a lot of time, we grew closer.”
&nb
sp; “He sounds…” Obsidian paused. “Worthy enough to keep my Kyrsu company until I was born.”
Anna smiled a touch. “Slowly, over several summer breaks and leaves, we became more than friends. I wasn’t entirely surprised when he asked me to marry him. I said yes. We got engaged. If things had been different, I might have spent the rest of my life with him. We were young, only twenty-one, but my mother and father had been high school sweethearts, and they have a great marriage even though my father is away a lot. I figured Matt and I could do the same. Then everything changed one night when I went out to a bar with Resnick and the team to blow off some steam.”
Anna looked out across the ocean and fell silent, she didn’t want to go on. It would only make Obsidian pity her. And she damn well didn’t want his pity
“I would never pity you. You’re too strong. Besides, I’ve long suspected what caused your fear of relationships. Now you’re going to continue so I’ll know the name of the one I’ll one day hunt down. Once I find him, I’ll rip out his heart and bring it back to you.”
Damn. He was serious.
Does that make me bloodthirsty for finding his offer sweet?
Anna turned and rubbed her cheek against his shoulder. Telling him wasn’t actually as hard as she thought it would be.
Taking a deep breath, she continued.
“I left my cell phone in the vehicle and went out to get it in case Matt texted me. He was sweet like that. Always keeping tabs, wanting to know how my day went. The good and the bad.”
The ocean waves rolled in, hypnotic. Beside her, Obsidian was a substantial warm presence. His quietness was what allowed her to go on.
“I was on my way back to the bar when a guy came out of the bushes and tried to grab me. I could tell right away he was a civilian. I was in the process of handing him his own ass when I got hit on the head with something. A tire iron or a bit of pipe, maybe. Hadn’t realized the jackass had a friend with him. Blacked out for a bit. Too long and not long enough if you know what I mean.”
She swallowed around the lump in her throat and strived to remain detached. “Came to as the one jackass was just finishing. He put a sweaty hand over my mouth and nose before I could make a sound. When they were about to switch places, I rammed him in the face with my skull. Broke the fucker’s face. Would have broken something else but Resnick had come looking and spotted my phone on the ground and knew something was wrong. The two guys ran off when Resnick came closer.”
Obsidian growled more viciously than she’d ever heard. “I will kill them for you.”
“That’s not how justice works back home.” But if she ever ran across those two again, they wouldn’t survive to see the inside of a prison.
“We will take their balls, at the very least.”
Anna gave him a brittle smile. “Tempting.”
“If you won’t let me kill them, will you let me hunt these males down and terrify them?”
“Won’t do any good. Light was bad. Only saw the one guy’s face in silhouette. Never got a good look at the other one.”
“Their scent memory will be enough for me to shape a spell from shadow magic to find them.”
“Humans don’t have a sense of smell like a gargoyle. I was full human back then.”
After a moment her brittle smile faltered. “As horrible as it was to live through, I would have put it behind me eventually. I knew the physical damage would heal, and even the humiliation of getting bested by a couple untrained civilians would fade in time.”
She drew patterns in the damp sand, her index finger creating lines to represent the waves. “Resnick handled a lot of stuff for me, and afterward, I was released on medical leave. All I wanted was to go home and forget. Maybe wrap myself up in my gentle fiancé’s love. But when I came home, I discovered he was having an affair. Now that I look back, I can’t believe I didn’t see it.”
Obsidian growled anew. “Another human I shall kill when I return to the Mortal Realm.”
“You will not kill my ex-fiancé.”
“Fine. What about the woman he cheated on you with?”
“There was no woman.”
It took him a moment to change mental gears, but gargoyles and dryads seemed more open and accepting of same-sex pairings. “Your fiancé was a lover of men?”
She nodded.
“Matt begged me to stay and listen, claiming he loved me, always had and was just trying to make it work.” She gave a bitter snort, then explained something Obsidian likely hadn’t gleaned from his short time on Earth. “Matt’s from a very traditional Italian family. Catholic.”
Anna took the time to explain what that meant.
“He was too afraid to come out of the closet with his family, and his religion still called love between same-sex couples a perversion.”
“I see.” Obsidian still sounded like he wanted to eat someone. “This male, this Matt, he really did love you, just not how you’d thought.”
“Yeah. Should have seen it though. He was never the instigator in bed, but he was the best friend and partner I could ever want in other areas. Attentive, sweet, humorous. Hell, he was even a great cook. And he didn’t hide the fact he wanted kids. I guess he thought marriage to his best friend wasn’t a terrible life choice considering his religious background and his family’s expectations.”
“So, you and he are still friends?”
“No. I was in shock and hurting. Not capable of rational thought at the time. I screamed at him and the other dude for like three minutes straight and then grabbed my shit and went to my parent’s place.”
She cleared her throat. “My family doesn’t know about the rape. I swore Resnick to silence. I didn’t want my father or brothers to look at me differently. My mom can’t keep a secret to save her life. As far as they know, I just came home to surprise my fiancé and then found him with another man. That explained the rage and the tears I couldn’t hide from my mom.”
“I would take this hurt from your heart if I could.” Obsidian nuzzled her again.
“I know.” She pressed her cheek against his shoulder. “It’s been three years. I’ve forgiven Matt, mostly. The other trauma only visits me in nightmares or when something triggers a memory, but I can bury that shit deep and function in daily life. I just can’t get intimate with someone. I’ve tried a few times. All the dread just comes rushing back. I figured if I couldn’t have love, I’d have my career. Screw anyone who thought they could tear me down.”
She’d whitewashed the gory details and the worst of the emotional trauma. That was something Obsidian didn’t need to know.
“I will never hurt you like that.” His breath stirred her braids.
“I know. But I still can’t…”
“Shh…I’m done pressuring you. My beloved Kyrsu, you can love me like a brother, and I will be content.” He nuzzled her cheek again. “But I’ll also be faithful.”
Deep down, that’s what she’d wanted, wasn’t it? For him to be as asexual as she’d become. For him to be ‘safe’ for her to love. Yet now that she knew how deeply he loved her, she felt guilty for being so selfish.
He was silent for a time, then huffed out a sad sounding whine. “I’ve reawakened old memories, haven’t I? Forgive me for that.”
“You’re not at fault. Life just has a way of sucking.”
Obsidian gently rocked her in his arms. “I will become Shadowlight for you again.”
“Shadowlight is gone. We can’t go back to that uncomplicated relationship, but I’d love for Obsidian to become my rock.”
Silently she mourned what they could have had if her life had been different.
“Of course. And in the future, I won’t fall asleep under the influence of healing magic.”
Anna snorted. “Well, maybe not while I’m out doing dangerous work. Getting caught up in your sexy-time dreams is a bit of a distraction.”
He coughed, and she felt his embarrassment flow down their link. “I’m normally better at shielding my thoughts a
nd emotions from you.”
“You’re not nearly as good as you think.” A grin tugged at her lips, surprising her.
“I’m not?” He asked slowly.
“Well, that was the first vision I caught. Normally it’s just emotions and a few heated thoughts when you’re…” She made a jerking motion with one hand.
“Goddess.” He cleared his throat nervously a second time. “I wasn’t aware.”
“I wasn’t about to draw your attention to the issue during those times.”
The big gargoyle looked like he wanted to disappear into the sand beneath his feet. She’d never seen Obsidian squirm before. Her grin bloomed full force.
“Don’t worry. I never felt threatened by you during those times.”
“I am glad.”
It had actually been the opposite. Feeling Obsidian’s desire, knowing what he was doing had been sexy. Not that she’d admit that to him.
Anna felt more lighthearted than she had in weeks.
But she was also exhausted, the healing magic lulling her toward sleep. “Do you mind if we stay here a while? I need a nap.”
“I’ll be here when you wake.”
She curled into him and closed her eyes. Sleep was just reaching up to claim her when she heard his final whispered words.
“Sleep well, my love.”
Chapter 38
Obsidian took in Anna’s peaceful expression and just enjoyed the rare moment when her guard was down. She’d finally trusted him enough to share her painful secret. Perhaps now healing would flow into her soul and wash away her darkest memories.
And maybe she’d even heal enough to love him. He’d be patient, offering whatever support she might accept and then one day perhaps she’d be able to love him like he did her. It would not come soon, he knew, but gargoyles were very long-lived. Patience was an innate trait they all shared.
“My young Rasoren,” came the softly familiar voice of Lord Draydrak. “Normally, I would praise the path you’ve chosen to help heal your Kyrsu. However, I have dire news.”
Magic arced up from the ground, twisting and spinning, stirring air and sand into a violent storm between Obsidian’s position on the beach and where the ocean rolled in. He raised a shield of shadow magic around himself, preventing Anna from getting pelted with damp sand.
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