I shrugged one shoulder. “You’re right. It’s not my thing at all. But hey, it was the only way I’d fly again. So here we are. I had the right incentive.”
She nodded, her smile faltering just a little. “I watched your press conference last week. Congratulations on the flight.”
But given the tone of her voice and the pasted-on look of her smile, I could easily tell that she was not so thrilled that I was going up again. With good reason, considering that the last time, her family had been virtually destroyed.
Clenching my jaw, I opted to change the subject.
Glancing at the door where AJ had disappeared minutes before, I asked, “How is he doing?”
She followed my gaze but took a long time to answer. My eyes scanned her face, and she looked worried, genuinely worried. Uh oh. That wasn’t good.
“He’s having trouble. It’s been a very difficult year, especially for him.”
I’d been out here for over six months now. And not there for them. “I’m sorry,” I said quietly.
She looked at me and smiled. “Don’t be. We’re going to have fun, right? We can’t wait to explore. Are you sure it’s okay for us to stay here with you for so long? We aren’t going to cramp your style?”
I laughed. “I don’t have much style to cramp these days. The partying and all that is behind me.”
I’d known Karen a long time, since we were all teenagers. We’d hung out constantly in college. And I could tell that while she wanted to believe me, she was waiting to see the truth of my words with her own eyes.
Just then, AJ came bursting back through the front door. “Mom! You have to see this house. There’s a swimming pool. I already picked out my room. You should get yours, too.”
I raised my brows. “Yeah, better rush and get one while you can. Never know when someone’s going to swipe it out from under you.” My breath let out suddenly, like a punch to my gut, when Gray appeared in the doorway just behind AJ. Karen left my side to follow AJ into the house. Gray stepped aside, smiling
“Oh, by the way,” she said to Karen. “Tolan Reeves, our boss at XVenture, asked me specifically to invite you and AJ to come tour company buildings and the factory where the rockets are made. He said he’d give you the VIP treatment.”
I raised my brows, not having heard that news before. Then I realized this must have been the conversation where she’d found out that Tolan and I met with Conrad Barrett last week.
Gray gave AJ a fist bump then disappeared, returning a minute later with a box and a backpack slung over her slim shoulder. I hurried to take the box from her, which she handed over to me without resistance or comment, or eye contact, for that matter. I encouraged AJ to show his mom around the house while I helped Gray out with her things.
We walked out to the street where she’d moved her car, and I lowered the box into her trunk. My eyes landed on that blue and white toiletry kit that she’d brought with her that first day she’d shown up at my house. That was the day she’d cut her hand and scared the shit out of me that she was going to bleed out right in my kitchen.
It felt like years ago because it felt like I’d known her for years. But it had only been two short months before, almost to the day. My entire insides sunk when the trunk of the car thumped closed. And there was a tightness in my throat.
She stood there, beside me, staring back toward the house. Eventually her gaze flickered up to meet mine. “Thank you,” she said in a low, even voice.
“I should be thanking you,” I said flatly. “For all of this, for straightening me out. For getting me to reach out to them again.” I nodded toward the house to indicate who I meant.
She shook her head. “I didn’t do those things. You did. I’m proud of you.”
My eyes locked on hers and I forced moisture into my throat, clearing it.
She took my breath away when she smiled sadly. “Goodbye Ryan Tyler. Be kind to yourself.”
She backed away, but I reached out and grabbed her wrist, holding her where she was. I didn’t move otherwise. I just needed a moment—many moments, in truth. I needed to prepare myself for what it would do to me to watch her drive away. Fuck, this was hard.
“I don’t know…” I began in a shaky voice until it faded away.
“Yeah, you do. You do. And when being around them gets too overwhelming, promise me—promise me—you’ll talk to someone.”
To someone, but not to her. That’s what she left unspoken. I couldn’t lean on her anymore.
I nodded solemnly. “I promise.”
She nodded too, then stepped forward again. “Can I give you a hug?”
Without speaking, I pulled her toward me. She rose on her tiptoes, and her arms encircled my neck. I bent my head and, though I ferociously fought the urge, I lost. My nose went to her hair, breathing her in. Her strawberries and mint scent. A country field in summer. As fresh and nourishing as she was.
If all the other shit I’d been through in the past year wasn’t going to do it, this just might break me.
I couldn’t breathe when she pulled away, turned, and slid into the driver’s seat. I stood there, looking after her long after she’d driven down the street and out of my sight.
Out of my life.
And I had little idea whether seeing her again practically every day at work would make it feel better or worse.
Chapter 9
Ryan
Thursday night, just outside a glittering venue in Hollywood, I was getting icy glares and a cold shoulder from my fake girlfriend. We awaited our turn at the curb before exiting the limo for the premiere of a movie I had no interest in watching, nor did I even recall its title. It was a hot night in late July and I wasn’t looking forward to stepping into the heat in my monkey suit. Summer nights in Southern California, unlike those of Houston, cooled off quickly. But not quickly enough to make this god-awful tuxedo feel any more comfortable.
Having just flown in from the location of her new movie on the east coast, Keely looked perfect with her red hair styled into an elegant updo. Add to that her flawless skin, gorgeous bone structure and a fantastic smile. She was exactly the type of woman I went for—before.
Flashing cameras and cheering fans would, no doubt, greet us the moment we stepped out of the limo. They’d taken to calling us “Tyley” which sounded unfortunate to me, but Victoria, our public relations specialist, had beamed over it. Apparently, the nickname had denoted ultimate success for her scheme.
Keely ripped her eyes from the window and met my stare. “Don’t even think about it, Tyler,” she said in a gruff voice.
I blinked. “What?”
“You and me. That’s never gonna happen.”
My brows crunched together. “What makes you assume I was thinking that?”
She froze, holding my stare for a few long and tense moments, mouth slightly open. Then she pulled her eyes away, picking at her designer gown as if finding a stray thread. “Well, in case you were thinking that, it’s never gonna happen. I have too much respect for Gray.”
Had she and Gray been talking to each other? I knew that they’d been friendly. It wasn’t hard to believe that they’d hit it off. Keely was an affable woman—not really full of herself at all.
But had Gray been confiding in Keely? It seemed so unlike her.
“Have you been talking to her about me?”
A cinnamon-colored brow arched up, and she opened her mouth to speak when an usher opened our door and bent to speak with us. “Are you ready?”
I exited the car once the usher pulled it wide enough for me to step out. Then I bent to extract Keely, who had replaced her skeptical doubt with a brilliant smile that lit up the place every bit as much as the camera flashes. She grasped my arm and molded herself to my side in every way. I tried my best to gaze adoringly at her for the cameras.
“Have you heard from her in the last couple days? How is she?” I hadn’t caught any glimpses of her at work since she’d left my house earlier that week.
“Do you care?” She held up a hand, waving to a cluster of groupies clumped on the sidewalk, furiously trying to capture her attention.
I fought the desire to roll my eyes. Jesus. I herded her down the red carpet a little more harshly than I intended. “I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t care.”
She threw me a sidelong glance. “Why did you do it then? If you care?”
I took a deep breath and let it out, trying to release some tension that was building. The woman was infuriating me. I’d asked a simple question and expected a simple answer. “It’s complicated.”
Yeah, complicated. That was one word for the whole fucked-up situation.
“We’ve texted back and forth a few times. She didn’t tell me much. Just said you were no longer seeing each other when I asked.”
“How about a kiss for the cameras?” a paparazzo asked just as we hit the head of the carpet. Keely had finished posing alone in her designer gown while folks oohed and aahed and clicked away. I tried my hardest not to look bored. I couldn’t manage an adoring stare, though.
With that, Keely turned to me and immediately pointed her face up toward mine, and I pecked her obediently.
Cameras clicked, and photographers scoffed. “Kiss her like you mean it, Commander Ty.”
I raised my brows at Keely, and she nodded. I closed my eyes and dove in for something a little livelier, more passionate. All fake.
I’d kissed Keely several dozen times for the benefit of the cameras, and this time was no different. But instead of a glamorous and perfectly manicured redhead, I pictured a slender blonde with mussy hair and lips to die for.
Or at least lips that I’d die to taste again.
I remembered her smell, the feel of her body against mine, and the sound of her voice. I deepened the kiss, opening my mouth to hers, plunging my tongue inside. It didn’t make the ache go away. It didn’t make anything feel better.
And when I pulled back and noted the confusion and flush on Keely’s face, I realized it hadn’t made her any less upset with me, either.
“Wow, that was some kiss!” One photographer commented as he clicked away, and I laughed uncomfortably.
Keely grinned. “Damn straight! That’s what I keep him around for.”
As soon as we were out of earshot, which was moments later, she added. “Clearly you weren’t kissing me, though.”
I winced slightly and turned away. She squeezed my arm. And after a long beat of silence between us, just before entering the doors of the auditorium, she said, “I’ll find out how she’s doing.”
I cleared my throat and rasped under my breath, “She needs a friend.”
She frowned as she studied my face then nodded before we entered the building.
Fortunately, the house I went home to was not as empty and hollow as I felt inside. With AJ and Karen to fill up my spare time, it helped keep me from losing my mind.
In the evenings, we took AJ to the park, had dinner together, and sometimes watched a movie. Karen would get AJ ready for bed and read to him while I cleaned up. It quickly became a comforting routine.
That weekend, we went for a walk in the canyon, exploring the countryside. I barbecued AJ’s favorite meal, hotdogs and corn on the cob for dinner.
“When can we go to Disneyland?” AJ asked his mom.
“We’ll get there, I promise. I have to find out what days the studio wants me next week. And Gray texted me. She says the tour at XVenture is on Tuesday.” I tried not to wince whenever I heard her name pronounced. I managed it almost every time, but it still took conscious effort.
AJ turned his eyes on me. “Does that mean I get to see you at work?”
I grinned and ruffled his hair. “Me and Noah and Hammer. And we have a cosmonaut friend you haven’t met yet, Kirill. He’s a cool guy, too.”
“Maybe they can come to Disneyland with us, too.”
“You can’t do Disney in just one day. You know that, right?” I said. “There are actually two parks there. The Magic Kingdom and California Adventure.”
AJ shoved the last bite of hotdog and bun in his mouth, then proceeded to talk around the bite with his mouth full. I couldn’t help but laugh. “I want to go on the rollercoasters, but Mom hates them.”
I smiled. “I’ll take you. There aren’t that many over there, though. California Screamin’ is pretty fun. You even pull 4.3 G’s on the launch sequence.”
“Ugh. You and Xander and your roller coaster love,” Karen sighed. “Clearly AJ takes after you two and not me.”
“He’s a boy. Boys like their thrills. Maybe you’ll grow up to fly planes like your dad.”
AJ very visibly paled but said nothing, just shaking his head. Karen shot him a worried look, a frown creasing her brow. Our eyes met but I didn’t say anything.
Every night that AJ had been here, he’d woken up within an hour or two of falling asleep screaming and inconsolable from bad dreams. His mom would spend an hour or so in there calming him down again until he gave in to exhaustion.
Every night this happened…for months, so Karen had told me. It had to be taking its toll on her. We hadn’t discussed it yet, but the sheer exhaustion I saw in her eyes and her pale features was enough to reveal that truth to me.
A little later, AJ was ushered to bed through the usual routine—bath, pajamas, teeth brushing, and a story read to him. Since cleanup was quick this evening, I volunteered to read the story so that Karen could finish her glass of wine in peace.
When I entered the bedroom, Gray’s old bedroom, in fact, I hesitated. AJ was in bed, his green Orbit plush toy, the mascot for the Houston Astros, tucked in beside him.
“Hey, champ. I hear we’re halfway through Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone?”
He nodded, his eyes already at half-mast. The hike must have worn him out.
Listlessly, he handed me the book. I opened to the bookmark and read only one page before the kid was fast asleep.
Karen was finishing her wine when I made it back to the sitting room.
“Thanks. I bet he was so thrilled to have you tuck him in.”
I shrugged. “He was pretty exhausted. He was out after one page.”
Her brows twitched in surprise and she nodded. “Good. Maybe we’ll have a nice quiet night tonight.”
I sunk down on the couch next to her. “Do you get many of those?”
She grimaced at me, then pointed to the half-full bottle. “You want some? This stuff isn’t going to drink itself.”
I shook my head, and she didn’t push it. She did, however, pour herself another glass and sip at it thoughtfully.
“How was the movie premiere?” she asked. “I saw pictures on Twitter. You and Keely make a cute couple.”
I rolled my eyes and leaned my head against the back of the couch. “Please. Not you, too.”
This rear sitting room overlooked the canyon. The sun had gone down, but the sky was still light. Karen commented on the beauty of the sunset. “Mmm, I could get used to California. Never thought I’d say that.”
I grinned. “You’ve only been here a week. Wait ‘til you have to drive in traffic or fight crowds at the shopping malls.”
“You seem to be enjoying it out here.” She smiled and tilted her glass up to her lips.
I blinked and pushed myself back into the corner of the couch, turning toward her. “I love California. Can’t beat the weather anywhere.”
She nodded. “Yeah. You never miss Houston?”
I gulped. “I miss all my friends there, former colleagues. But I needed to leave.”
Her dark eyes flicked up at me and I registered the hurt easily. “There’s no denying that your life was certainly taking a dark turn. I’m proud of how you’ve turned things around. You’ve been working hard.”
I’m proud of you. Gray’s sad smile immediately popped into my mind. The wisps of blonde hair stirring in the breeze. In spite of her anger at me, in spite of the pain I’d inflicted on her, in spite of it all, she had still asked for a
hug and wished me a sweet goodbye.
I forced the image away and looked back at Karen. “It’s nothing compared to what you’ve had to work through. You’re doing an amazing job with him. You’ve always been the best mom.”
She tilted her head and smiled. “This single parenting thing really sucks. I think every single parent deserves a fucking medal.” Then she sighed, setting down the half-empty glass. “On the other hand, I thank God that I have him. I’d have gone off the deep end if I hadn’t had to hold it together for him.”
I looked away, knowing I should have been there for her too, to help with AJ. Instead I’d been able to indulge myself and dance dangerously close to that deep end. She’d never even had that option.
“I should be able to get out to Houston more once we pull off the test flight. We’ve got joint training planned at some NASA facilities. And—and I want to see you and AJ more.”
She leaned forward and put her hand on mine. “We want to see you, too. I’m so glad we didn’t leave things that messy way the last time we met in Houston.”
I inhaled deeply and let it go. “Yeah, so am I.”
She opened her mouth to say something, but she was interrupted by a soul-wrenching, ear-splitting scream coming from AJ’s bedroom. She shot off the couch and headed down the hallway.
I followed quickly behind her at a loss for what I could do to help but not willing to leave it all in her hands.
Karen flipped on the lights in the bedroom and sat beside him on the bed.
“Daddy,” he said softly. “He was right here in my room.”
My breath froze, and I felt like I might suffocate. Oh shit. I’d had dreams like that. Dreams that were so real that they spooked me down to the bones. Down in the core of my body, something shivered with fear and pain.
This poor kid.
Karen was hugging AJ, pulling him close to her and whispering into his hair while he whimpered. “I saw him standing right there. He said I couldn’t come with him. Then he was gone.”
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