“You mean, like with my emotions? Do you want me to share all my woes with you?”
He laughed. “Okay, that’s not what I meant, either.”
Conversation successfully deflected. I mentally breathed a sigh of relief as we talked of other things. And in spite of our various differences, I did know that past misunderstandings or not, Noah had my back. They all did.
We were a brotherhood. We always would be. We had each other’s backs.
And our brotherhood had a hole in it. A missing man whom we would never forget. Not if I could help it.
Chapter 21
Gray
Victoria was giving me a to-do list a mile long, rattling off items faster than I could scratch them down on my legal pad when my phone buzzed for the third time. I’d only been sitting here ten minutes.
I met Victoria’s gaze across the desk. “I’m sorry.”
Her perfectly arched eyebrow came up. “Why don’t you take care of that. I have to go run and do something anyway. ”Be right back.”
She grabbed an envelope that looked like it held a card in it and jumped up from her desk with spry movements. I also noticed her face was glowing.
As she came around the desk on her way out the door, she must have caught my expression because she stopped and turned back to me. “What?”
I blinked. “What, what?”
“You just got this big smile on your face.”
I bit my lip and hedged. “Uh, yeah. You just look happy.”
Victoria’s eyes widened and she tilted her head at me. “Let’s not be coy, okay? I know that you know. But mum’s the word, okay?”
I laughed. “Mum is my middle name.”
She pivoted on her perfect heels and called to me from down the hall. “I know your middle name is Grace.”
I laughed, knowing she was jumping out to put a card on Pari’s workstation. Pari had gone home for a shower and quick nap, but she’d be back to work soon. Her team would be pulling an all-nighter on a deadline.
I blinked unseeing at my list for a long moment, basking in the happiness-by-proxy I could feel radiating off of Victoria. Hopefully they wouldn’t have to keep the happy secret much longer, but Pari didn’t want to jinx anything and Victoria was insisting they take it slow.
But by all reports Pari had given me, so far, so good.
I was being such a goofy sap that I almost forgot to check the text messages, the entire reason Victoria had decided to give me a break.
Gray, your dad would like to nail down a date for dinner. He’s getting a bit feisty about it.
Teresa, my dad’s assistant, was a nice woman and didn’t deserve the kind of grief she was getting from dad because I was giving him the cold shoulder.
And there went all the joy-by-proxy I’d been feeling for Victoria and Pari and their burgeoning relationship.
With a deep breath, I responded. Tell Dad to keep his blood pressure down. I’ll see him at the XPAC dinner reception next weekend.
Her response was immediate. Got it. Will let him know.
I sent her some emojis in response. I’d come back ready to have a confrontation with my dad, only to find out he was in New York on business until the weekend. And since the dinner reception was also during the upcoming weekend, I’d have to wait until after to have my day. But I’d been preparing. I’d made bullet lists of what I wanted to say and even practiced in a mirror.
Not surprising that the nerd girl would take the nerdtastic approach to this problem, too.
My eyes went back to the checklist on my notepad. The title was, “Exit Strategy for Keely/Ty Public Relationship.” Underneath were a series of tidbits to leak to the press, some things we needed to do on social media. Keely would stop posting pics or even mentioning Ty later this week, maybe even delete a few of her more recent photos with him and stop following him.
Ryan would unfollow her from his dummy Twitter account that had been mostly run by Victoria’s assistant under her close observation. Keely would then start taking female friends to her next few public appearances, and finally, she’d be seen out somewhere casual with a mystery guy.
Then, in about a month, she and Ryan would release a joint, heartfelt, and cordial statement about their amicable uncoupling and their well wishes for each other.
Even though I knew it was fake, it still choked me up to read through the list. The fake relationship was the thing that tied me to Ryan. And with it being dissolved, it felt like my connection to him was also being terminated.
The list also reminded me of my own personal breakup drama, all the hurts we’d exchanged in Tahoe and the beautiful memories there, too. And that good-bye at the airport made my heart hurt whenever I thought about it.
Thank God he’d been in Florida for the week. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to take passing him in the hallways or making casual eye contact in the lunchroom.
Of course there was the dinner reception coming up over the weekend. The very thought of it made my stomach dip. Key investors, all the astronauts and the entire support team—and their dates—would be attending. It was not something I could back out of no matter how much I wanted to.
“Not having a proper dress is not an excuse.” Pari shook her head, arms folded as she sat in my passenger seat that afternoon on our way to the mall. I had just listed every way I could think of to back out of the dinner.
“Sudden very drastic case of E. coli poisoning?”
She gave me serious side-eye. “I’m dragging you into every single store until we find something appropriate. And as much as I despise buying anything at the mall, that is the true testament of my friendship.”
I nodded. “That is a true testament of friendship. I can honestly say I wouldn’t do the same for you.”
She scowled and jerked her head sharply toward the door. “Let’s go.”
The next evening, I modeled my purchases for my Mom in front of the laptop. She was over the moon. The dress that Pari had encouraged me to wear was beyond any risk I’d ever before taken at a public function. And I needed all the moral support I could get, even if my mom was over five thousand miles away.
“Cariad!” she exclaimed the Welsh endearment she used for me. “Your haircut is adorable. And that dress!”
It was seashell pink satin, and while not exactly low cut, the dress was strappy on the shoulders and had a V neckline that did not cover the top part of my scar.
“You’re going to be a knock out. Do you have a date?”
My smile faltered as the image of Ryan flashed unbidden in my mind. He’d have a date, definitely. Would it be Keely for one last public appearance? Or would it be Karen, whom he was determined to pursue once the test flight was done?
And what would it feel like to see him there with her?
I’d been tempted to invite Aaron. He’d asked me out on a date, and I’d declined. Asking him to go with me to this would be sending him mixed signals. Plus, it wasn’t fair, and it felt like using him if I just went out with him to make someone else jealous. He was too nice a person for that.
“You okay? You went silent all of a sudden.” Mom was Skyping from her kitchen. As it was late for me, it was very early morning for her in Wales. She was chopping up vegetables to put into a giant pot of soup to cook for the day.
I smoothed the cool fabric of the dress over my stomach and nodded, plastered on a fake smile. “Yeah. Yeah I’m fine.” I held up my new shoes to distract her from picking up on my sudden nervousness. “I got some new shoes to go with the dress.”
Her mouth dropped. “Those are so glamorous! Like Cinderella slippers.” I glanced at them. They were glittery-silver, strappy heels.
“Eh, I wear tennis shoes and Doc Martens all the time, so I figured I’d splurge on one pair of designer shoes. These are Jimmy Choos.”
Mom nodded but didn’t say anything. Despite having been a billionaire’s wife for decades, she was not one who cared much for designer labels. Her style was too boho for that.
�
��I’m proud of you for not being afraid to show your scar. I know that’s been an issue for you in the past. But you’re gorgeous.”
I fingered the scar self-consciously but didn’t respond. She took a break from chopping her onion in order to wipe her eyes and sniffle. “Are you getting someone to do your makeup?”
I laughed. “I can do my own makeup now. I learned it on YouTube.”
“Brilliant!” She beamed.
I explained that the dinner was in honor of the last successful unmanned launch before the real deal in just three weeks. The officers, astronauts, support crew and key investors were all invited. Which meant Dad, too.
Which meant an awkward mix of people in that room. And a whole lot of high tension.
My stomach knotted just thinking about it.
The weekend arrived far sooner than I wanted it to. Thankfully Pari helped me get ready. She was mostly there for moral support, but I did need someone to help me put on the jewelry. These were pieces that I never wore, given to me by my mom.
“Wow, Gray, diamonds. You look so glamorous. All that time you spent with Keely Dawson must have rubbed off.”
I laughed at her in the mirror as she fastened the clasp of the lovely diamond necklace. The earrings, matching diamond studs, already adorned my ears.
“These were a gift from my dad to my mom not long before their divorce. She called them his ‘last ditch effort.’ She promptly gave them to me instead of selling them when they split.”
Pari smiled. “These look like something Vic would wear. She’d look amazing in diamonds.”
I twitched my eyebrow at her. “Well you make rocket scientist money, don’t you? Christmas is coming, and you have a special someone to shop for this year.”
Try as she might, Pari could not hide her goofy grin. She was clearly falling hard and fast. And Victoria’s equal excitement in her office the other day had told me the feeling was mutual. Maybe the L-word was in their future?
“Don’t tease me about it, or I’ll have to do something drastic.”
I laughed. “Don’t make empty threats, Pari.”
Pari came around the front and adjusted the necklace, which hung right above my scar but didn’t cover it. “This looks great. All of it.” She met my eyes, and I knew she was giving me extra reassurance due to my insecurities.
Open heart surgery was painful, demanding on a body, and difficult to recover from. Every time I saw that scar in the mirror, a brief memory of the months of pain after the surgery flashed through my mind. But that evening the twinge was not of physical pain; the pain in my heart was purely emotional.
I was literally born with a broken heart. But the figurative one was the one that was aching as I prepared to walk into that restaurant alone.
Pari moved to the window to look out at the late afternoon sky. The trees and bushes outside swayed heavily in the background. “Good thing your hair is nice and short, but take a brush. It’s really windy out there and hotter than hell, too.”
It wasn’t quite fall yet but the Santa Ana winds had come early to Southern California, and with them came that constant feeling of thirst and desiccated skin. I grabbed a tube of lotion and smoothed it over my poor dry hands and elbows.
Pari gave me another once-over and smiled, shaking her head slowly. “I would give anything to see Ty’s face when he sees you tonight.”
“I’m not going to think about that. At all. I’m already way too far out of my comfort zone.”
She nodded. “Time to kiss that comfort zone goodbye, Gray, and take the risk. With risk comes reward, and nobody ever did great feats by playing it safe. Would we have even gone to the Moon playing it safe? No. So just focus on that tonight.”
I smiled. “I will.”
What she said was true. My horizons would never expand if I kept myself safe and protected. It was the way I’d been raised, to be wary and afraid of the world instead of excited and anxious to go out and explore all of its splendor.
To find my own natural limits instead of living by imposed ones.
Chapter 22
Gray
Forty-five minutes later, I walked into the venue for our gathering. The restaurant was an upscale French boutique-style establishment high in the Orange Hills overlooking the sprawl of city lights all the way to the Newport Coast. We had the entire place reserved for our group. In attendance were our host and hostess, CEO and entrepreneur Adam Drake and his wife, Mia, an aspiring doctor. They greeted me at the door with big smiles on their faces.
Being my father’s daughter, I’d crossed paths with many people in this echelon of wealth, and I had to say that they were two of the nicest people I’d encountered. They were still young, only in their mid-to-late twenties, and both of them were incredibly good looking—the type of good-looking couple that made you wonder immediately what their babies would look like once they started having them.
Next came my boss, Tolan, with his date. He’d been deep in conversation with the host couple when I’d arrived. But now he greeted me with a huge smile and took my hand, bending to kiss me on the cheek. “Your Dad just got here and has already asked about you. He’s over getting some canapés.”
I glanced across the room and saw that the paternal unit was talking with one of the other astronauts, Hammer. Dad’s body language was stiff and formal, uncomfortable, but he seemed engaged in whatever it was that Hammer was saying to him.
Even as they spoke, Dad’s eyes were skimming the room, searching. Most likely for me. Maybe for Ryan. I turned away from him and began my own search. Ryan was nowhere to be seen, and I surmised he hadn’t arrived yet. The place wasn’t big enough to lose a six-foot-tall, brawny astronaut.
As I scanned the room, however, my eyes halted on a familiar female. Petite height and build, long dark hair, very pretty, as I remembered. She was chatting intently with Noah Sutton, likely having arrived with him. So, she wasn’t Ryan’s date tonight.
My gut twisted tight. Jealousy instantly sank its heated claws into my chest, constricting so that I could hardly breathe. I once again felt the ache of saying goodbye to Ryan at the airport, of knowing he was going home to Karen, of the chance that something might start between them and that Ryan in his own misguided way was actively seeking that out.
These thoughts rendered every beat of my heart a painful one. What if Karen thought it was a good idea too? What if she felt she needed someone to take care of her? Was it my place to tell her that Ryan was motivated by shame and guilt and loss?
I couldn’t interfere. It was none of my business what two consenting adults decided, even if it affected my future, too.
This was so damn frustrating and confusing. As I stood, alone with an icy glass of mineral water in my hand, stewing in all the possibilities, I heard a small commotion at the door. Ryan entered with Keely on his arm.
I immediately turned to watch Karen observe their entrance, hoping to glean a little of what might be going on in her head. She seemed keenly interested in the couple who had just entered, taking in Keely and her gorgeous emerald green designer cocktail dress that offset her red hair superbly.
Karen’s gaze bounced from one to the other of them, as if intently studying them, wanting to see their interaction. Karen had to know by now that they were a fake couple. And honestly there wouldn’t be much pretense here at this dinner. They’d arrived together for the benefit of the photographers outside.
But everyone in here knew that it was just performance art for the masses. In a few short months, Ryan’s image had been successfully rehabilitated, and people were shipping Tyley all across the internet and news outlets everywhere. I turned to get my second glimpse, noting that they looked so amazing together that it was hard to believe they weren’t really a couple.
Keely’s gaze met mine, and her eyes widened. She let out a loud. “Oh, Em, Gee, Gray! You look ah-mazing.” She nudged her date, who was already staring at me very intently. “Doesn’t she look amazing, Ty?”
He didn’t re
ply. Keely pushed off his arm and made a beeline straight for me. “Gray, you—”
I rolled my eyes but beamed at her. “—Look amazing, so I heard.” We locked gazes and then both started laughing.
“I love that color on you. I can’t wear pink because, you know, red hair. So I’m jelly that you do that color so well.”
“Well you just look gorgeous all the time so maybe I really shouldn’t even mention it, though you do tonight, too.”
She shook her head and grinned. “Oh, I never get tired of hearing it, babe. Tell me anytime. My hair looks okay? In spite of that crazy wind out there?”
“We’ve all got big hair going on today. You look great.”
Keely glanced over her shoulder then took my upper arm and herded me away from the center of the room. “Have you forgiven me for Tahoe?”
She’d already asked me this by text. I’d been terse in my replies and told her she’d way overstepped her bounds, and she’d apologized profusely.
The next day a bouquet of flowers had shown up on my desk at work. I turned to her. “I already told you we were cool. Just don’t strand me with a hot hunk again—unless it’s someone I wasn’t seeing before.” I grinned.
She laughed. “I read you loud and clear. Ugh the thought of getting back in the dating scene is kind of making me wish for only fake relationships from here on out.”
I puzzled over the possibility of dating someone else. I hadn’t even thought that far ahead.
“Ty is still pretty pissed at me. Barely spoke on the way over. I didn’t think sending flowers would help.”
I followed her gaze to watch Ryan. He stood in a huddle with Adam and his wife and Tolan, and they were talking about something, but Ryan’s eyes were on Keely and me. “Yeah flowers probably wouldn’t work. Or cupcakes, either.”
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