“Should we allow Luna to rule us here?”
“NO!” everyone shouts, louder again. They close in on me, coming closer and closer.
“Luna spreads lies about what’s beyond the wall. She would have you believe there’s no death, or illness. She’ll try to convince you how there’s good outside the wall. If you’re sick of her lies, of her manipulation, then tell her. Tell her now!” He shouts so loud, everyone is feeding off his energy.
“We hate you, Luna.”
“Stop your lies.”
“Kill her!”
So many things are being yelled at me, and even though I can hear them individually, I don’t know who’s saying what.
“Today, your reign of terror ends,” Elder Steven says. “Everyone, go find a rock, and bring it back here. Today, we’re going to have a stoning of this witch. Stone the witch, and the lies end with her.”
Everyone runs off, picking up stones and rocks. Even the younglings are bringing back rocks they can carry.
“No! Stop, can’t you see what they’re doing? They’re filling your heads with lies. They want you to kill me, so you never know what’s on the outside. There’s more than they’re telling us. I saw it, I saw it with my own eyes.”
“Kill the witch.”
“Kill the liar.”
“Kill her.”
My heart is racing, and I’m trying desperately to break the ties around my wrists. I’m trying, but they won’t give.
Elder Steven walks over to me. The commotion behind him is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. Everyone is so angry, waiting for him to give them permission to hurt me.
“All you had to do was keep your mouth shut,” he whispers in my ear.
“But I never said anything. Why are you doing this?”
“Because, Luna. It’s all your fault.”
“I never said a word. Why… why?” I cry as I look up at him.
“It’s all your fault.” He steps backward while smiling at me. “She’s all yours,” he says to everyone.
The first stone hits me in the head, and I scream in pain. The rest come at me so fast, I barely have enough time to close my eyes.
Startling awake, I sit up and gasp. “What was that?” Running my hand over my forehead, I wipe at the sweat gathering. Shaking my head, I try to dislodge the image of the crowd closing in and so angry at me.
I get to my feet and begin to pace. My heart is racing, and I try to convince myself that it was only a dream. It may have been a dream, but I’m now positive. The Elders are capable of stoning me to death, and much much more.
“Remember what we talked about,” Elder Steven says as he steps back from the door.
“I know,” I reply.
“You talk, we’ll hurt everyone but you. And you will be made to watch.”
“I know.” Sickness fills my stomach. I hate how they keep telling me this. I know.
“The story is, you fell sick and you were isolated so you wouldn’t make everyone else sick,” he says proudly. I have to doubt everything I’ve ever heard when he can easily lie to everyone.
“So, I’ve been sick. What type of sick was I?” I question.
“No one will ask,” he confidently replies. “And if someone does, just say it was something with a big name that you can’t recall.” I nod my head. Anger still bubbling away inside me. “And about our wedding,” he says as he walks me through a dimly lit, short hallway until we’re at another door. “It’ll be happening shortly. You’ll be of age soon, but our wedding will be happening before that.”
Great. I also know it’s of no use to argue. It’s not going to get me anywhere, except back in the windowless room with the cold floor. “Okay,” I barely manage through my tight jaw.
The door opens, and we’re in Elder Steven’s room. I’ve wondered where this door leads, and now I know. I look over to his bed, and the sun coming in from the window nearly blinds me. I look away and shelter my eyes. “It’s so bright,” I say.
“Just sit, and wait until your eyes adjust.” He points to the side of his bed, but revulsion overtakes me. There’s no way I want to be anywhere near his bed. Not now, not ever.
“I’m fine,” I say as I continue to blink and try to adjust to the sunlight.
He laughs, and makes a sound as if to say, ‘Sure, you’re fine.’
I continue until we’re both outside his room. He pulls the door closed behind me. I want to run to find Cain, and tell him about everything, but I’ve also been made aware of the consequences of my actions if I do that.
“Luna!” I hear Cain’s voice from somewhere behind me.
Turning, I blink, my eyes finally adjusting to the brightness. Cain runs toward me, and stops short of hugging me when he sees the angry scowl Elder Steven is giving him. It’s not hard to miss. Elder Steven is only a heartbeat away from being super angry. “Why are you like this?” I ask under my breath.
“I don’t like the way he looks at you.”
“We are your family. Beyond the wall is death. Beyond the wall is evil. You will die if you leave. Only we can protect you,” I repeat to him in a clipped tone.
Elder Steven glares at me sideways. “Cain,” he says. He turns and walks away.
Cain stares after Elder Steven, and smiles at me. “Where have you been?”
I turn to look over my shoulder, and can see Elder Steven hovering, listening. “I got sick. Really sick. They had to isolate me from everyone because they didn’t know if what I had, could be passed on.” The lie rolls off my tongue like I’ve been practicing it.
“What did you have?” He starts walking backward, and gestures with his head toward the wall, our spot.
“I’m not sure what I had. The Elders told me, but I can’t remember. It was a long word.” I smile, trying to convince Cain.
Silently we walk to the wall. When we get to a tree, Cain sits, and pats the grass beside him. I sit, but further away. “Are you okay?”
“I’m okay.” I offer a smile.
Cain watches me, then squints his eyes at me. He shakes his head. “I don’t think so.”
“Why?”
He leans forward, and stares at my face. “What happened to your face, Luna?”
“Nothing, why?” I shield my eyes against the sunlight, knowing exactly what he’s seeing.
“You have bruising around your eyes and mouth.”
“I fell,” I automatically respond. More lying, something I never thought I’d do. Especially to Cain.
“Oh,” he says and sits back. “What happened?”
I move my hands down, and shuffle back a bit more. “I got sick, and I fell. Hit my face on the ground.” I avoid his eyes. I hate lying to him. But the consequences are too big to ignore. I tell Cain, and they’ll hurt him, and others too.
“I’m glad the Elders looked after you.” He smiles.
Looked after me. What a joke. They didn’t look after me, they hurt me because they think I’m a threat. They called me a bitch. I’m still not sure what a bitch is, but I’m also smart enough to know, it’s not something nice. “They looked after me, alright.” I add an eye roll, but quickly pull back when I realize Cain’s watching me.
“Tell me what happened?”
Where do I start? I got out from digging a hole under a wire fence, saw some of the outside world, somehow ended up back in here, was beaten, had my head dunked and held under water, and you were threatened. “I felt sick, fell, and ended up in a room, in isolation.” I swallow back the lies. “I had to stay until I was better.”
“But you were gone for many days.”
“I know. The Elders had to make sure it was safe for me to come out, and not make everyone sick.”
“But they wouldn’t tell me anything about you.”
“You asked?”
“I asked all of the Elders. None of them said where you were or what was happening. I was worried, Luna, so, worried. I’m just glad you’re back.” He sneaks his hand out, hoping to touch my fingers. I move bac
k even more. He’s not going to get hurt because of me. “Luna?” he questions. His voice is laced with hurt. But he has no idea of the pain they can bring him. The pain I can bring him.
“I was sick,” I say in a dead pan voice. Though, I’m trying my hardest to hold in the tears. Cain asked about me, and that fills my heart with love for him. But it also rips it apart too. Because now, I have to distance myself from him. I can’t risk what they’re capable of doing to him. I can’t.
“I don’t understand why they wouldn’t tell me anything.” He scrubs his hand over his chin.
Standing, I walk away from him as a tear rolls down my cheek. Discreetly, I wipe it away. I don’t say anything, I don’t trust my voice to remain steady. But I make a decision to not be Cain’s friend anymore. I have to, because it’ll kill me if I kill him.
I have to protect him.
“Why couldn’t they tell me you were sick? I would’ve come to sit with you,” he pushes.
It’s my opportunity to start friction between us. To make him hate me, so he doesn’t get hurt. I pull my shoulders back, lift my head and take a deep breath. Turning, I give him a sweet smile. The words I’m about to say, aren’t words I’d usually speak. “Because I told them I didn’t want you to know.”
“Why?” He too stands, and walks toward me.
“Because, Cain. You don’t need to know.” The words come out harsher than I want them to.
Cain squints at me. “What?” His face is questioning, exactly like his reply.
I need this to hurt him. As much as I can. For his safety. “Because, Cain, you’re not worth my effort. I realized while I was sick and Elder Steven was taking care of me, I need to respect him now I’m going to be his bride.” The words cut like a freshly sharpened pair of scissors. “And, I told them not to let you know if you asked for me.” Tears well in my eyes, but I hold it together. I have to.
“If?” Cain steps back, his hand flying to his heart, as if I’ve speared him and he’s wounded. “If?” he asks again. “If, Luna? I was so worried, I searched for you, in case you went into the diseased trees. I risked my life, and went into the trees to find you. I came back when Elder William saw me walking into the trees, and came after me. He told me you’d taken ill, and would let me see you when you were better. But he didn’t say anything again. I was worried, Luna. So worried, I could barely sleep. Don’t you dare say if.”
I want to tell him. To grab his hand, run through the trees until we find the wire, and crawl under it. I want to tell him everything. Instead, I bite my tongue. Forbidden to breathe a word of what really happened. His safety is all I want. I don’t care what they do to me, but they’ve told me, they’ll hurt Cain and make me watch.
I step back from him, lift my chin higher. “I’d rather serve the Elders in the dining room than continue talking to you, Cain.”
“But…” He shakes his head. “You hate serving them.”
I narrow my lips, holding onto my feelings as much as I can. “Exactly,” I spit toward him.
“I’m…” Cain looks down at my feet, hurt. Does he actually believe me? Please no, please yes. I’m so conflicted. I want him safe, but I don’t want him to hate me. But hating me means he will remain safe.
“Your problem is this.” I hate this person the Elders are making me into. “Your problem, is you’re not smart enough to think for yourself. You and I were friends, because I was smarter than you.”
“Were friends? Luna, we were more than friends. I love you.”
My heart shatters. “I don’t love you.” More lies. I walk past him, and don’t look over my shoulder at him. I walk with my head held high, but with tears streaming down my cheeks. This is beyond heart-breaking. It’s shattering everything inside of me. It’s like a piece of me has died. I love Cain. I love him so much, I’m willing to make him hate me for being horrible, in order to save him.
I approach the main house, and notice Elder Steven standing by the door. “Good chat?” he asks.
I look up at him, and he laughs at me when he sees my tears. “I did what I had to, to keep him safe. Don’t worry, I’m all alone now.”
He smirks at me. “Just the way I like my brides.”
I glare at him. There’s nothing nice about him. Not one thing. He’s exactly what they warn us of. He is evil. He is diseased. Inside the wall is death. I will die if I stay here.
I’d rather die as I try to leave, then live and be stuck here.
The sun has risen and set many times, and I’ve yet to speak with Cain. It’s safest this way. He can’t get hurt because of me. Actually, I’ve separated myself from everyone. I don’t want to talk with or be nice to anyone. I grumble my answers, if I’m asked a question. I keep my head down, and try not to make eye contact with anyone at all.
It’s been miserable. I’ve been miserable.
But it’s the only way I know to keep everyone safe around me. The Elders, especially Elder Steven, have been watching me. I can feel his beady eyes on me, all the time, wherever I go. He appears where I am, watching me, trying to talk to me. I ignore him and walk away. And I don’t even care that he can whip me. Truth be told, the only thing I care about is keeping everyone safe, and trying to figure out a way to leave here.
Sister Rachel approaches me as I clean the kitchen, snapping me out of my anger toward Elder Steven. “Luna, can we talk?” she asks.
I don’t look up, but her sweet voice has a tinge of desperation to it. “I’m busy,” I snap at her. If she wants to get close to me, I have to stop it now.
Sister Rachel is only slightly older than me. She was of age recently, and married Elder Jacob. Elder Jacob is fairly quiet, he’s one of the newest Elders to join God’s Haven. He doesn’t speak like Elder Steven, and he doesn’t have many wives. He only has Sister Rachel. He’s different than all the other Elders. He comes into the dining room, eats, and never joins in conversation with the others.
Sister Rachel seems different since she married Elder Jacob. She’s quiet by nature too, but she seems a bit more reserved than she’s ever been.
“Please,” she says in a slightly more urgent voice.
Sister Rachel has always been kind to me. And I really shouldn’t be horrible to her, but I can’t risk her getting close to me either. I take a deep breath, look down at the floor remaining, then lift my head and smile at her. “Of course,” I reply.
“Come, sit with me.” She lifts her hand and offers it to me so she can help pull me up. Touching among the girls isn’t forbidden, not like it is between the men and the girls. But it’s not encouraged either.
Taking her hand in mine, I hoist myself up, and walk behind her. She walks to the front, and sits on the steps outside the door. “Elder Jacob has instructed me to speak with you,” she says.
“What about?” My curiosity is high.
“About you wedding Elder Steven.”
I look away to roll my eyes, not wanting her to see my disgust for him. “What about it?” I ask trying to hide my revulsion.
“Becoming a bride is a rite of passage,” she says, obviously detecting the distaste in my words.
I turn back to her, and plaster a fake smile on my face. “Of course.” I smile larger. I thought Sister Rachel would be different; clearly, I was mistaken.
But then again, all we’ve been fed is lies. Lies about everything on the outside. Why would she think any different?
“I’m sorry,” I say, trying to calm my irritation with her.
She smiles and I know, she believes me. “You’ll be a bride soon.” I nod, and fake smile again. “Elder Jacob told me to talk to you, so you know what to expect.”
Doing? I know. The Elder will put his penis inside my vagina. It’s been explained to me. “Are you talking about sex?” I ask.
“You know about sex?” She brings her hand up to cover her mouth, shocked. “How do you know?”
“One of the Sisters told me.”
“Who? Who told you?”
“Um…” I can�
�t say, because she’ll get in trouble. “I don’t remember.” Please believe me. I really don’t want to see anyone get in trouble. I’ve been working so hard to isolate myself, that small error now makes me angry with myself.
Her eyes carefully watch my features, scrutinizing me. I’ve felt those judging eyes with Elder Steven. “Well,” she starts. “The vows of a bride to her Elder are sacred.”
“And what about the vows of the Elder to his bride?”
She laughs. “They don’t take a vow to us. We are here for them. To please them, to look after them, to be everything they want us to be, for them.” I’ve only seen a glimpse to the outside world, but something inside me says, we are not alive only for the Elders. “Our vows to our Elder are done in secret.”
“Why?” Now, I’m genuinely curious about what we’re supposed to do. Not because I’m interested, more like, because I know whatever has been created is to benefit only the Elders.
“It’s an honor, Luna. This tone is making me think you won’t be honored when Elder Steven takes you as his.”
I bite on my tongue. I want to tell her that I don’t want to be Elder Steven’s, or anyone else’s bride. But, I can’t. Not now that I know there’s more to the Elders. “I’m sorry. I’m still not feeling well.” I run my hand across my stomach, in hope of her believing me. “Please, continue.” Trying with everything I have in me, I focus on her and try to externally show my enthusiasm.
“The vows are simple. Elder William will take you into a room, and he will prepare you.” I scrunch my nose. “Not like that. That’ll be up to Elder Steven if he allows another Elder to have access to your body.” Bile rises to the back of my throat. “Being wanted by the Elders is almost as big an honor as marrying an Elder.”
Don’t say anything, Luna. Keep your mouth shut. Smile, and nod. Smile and nod.
“Of course,” I say though really there’s no way I want any of them touching me. Elder Steven least of all.
“Elder William will take you into a room. He’ll prepare you by removing your clothing.”
“Removing my clothes?” I look down to the dress I wear, and cringe. “All of it?”
Luna Caged: Behind the Wall Page 11