by Emma Lea
“This is stupid. I want to go home.”
I sighed. Archer was perpetually happy. Nothing much upset him and I knew that I was lucky to have a child who was so easy going—especially because of the life we lived. Things would be so much harder if Archer was less agreeable. As he stomped away from the clearing, I saw a sullenness in him that I’d never seen before.
It made me sad and then it made me angry because I knew whose fault it was. The blame could be laid squarely at the feet of Jed. I didn’t care that he’d lost interest in me—I didn’t care that much—but I did care that he’d seemed to lose interest in Archer. It was the reason I was reluctant to let them spend time together. I knew Archer would get attached and I knew Jed would let him down. All the men in his life had let him down and I didn’t want that for him. I wanted him to have a role model who he could look up to, someone who he could emulate. I’d wrongly assumed Jed could be that man.
“Who’s my papa?” Archer asked as I caught up to him along the track to the cabin.
The question took me by surprise. Archer had never taken an interest in who his biological father was and I’d mistakenly thought he wouldn’t be curious for some time yet.
“Um, well…” I sighed. Honesty was best even if I didn’t want to give David any credit for my beautiful boy. “His name is David.”
“Why doesn’t he live with us?”
I couldn’t exactly tell Archer that the moment I told David I was expecting, he took off, leaving little dust clouds in his wake. I didn’t want my baby to blame himself for David’s weakness and cowardice. Archer was a miracle and I loved him so much I didn’t know how my heart contained it all. The last thing I wanted was for him to blame himself for David’s disappearance from my life.
“Your father and I, well, we didn’t like each other very much.”
Archer looked up at me with questions in his eyes. “Didn’t he like me either?”
I scooped Archer up into my arms and hugged him tight, willing the angry tears in my eyes not to fall. “He never got to know you,” I said. “But I know that if he ever met you, he would love you as much as I do.”
“Will I ever get to meet him?”
“Maybe one day,” I said. I didn’t think David would ever acknowledge his son. He came from a family far too important to have an illegitimate child among its family tree. I didn't think his family even knew of Archer’s existence. David would have been too afraid of his father’s wrath to tell them. They probably would have tried to take Archer from me if they knew.
“Doesn’t Jed like me anymore either?” Archer mumbled into my shoulder.
“I think Jed just forgot. He’s been really busy and probably had a lot of things on his mind.”
“Yeah,” Archer replied with a hefty sigh.
We reached the cabin and I stepped inside, surprised to see Papa sitting by the fire with a book.
“You’re home early,” he said, looking up.
“Jed couldn’t come today,” Archer said as I let him down and helped him off with his coat.
“Something smells good,” I said, sniffing the air. “Are you cooking?”
“It’s not much, just a casserole.”
I walked over to the oven and peered inside. “You made this?”
“As I said, it’s not much. A packet of casserole base and some fresh meat and vegetables. I thought you might like to stay for supper.”
I looked at my watch and then looked at Archer who sat staring forlornly into the fire. I didn’t get to eat with them very often and there was nothing pressing that I needed to rush back to the palace for.
“I’d love to,” I said, slipping off my coat and gloves and sitting in an armchair next to the fire. “What are you reading?”
Papa held up the book in his hands. It was a Tom Clancy novel and looked well-read and dog-eared. “I picked it up in the little second hand bookstore in town. It’s quite good if you can get past all the technical descriptions he uses.”
I smiled. This was nice. This was family. I missed these quiet moments. I got so caught up in my job and my responsibilities to the queen that sometimes I forgot to just take time to enjoy having Archer in my life.
“Maman can you read to me?”
“I would love to,” I said, pulling Archer up onto my lap and taking the book he’d chosen out of his hands.
Jed
I arced up off the bed and swore as pain tore through my head. It was dark and I had no idea what time it was or what had woken me. All I knew was that I must be dying because no way was feeling like this normal.
Someone thumped on my door and the pounding set off a round of pounding in my head. That’s what had woken me. I groaned and dropped my head in my hands. Why couldn’t people just let me die in peace?
“I know you’re in there,” Savannah called through the door. “And if you don’t open this door and face me like a man then I will get someone to break the damned thing down.”
O-kay.
I was in no state to deal with a very angry Savannah, but I had no choice. It was either deal with her now in private or have our business broadcast to all and sundry.
More banging followed and then string of harshly muttered French that I could only assume were curse words. I would do just about anything right now to make both noises stop.
I crawled off the bed, realizing that I’d slept in my clothes, and crossed to the door, opening it before she could wake the rest of the bunk house. Not prepared for the sudden opening of the door, Savannah’s fist hit me in the chest…or maybe it was on purpose. Her eyes narrowed as she looked up at me and I thanked god that she didn’t have the ability of laser vision. I knew I’d be dead if she did.
“Come on in. Make yourself at home,” I said, my voice scratchy from sleep and what I assumed was alcohol poisoning.
She stepped across the threshold and took a cursory look around the room. There wasn’t much to see. A bunk, a chest of drawers and very little else. I hadn’t brought any personal effects with me when I’d fled the U.S. and I hadn’t bought anything while I was here.
“What can I do for you?” I asked, trying to be civil when all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and whimper like a baby.
“You can explain where the hell you were this afternoon,” she spat, her accent thick with her anger. “And why you smell like a brewery.”
I wanted to answer her, if only because I wanted the answers myself. I couldn’t remember much of the past twenty-four hours. I didn’t even know what the time was or how much time I’d missed.
“Shouldn’t you be at some fancy dinner party?” I asked, moving past her to the small bathroom where there was a glass and life-giving water to soothe my parched throat.
“The dinner party was last night,” she said through clenched teeth.
“Huh,” I grunted and then swallowed a tumbler-full of cool, wonderful, fresh water.
“Huh? What do you mean by huh?”
I turned to face her, leaning against the door jamb of the ensuite. It might have looked like a casual stance, but it was more to keep me from falling on my face than looking casual.
“What time is it?”
“It’s just after eight-thirty,” she replied, her eyes narrowed into a death stare.
“And…what day is it?”
Her mouth opened in surprise and then it snapped shut. She walked over to me and slapped me. The contact made my head spin and my stomach heave.
“Saturday,” she hissed. “It’s Saturday night and you were supposed to give Archer a riding lesson today but you didn’t show.”
I’d lost an entire day. How the hell had that happened? I don’t remember much after fighting with Chase. I know I went to a bar but I had no idea how long I stayed there or how I got back here.
“Um, okay,” I said, and walked shakily across the room to sink down on the edge of the bed. I didn’t regularly make a habit of getting black-out drunk and I hadn’t since the night I saw Chase and Caroline together.<
br />
“That’s all you have to say? I have a small boy whose heart is broken because the man he looks up to blew him off to go drinking and all you can say is ‘okay?’”
I dropped my head into my hands, ashamed. “I didn’t mean to—”
“Of course not. Nobody ever means to, but somehow they always do. I trusted you with my son, Jed. I trusted you against my better judgement. He worships you and then you go and pull a stunt like this. He has had enough disappointment from the men in his life to last him a lifetime, he doesn’t need it from you too.”
“You’re right,” I said.
She looked at me with surprise.
“I was angry and hurt and I acted selfishly,” I admitted, looking up at her.
She looked at me and I could see she was having trouble finding words.
“I will give him a lesson in the morning.”
“No.”
“No?”
“No. I don’t want you anywhere near him. You hurt him today and I will not let you hurt him again.”
“Let me at least apologise to him—”
“Stay away from him. His heart is fragile and you’ll only upset him more.”
“Then who is going to finish teaching him to ride?” I asked, pushing to my feet and biting back the nausea that tried to swamp me. “Chase?”
“What?”
“You’ve had enough of the stable boy and now you’re moving on to something bigger and better. You think Chase is going to be Archer’s new daddy?”
She slapped me again. “How dare you,” she growled. “You’re the one who walked away Jed. You’re the one who got yourself in a snit and blew off the queen’s dinner party and then blew off my son. You did this. You have no right to be angry at me.”
“I saw you! I saw you, Caroline—”
I sucked in a breath as I realised the name that had come out of my mouth. Savannah’s eyes widened and she took a step back.
“You should go,” I said, my voice weary. “Just go.”
Savannah
I tugged at the dress, but it still refused to sit correctly. The seams were pulled tight and the fit was just all wrong. I stood back and looked Alyssa over with a critical eye. Had she gained weight? No way was I going to ask the question.
“It doesn’t fit,” she said.
“Don’t you think I know that?” I snapped back.
I looked over at the dressmaker’s mannequin with suspicion. I had one for each of the ladies in waiting and one especially for Alyssa that was kept under lock and key. I hadn’t bothered to check the measurements because in the two years I had been working for Alyssa she had neither gained nor lost an inch.
When I looked back at Alyssa, she seemed to be trying not to cry. Initially it made me angry. If anyone should be crying it should be me. I was the one who was going to have remake the dress in just over two weeks so that it was ready for the ball. But then it hit me…Alyssa never cried. Not even when she lost her father and brother did she cry in public. I had no doubt there were tears aplenty behind closed doors, but in front of others, Alyssa always held it together.
“Sorry for snapping,” I said carefully. “I can fix this, you know I can.”
She nodded, biting her lip, her eyes drenched but no tears had fallen yet. Which was good because I didn’t think I could cope with her tears right now. I wasn’t exactly emotionally stable myself these last few days. If she started to cry then I wouldn’t be far behind her and that would only cause me more grief.
“Let’s get the dress off and I’ll do a fresh set of measurements and see what I can do,” I said, trying to keep my voice gentle.
Alyssa looked around at the other women. They were all being fitted as well, although Alyssa was my priority. She bit her lip again and seemed to plead with me to keep this little thing between the two of us.
“If the rest of you are finished,” I said, raising my voice and letting a little of the barely controlled temper show through, “why don’t you go out into the other room. I organised afternoon tea for you all.”
“What’s wrong?” Priscilla asked, and everyone looked at me.
“Nothing’s wrong,” I snapped.
“You never send us out—”
I cut Jeanette off. “I can’t think with all of you chattering like birds. I just need some quiet, can you give me that?”
“No need to get snippy about it,” Jeanette said.
“Just get out,” I growled.
They left the room and I let out a sigh. I was in no mood to be dealing with all these happily-ever-afters, especially since for the first time in six years I’d thought I was going to get my own only to have it rudely ripped away from me.
“Thanks,” Alyssa said and then sat on a chair and dropped her head.
“Maybe you should lay off the brie,” I said tightly. It was no secret that the brie produced by Pemberton Dairies was her favourite and not so secret indulgence.
“I can’t eat it these days anyway,” she said.
“What?” I asked, turning to look at her.
“I can’t eat brie or cold chicken or soft poached eggs or drink wine…”
I sat with a thump next to her. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
She beamed at me. “You can’t tell anyone.”
“Who knows?”
“Well, Will of course, Benjamin and Von Bartham, my security detail, my lady’s maids, the cook and the doctor, and also my trainer. But I’m not ready to share it with the world yet.”
I hugged her. “You’re having a baby.”
She squeezed me tight. “I’m having a baby.”
I pulled back and looked at the dress I had designed for her. “This dress is not going to work for you,” I said. “Not if you’re trying to hide your bump.”
She huffed out a breath. “It’s so hard keeping secrets in this place. I feel bad keeping it from everyone, but…I just wanted to keep this between Will and I for just a little bit longer.”
I nodded. “I understand.” I exhaled slowly. “Okay, let’s get this dress off and see what we can do.”
I took measurements and sketched some ideas out for her to look at. It was possible to hide her growing bump, but it wouldn’t be for too much longer.
“How are the rest of your clothes fitting?” I asked as I sketched.
She grimaced. “They’re getting tighter every day.”
I nodded. “Okay, we’ll need to organise a new wardrobe for you.”
“Ugh, not maternity clothes.”
I looked up at her with narrowed eyes. “Would I do that to you?” I asked.
“I trust you,” she replied with a smile.
I went back to my sketching until I had a design that I thought would work and that could reuse the bare bones of the dress I’d already constructed. I handed it over to her and she stood to walk around as she looked at it.
“So…what’s going on with you?”
“Um, what?”
Alyssa turned and looked me right in the eye. It was her don’t-lie-to-me face.
“What is going on with you?” she asked again, slowly. “And don’t tell me nothing. I know you and although you can be prickly and irritable, you have been even more so over the last few days. What’s going on? Is it Martin?”
“Martin?” I shook my head. “There’s nothing going on with Martin.”
“Then is it Chase? I saw you two looking rather cosy the other night.”
“Chase and I are just friends,” I said, standing and walking over to the mannequin, pulling Alyssa’s dress over it and fiddling with the fit.
“So who is it? Who has you so uptight?”
With a sigh, I turned back to face her. “There is someone,” I said, and when she opened her mouth to speak I held up my hand. “But it doesn’t matter now because it’s over. It was over before it even really began.”
I dropped into a nearby chair and sighed. “I don’t even know what happened,” I said.
She sat bes
ide me and put her arm around me. “Men can be so dumb sometimes,” she said.
“Even Will?” I asked, trying to lighten the moment.
“Especially Will,” she replied with a grin and then sobered. “Is there anything I can do? I have connections. I could arrange an accident for him.”
I laughed. It was the first time I’d laughed in days. “When did you become so blood-thirsty?” I asked. I sighed and rested my head on her shoulder. “I’ll be okay. I didn’t need a man in my life anyway. I have everything I need.”
“Oh honey,” Alyssa said, tightening her arm around me. “We don’t need the men in our lives, but they sure make things nicer to look at sometimes.”
Chapter 15
Jed
I unsaddled Mistborn and picked up a curry comb to brush him down. Neither of us was in a very good mood and the hard ride through the paddocks hadn’t sweetened us any. Mistborn stomped impatiently and tossed his head. He wanted food but he could wait until I was ready to feed him. The horse was far too demanding for his own good.
“Seems like the two of you suit each other this morning,” Cliff said.
I stood to my full height and tossed the comb in the bucket. Cliff stood leaning against the stall door. He wouldn’t cross the threshold into the stall itself.
I let Mistborn out the back door of the stall and into the pen where his breakfast awaited him. He went without even a backward glance and I was beginning to feel the same way about him that Cliff felt.
“You need something Cliff?’ I asked.
“Yeah, I do. I think it’s time you went home.”
I froze and looked at Cliff with narrowed eyes. “You firing me?”
“Nope, but you’re no good to me or the stable with that chip on your shoulder. I’ve given you two years and I think it’s time. You need to go back and get your house in order, Jed. Until you do that, you won’t be able to move on.”
“I’ve moved on just fine,” I said, bending to pick up the grooming bucket.