by Tara Cowan
She met his eyes, dark and impenetrable, and then looked away, unable to say the words. She pressed her lips together. Come on, get it together. He literally thinks you’re crazy.
“Are you alright?” he asked. There was a caring note in his voice, not patronizing. She imagined it was the way he talked to his clients. Great.
She looked back at him. “Oh… Yeah.” She moistened her lips. “It’s just…” She swallowed, holding his eyes for a long moment. She didn’t know what she was conveying.
His lips parted slightly, eyes fixed on her face. “Are you pregnant?” he asked in shock.
She bit her lip, still looking directly at him, and then nodded once. She thereafter made a complete survey of the carpet, pressing her lips together. She hated herself for flushing. She was a woman, not a sixteen-year-old girl.
He set down what he was holding and came around the side of the desk, stopping a few feet away from her.
She glanced up at him, her heart jumping, and said after a moment, “I took several tests… I have a doctor’s appointment next Tuesday, but there’s really no doubt.”
He nodded slowly, as if trying to take it in, still looking at her. The silence grew between them, but then, shock had held her captive for several hours. Finally, he said in a gentle voice, “Are you alright?” It was said in a different way, more intimate, softer.
She met his eyes, smiling wryly. “Yeah, it’s just… Whew, you know?” Her voice cracked just a little on the last word. She thought it had more to do with the fact that she was finally able to tell someone, and that he had acknowledged the craziness she had been going through the last couple of days.
He nodded, still apparently assessing whether she was going to snap, and then his phone started beeping. He looked toward the desk, frustration on his face. It finally stopped, and he looked back at her. Then it started up again, and he looked at it like he was about to throw it out the window. She laughed softly, glad something had broken the tension in the room. “You should get to work.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, we have to talk about this,” he said as if she had lost her mind.
She looked at him. “You won’t have someone terrified at the change in schedule?”
His lips pressed together, and she knew he was thinking about the clients who would actually not be in good shape at all if he didn’t show. Still, he looked at her as if he would reschedule all of his appointments if need be. She was grateful for that. She was also grateful that he didn’t ask her for clarification that it was his. Oh gosh. It was his. She was carrying his child. How could they possibly be forever intertwined in this way, and not know one another at all? It was so bizarre, so not something that was even on her radar when she had come here.
She gave a semi-confident smile. “You need to go. We have plenty of time to talk about this.” Her hands clasped her elbows. Not that she was excited to talk about it. She couldn’t even imagine what that would be like.
He sighed, seeming to accept it. “Fine.” He reached for a file. “Why don’t I make dinner for you tonight. We’ll eat on the balcony if it’s safe.”
She nodded, and then shook her head. “It’s Thursday. Your class…”
He looked frustrated, drawing a hand through his hair. “I’ll cancel,” he said after a moment. “They’ll love it.”
She shook her head. “You need to teach it. It’s not like you meet three times a week. You’ll lose a lot of ground.”
There was a long pause. “Alright. Tomorrow then, if that’s okay.”
She nodded, and he shifted as though to go, but stayed where he was. “When did you say your appointment was?” he asked, almost a little hesitantly. Appointments. Baby. Yep, it was real.
She lifted her brows in surprise, his question finally striking her. “Tuesday, at ten.”
“I’ll go with you.” He halted. “That is…if you don’t mind.”
She blinked. “No, I…I don’t mind,” she somehow managed to answer.
The single nod, and then he was close to her in the doorway. He looked back at her and said in that voice that she somehow believed, “It’s going to be okay, Adeline.”
She held his eyes and realized he was going to stand there until she acquiesced. She nodded, moistened her lips, and stepped back to give him more room.
Charleston, South Carolina
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Other than not being able to go near the cans in the Silk Room, Adeline felt pretty good the next morning. She made up some excuse to Joe why they needed to postpone it, not willing to relinquish control, and set to work on the progress report with which she always supplied her customers monthly. She checked things off her notepad as she went through the rooms, trying to pretend this was a normal business relationship.
She also tried not to think about supper that night. He had reacted well as far as it went, she thought. Then again, he hadn’t really said much at all. That he had guessed before she even told him kind of threw her for a loop. He was wicked smart. Like it was scary when she thought that the baby had half of his genes. It would probably be outsmarting her before it was two. How would she even deal with it?
She stopped, actually smiling softly. It was the first time she had thought of it as the baby, had imagined how it would be. Shock and fear had been her primary emotions. The baby wasn’t real to her—it was more a state of being than a reality. But it was real. Somewhere through all of that mess, awe at the miracle finally hit her. A new life. Her child.
She wondered vaguely through the emotions if it had hit him yet, or if it would. Of course, he had been through all of this before, probably in a carefully planned, responsible way, with the woman he had loved. With a wanted child. She shook her head, telling herself to shut up. She shouldn’t do him the disservice of thoughts like that before she even knew where he stood.
She had worked herself up so much that his offer to go to the doctor had dumbfounded her. It sounded like he meant to take responsibility, although maybe he was just checking to make sure there was an actual pregnancy, she thought, pressing her lips together sourly. Okay, cool it, Adeline.
It was just that she wanted his reaction to be right. It was surprising how much. She wanted him say precisely the things he should. Why, Adeline? Why does it matter so much? It wasn’t like she meant to take his help. She didn’t even know if she would be staying in Charleston until it was born or where she would be later. She wasn’t even sure she wanted his help. She didn’t know him, after all. Help sometimes meant interference. She swallowed. It’s because you think well of him and don’t want that illusion shattered, young lady. Face it.
She took a shaky breath, pressing her lips together and exhaling slowly. Okay. Yeah, that was probably true. Half because it would speak poorly of her taste and discretion if he was a total jerk, half because she had seen just enough out of him that she was intrigued, and maybe wanted to like him.
But the truth of it was, she didn’t have any idea what his feelings were. He had said so very, very little. He had probably freaked out all day the day before. She wondered how he had performed at work and his class. She couldn’t imagine the she would’ve done a very good job. It must be bizarre to him, some random woman he had slept with once getting pregnant. He had to have known it was a possibility, but he had equally known it wasn’t a probability. Just one time. A fluke.
She hoped that wasn’t the way he saw it. With the first picture of her child in her mind, some measure of protectiveness rose up inside of her. How could she have done this? How could she have been so careless? Didn’t she owe it to her future children to offer more stability than this? She, so carefree in many aspects of her life, began to think about all of the possibilities.
Okay, calm it down. The good news was, he was a basically decent human being. They would start from there. He wasn’t the sort of person she would care to leave the baby with. He was pret
ty much as respectable as it got. She bit her lip on a sudden small smile. She wondered if she was the sort of person he would want to leave the baby with. That was a stronger possibility. She had seen him looking at her Birkenstocks. She knew how he was.
That was a much better thought to leave this on, she thought, flipping the light fixture off in the dining room. She glanced at her watch. She needed to go up and change. He must have asked Jane to take Jude with her, because she had seen them leave a little while ago. The men were already gone, and he would be getting home soon.
And, though the heavens might fall, she was going to look good at supper. She didn’t know what she had to prove, but it was something. And she wanted to look like a freaking model.
So she went up the stairs, dropping her clipboard on her bed and getting into the shower.
She came down the stairs in a sleeveless black dress that was made high to the throat, nipped in at her natural waist, and came a little above her bony knees. It had kind of an elegant yet breezy summer feeling to it. She wore diamonds at her wrist and in her ears, which her short curls teased, and nude pointy-toe flats. Her makeup was on fleek after three re-dos. She carried a gray wrap over her arm, though she didn’t think she would need it.
She went down to the kitchen but didn’t find him there, so she went back up to the second balcony. She stepped through the door, seeing the bay twinkling in the distance and Adrian standing near the railing, hands in his pockets.
She closed the door behind her, and he turned around, looking at her and smiling slightly. “You look amazing,” he said softly.
Gah, she was such a woman. All of that torture, and she’d do it again a thousand times over for those three words. She smiled, going further onto the balcony. “I figured you wouldn’t change from work.” He hadn’t. He was wearing the navy blue pants which looked too good to be decent, though he had removed his tie and neatly rolled up his sleeves.
He removed his hands from his pockets and started toward a little table, where their food was sitting. She lifted her brows. The food looked appealing, and there were two glasses of sweet tea sweating on coasters. He would probably never drink wine again.
A candle, probably to keep mosquitoes away, was twinkling, along with the porch chandelier. It was cozy and nice. It had been a good idea. He pulled her chair out and then went to his own.
“This looks amazing,” she said, surveying the white plate. There was a steak and mashed potatoes, seared carrots, and grilled zucchini. She knew he was pretty much a vegetarian, and thought it was thoughtful. He was probably half-gagging over there. She also couldn’t help but notice that it was all stuff that would be good for the baby. Protein and carbs with a healthy dose of vegetables. She met his eyes, wondering if she was reading too much into that.
He lifted a shoulder. “I wasn’t sure what you liked.”
“Pretty much everything,” she said. Great, Adeline, you sound like a Viking.
They talked about the weather, then about Jude’s summer plans. Then there was a silence in which both tried to think of safe, appropriate topics. It was difficult because they had little in their lives in common. He couldn’t ask her about the progress of the house without sounding like a jerk. She couldn’t ask him about his day at work, because he could say very little more than that it was good.
Finally, he shook his head, giving a soft laugh. “We might as well come to it.”
She looked up, meeting his eyes. “Yeah.” She twirled one of her curls, something she only did when she was on edge.
There was a long silence. She bit her lip, not knowing where to start.
“How have you been feeling?” he asked, narrowing his eyes to study her. Good. That was safe.
“Pretty good. The chemical smell for the silk about undid me.”
He made a face, pouring more tea for himself, glancing at her glass before he set it down. “Don’t go near it. It can wait, as long as it needs to.
“Well. There’s plenty to do in the meantime.”
He met her eyes. “So you’re staying,” he said quietly.
“Yeah, I… I mean, for the near future anyway… I haven’t really had time to process it all. I’m not sure where I need to be, or what I have to do… But I do know I need to work.”
He shook his head, almost imperceptibly. “You don’t have to, Adeline,” he said seriously, quietly.
She held his eyes. “Adrian, I…” She shook her head. “I didn’t lie in wait for a rich man so I could I could float through the rest of my life.”
He pressed his lips together, looking almost angry. “I didn’t mean that. You know I didn’t.”
O-kay, then. She swallowed. “Sorry,” she said softly.
He sighed. “No, I am.” She assumed he was referring to his tone and not the whole situation. “I just meant that I don’t want you to have to worry about anything. You have enough craziness coming without that.”
She nodded. “Yeah, okay.” She wiped her mouth and then lay down her napkin. “Thank you for supper. It was delicious.”
He nodded in return and leaned up, looking over his shoulder. “There’s a good view of Ft. Sumter at night from here if you know where to look,” he said, getting up.
She rose, too, actually feeling a little chilly and putting on her wrap. “Don’t tell me you used to come out here before we fixed them.”
“Yeah, on occasion,” he said, moving with her to the railing and pointing it out.
It was a magnificent view. She understood why he had taken a risk and come out here, even if it was historical negligence at best. She saw a lighthouse, and the occasional boat passing, and loved looking past the grand posts of the house. They framed the view ahead perfectly. She wondered what it had been like up here, alone, looking out like that, in the stillness of the night when all the tourists had gone home.
She felt his gaze on her and looked at him, not realizing she had stood this close. His face looked very serious. She was glad he had broken the tense moment, but he was obviously ready to return to the topic. And they needed to. “Adeline, I know you don’t know me,” he said. “If you did, I would hope I wouldn’t have to tell you this. But I want you to know that you’re not alone in this. Not for a single second. I want to have as much of a role as you’ll let me play.”
She felt the prick of unshed tears and swallowed. A long silence followed, in which he seemed to be measuring whether he had said enough. “Thank you, Adrian,” she said softly. And she meant it. He didn’t touch her, and she was glad of that. It seemed to show respect, after the crazy things they had done. He slipped his hands into his pockets, and she suddenly wondered if it was because it was hard for him not to. She looked from there back up to his eyes. He was already looking at her.
“Adeline, I want to marry you,” he said seriously, eyes not wavering from her face.
Her lips parted. She blinked—once, twice. NOT what she had expected.
He shook his head slightly. “I know, but it’s not something I’ve arrived at rashly. I want to take care of you, and do what’s best for the baby.” It was said in his clinical way, smoothing over his emotions carefully. She opened her lips to speak. “I’m not asking for an answer tonight,” he said before she could speak, “and I hope you won’t say no immediately, unless you find me totally repugnant, which is understandable under the circumstances.” He paused. “Let’s just…get you through the pregnancy and go from there. We’ll see how it goes.”
She bit her lip, studying him rapidly. “Adrian, I…” Crazy, it was crazy. It was a marriage, not some sleep over. How could they make it work when people who had dated for years couldn’t? How could it be good for the baby for it to go through a divorce? For her to marry a man she didn’t know? She was feeling pretty protective of herself and the baby and didn’t want to do anything rash. And yet, even still, some niggling, realistic voice told it would be better
for it if its parents were married even for a short time. And who knew, maybe there was a two percent chance it could actually work. She clung to that two percent. Marriage was forever in her family and in her heart, if she was honest with herself. It wasn’t something old-fashioned out-of-touch people had thrown off on her. She believed it, too. But she was doing the best with what she had to work with here. She needed to at least consider it.
“What about Jude?” she asked, scanning his face. “I thought you said…”
He hesitated. That little boy had his heartstrings pulled good and tight. She could tell he hated himself for doing anything that would throw his little life into turmoil again. “I don’t see how being with you could possibly hurt him,” he said.
Her lips parted, and she somehow managed a grateful smile. “If I’m being honest, I probably won’t say yes, Adrian. I mean, why start something that’s probably not going to work anyway. I…I don’t think these are normal circumstances where it’s necessarily a given that it’s right to get married, like if we had been dating or…”
He nodded.
“But I’ll think about it.” She met his eyes. “I will.”
He nodded again. “Just let me know.”
Washington, D.C., June 1860
Chapter Thirty
The Philadelphia and Baltimore Railroad steamed forward for the last leg of the journey. Shannon watched out the window with pleasure at the panoramic view of sprawling green fields and the Potomac. She couldn’t comprehend why her mother and father had hesitated in granting their consent to her marriage: it seemed to her that John Thomas had shown her the world in a very short time.
In this case, though, it was Adams, since it had been necessary for her husband to report before she had been granted leave to travel. Now the family was in Boston, and it had been determined that one of the brothers should accompany her for protection. She rather thought Adams had been chosen because he had not been listening, but she was glad of it: he was a peaceful person, reading the whole way, and absently thoughtful.