by Jen Silver
Jay removed her hand, grabbed a few pieces of paper towel, and left without a backward glance.
“Jay!” Amanda eased herself away from the counter. She reached the outer door in time to see it closing. Naked and dripping, she couldn’t run after her. Legs trembling from the effects of her most recent orgasm, she collapsed onto the floor, wrapped her arms around her knees and sobbed.
†
Throwing the paper towel in the first waste bin she saw, Jay carried on walking until she spotted a cab with its sign lit. She gave the driver her address; settled into the back seat and closed her eyes. She could still smell Amanda on her hand and her jeans.
She wasn’t proud of the way she’d left. Why did Amanda bring the worst out in her? It had never been like this with Charley. But Charley would have fought back. Amanda never did.
If she could have left before Amanda woke up, the whole thing could have been avoided. She didn’t need to be at the clinic before nine thirty but she wanted to take Ritchie for a walk. He’d not had enough exercise the day before. Another reason she couldn’t give up the cottage. The terrier loved the sea, the freedom of running along the beach.
Josh wasn’t up when she got back to the house. He’d left his dishes in the sink from the night before.
She gave Ritchie his breakfast and set the coffee maker going for a brew before heading up to her bedroom to change out of her jeans and have a quick shower. When she came downstairs, Josh had emerged, sleepy-eyed.
“Sorry about the mess. I was going to clear up before you got home.”
“No worries. I’ll take Ritchie out. Do you have time for breakfast when we get back?”
“Depends how long you’ll be.” Ritchie was gazing up at her, head cocked to one side, a hopeful look in his eyes.
“Half an hour tops.”
“Pancakes okay for you?”
“Yeah, of course.” She gave him a quick hug, then headed for the stairs with Ritchie close on her heels.
The sky was starting to lighten as they reached Kensington Gardens. Dogs were supposed to be kept on their leads, but Jay didn’t expect to encounter the park police at this time of the morning. Ritchie raced off as soon as she unclipped his leash. She watched his progress, fingering the plastic bag in her pocket. A cyclist passed her and she smiled to herself. Another person flouting park rules. If she were a park official, Jay thought this would be the ideal time to catch miscreants.
After twenty minutes, she called to Ritchie and he emerged from the bushes a few yards ahead of her.
“Did you do anything in there?” He wagged his tail, then sat for her to reclip his leash on the collar. She handed him his reward and he munched happily as they set off. Jay had a cursory look around the other side of the bush but couldn’t see anything.
Back at the house, the smell of freshly brewed coffee overlaid with bacon drifted down the stairs. Josh had only started cooking six years earlier. He hadn’t shown any interest before that. Of all the changes in his life, this was the one that had most taken her by surprise.
He was cleaning the frying pan when they arrived in the kitchen. Ritchie had run up the stairs ahead of her and was already sitting by her place at the table. The plate of cooked bacon was well out of his reach.
“Smells wonderful.”
“Hm. Only problem with cooking bacon is you’ll be smelling it in here for days on end.”
“I know. The extractor fan doesn’t really do the job.” Jay poured coffee into the two mugs on the counter and brought them to the table.
Two pancakes and several rashers of bacon later, Jay pushed her plate aside. “That was fantastic, but I can’t eat any more.”
“I was going to take a bacon sarnie in to work.”
“Good thinking.”
“Do you want one?”
“No. Best not torture my clients with the tantalising aroma. I’ll need another shower as it is. More coffee?”
“Mm.”
She retrieved the coffee pot and brought it to the table. There was just enough for two refills. Jay studied Josh’s face as she sat back with the mug in her hands. “What are you thinking?”
“How do you know I’m thinking anything?”
“You have the look of a constipated budgie.”
“I do not. And how would you know what one of those looks like?”
“You’re deflecting. Come on. What’s up?”
“Well, I did have this thought….”
“Ha, I knew it.”
“How would you feel about another tattoo?”
Jay put her mug on the table. “For both of us?”
“Well, yeah.”
“What’s brought this on?”
“I guess, just, you know….”
“Spit it out, son.”
“Well, after you get married, you might not be able to….” He looked down at the table, tracing a pattern in the wood. “Sorry. It’s probably a stupid idea.”
Jay reached over and held his hand. “No, it’s not. You’ve just taken me by surprise. Set up an appointment. Early next week. As long as I have enough notice, I can rearrange some clients. Not possible this week; we have the suit fittings on Friday.”
He looked up, tears glistening at the corners of his eyes. “You’re the best, you know that?”
“Yes, I am. Don’t you forget it.” She smiled and let go of his hand. “I’ll even wash up if you need to get off.”
“Now that’s an offer I can’t refuse.” His answering smile eased the heaviness in her chest that had been with her since leaving Amanda’s flat.
“Do you have a design in mind for the tats?”
“Several.” He grinned. “I’ll email them to you later.”
Jay finished washing the dishes before Josh left the house. Another ten minutes and she was ready to leave as well. Ritchie lay in his basket, head between his paws with the soulful look that came into his eyes when he knew he was going to be alone for a while. “Don’t lay that guilt trip on me, bud. I know you’ll be on the couch as soon as I’m out the door.”
Jay always made sure there was a break in her schedule so she could get back during the day to let him out into the garden. Josh could be relied on to take him for a walk when he arrived home from work, usually at least an hour before she did. So the dog had no reason to feel neglected.
She set off for the clinic at a fast pace in an effort to shed some of the calories ingested at breakfast. Waiting for the lights to change at the crossing on Holland Park Avenue, she sent a quick text message to Mo.
†
Mo wondered what Jay had to be sorry about this time. She must have sent her body weight in roses to Amanda Bowen in the last six months. In fact, she could date the first dozen Jay asked her to send from one week after they became officially engaged. Ms Bowen might be a high-flyer in the world of finance, but she seemed utterly clueless in the romance department. Jay’s erratic behaviour would have sent any sensible woman running away.
Chapter Three
Josh’s eyes lit up as soon as they entered the tailor’s shop, and Jay thought this marriage business was worth it just to see that look of joy on his face. Buying a suit was another milestone for Josh. His school uniform didn’t count and that had been left behind six years ago. They could have done this sooner but he didn’t need a suit for work and the wedding was the first official engagement in his young life.
Perhaps Mo had been right to suggest he would benefit from having a larger family. But she had little experience to draw on. Her parents had died when she was sixteen. Stewart, ten years older, hadn’t been around for most of her growing-up years. He made up for it when they were orphaned, though, helping her through those first few difficult years.
She’d had too much loss in her life, too soon. Taking care of Josh had helped her through some of her darkest times. Was she marrying Amanda to fend off the pain of another loss when Josh left to set up his own home? Jay hoped he would find someone to settle down with, but she dreaded the th
ought of him leaving. As long as he didn’t emigrate to Canada or Australia, though, she would cope.
Jay let Josh take the lead in deciding on the colour and style of the suit. Amanda had wanted them to wear traditional morning suits that they could have rented for the occasion, but Jay had resisted.
He had been excited about the wedding from the moment she told him about her engagement.
“Oh wow, Mum. That’s great. Did you go down on one knee to propose?”
“No. She asked me.”
“Shouldn’t it have been the other way around?”
“Why?”
“Well, I mean you’re the butch one in the relationship, aren’t you?”
“That is such a heterosexist point of view. I thought I’d done a better job of raising you.”
Watching Josh interact with the tailor, discussing a particular weave and pattern, Jay was proud of the way he had matured. It hadn’t been an easy path for him, but he had met all the challenges in his young life head-on.
The glow of the setting sun coloured the rear-view mirror as Jay turned the Land Rover into the lane. Josh was holding the pizza carton on his lap, with the six-pack of beer between his feet.
“Are you going to tell Amanda about the cottage after you’re married?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know. It’s just…well, I don’t think she’d understand.”
“You’re not even giving her a chance to.”
Jay parked by the cottage and turned to him. “When did you get so grown up?”
“I’m twenty-four, not twelve.”
“So you are.” She reached across and ruffled his hair.
“Give over.” He pushed her hand away. “You get the bags. I can manage these.”
Jay climbed out of the vehicle, glad to stretch her legs after the long drive. Ritchie also struggled out of his comfortable nest on the back seat, looking as stiff as she felt. He recovered quickly, though, and trotted after Josh. Follow the food no doubt foremost in his mind.
The bank of clouds hovering over the sea foretold a band of rain coming their way. September had been the wettest month on record, and October looked like it would follow suit. It seemed appropriate that the weather should play its part this weekend, just as it had twenty-three years ago.
How could she begin to explain any of this to Amanda? Why had she kept the cottage? When Charley was officially pronounced dead after the mandatory seven years, she could have sold it and moved on. Breathing in a lungful of the cool breeze, Jay knew the answer, to the second question anyway. This had been Charley’s home, the place she always came back to after weeks at sea.
A shout from the cottage brought her back to the present. She walked through the open door and into the open arms of the large bearded man filling the conservatory.
“Dougie,” she managed to gasp before he squeezed the breath out of her, dropping both bags onto the floor.
“Hope you don’t mind.” His deep voice bounced off the walls when he let go of her. “I couldn’t make it for July, but I wanted to be here for you this weekend.”
“You’re always welcome here. You know that.”
“What was in the bags? Nothing breakable, I hope.”
“Breakfast supplies for tomorrow. Luckily no eggs.”
Josh appeared in the doorway. “You guys coming in? The beer’s getting warm and so’s the pizza.”
Dougie scooped the shopping bags off the floor with one hand and followed Jay into the kitchen.
“I’ll get the fire started in the living room.” Josh disappeared through the far door.
“Go on, Dougie. I’ll just put these things away. Won’t be long.”
Jay smiled to herself as she sorted out the shopping. Bagels, cream cheese, smoked salmon. No harm done there. The juice and milk cartons had miraculously survived the drop as well. Ritchie watched her closely.
“Okay. I haven’t forgotten you.” She replenished his water bowl from the tap and placed it on the floor. He lapped it up eagerly. While he was occupied, Jay measured out the recommended amount of dry dog food. It didn’t look particularly appetising, but she knew that Josh would supplement his diet with real-meat options when she wasn’t looking.
Jay checked on the pizza. It was hot enough to be taken out of the oven. She cut it into six manageable slices, grabbed three strips of paper towel, and carried the tray through to the conservatory. Dougie was already on his second beer. He could drink her share, as she planned to start on the whisky.
She had missed Dougie’s presence in July. As a tradition born out of shared grief, they would consume a drink or two on the sixth of July, commemorating the Alpha Piper tragedy. Jay lost her brother, and Douglas Rennie lost his lover. Neither he nor Stewart had been able to come out during the time they worked together on the oil rig. Dougie suffered from survivor’s guilt even though he could have done nothing to save Stewart or anyone else.
“Ready for a chaser, Dougie?”
“Do you need to ask?”
Jay retrieved the bottle of Dalwhinnie from the cupboard, bought for the occasion, and two tumblers. Josh hadn’t acquired a taste for the aqua vitae yet.
With the whisky poured, Jay raised her glass. Dougie raised his, and Josh held up his can of Old Speckled Hen. Each of them said, “Charley,” and took a drink. Jay savoured the warmth spreading down her throat and through her torso as the fifteen-year-old Speyside single malt did its work. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Jay broke it. “Have some pizza before it goes cold.”
It was a jumbo-size margherita, so the slices she’d cut were huge. Easy enough for Dougie to handle, but she and Josh made more of a mess trying to get it into their mouths. One slice and she was defeated. Josh managed one and a half before giving up. Dougie ate two and finished off Josh’s half, but even he couldn’t manage the last piece.
Dougie wiped his hands and beard with the paper towel. “Oh hey. I’ve got a present for you, buddy.” For a big man he moved gracefully, getting up and going out to the hallway. He came back and held out a large box to Josh. “They weren’t going to let me take this on the plane, but I insisted. Didn’t want it getting squashed in the hold. Go on, open it.”
“It’s not my birthday yet.”
“I know. But I couldn’t resist getting you this. All the dudes in Alberta have one.”
Josh opened the lid cautiously. His eyes widened and a radiant smile appeared. “Oh my God! A Stetson.” He lifted the hat out and placed it on his head.
“Not like that, you pillock.” Dougie reached over and adjusted the brim.
“Mum, you’ve got to take a pic. This is so lit.” He pulled his phone out of his back pocket and handed it to her. “Thanks, Dougie.”
Jay tapped in the code on his phone and took the picture. “It may be all the rage in Alberta, but I don’t know where you’re going to wear it here.”
“Well, yeah. A few more accessories might be needed. Boots, chaps….” Josh grinned at Dougie.
“A horse.”
“That too.”
Josh took his phone back and fiddled with it. The photo was no doubt now on Instagram or whatever other popular app young people used to share all the details of their lives.
After listening to Dougie’s most recent tales of life in the Canadian Wild West of Alberta while finishing her drink, Jay excused herself, ready for an early night.
†
It had been staring her in the face and she hadn’t seen it. Call yourself a journalist. Tess wondered what else her parents knew. She could have saved herself a trip out to the wilds of the Norfolk coast.
She was seven when her Auntie Char stopped visiting. Her mum only told her that she had gone away. After a time, Tess stopped asking when she would be coming back. The first few years, though, she’d been upset that the generous flow of Christmas and birthday presents had ceased. But then life took over and there were other disappointments to overcome in the ensuing years.
/> “Are we going in?”
Tess released her seat belt. “Yeah, sorry. Miles away.” She gave Alice what she hoped was a reassuring smile.
“Is everything okay? With us, I mean. You’ve been a bit distant for a while now.”
“Of course we’re okay. It’s…it’s just this story I’m working on.” Tess leaned in for a kiss.
Alice moved out of range and opened her door. “If you say so.”
Great. Now I’m a crap girlfriend on top of everything else. Tess removed the car keys from the ignition and got out. By the time she’d collected the bottle of wine from the back seat and locked up, Alice was already turning into the gate of Tess’s parents’ house. She hurried to catch up and arrived just as the door opened and Alice was greeted enthusiastically by Donna.
Up until Tess’s late teens, her parents had been Mum and Mummy. After her first sex-education class at school, she came home and asked which one of them had carried her in their womb. Neither of them could look her in the eye. Donna looked at Cheryl, and Tess could see the struggle going on in their heads. Surely they would have been prepared to answer this question at some point. They had, she knew now, been somewhat economical with the truth when they gave her the facts of life, her life. She had started to refer to them in her head as Parent One and Parent Two. Although really they should be relegated to Three and Four once she knew she’d been adopted.
Tess closed the door behind her. Alice and Donna had already disappeared, but she could hear their voices in the living room. She carried on down the hallway to the kitchen at the back of the house. Cheryl was there bending down to check on the roast in the oven.
“Hi, Mum.” Hard to break the habit of a lifetime. Until she’d asked the fatal question, she’d always thought Cheryl was her biological mother. Tess winced when she thought of how she’d reacted to the news that Cheryl wasn’t.