“Coffee and vinyl?” she asked as soon as she answered.
“Um, hello? I’m pregnant? No caffeine allowed.”
“Duh, I’ll get you decaf. Meet you there in ten.”
When I hung up I looked at Gavin apologetically. “Britt wants to meet me. I won’t be too long.”
Gavin sighed and shrugged. “That’s okay. Enjoy and I’ll see you when you get home.”
Britt was waiting for me, coffee in hand, in front of the pop punk section. She was wearing a gorgeous spring scarf and looked radiant.
“You are looking big!” she said as she threw her arms around me, almost sloshing coffee all over my back.
“Right? I’m fearing twins. Could the doctor have missed that in the first ultrasound?” I asked, only half-joking.
“When’s your next scan?” she asked as she handed me a coffee.
“Next week, can you believe it? Oh wow, coffee.” I moaned and took a sip. “Are you sure this is decaf? It’s so good. Holy shit.”
Britt laughed and guided me over to the records. We browsed and joked around, and I was just thinking of how nice it was for things to feel so normal when she started putting her hair up into a bun.
“So, I’m throwing you a baby shower,” she said.
“A what?” I raised my eyebrows. “Uh, that is not my kind of thing.”
“C’mon, Kyle. You never got to have one when you were pregnant with Brock. Most importantly, I never got to throw you one when you were pregnant with Brock…”
“So it’s for you?” I asked.
“Mhm. If that makes it easier to say yes.” Britt nodded frantically as she looked at me with hopeful, pleading eyes.
“That’s unfair, you know I can’t say no to you.” Britt gave me the same pouty look I’d given Gavin, and I laughed. “Fine. What do you need me to do?”
“Just take your gorgeous man shopping and add stuff to a registry. That’s it.”
“Like a wish list?”
“Exactly.”
“Hm… Alright, I’ll drag him there after our appointment with Dr. Reed.”
“How is Gavin doing with everything?” Britt asked quietly as she turned back to flick through records. I stood beside her and dragged my fingers over the spines of pop classics as I considered what she was asking.
“With suddenly being a dad?”
“Yeah, that,” she said.
“He’s coping. I’m trying to keep him involved in everything as much as possible since he’s bummed he missed out on so much when Brock was little. But he seems to be completely on edge pretty much any time he’s in charge of something. And I think he’s getting more stressed out, the closer the due date comes. The other day he packed Brock’s lunchbox, but after Brock left for school, Gavin realized he’d forgotten to pack a piece of fruit and got super upset about it.”
Britt snorted. “As if Brock would care.”
“Yeah, one less thing for the garbage can, right? That’s what I told Gavin, and then he started freaking out that he wasn’t taking care of Brock’s nutrition. I just hope he isn’t right… Like maybe I’m not seeing that is actually a bad dad? Fuck, I don’t know.”
I let out a heavy sigh and realized how much tension I’d been carrying because of it. Britt rubbed a hand over my back.
“He’ll calm down. He probably just needs an opportunity to get it right on his own,” she suggested. “Without your help.”
“God, I hope so… Help me pick a record for tonight’s show. I want to do something to celebrate the warmer weather.”
Britt was right, Gavin did start to calm down… But that was before my second sonogram. As I was lying on the table with sticky lube spread all over my big belly and a wand pressing hard against my organs, Gavin fell completely silent.
“Yep, it’s a girl!” Maddie announced.
I grabbed Gavin’s hand and watched a look of overwhelming fear spread across his face.
“Are you okay?” I half-laughed and put a hand against his cheek. He snapped out of it and took my hand before kissing my fingers and smiling at me.
“I’m ecstatic, but having a girl is really going to put my alpha skills to the test.”
His joke landed flat, like, belly-flopped right onto my chest where a deep sadness began growing. “Your alpha skills aren’t being tested.”
“I know. I just mean that Brock and I will always be her protectors. We’ll make sure she’ll never be hassled by boyfriends.”
“She could have girlfriends,” I said sharply. Gavin looked at me with wide eyes, and then lowered his head in apology.
“Well, the same rules will apply no matter what.” He laughed, still trying to lighten the mood. I wasn’t buying it.
We left the hospital and headed straight for the Baby Boutique where we created a registry then walked around the store. Well, Gavin walked. I waddled.
I looped my arm through his and took him through the aisles, pointing out the ridiculous things babies need, even though they seem completely pointless.
“See this?” I picked up a box. “It’s a nose sucker.”
“A what?”
“You heard me right. A nasal sucker. It’s an aspirator, to get the mucus out of—”
“Oh, I got it.” Gavin’s eyes widened. “Is that really…necessary?”
“Believe me, the moment this little girl gets a cold, you’re going to be thanking whoever gets us this for the baby shower.”
“What about that?” He pointed to another box I was carrying.
“A mirror.”
“For…”
“If we get that rear-facing baby seat, we’re going to go crazy not being able to see her. So you strap this onto the back seat and angle it so you can see her.”
“Huh… I never would have thought.”
I squeezed his arm. “Sure you would have.”
We racked up a huge registry, and I filled a basket with cute toys and accessories for the nursery. As we were checking out, I struggled to get my wallet out of my pocket thanks to my oversized belly, and Gavin swept in with his credit card.
“Put it all on here, thank you,” he said to the clerk. “And everything on the registry, too.”
I slapped his arm. “That’s not how a registry works.”
“There’s no way I’m letting anyone else provide for my baby,” Gavin said in the gruff, alpha voice I hadn’t heard from him for months. It stopped me dead in my tracks. I stared at him, half annoyed and half aroused. I loved it when he became all alpha. Part was because of the wolf inside me naturally submitting to dominance, part was because I simply got a kick out of Gavin showing me he wanted to take care of me. However, there were times when he always wanted to be in control, like now, but having kids, raising them, wasn’t about control, it was about compromise, respect and unity.
By the time we got into bed that night, I couldn’t stop remembering the way Gavin had started to panic when he’d learned we were having a baby girl, and when I’d shown him some items at the baby shop how he’d insisted we only got the best, and then nitpicking about the quality or effectiveness. I understood he was worried, and I knew it was hard to be a parent, but I had a sinking feeling that if he couldn’t put things into perspective then maybe he wasn’t cut out to be a parent.
I didn’t want to think like that, and when Gavin pulled me into his arms to cuddle me, I put my worry down to pregnancy hormones blowing everything out of proportion. Of course Gavin would be a good dad.
Everything arrived from the Baby Boutique a week later. The packages filled the hallway and I spent all morning opening boxes while Gavin was out at a meeting for his next game design. I was blasting some Feather Boats on the stereo when I felt someone reach around my waist and grab my belly. I almost jumped out of my skin, and I felt my wolf surge in my chest.
“Sorry!” Gavin shouted over the noise. I caught my breath and grinned up at him as I leaned back into his strong chest. I melted into his arms when Gavin leaned down and kissed me softly. My w
olf faded into the background.
“I thought you’d be out all day,” I said loudly.
“What?”
“I thought you’d be—oh hang on.” I peeled myself out of his arms and turned down the stereo. “I thought you’d be out all day.”
“I hated the idea of you doing all of this on your own,” he said, looking around the hallway.
“Oh, you came to help?”
“Is that so unbelievable?” He frowned, and my stomach clenched. He was taking my ribbing too seriously these days.
“No, it’s not. I could use your muscle. Here, carry those boxes of baby books.”
We moved most of the stuff out of the hall and into the nursery, unpacked and set everything up. We finished by unrolling a play rug, and I sat down on it with a heavy thud as my butt hit the floor. Gavin joined me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I shimmied closer so I could lean against him, and he happily brought me into a warm hug.
“This room is looking good,” he said as we took in all the work we’d put into it. I smiled at the pale blue walls we’d decorated with golden hand-painted wolves, woods, and the moon shining down on it all. I loved it in here. The colors were so peaceful, and I wanted nothing more than to bring our little girl into this beautiful world.
“I’ve been thinking about something,” I said quietly. “I want to give birth here.”
Gavin’s body immediately tensed. I waited for him to respond, but he didn’t say a thing.
“I want to do a water birth. My experience with Brock was so traumatic at the hospital. I didn’t have the kind of support I have now, and I’ve heard great things about water births. We can get a special tub, and there’s plenty of space in the family room—”
“No way,” Gavin said, pulling his arms away.
I sat upright and turned to look at him. “What do you mean, no way? We have a beautiful environment here.”
“No. Too many things could go wrong.”
“Why would you say that?” I asked as calmly as I could. I felt a mood swing looming, but I wanted to stay as logical as possible to get my point across.
Gavin just shook his head and looked at the wall.
“Gavin! Why would you say that? What is going to go wrong?”
“Everything! Anything! I don’t know, and that’s the problem. We don’t know what could go wrong, that’s why there are hospitals full of doctors to help you give birth.”
“But you don’t know how horrible it was when I was having Brock in the hospital—”
“Okay, you’re right, I don’t know anything.” He threw his hands up in the air.
“That’s unfair, that’s not what I’m saying—”
“Why would we put our new baby in danger because of a past experience?” Gavin’s face was fierce, and I knew I’d upset him.
My bottom lip trembled and I bit down on it, determined not to cry. After a few minutes of tense silence I hauled myself up off the floor. “It’s time to pick up Brock. I’m going to get him.”
“Kyle.”
I paused in the doorway and looked back at Gavin.
“We can talk about it more later,” he said softly.
“Sure.” I nodded, and then hurried out of the room before the tears I’d tried to hold back started to trickle down my cheeks. I took deep, calming breaths as I drove to Brock’s school, and by the time I got there, my mood had swung from sadness and anger all the way back to composed. When I spotted Brock laughing with kids I didn’t recognize, I smiled, delighted he was now getting along with his peers. He looked really happy.
“Are they your new friends?” I asked him when he climbed into the car.
Brock shrugged. “Yeah, kind of. They saw me stand up to the bullies, and I guess they realized I’m not such a nerd.”
“Bullies?”
Brock sighed. “I told you about them, remember? But it’s alright now. Dad told me not to back down, to stand up to them but not let my wolf out.”
“Your dad?” I couldn’t help my grin as Brock called Gavin “Dad,” but I wondered what he was talking about in regard to bullies. He’d mentioned them before, but I thought it had just been an excuse not to go to school because he wanted to play video games.
“Yeah. He helped me.”
I nodded, but as I pulled out to drive us home a huge ball of embarrassment formed in my stomach. I hadn’t believed him, and my son was being terrorized at school. What kind of father did that make me?
“Well, I’m glad Gavin… Your dad, has helped you, and I’m sorry I didn’t believe you when you told me about the bullies.”
“Nah, it’s okay. Dad said I was being kind of bratty with you, and it wasn’t your fault. We weren’t communicating properly, and relationships are all about communicating.”
“Your dad said that?”
“It was while we were playing one of the games. He’s cool like that, explaining stuff in a way that doesn’t make it boring.”
Boring? Was that how Brock saw me?
I kept thinking about what he said, and knew I would have to thank Gavin, and I would also have to revise my opinion about how he was coping with being a parent. He was being a great dad, and our little spat earlier was only because he was worried, not because he wasn’t willing to compromise.
Later that night, as we were eating dinner, Gavin put a hand on my knee under the table. I instantly scooched a little closer to him. He gave me a squeeze, and my affection for him flowed as strongly as ever. He was right—we could talk about the home birth plan again later. We still had nearly four months to figure everything out.
Brock cleared his throat, taking me out of my thoughts.
“Um, I’ve got a little bit of news to share.”
He sounded so edgy, I quickly put down my fork. “What is it, Brocky?”
“Well it’s just, um, there’s a gaming contest.”
“Oh yeah?” Gavin asked, sounding very interested.
“It’s for kids at our school and other schools close by, and it’s in town at the video game store, and I just think it might be really fun!”
“Nice!” Gavin said. “Sounds like something you could win.”
“That is very cool,” I said. “When is it?”
“It’s next Wednesday, but it’s at seven o’clock.” Brock sighed, glancing at Gavin and then me again.
“I’m working,” I said as I realized why Brock had looked so edgy before he said anything. He knew I wouldn’t be able to take him, but there was a perfectly capable dad who should be chomping at the bit to do so. I raised my eyebrows at Gavin. This would be the ideal time for him to step up.
“Guys, I’m the one who plays games. I’ll take you,” Gavin said to Brock. He winked at me, and I smiled. If there was a perfect opportunity for Gavin to hone some of his parenting skills, it would be where kids were playing games.
13
Gavin
Gaming conventions and competitions were things I knew a thing or two about. Finally, there was something about raising a kid I felt completely confident about. The game he would be playing at the contest was a new release, so we couldn’t practice on it, but there were plenty of other games that would build up the skills Brock needed. For the next few days, Brock and I camped out in the games room whenever we had free time, until Kyle had enough of it and insisted we were turning into gremlins.
“If you stay in there a moment longer, you’re going to get a vitamin D deficiency and end up as sad, withered, old men. Don’t your wolves want to run?” he asked us, exasperated.
Admittedly, our wolves were dying to get some fresh air. So I sighed and put down my controller.
“Come on, Brock. Let’s get out before we send your dad utterly barmy.”
Brock didn’t argue, which I counted as a plus. He’d been definitely getting better lately, and whenever I could see he needed to let off steam we went out for a run, and this was a good a time as any.
Mid spring in Washington State could sometimes be cold, but we
were lucky as we stepped outside. I took in a lungful of clean, pine scented air, and then shifted, loping through woods with Brock at my side.
I kept my pace slow so I didn’t get too far ahead of him, but I shouldn’t have worried—he was right at my heels, and he soon passed me. His young, spritely wolf sprinted ahead on the track and took sharp corners like he knew they were coming. I was impressed and had to push myself to keep up as he bounded through the brush and scrambled over fallen logs. It felt damn good to be running with my kin, and I couldn’t wait to share the same experience with Kyle.
We broke through the tree-line and raced back into the homestead right near Nicole’s house. I showed Brock where to squeeze through gaps in fences and how to open up holes near hedges so we could take a shortcut to her backyard.
As we padded across the yard, the back door suddenly banged open and Cole came bounding out of the house toward us in his wolf form. Brock let out a happy bark that was cut short when his cousin tackled him. They romped together in the sunlight as I shifted back and watched them. Nicole waved to me from the kitchen window, and I headed up the porch steps to join her where she was washing the dishes.
“A gaming contest, huh?” she said after I filled her in on what was up.
“Well, Brock’s really excited,” I explained as I dried off a mug with a dish towel.
“Just Brock?” She started scrubbing a pot with a laugh in her eyes.
“Okay, we are really excited, but Kyle has had enough of us hiding out in the games room. He says the sound leaks into the rest of the house, even though I swear it’s noise proof.”
“Well he’s pregnant, and he’s just become a wolf. So he’s sensitive as hell and he probably can hear it,” she said, using her sponge to emphasize the point.
I let out a sigh and grabbed another plate to wipe dry. “It’s just the first time I’ve felt like I knew how to be a dad. I have a feeling these opportunities will be few and far between.”
Nicole paused and frowned at me. “There’s really not much to it, Gavin. Just make sure they don’t die. Tell them you love them. Don’t disappear. Do that, and you’re considered a good dad.”
Secret Daddy Page 15