The important question now was whether Callum and Nerea felt the same. Jamie was nearly certain that they did. But that was a conversation they very much needed to have. Relationships could not be sustained on assumption alone.
At the Sign of Peace, both Callum and Nerea kissed him, chastely but unhesitatingly. Jamie clung to their hands until the final hymn and smiled with the rest of the congregation as they departed again down the aisle after Margarita and Miguel. As he merged with the crowd flowing out of the church, his thoughts went from himself to his parents. Would his mother be disappointed if he never got married in the Church? Would his father? Maybe. Maybe not. But he’d once been afraid that his parents would be angry he was bi. They hadn’t been, not really. But they were obviously angry — or at least frustrated — about his current relationships.
They’d understood before. Maybe they would again. But Callum had been right; Jamie needed to put in the hard work to make that happen.
AT THE RECEPTION, WHILE Nerea danced with Antonio on the floor that had been set up under the bare fruit trees and Callum charmed his way through the guests, Jamie sat on a low wall at the corner of the garden, thinking hard. Eventually he slipped off into the leafless winter vineyard, the noise of the party fading behind him as he made his way deeper down the rows. It was colder away from the heat lamps and the crowd, but the air was bracing and the sky above shone with stars.
His fingers shook as he scrolled to his parents’ number and clicked call.
“Hello?” His mother answered the phone after two rings. Jamie was relieved at that until she repeated her greeting, sounding confused when he didn’t answer, and he remembered his parents’ home phone didn’t have caller ID.
“Hi, Mum,” he said as he walked, scuffing old leaves under his feet. “It’s me.”
“Jamie!”
“Hi,” he said again. “I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier, I just....”
“Are you okay?” his mother demanded.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay, Mum. Happy Christmas, by the way, I should have called yesterday.”
“You should have,” she agreed. “But I should have called you, too. I was going to, but then....”
Jamie smiled wanly at the similarities between them.
“Is everything okay there?” Jamie asked. Maureen sounded worried, which might have been over himself or might have been over Aoife or might have been something else entirely.
“To tell the truth, we had a bit of excitement yesterday.” Now she sounded rueful. “We had to take Vegetables in to the animal hospital.”
“What? Why? What happened?” Jamie demanded, his heart clenching. After the events of the last week he’d never thought to worry about the dog. Was he going to have to deal with a dead pet on top of everything?
“He’s fine now,” his mother said quickly. “He got into the chocolate icing — with the help of your nieces — and needed some attention from the vet. But he’s home now and right as rain, just very put out he’s not allowed in the kitchen anymore. I’d meant to call yesterday, but by the time we got home it was too late. And then this morning,” she hesitated. “I wasn’t sure you would want me to.”
“Of course I wanted you to!” Jamie said louder than was necessary. His voice faded into the still, cold rows of the vineyard. “Why would you think I wouldn’t want you to?”
“There was the small matter of us having a row and you packing up and leaving the house with barely a word,” his mother said. Jamie could tell she was trying to keep her voice light and her tone dry, but it didn’t quite work.
“Ah. Yes. Jesus, Mum, I’m so sorry for running out. I completely bollocksed that up.”
“Don’t swear,” his mother said automatically. She didn’t otherwise respond to his apology. Jamie tried not to take that as a bad sign, but it was hard. “Where are you right now?”
“I’m at a wedding. Not my wedding,” he added hastily, at her sharp intake of breath. Though he did wonder who, precisely, she thought he might be marrying. “Margarita’s — Callum and Nerea’s daughter. She got married today.”
“Oh. Congratulations to her,” his mum said. Jamie thought she sounded rather taken aback, but then, the last time they’d spoken they’d been in the middle of a shouting match. “Now, where are you?”
“I’m in Spain,”
“And how long have you been there?”
“Since I left your house. I flew right here.” Jamie felt another stab of guilt that his mother hadn’t even been sure of where he was.
“With your....” She apparently couldn’t finish the sentence.
Jamie swallowed, knowing well that a wrong move here might make the situation even harder, if not impossible, to fix in the future. But if he couldn’t say these things, how could he ever expect his mother to? I can’t respect your interests if you’re not going to protect your interests.
The face of his watch glinted in the moonlight. Jamie stared down at it and thought about the three glasses, one for each of them, now sitting in pride of place in the china cabinet in the dining room.
“With my partners, yes.”
He heard her take a deep breath. “And how are they, Jamie-boy?”
The next five minutes of small talk was slow, almost painfully hesitant. He had never found it hard to talk to his mother before now, and Jamie didn’t quite know how to do it. But he tried because he had to.
“I know you’re worried about me,” he said after a long pause in the conversation that was stretching from tentative to awkward. “But I’m okay. I really am. They’re good people.”
“It’s not just that,” his mother said.
“Then what is it?”
“I’ve spent the last ten years worrying about you. About whether you would be able to build a life with the person you love. This summer, there was Home to Vote, and I thought — yes. Now Jamie will be able to stand up and declare to the world who he loves, no matter who he loves. You were going to be able to have a wedding,” his mother said. “Just like Beth and Mary and now Aoife; I never thought that would happen for her, and I guess that’s my fault.” She sounded close to tears.
Jamie blinked rapidly himself.
“And now — none of that is true anymore, and it will never be true. Not if these are the people you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. The world’s come a long way, but it hasn’t come that far.”
“So you’re not upset with me?” Jamie asked, still frightened of the answer but far less so than he had been an hour ago.
“Oh, I’m furious at you. But not for loving anyone. Not really. And if I am, that should be my problem, not yours.”
“What about Dad?”
Maureen hesitated. “Give him time.”
“That doesn’t sound good.” Jamie rubbed his fingers against the roughness of the nearest vine. He was surrounded by roots and branches discussing his family, past, present, and future. The universe had a sense of humor.
“If you want the truth — ”
“I sure don’t want anything else.”
“I think he’s more upset you kept the secret than what the secret’s been.”
Jamie could see the logic of that. He and his father had always been close, had trusted each other to be friends as well as family. But he hadn’t exactly handled this situation with Callum and Nerea that way.
“So how much time do I give him?” he asked. He wanted a blueprint. He wanted his mother to put his father on the phone.
“I don’t know.”
He had one more question, and it was the one he was most afraid to ask, especially knowing that his father wasn’t ready to speak to him yet. “After the holidays,” Jamie said. “Can I come home? To visit?”
“James Hugh Conway,” his mother said firmly, although he could still hear the touch of tears in her voice. “No matter how hard it is for you, or me, or us, to deal with your life, ever, you will always have a home here.”
Jamie’s scrubbed his tears away with the back
of his hand. “Yes, Mum,” he said.
“And now, would you like to speak with your sister?” his mother asked. She sounded a bit sniffy herself. “I believe she has some news for you.”
“Good news?” Jamie asked anxiously. He could hear his mother muffle the receiver and call for Aoife to come to the phone.
“She and Patrick have a wedding date,” Maureen said, returning to the phone. “And I do believe she wants you to help her plan.”
FOR A LONG TIME AFTER Jamie stayed in the vineyard, walking up and down the rows of vines in the crisp night air. Moving helped him think, and the quiet let him focus. He would return to the reception, eventually, but he had things to figure out first. There was little he could do about his father other than wait and try his best. His mother had said so, and she was generally right about such things. What were his other options? He had none — not any that were constructive, at any rate.
But if he’d learned anything from the conversation with his mother, it was the importance of being honest. About who he was, what he was doing, and what he wanted. And what he wanted was to build a life and a family with Callum and Nerea. One that worked beyond saying I love you and spending the holidays together; one that worked despite the demands of their careers, families, and individual passions. As scary as it was, as uncertain the outcome, it was time for Jamie to speak the world as he wanted it into being. Even if he was just a man, too young, too flawed, too inexperienced to hold that sort of faith in himself. But part of growing up was reaching, and it was time to reach.
The reception was still in full swing by the time Jamie returned and would surely last well into the night. He wound his way through the crowd to where Callum and Nerea were tucked together at an otherwise empty table, watching the celebration.
“I have an idea,” Jamie said as he dropped into a chair next to Callum.
Callum blinked mildly at him, his long fingers playing with the stem of his wineglass. Nerea, Jamie noticed, wasn’t drinking. Jamie smiled to himself, feeling more certain of what he was about to do knowing that she was seeing a baby as a possibility.
“What is it?” she asked. A wisp of hair had fallen out of the elaborate knot she had twisted it up into for the wedding; she looked tired, but happy.
“Well, like I said last night — the only way this can work is if we all move. And the only place we all have in common, and where our working lives are, is in London. So what if we all lived together in London?”
“Jamie,” Callum said lazily. Jamie flicked his gaze to Callum. He felt as nervous — and as resolute — as he had that night he’d demanded to have that conversation with him about being bi in public. While Jamie had had his fantasies about Callum even then, he’d never imagined they’d lead to a conversation like this.
“Yes?”
“Are you asking to move in with us?” Callum’s voice and face said that Jamie was being too forward and that he loved everything about that.
Jamie glanced at Nerea to gauge her reaction. “No, I’m asking you to move in with me. Or, more accurately, for us all to move in together as our current London flats just won’t do.”
After a pause that made Jamie feel like his heart would stop, Callum laughed. He rolled his head toward Nerea.
“See? I told you he was wonderful.”
“I’m carrying a baby that’s possibly his. I’d say I got the message.”
Jamie frowned at Callum. “I thought we weren’t supposed to care whose it was.”
Callum shrugged. “I don’t.”
“Okay. What do you think then? About my plan, I mean,” he made a gesture he hoped would be interpreted as ‘not paternity issues’.
“Callum hates that awful ceiling beam he’s always hitting his head on,” Nerea offered.
Callum chuckled. “It’s true, I really do.”
“And your flat is wretched,” she added. “No offense.”
“None taken,” Jamie said. He wasn’t in love with his flat either. “So we should get a place together.” Jamie was gaining courage, and now that he had started talking he couldn’t stop. “The three of us. Big enough for us, and. Well. Anything else we might need space for. And I know you might not think it’s a good financial arrangement, because you’re both established, and I’m twenty-four, but I have money from this movie and I have other projects coming up.”
“You’re going to be the most in-demand actor under thirty when this picture comes out,” Callum said.
Not a yes, Jamie noted, but not a no. And possibly an encouragement to keep going. He smiled. Disparities of age, experience, money, and opinions were going to be inevitable, but Jamie needed this to be a partnership, and he needed to be able to contribute.
“What do you think?” Jamie turned to Nerea.
“I think the three of us living under one roof will go a long way toward making it easier for the two of you to make good on your promises to help with a baby. If I have this baby,” she added sternly. “And, Jamie, as hard as I think it will be — Callum and I have our routines — I do want you to have the security I needed when I was your age and also very much in love with Callum.”
“Is that a yes? I know this is a question where yes just brings up a whole lot more questions, but as a start?” Jamie wondered if this was what proposing felt like — frightening and exhilarating — to people who got to have that in their lives.
Callum glanced at Nerea. “What do you think?”
“I think we shouldn’t make decisions when we’re emotional and you’re drunk,” she said to Callum, “But I also think I’ll want space for a studio and spare rooms so we can all have some breathing space when we need it. Or when people come to visit. And a California king because Jamie darling, I love you, but you kick.”
“Sorry.” Jamie grinned. That sure sounded like a yes to him. “Callum?”
Callum’s only response was to lean across the table and kiss him soundly. With tongue.
Chapter 35 - Callum continues to be an adult, which continues to be surprising
“It’s good to have the house just to ourselves again,” Callum declared, flopping naked onto the couch. Nerea tutted at him, but she was curled up in an armchair reading a book and only wearing one of Jamie’s T-shirts, so as far as Callum was concerned she didn’t have much grounds to complain.
“Wanna have shower sex?” Jamie, wrapped in Callum’s big fluffy robe, crawled up onto the couch with him.
“You’ll still steal the hot water and I’ll still be a foot taller than either of you whether anyone else is in the house or not. I will happily watch, though.”
“I’m not that short!” Jamie protested.
“It doesn’t always seem that way.”
Jamie humphed. Nerea tutted again, the sound fond. It was all so domestic and comfortable that Callum could almost forget the rather large promises they had made one another and the logistics that still needed to be discussed. Time enough for that in the new year, though.
Nerea put a scrap of paper in her book to mark her page and set it aside. “All right, both of you.”
Jamie and Callum both turned to look at her. Callum shifted his legs so Jamie, still settling himself into place on the couch, wouldn’t accidentally knee him in the groin. Jamie’s face tightened with nerves and Callum couldn’t blame him. He felt apprehensive himself.
“You both keep telling me that you’ll support whatever decision I make,” Nerea began, her face so studiously calm that even Callum couldn’t entirely read it. “Which is decent of you, since it’s my body, life, and career that are going to be affected the most by any theoretical pregnancy, no matter what you two swear to do for me after a baby is born.” She paused.
Jamie nodded solemnly, probably because he, like Callum, knew not to interrupt her at this point. At least he, unlike Callum, had some sort of clothes on, and so some sort of dignity to cling to.
“Because, to be honest, a baby being born is not likely. You both know I’m not young.”
Callu
m’s heart clenched. Nerea’s face continued to be solemn, almost unreadable, and he still had no idea what was going to come out of her mouth next.
“I have, remarkably, had a lot of time to think over the last few days. About what I’ve loved about having children, as well as what I’ve hated. The bad parts are not small, and all the good behavior in the world from the two of you can’t change that. But I also thought about what I’m doing with my life, the challenges I’m willing to face, and all the questions I’ve had lately about how. I did not expect this pregnancy to answer more questions than it’s raised, but it has. Having three children and a famous husband didn’t stop me from becoming a very successful painter. So, as long as I can face this with the two of you, and the universe continues to think my body can do this, then yes, we’re having the baby.”
It was, Callum noted, the first time she’d used the definite article to refer to it.
The next thing he noted was Jamie going utterly rigid and then practically leaping off the couch with a whoop of joy.
Callum felt stunned all over again. He’d hoped, of course, but Nerea wasn’t wrong — reason and logic were against this decision. He would have died rather than not support her in her choice, whatever it was. But this — he watched Jamie’s shining face as he stopped his wild sprawl across the room to look almost reverently into Nerea’s face — this was everything he hadn’t quite hoped to dream of.
Nerea looked between them, amused but also emotional. “I suppose there’s no point asking either of you what you want to do.”
Jamie, still hovering in front of her like he was afraid this might not all be real, had tears running down his face and the brightest smile Callum had ever seen. Slowly, Jamie stooped, and with one hand on the arm of Nerea’s chair and the other on the back of her neck, kissed her so gently and with such tenderness that Callum looked away to give them this moment together.
The Art of Three Page 24