“How are you doing, Maisy Daisy?” he finally asked.
“Me and Nina were just playing. We didn’t know it would fall.”
That hadn’t been what he was asking about, but if she was more worried about getting in trouble for knocking over some logs than her traumatic ordeal, he wasn’t going to bring it up.
Just then, Achak, who lived in and ran the heart-singers’ home, appeared around the corner. While many people saw their gifts as extra abilities to be used when the need arose, there were some who made a vocation of practicing them. Achak used hers to heal souls, which was why May had been living with her since she was removed from her abusive home a couple years ago.
Achak’s wrinkled face was lined with concern as she squinted in his direction, and she moved slowly over the uneven ground. She had been a respected elder for many more years than Rohahen had been alive. Now he wondered how many years remained in her journey.
“Is everyone alright?” Her voice was soft and thin.
“The kids knocked over the wood pile, but we’ll clean it up. I know they’re both big and strong.”
May puffed up proudly. “I’m so strong.” She made a muscle with her chubby four-year-old arm.
“And then,” Rohahen continued, “I was going to take them down to the creek, if you don’t have anything planned. The Chief wanted me to show Nina around.” He carefully avoided saying that he was going to interview her, knowing that Achak would understand.
“Please,” she made a shooing motion. “Get those two rascals out of here. They have too much energy to be inside.”
He set May on the ground. “Go put on your dress and underwear. We’ll have a race. I’m going to clear off the rack while you get dressed and we’ll see who wins.”
May dashed off.
Ro turned to Nina. “Does that work for you? We’ll stack the wood and then go to the creek after you get dressed?”
Nina nodded emphatically, her round, black ears bobbing. He was looking forward to meeting her as a human. He liked her spunk.
She ambled off toward the back door, with the adorably awkward gate of a young bear. Not that he would tell her, of course.
Achak stepped up beside him. “Grandmother,” he greeted her, then bent to place a kiss on her cheek.
“You haven’t come to see me in a while,” she scolded.
That wasn’t quite true, as he came by often to pick up May or drop her off. But it was true that he hadn’t spent much time with her recently. “I’ll drop in for a cup of tea sometime soon,” he promised.
Just not today, when he was already feeling so raw. He knew that she would listen to his woes and sooth his spirit, but he wasn’t quite ready to be soothed.
They both watched the little bear cub scrabble at the door. May came to help, pushing the screen door open so hard that it bounced off the wall.
“May is not a scared little kitten anymore,” the heart-singer observed.
No, she definitely was not. Even after her ordeal earlier this week, her only thought had been of going to the creek. “She’s handled everything very well.”
“When she was a timid ball of fur, she would sit in my lap and I would pet her. But I’m too old to keep up with a busy four-year-old.”
That sounded like a hint. “Would you like me to take her more often?” He’d already arranged for her to spend most of the time that she wasn’t with him with two other families in the tribe who already had young children.
“No, Rohahen, it’s time for her to find a new home. She doesn’t need me anymore. And you know this was never intended to be permanent.”
For a moment, Ro let himself dream. He, Tier, and May would all live together, a cozy, happy family. But Tier didn’t want to be a part of that dream. He felt like his chest was cracking open.
Rohahen couldn’t give May everything that she needed on his own. He spent hours with her most days, but only during carefully planned activities where he could either give her all his attention or get work done while she played.
It would hurt every time he had to see her with another family. “Can she stay here while I look into it?” he asked, trying to stay focused.
“She can stay for a while.”
The door opened with another bang, and May raced out, an older girl wearing shorts and a too-large shirt walked behind her, distrust clear on her face.
May stopped mid-run to pull up a dandelion and he smiled through the moisture that was starting to gather in his eyes.
“She loves you, you know,” Achak said softly. “You are more like a parent to her than anyone else.”
Ro nodded, unable to speak. How many times could his heart break today?
Achak put a hand on his shoulder. A wordless pulse of care and calm glowed within his chest. It helped. Not enough to make everything go away, but enough to smooth the ragged edges for a while. He was grateful that she’d known what he needed, even when he didn’t.
He stepped closer, silently asking for a little more. The world dropped away as she poured calm and hope into him. He let himself bask in the feeling, that things could be good and right in the world, that he was loved and had a place in it.
When she stepped away, he felt peaceful, his jumbled thoughts still whispering in the background, distanced from the pain. He knew that the false calm would slowly fade away over the next few hours, and that he couldn’t use it like some addictive drug. But for now it would let him get through the day.
“Uncle Ro!” May yanked on his hand. “You didn’t even try to clean up the wood.” There was dandelion fluff stuck in her hair.
“You’re right, I didn’t,” he admitted.
“That still means I won.”
“You did. You’re very fast!”
“I know! See!” She raced away toward the tree, circled it, and then came crashing back into his legs.
He scooped her up and threw her over his shoulders, her legs kicking up into the air. “Hang on. Where did May go?” He turned around while she shrieked with glee. “I just saw her, but she must have been so fast that I can’t find her anymore. Maybe that’s her!” He turned quickly, pointing a trail across the yard. “Ooh! So fast!”
Her tiny fists pounded at his back. “Uncle Ro, Uncle Ro! I’m right here!”
He turned around. “Where?”
“Right here!”
This game could go on for hours. After a few more rounds, he “found” her and then set her on the ground.
Achak gave him one final pat on the arm. “Consider it,” she whispered.
He would consider it later. Right now, he needed a respite. Concentrating on Nina and May was what he needed.
“OK,” he told the kids. “Stay over there while I get the wood cleared out of the way and then I’ll need two helpers.”
He knew that Nina was watching him closely, but she hadn’t approached, and he wanted to give her time. Hopefully, if she saw how much May trusted him, she would trust him, too.
Together, they restacked the firewood, with a great deal of help from Nina and some more dubious “help” from May. Nina didn’t talk much, but she worked industriously. When they finished, May skipped down to the creek while Nina and Rohahen trailed behind.
The creek ran behind the heart-singer’s home, and Rohahen held May’s hand as she scrambled down the steep, overgrown sides. She wasn’t allowed to visit on her own, but as the water never got more than a foot deep, she was safe playing independently with an adult nearby.
May lept right into the creek, splashing across the smooth stones. Nina shucked off her shoes and entered more cautiously. Rohahen sat to remove his boots and roll up his cuffs, then joined them. The water was cool and fresh, and the round stones massaged the bottoms of his feet.
“So Nina,” he started, “I heard that you managed quite an escape and met my friend Declan.”
“You know Declan?” she asked in surprise.
“He’s one of my best friends. I can take you over to visit him before you go home, if
we have enough time before your family comes.”
“Yes, please.” She even had a bit of a smile.
Now, he supposed, was the time to ask if she wanted to share anything with him. He tried to make himself look open and honest. If he were a heart-singer, he could show her that truth, but all he had was body language. “How have you been settling in?”
Nina knelt by the edge of the stream, studying the flurry of tadpoles that swarmed in the shallow water. “Fine. The heart singer’s house is boring, though.”
“Ah, I see.” Definitely not a good fit for the little spitfire. The tribe should consider that before sending any more children there. “Where would you like to stay?”
She shrugged. “Somewhere that I can climb. I need to keep a lookout.”
“For bad guys?”
She gave him a scathing look. “Yeah, and monsters under the bed. No. For scientists and security teams.” He thought the sarcasm wasn’t supposed to start until the teenage years. Clearly, she’d gotten a head start.
“That sounds like an important job,” he agreed. Keeping a look out might allay her fears, though it could also make them worse. “You know that there are already patrols going around the area each day, right? And Geir, he’s the kraken that lives with Declan, can tell if someone doesn’t belong here. You’ll be safe for as long as you’re here.”
She scrunched up her nose. “Listen, I’m not traumatized.” It was adorable hearing her say the mature-sounding word with such disdain, but he would never let her know. “Like, it was scary at first, but mostly it was just boring. We watched TV all the time, and the scientists came in to take blood samples every few days. Sometimes they gave us injections that made us sleepy, and there was one that made you throw up.
“But like, they let us exercise and they let us all stay together. And we all had our jobs, so that we could escape when there was a chance. I can fight, too. And I have useful information.”
“I believe you,” he said. He was endlessly relieved to hear that May had probably been through nothing worse than watching a few hours of television with a bunch of older shifters looking out for her.
While Ro believed that Nina wasn’t as traumatized as he’d feared, she would still need to talk. Since she seemed to feel the need to be grown-up and responsible, maybe he could get her to open up this way. “Could you share some of that useful information with me? I’m sure it would be helpful to the people who are trying to shut the operation down.”
Nina gave him a dubious look. “Do you have a pen?”
“Um, no? I could find one if you think we need it.” He had no idea what was going on, but part of listening was letting her lead the conversation.
She drew herself up to her full height of perhaps four and a half feet. “Well, if I’m doing an interview, you’ll need to record it, right?”
“Ah, you’re entirely right. Could I use my phone, or would a pen and paper be better?” He wasn’t sure if it was ethical to record her, but he figured he could delete it later.
She sat down on the bank, looking defeated. “You don’t take me seriously either.”
Rohahen took a moment to decide how to respond. Childhood was always a more difficult time than it appeared. And he’d been trying to take her seriously.
May was still splashing in the creek, her dress now entirely soaked through. She looked like she didn’t have a care in the world.
Ro sat down beside Nina. “I’m sorry. I should have treated you more like an adult. I spend a lot of time with May, and she’s much younger.” Only by three or four years, but at this age it made a world of difference.
“I want to be a Sentry Leader. Like Kayla,” Nina proclaimed, like she was expecting a confrontation.
“Alright. That sounds like a good fit for you. I think you could do a very good job of protecting the tribe. You’ll have to get a lot of experience and education, but if you work hard I’m sure you can do it.”
She shook her head, pulling her knees to her chest. “Not if I’m a heart-singer.”
From behind the thin blanket of comfort that Achak had wrapped around him, Rohahen felt his heart opening again. He’d lived with the wrong gift for so much of his life, but seeing it in someone else was somehow worse. Especially when she was so young. She shouldn’t even have gotten her animal form for another six years or so.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Huh? Oh, um, nothing. I still think you could be a sentry if you want it enough.”
“Being a sentry isn’t the same as being the Sentry Leader. And you’re lying. I can tell. Remember? Heart-singer?”
Someone would have to talk with her about using her gifts more delicately. She certainly didn’t have any of the warmth and tact of most heart-singers. If anything, she sounded like Kayla.
“You know, you do sound a lot like our Sentry Leader.” Who had all the tact of a rampaging bull.
“OK, you’re telling the truth about that, but I’m not sure if it’s a good thing. I still want to know why you got all sad. It’s about me, so I should know.”
Ro took a deep breath. “It’s mostly about me, actually.” He hadn’t actually said this to anyone yet, even Declan. But if anyone understood, it was this fierce, precocious girl.
He tried to shape his swirling thoughts into words. “When I was young, I was convinced I would be a heart-singer. I used to spend all of my time in the heart-singer’s house, learning from Achak, when I wasn’t following the Guide around, listening to his stories.
“Sounds boring,” Nina commented.
Rohahen managed not to laugh. “The thing was, though, that when it came time to receive my gifts, I didn’t get to chant the heart. I was gifted with sharing strength instead.”
“Ohhhhh…” she breathed. Then everything came out in a torrent of words. “When I was trapped in that cage, the others told me that the shots the scientists gave me would make me shift, but that maybe if I thought really hard, I could choose my animal and my gift.
“Everyone was supposed to help each other out there, you know?” she explained. “The little animals could be sneaky, and the big ones could protect them. The one who was sort of our Chief, I guess, got to be an opossum, so that her thumbs could steal things and pick locks.
“The stupid humans didn’t even know about our gifts. They just kept taking blood samples to figure out how to make us shift. Or, to make us shift back into humans. I guess they already knew the animal part. So when they gave me the shot, I thought about being something big and ferocious. Like a cougar or a wolf.”
“Black bears are pretty ferocious,” Ro chimed in.
“Yeah,” she agreed. “That part worked. But I forgot to ask to be a strength-sharer. Like, I thought it would just happen.”
“Yeah, I thought it would just happen, too.” Ro agreed. He’d gone into his journey with no expectations, confident that the gods would make the right choice for him. Now he wasn’t so sure.
“But now I’m stuck, I guess.” She picked up a rock and threw it so hard that it hit the opposite bank of the creek and bounced back into the water.
“Careful, Nina,” he warned. “May’s playing there.”
She sighed.
“You know, I feel pretty stuck, too. But Declan? He has a different idea.”
“Yeah?”
“He says that sometimes he feels like he’s a little bit like a man and a little bit like a woman. And sometimes he feels like he’s a man, but a totally different type of man than, I guess, men usually are. He was saying that maybe I could be a different type of strength-sharer that's more of a heart-singer. Or maybe I’m just a heart-singer and no one else can see it.” He hadn’t quite admitted this to Declan or himself, but he’d been thinking about it.
He felt like a heart-singer inside. It meant a lot to him that Declan could see it, too.
“Really? So, could I really be a strength-sharer inside? Like, would my gift work for that?”
Rohahen shrugged. “One of the thi
ngs we’ve been learning recently is that technology can fill in for a lot of things that we used to use gifts for. When Kayla calls her team, she doesn’t do it from here.” He touched his throat. “She uses a cell phone.”
Nina giggled.
“The thing I noticed was that you were able to use your gift like a lie detector. I don’t know if other heart singers do that, but it seems like it would be a useful skill for a Sentry Leader, right?”
She nodded eagerly.
“And maybe you might be able to use your gift to communicate ideas or commands, too. I mean, people tell me that when I share strength that it has much more emotion in it than for other people.”
“Oooh! Let me see. Do it to me.”
Ro thought for a moment, then pushed a thought toward her. It was welcome, but he tried to infuse it with all of the care and happiness that he could muster. The base of his throat warmed, and she touched her own throat as well, as though exploring the sensation. If he truly had the heart-singing gift, she would feel it in her chest.
“Yeah, that was definitely different. Like, I heard the word, but I knew what you were feeling too. It didn’t seem like I was feeling it, but I knew that you were.”
“Yeah, that’s what other people have told me.”
“Well, I think you’d make a pretty good heart-singer.”
She couldn’t know how much it meant to him to have someone else say that. Or maybe she could. “And I think you’d make a pretty good strength-sharer.”
She beamed.
“Want to get back in the creek, now? I think May found a frog.”
They splashed in the water for another hour while Rohahen thought about what he wanted. Maybe he wasn’t a different kind of strength-sharer. Maybe he was a different kind of heart-singer.
It still hurt that Tier didn’t seem to want him, especially as the cloud Achak had wrapped around his emotions started to lift.
But this was something he needed for himself. If Declan could do it, so could he.
Chapter 5
Tier
The Hummingbird's Gift (Hummingbird Tales Book 2) Page 4