by Ella Miles
The exam was horrible. Not painful exactly, just uncomfortable. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over other people touching me. I would have much preferred one of the doctors I’m gotten used to that worked for Enzo to examine me, but I needed to go see a specialist. I need answers. As bad as the exam was, the wait for answers is worse.
I shiver as the AC kicks on, making my already cold skin feel like ice. The doctor was shocked when she touched me at how chilly my skin was, but she didn’t say anything. Nor did she remark about the scars she saw on my body. She just wanted to know if I was safe.
I chuckle to myself thinking about it. It’s such a ridiculous question to someone like me. Have I ever been safe? Will I ever be safe?
Enzo has tried ever since he fucked up to keep me protected. Something he might say he’s succeeding at, but I know better—he’s failing. Because I’m not safe.
The door starts opening. My heart races and the hair on my arms stand at attention. The doctor always knocks before entering. Whoever is entering isn’t the doctor.
I search for a weapon in the room. I didn’t bring a gun or a knife with me; I didn’t think I would need one at the doctor’s office. And I didn’t think if they found a gun on me, they’d be too happy. I wanted as few questions as possible.
Fuck, I didn’t even bring Langston with me. He’s still searching for any long lost family members I might have.
I jump off the table, and all I can find are tongue compressors. I grab them and then exhale sharply.
“You going to try and choke me to death or something?” Liesel says eyeing my pathetic weapons.
“You should have knocked,” I say, putting them back on the counter as I pull the paper dress tighter over my body. I reluctantly climb back on the table as Liesel grabs a magazine and takes a seat in one of the chairs in the room.
“What are you doing?” I ask as she flips the page.
“Reading.”
I frown. “Liesel?”
She shrugs. “I thought you could use some company while you wait. God knows they’ve made you wait long enough.”
Liesel might be one of the last people on earth I want waiting with me. She’s the only other woman Enzo has ever come close to loving. And she loves him as much as I love him. That alone makes us enemies.
“Thanks,” I say, swallowing hard as the door finally opens.
Liesel tosses the magazine and sits up.
Dr. Stanton enters, and from the worried look on her face, I know the results aren’t good. She ignores Liesel and heads straight for me. The doctor offers to take my hand, but I shake my head. Touching a stranger while getting some of the worst results of my life will destroy me.
But as the doctor starts speaking, I regret the decision. I need touch. I need comfort. I need love. I need something to hold onto. I already knew the truth, but her words will stop all hope.
“I’m sorry, Miss Miller…” she starts.
She might as well have set me on fire, that’s how badly her words hurt.
I feel a hand grip mine. I don’t look down. I know Liesel is holding my hand, and it doesn’t feel like a knife stabbing through my palm. It feels like comfort in one of the most soul-crushing moments of my life.
“…but the results show that you can’t have children.”
I blink once before the tears start, clouding my vision so I can’t see. Not only my present, but my future.
I can’t have kids.
I was never sure if I really wanted kids until this moment. Until it was confirmed that I couldn’t.
And it hurts. The emptiness is nothing I have ever felt.
I’m alone and have no hope of ever creating a life to continue my own. This life is it. And I’ll live it by myself.
I let myself be selfish. I let myself hurt for my own personal reasons. For not being able to have a biological kid. I let the feelings consume me. And only then, when I’ve cried all the tears for myself, do I cry for what this means for others.
I will never produce an heir. Unless Langston finds a miracle, I have no chance of becoming Black. No chance to use that power to help innocent people. No chance at keeping Milo from winning. And no chance trying to trade myself for Enzo. Milo would never want me now that I have no chance of ever becoming Black.
And I have no idea now how I can save Enzo…
My heart.
My fucking heart.
This pain will never stop. It’s suffocating me from the inside out. All the hope I felt after Enzo left and Liesel walked in to pull me from the depths of my desperation is gone. And I’m right back in the moment when Enzo was taken from me.
My body is numb. My cheeks burn with icy tears. My chest barely moves with shallow breaths. And I’m sure my heart has stopped, completely given up on life.
I can’t have a kid.
I can’t become Black.
I can’t save Enzo.
It’s too much. All of it.
I need a release, an escape from all it.
I feel a tight squeeze on my hand, and I know the doctor and Liesel are talking. I know they are trying to bring me back from the place I’ve gone. But they can’t. I have to find my way back myself. Enzo is the only one who could ever pull me from the cage I build.
That’s what I’m doing—building up walls to block all of this pain out. It’s the only way I’ll survive.
But I no longer care if I survive.
“NO!” I scream, it’s guttural, and deep, and lets out every emotion I’m feeling.
I know I shouldn’t yell in a doctor’s office, but the shriek was necessary. I’m not thinking. I’m barely existing.
Slowly, I come back down. Liesel is still gripping my hand and gives me a tight smile when I finally look at her. I thought she would give me a smart remark for yelling and crying over not being able to have kids. Many people aren’t able to have kids.
But that’s not what I see. Liesel’s eyes are puffy and red. And there are tears still running down her cheeks.
She looks at me like the news is as much her heartache as it is mine.
When she sees I’ve finally reentered the real world again, she turns to the doctor. “What options does she have?”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t think there is anything I can do,” the doctor answers.
“Really? Nothing? You don’t have some shots you can give her or surgery or anything to help her?”
She shakes her head softly. “There is just too much damage. I’m sorry.”
“What about surrogacy?” Liesel asks, not giving up.
I squeeze her hand, trying to say thanks to her without using my actual words.
The doctor’s eyes flutter up to mine, and I know she’s going to shatter that dream too. I can have kids. I can adopt. I can find a way to have children if that is what I want, but it won’t be enough to help Enzo.
“I’m sorry,” the doctor says again. And then I see the tears in the doctor’s eyes. “If you need anything else, a support group, information about adoption, anything, please let me know.” She squeezes my shoulder, but I don’t even register the pain. And then she leaves.
“Fuck her,” Liesel says, wiping her eyes.
I turn toward Liesel with wide eyes.
“Fuck her,” she says again. “She’s a doctor. She’s supposed to help people.”
“She did her best; it’s not her fault that I’m too broken to fix.”
Liesel’s head snaps. “Oh no, you don’t get to go feeling sorry for yourself. Hearing that was heartbreaking. You cried. I cried. The doctor cried. You got to feel the pain, but you don’t get to remain broken. Enzo still needs us. The Black company still needs us. Get your shit together.”
I frown. I can’t.
“I can’t save Enzo. And the Black empire deserves a strong leader.”
“Get the fuck up,” Liesel says, done with my moping. Apparently, the five minutes I allowed myself to cry is all I’m allowed.
“Up!” Liesel tugs on my arm, and I s
tand up.
She heads to the door.
“I’m still wearing the paper gown.”
Liesel rolls her eyes and throws clothes at me. “Then get dressed if you don’t want to flash everyone.”
I hurriedly change back into my jeans and T-shirt. And then I follow Liesel out of the office.
We hop into her Maserati, and I stare out the window, reminding my heart to beat and my lungs to breathe every other second so I stay alive. Right now, staying alive is the best I can hope for.
I don’t realize where we are going until we are stopped outside the club.
“What are we doing at Surrender?” I ask.
“Reminding you that there is more at stake than just you and Enzo.”
Liesel hops out and flicks her keys to one of the valets. I slowly climb out afterward.
I don’t want to go in the place filled with Enzo’s belongings. I don’t want to face all the men I’m not worthy of leading.
But Liesel won’t give me a choice. At least I can drink away my sorrows here.
I step inside and watch as Liesel struts. She’s wearing leather pants that hug her hips and a light grey sleeveless shirt that shows off her toned arms and just the right amount of cleavage.
She tosses her hair back, and every man in the room watches her do it.
I’ve never been envious of another woman before, but Liesel makes me jealous in a way I didn’t think was possible.
She scours the room as if looking for her prey. And in a second, she focuses in on her target.
I follow her eyes and find Langston sitting with a drink in his hand and the attention of every woman in the bar. Langston has a reputation for being a bit of a manwhore, but I haven’t seen it much myself. Mostly because I was always too focused on Enzo. Or I was hanging out with Zeke.
But watching him now, every woman is flocking to him. He’s not attractive in the same way that Enzo is, or even Zeke was. Enzo is dark, controlling, and power. Zeke was all muscle and strength, his muscles pouring out of him hiding everything else. But Langston is more clean cut. His hair is short and perfectly styled. His clothes fit his toned but not bulky muscles. He has a few tattoos, but not enough to make him look like a bad boy. His blue eyes are what draw in the women, and his sultry smile is what seals the deal.
His dimply smile disappears when he spots Liesel—glaring at him like he fucked up in the worst possible way. And I can’t help myself.
“Is there something going on between you two?”
“No, and there never will be. He’s a manwhore. He can’t even keep it in his pants when he’s supposed to be working.”
Liesel stomps off toward the offices.
I follow and collapse into the chair Enzo usually sits in. I take a deep breath, savoring his musky scent.
Liesel paces, waiting for Langston to enter.
“A peace offering,” Langston says, holding up two margaritas. He hands one to me and the other to Liesel.
“You are supposed to be working to find a relative of Kai’s, not flirting and fucking every woman within a five-mile radius,” Liesel snaps.
“Actually, my radius is ten. Women have no problem traveling to ride my cock,” Langston says.
I ignore both of them. “Did you find anything, Langston?”
He winces. “You seem to be the last Miller left. Other than your father, I couldn’t find anyone.”
I close my eyes, trying not to let the news affect me. I knew this was probably going to happen anyway.
“What about you? How did your appointment go?” Langston asks.
“Really, Langston? Read the room,” Liesel says sharply.
Langston collapses into the chair next to me, obviously reading between the lines.
“I’m sorry,” he says. When the doctor said she was sorry, it felt a little empty and cold. But when Langston says it, every syllable of his apology is dripping with the same pain I feel.
We are all silent for a moment. I work on gulping down my margarita. The empty sound the straw makes as I suck up the last of the liquid brings us all back.
They smile lightly at my slurping.
“So, what happens now?” Langston asks.
“I’m not sure. I guess I keep competing while we try to find any other way to find me a successor that fits the rules to keep Milo from taking the empire. And we try to find a way to save Enzo,” I say.
But I have no idea how to do any of those things.
The silence starts again, because none of us have answers. And honestly, I’ve given up hope of keeping Milo from taking the empire. All I can think about is finding a way to save Enzo.
A knock on the door brings us back to life. A man pokes his head in.
“Um…” he says, looking around the room. “Who is in charge? Is Enzo here?”
“No, I’m in charge while he’s gone,” I say.
He nods and enters. “A new client is here. She says she needs a security system and protection. I don’t know who she’s running from, but it’s bad. She’s scared shitless. I told her I would have one of you go talk to her and decide if we can take her on as a client, but from the look of her, I doubt she has much money.”
“Bring her to Langston’s office, and tell her I’ll be right there,” I say.
This is bigger than just saving Enzo. Although, I wish that was all this was because saving Enzo would be easy. Gather all our men and attack, get Enzo out, and put him into hiding. But the Black empire is so much more. It has the ability to help so many people.
And if Milo gets his hands on it, then women like this will have nowhere to turn—that can’t happen.
I stand up. “I’m going to go help this woman, which is what this organization should be using its power—helping those that need protection. And if Enzo or I get to have full control, that is how we will use that power. We can’t let Milo win.
“When I get back, I want every idea you two have on how to stop Milo from becoming Black. Either find me an heir or convince Enzo to change his heir from Milo to his own child or a different relative.”
“What about saving Enzo?” Liesel asks.
“I already know how to save Enzo.”
“How?” Liesel asks, staring into my soul. And I know she can read me as well as Enzo can. Maybe I wear my feelings on my sleeve too clearly.
“You already know the answer to that. It’s the only solution I’ve ever had.”
She nods.
And Enzo is going to hate me for it, but it might be the best way to save the empire as well.
8
Enzo
The bedroom is dark when I enter. Felix got me in, but that was all he could do. He can’t risk his life to help me save the girl. And if Milo finds out he helped me, he will kill him, so I’ll have to tell Milo I escaped on my own if he finds out what I’ve done.
But for now, I have more important things to focus on, like finding a way to actually save the girl, so this won’t all be for nothing.
The lights are off, but it’s not pitch dark like the dungeon Milo keeps me in. This bedroom screams luxury. The bed is an oversized king with gold and white sheets and a canopy overhead that looks like the bed belongs in heaven instead of this hell of a house. The floor is slick hardwood, and there are large mirrors on every wall, including the ceiling.
So the bastard can watch himself as he rapes women—disgusting.
But what I don’t see is the girl the guard brought here. Did we get the wrong room?
“Don’t take another step,” the girl’s shaky voice orders.
I stop. I don’t want to scare her, but I don’t have a lot of time to convince her to trust me.
“It’s okay, I won’t hurt you,” I say, trying to make my voice sound sweet. But it still comes out deeper and darker than I intended.
I spot the girl in the corner of the room. Her body trembles, and she’s holding a lamp in her hand.
I smile. She found a weapon, but that’s not enough to protect her. I’m her only
hope.
The fear is palpable in the room. It oozes from her body and fills the air. A man like Milo gets off on it, but me it pisses off and takes me to a dark place. A place where Kai was hurt, beaten, and tortured. A place she endured for six years because I was too stupid to go and save her.
I could save a thousand women like the one standing in front of me, and it still wouldn’t be enough to absolve me of my sins.
“Let me help you,” I say, not bothering to extend my hand. Even if this woman hasn’t already been beaten like Kai, I’m sure she still won’t want to be touched. Kai taught me a lot about what is needed to get permission to touch a woman—trust. And I haven’t earned this woman’s trust yet. Even if I save her from Milo, it probably won’t be enough.
“Leave me alone,” she hisses.
“I can’t.”
She trembles. She doesn’t see me as her ally. She sees me as her enemy.
I’m desperate to take a step toward her. I want to quickly scoop her up and drag her out of here. But she’ll yell and scream and draw more attention. And I don’t want to traumatize her if I don’t have to.
“I’m a prisoner too. I was the man in the hallway. The man with the bruises and crooked nose. The man with the two guards watching me.”
I hold out my hands, trying to show her the permanent scars on my wrists from the rope Milo used. But it’s dark, and we are twenty feet away, I doubt she can see the marks.
“Just leave,” she says sadly.
“I can’t. I need to help you escape. I can’t let you get hurt. I made a promise to a woman to save her, and by extension, any innocent woman like her. I won’t let Milo hurt you, which is what will happen if you stay. He will rape you. He might even try to get you pregnant because he needs an heir. But either way, the end will be the same. He will kill you.”
She gasps.
Fuck, maybe I messed up. I shouldn’t have been so crass and honest with her.
“Trust me. I may not be an angel, but I’m in the business of saving angels.”
I hold out my hand, hoping she will come to me. Because I really don’t want to frighten her.