by Apollo Surge
“I'll try to keep that in mind,” Tyler said, laughing softly. They were speaking quietly, just above a whisper, to ensure that Rita and Frank didn't overhear.
“I appreciate that,” Johnny said. Then, after a brief pause, he added, “do you, you know, have control? I don't mean to pry, it's just that, well, I am curious.”
Johnny felt Tyler tense a little behind him, and wondered if he had pressed too much.
“No, it's okay. It's just that I've only ever spoken about this with Father. When I was younger I didn't have any control whatsoever, which is why Father wanted to keep me hidden. Over the years I learned to control it though.”
“Why do you change then?”
“Why not? It is a part of me,” Tyler said.
“I know, but surely if you wanted to fit in...”
“Would you change being gay to fit in?”
“I guess in some ways I have. I'm not one of those people who want to be noticed that much.”
“But it's a part of you. And I'm sure you've had to express that side of you somehow.”
“Yeah, with Mel, she's the only person I've been truly honest with, before you. When we hung out together I was able to talk to her about other guys and our crushes and things like that.”
“And how did that make you feel?”
Johnny thought about it for a few moments before he answered. “Like a weight had been lifted from me. Like I was finally allowed to be free, to be myself. I guess it was like being out of a straitjacket.”
“That's exactly what it's like for me. When I'm a wolf everything is different. I see the world through different eyes. I taste the air differently, I can run faster, it's like I just break free of my body and let out all this primal energy.”
He spoke with such passion that it was clear to Johnny how much it meant to Tyler to be a wolf. Johnny wasn't sure if he would ever understand it completely, but it only made him more attracted to Tyler.
Johnny shifted his position to turn and face Tyler directly. He kept their hands together, and began to play with Tyler's hair with his free hand.
“Do you remember what you do when you're a wolf?”
“Yes. I'm still in control, and I still think the same way. I can't talk, obviously, but I can communicate with body language and things. And I can howl,” Tyler said, narrowing his eyes. Johnny smirked.
“And you haven't met any others?”
“I don't know if there are any others out there. I guess my parents must have been, but nobody has tried to come and find me. There were times when I would be out in the woods, howling loudly, hoping that somebody would come and find me to teach me more about this side of me.”
“You don't think you know everything already?”
“Do any of us? Father had studied the mystical side of things for most of his life, but he wasn't a true expert. He hadn't lived with the same sensations and experiences as I had, and as much as he was supportive, he could never understand that side of me fully. I guess nobody can...”
The pain in Tyler's eyes was moving. Johnny got a true sense of his loneliness, and he wished that he could do something to take the pain away. He leaned forward and planted a kiss on Tyler's lips, feeling the velvety softness and the rush of breath that accompanied it. Tyler grunted a little and kissed back. Their tongues darted forth, and their hands began to roam around each other’s bodies. Johnny felt the heat rising between them and although he wanted to stop because he was in his parent's house he found that he couldn't.
Then there was a knock on the door.
“You've got about half an hour before bed,” Rita called out. Johnny and Tyler gasped and panted for breath as they looked at each other and laughed.
“Thanks Mom,” Johnny said, rolling his eyes. “She's got great timing.”
Tyler was still laughing as he pushed himself up in a sitting position, leaning against the wall.
“I guess maybe you're right and we should wait until we're back home,” he said.
Johnny sighed and nodded as well, leaning back into Tyler's body.
“Are you looking forward to meeting up with Mel and Todd tomorrow?” Johnny asked.
“I'm a little nervous about that too. For so long my world was just myself and Father. I don't know how you handle being around so many people.”
“You get used to it. Mel is fun. I've told her a lot about you.”
“All good things I hope?”
“Undoubtedly. I'm not sure about Todd.”
“Why not?”
“He seems a little strange. And I've never known her to act this way around a guy. I guess I'm just a bit protective.”
“That's sweet. It sounds like the two of you are good friends.”
“The best. I'd do anything for her, and I know she'd do the same for me. I just hope that Todd feels the same way.”
“I'm sure that she is thinking the same about me,” Tyler said.
“Probably. She's always had my back. Do you mind if I ask you a couple more questions?” Johnny said.
“That hasn't stopped you so far,” Tyler replied with a teasing smile.
“Hey, I could be the strong silent type if you'd prefer?”
“No, I much prefer this. Speaking about these things with you helps me understand myself better,” he said. “Shoot.”
“Well, speaking of shooting, can you only be hurt by silver bullets?”
“Honestly? I have no idea. Father told me there were some common beliefs about werewolves. But I've never been shot with one, so I can't say. I'm assuming that when I'm in my human form I'm as susceptible as anyone to being shot, but I wouldn't exactly like to test it.”
“I guess that makes sense. What about turning people? Do people change after you've bitten them?”
“Well, again, I haven't actually ever bitten anyone so I don't know,” Tyler said.
Johnny was beginning to see the issue with his investigation. While Tyler was a werewolf, he hadn't been raised by werewolves and thus there was so much of his heritage of which he was simply unaware. Johnny decided that he wasn't going to ask any more questions like that for fear of making Tyler uneasy, and reminding him that in some ways he was still alone. There was only so much Johnny could do to make Tyler feel like he belonged to the world. There would always be this part of him that was different, and while there were some similarities between his hidden life as a wolf and Johnny's hidden life as a homosexual, Tyler's secret ran deeper than that. There were no special abilities or mystical culture surrounding homosexuality, but to be a wolf meant something different. Johnny knew that, and his heart went out to Tyler because he was isolated from his people.
“If you had the chance to meet more of your people do you think you would do it?” Johnny asked.
“Yes,” Tyler said without any hesitation. His eyes flashed with excitement at the thought, but they quickly faded. “I just wouldn't know where to begin looking. The only link I had to them was my parents, and they died. I still don't even know who killed them. There have to be more like me out there, somewhere, but I don't know where they are. Maybe it's for the better. I've been away so long that I could be a disappointment to them.”
“I don't think that's true. You've learned so much about yourself, I'm sure they would be proud,” Johnny said, placing his hand on Tyler's face, caressing it gently. He kissed Tyler softly again and he knew that he should tell Tyler about the letter, but he just couldn't bring himself to do so. Not yet. It wouldn't help anyway. It didn't say how he could find other wolves, only hinted that there was more to Tyler's life than meets the eye.
There was another knock on the door. This time it was Frank, telling the boys that it was time to head to bed. Both of them sighed reluctantly, not wanting to leave each other's company. They kissed and hugged again as Tyler departed to the guest room, and Johnny went back to his own room, holding the pillow close to act as a substitute for Tyler.
His mind was at war with himself the more he thought about the letter. Tyler
had been honest with him from the beginning about his true nature, and at the first opportunity Johnny had lied to him. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair, and Johnny wondered if he had spent so much of his life keeping a secret that it had become second nature to him. But what good would it do? It would only cause Tyler more anguish about the wolf part of him. Maybe it was better if he just let it lie, and allowed Tyler to enjoy this new lease on life. Sometimes a secret was there to protect others from harm, and in this case Johnny knew that was true.
Chapter Three
Tyler was shown to the guest room by Frank. Johnny's father didn't say much, but bid him farewell. In truth, Tyler was glad that Frank hadn't tried to make an attempt at conversation, for any attempt would have been awkward. Dinner had been troublesome enough. It was far different to what he had been used to. With his father, conversation had always had to have a point. They talked about something that Tyler had been studying, or a thought experiment, or an analysis of a story. Johnny's family talked of idle matters, inconsequential things, and it was going to be a lot of adjustment for Tyler to make.
But, he was willing to make it for Johnny's sake. This was the world Johnny lived in, and it was the world Tyler was going to have to live in as well. Even though all he really wanted was to spend his days in the manor house as he had been used to, he wasn't naive enough to think that was a sustainable way to live. He was never going to learn the truth of himself by staying out of sight, hidden away from the world.
His father had always told him that he had kept him hidden for his own safety, but for the first time Tyler had started to wonder if Christopher had been too protective. Tyler had now made connections in the world and nothing bad had happened.
Tyler slipped into bed, but wished Johnny was there with him. It didn't feel right not being close to him, knowing that only a few walls separated them. He yearned to be close to Johnny, but he would have to wait until morning to see him again. The connection with Johnny had been instant, but it was still difficult to trust that he meant what he said. Tyler had been conditioned to think that nobody would understand the wolf side of him, so even though Johnny accepted it, Tyler was afraid that eventually it would come between them.
He'd always been warring with himself though. Speaking about it with Johnny had opened up old wounds, especially when Johnny had asked him if he would seek out other wolves. That's all Tyler had ever wanted, and there had been so many times when he had begged his father to let him try and track down other wolves. Christopher had said it was too dangerous though, and futile. He'd always said that if there were any out there they would come and find Tyler.
So far, nobody had. Tyler wanted to learn more about himself and his parents. It shamed him when Johnny asked him so many questions about his heritage that he just couldn't answer. Tyler felt as though there was so much of him left untapped, all he needed was a guide, someone to teach him the ways of the wolf.
As he curled into bed he reached up to the necklace and fondled it between his fingers, as was his nightly ritual. He closed his eyes and whispered a message to his parents, hoping that it would reach them beyond the ethereal plane, up into the stars where the souls danced amid the night sky. Tyler breathed heavily, and despite the worries that plagued his mind he was able to fall into a restful sleep.
Tyler was standing in a forest, a ring of trees around him. He was a wolf, and could taste the heat in the air. He smelled animals roving through the underbrush, prey for him to chase. He licked his lips and felt the blood begin to rush through his body. He wanted to hunt, to give into the savage desire that filled his soul, to stretch out his sinews and sprint through the woods, chasing down the animals whose flesh so tantalized him.
But, before he could move he suddenly realized that there were other wolves around him. They seemed to come out of nowhere. The darkness receded from them and revealed them to his eyes. They were everywhere he turned. So many pairs of beady, golden eyes stared at him. Pink tongues lolled out of their mouths and saliva dripped from their jaws. A crescent moon hung in the sky, shining down silver light upon them, making their sharp white teeth gleam.
All of a sudden Tyler knew what it was like to be prey. He stepped back, intending to retreat, but he heard a soft growl behind him, warning him to stay where he was. He gulped and wondered if he should fight his way out, but there were just too many of them. They looked at him expectantly. None of them made a motion forward. It was clear they were waiting for him to do something, but what?
If only he had been taught by his own people he would know what to do. But why weren't they telling him? Why weren't they helping him? Why were they just standing there, staring at him relentlessly.
One of them opened his mighty jaws and howled. The shrill sound pierced the silence of the night and echoed into the vastness of the infinite universe. One by one the others joined in, until a deafening chorus surrounded him. Tyler's heart beat frantically in his chest. This was something bigger than him, but it was also something that he was a part of. He was a wolf. This was his birthright. He inhaled deeply and then arched his neck back, ready to join in the chorus, but when he opened his jaws and went to howl no sound came out.
No matter how hard he tried, his howl was silent.
The cacophonous noise faded as the wolves let their howls fade into nothingness. Tyler looked at them plaintively, but he couldn't even whimper. The wolves turned their backs on him and one by one they slipped back into darkness, disappearing from sight. Cloaked in mystery, they left Tyler alone. He ran forward after they had all disappeared, but they were nowhere to be seen. He tried to howl again, but again no noise emanated from his throat.
Tyler awoke with a gasp. His hand was still clutching the necklace around his neck, and his throat was dry. He coughed, just to ensure that he was still capable of making noise, and then sat up, knowing that he wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep.
The bed sheets were disheveled. He thought about waking up Johnny to talk, but decided that his parents probably wouldn't appreciate him sneaking into Johnny's room in the middle of the night. He went over to the window and pulled open the curtains, gazing out at the stars.
The dream had been one that had plagued him for a long time. Every time he tried to howl, but no sound had emerged. The wolves had always turned their back on him. Just once he would have liked them to take him with them and teach him about the ways of the wolf. He knew it was only the product of his own mind, yet he couldn't help but think there was something more. If he ever did find wolves he was afraid that they would act the same way, that he had been tainted by living with a human, that he wasn't worthy of being one of them.
Sighing, he left the room and made his way downstairs. Despite not being in the form of a wolf, Tyler still enjoyed a greater awareness of the world around him, and good vision in dim light. He went to the kitchen, and as he entered there was a sharp gasp from Rita.
“Oh my God Tyler, you gave me such a fright!” she said.
“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.”
“Trouble sleeping?” she said, gesturing to a chair as she went to turn on one of the kitchen lights. “I've gotten so used to getting up at night that I don't even need to turn on the light. Since there's two of us though I'll make an exception,” she said. Tyler squinted as the electric light came on and bathed the room in a bright glow.
“I tend to suffer from it. Maybe it's worse because I'm away from home,” he said.
“I've always had trouble. Which is strange because I do enough with my days that I should be able to sleep soundly. I've long since accepted that it's just a quirk. I end up getting up for a couple of hours every night, and then I go back to sleep as though nothing happened. Usually I do housework or some reading, in truth it's nice to have the place to myself. It's so peaceful and calm,” she said.
“I can understand that,” Tyler said. His home had always been peaceful and calm, and this was even more true since his father had died. “Would you mind if I had some warm
milk with honey?” he asked.
Rita smiled at this.
“I was just making myself some. Mom used to make it for us when we were younger. It's nice to know that Christopher remembered that...” she said, sadness falling across her face.
“I didn't realize it was something from his childhood,” Tyler said.
Rita poured some milk into a glass and placed it in the microwave for about a minute. Then, she got some honey and poured a spoonful into the glass, then handed it to Tyler. He sipped it, and felt instantly better as the warm, thick liquid slid down his throat.
“Oh yes, mom used to make it whenever we had trouble sleeping. It put us out like a light. Did he ever speak about us?” she asked. Tyler wasn't entirely sure how to answer. This was the first time that the two of them had been alone and Rita wasn't biting his head off. He was afraid that if he said the wrong thing she would attack him again, and Johnny wasn't here to stop her. He could have lied, but he knew that lying never did anyone any good.
“Not explicitly. I asked him about family when I began to understand that I wasn't his biological son. He always seemed to act with regret about it, but he said that he did have a family, and that they had their own lives, ones separate from ours.”
Rita sighed at this. “Christopher was always one to get himself lost in his own mind. All he had to do was ask and I would have...dammit,” she said, and bowed her head, wiping her eyes.
“I'm sorry,” Tyler said.
“No, no, it's not you. You haven't done anything wrong.” She took a deep breath to compose herself, and then she looked up at Tyler. He could see the tracks of her tears running down her cheeks, and the redness of her eyes, a redness that couldn't be entirely explained by the late hour.