by Olga Menson
"I'm confused," I said. "What does Little Athena have to do with you staying over? Also, what's this about a hospital visit?"
"Oh my god, do you really call her Little Athena? That's adorable!"
"Thank you, but you haven't answered any of my questions."
I was familiar with my sister's brand of distraction by being kind and cute. It didn't work on me. Well, not very often. Athena sighed.
"It's part of the tests related to the whole passing out thing. They didn't find anything at the doctor, so I have to get some more detailed stuff done. I swear I'm not going to have any blood left after they're done."
"Wait. They didn't find anything so...you have to go to the hospital?"
"Come on, Od. Are you really going to push me on this? I don't want to talk about it because I don't want to go. It's more needles and more doctors and more b...more time wasted."
I was chastened and was silent for a bit, worried that I'd offended her. Of course, I knew that I shouldn't push. I was just worried about her.
"Do you want me to go with you? I can cancel my stuff pretty easily..."
Athena laughed and then took my arm in both of her own, hugging up close to me. I felt her warmth and firmness press into me, and my treacherous body reacted immediately. I felt sick with myself.
"No, Od. They won't be doing anything too heavy. I'd like to meet you back at your apartment after, though. Maybe we could get lunch? And I could get a ride back home?"
"Sure," I said.
The rest of the way became something of a cherished memory for me. We were light and happy. We talked about movies we wanted to see, and Athena told me some very dumb jokes and very raunchy stories that she heard from her friends. It turns out dancers are very badly behaved from time to time. Nothing of significance was said, I don't think. She periodically held my arm, and it occurred to me that the few people that saw us out late that chill night thought us to be boyfriend and girlfriend. That felt nice, and for some reason, it didn't make me feel as bad as many of my other recent thoughts had.
I should have pushed Ath about the appointment. I should have asked her more about why she was suddenly was staying over at my place without asking first. I should have used my brain.
I didn't, though, so I was still happy for a time.
* *
"Are you hungry?" I asked as I opened the door to my apartment. It was small, but it was mine alone, and aside from a few pairs of t-shirts on the floor of my room, it was clean.
"A little, but don't feel like you have to do anything..."
"Please. What kind of host would I be if I didn't offer you the finest leftover food. Also, you have the metabolism of a weasel, so you should eat something."
"All right. What are we eating?"
I looked in the fridge and got out a casserole dish and drinks. Beer for me, sprite for her. Then I pulled out some plates.
"Cold chicken Alfredo."
"Sounds good."
We sat at my small kitchen table and dug in. Athena stole a swig of my beer when she thought I was distracted.
"Do you want your own?"
"Um. No. It tastes pretty gross to me."
"Do I need to point out that you stole some of mine?"
"Yeah, but it's ok if it's just a sip. And it tastes better when it's stolen. Forbidden things always do."
I laughed, but inwardly I wondered if that wisdom applied to other things as well.
"This is really good, by the way," Athena said, breaking my lewd train of thought. "You made the sauce by hand, didn't you?"
"Yeah. Thanks. I thought I might have added too much garlic."
"No such thing as too much garlic. I really miss your cooking, you know. Mom and Dad, uh, don't excel on that front."
"When I left for college, I swore that I would get better if only for the sake of any future children. It's helped with dating a bit, too."
"Oh," Athena said, "are you dating a lot?" Her voice had a slight coldness to it. She never had time for it anymore, so I imagined that me talking about it might make her a little bitter.
"Nah. I've managed to involve myself in too many things to be do anything but the occasional one-night stand."
Ath's eyebrows shot up.
"So, you're sleeping around then?"
"You make it sound like I'm committing a grave sin. No, I haven't really even been on anything like a date in months. And when I did have the occasional hookup, it was mutually understood that it was a one-time thing. Fun, but not what I really want."
"What do you really want?"
"Honestly? At some point in the future, I'd just like to meet a girl who's as weird as I am who loves me as much as I love her. I think that would be a nice start. What about you?"
Athena blinked. I guess she was surprised that I turned things around on her, but since she was giving me the bad cop routine, I figured that it was all right.
"Um. I guess the same but, there's no time," Ath said. Then, for just a moment, her smile disappeared, and a great sadness clouded her eyes. "There's never enough time." Her grim expression was gone as soon as it arrived, and I felt terrible for pushing. She must have been thinking about this a lot lately, with all of the changes going on.
We ate in silence for a moment, but I watched my sister. She was deep in thought. I was worried but also felt some kind of anticipation. My heart was trying to tell me something, but my brain couldn't figure it out.
"I need to ask you something, Od. And I would really like to have a true answer. Even if it's unkind, ok? Promise me."
"Ath, I'm not sure that..."
"Please. I know it's weird, but...I need to know, ok? And I swear that whatever you say, I will never tell a soul. And I won't think any less of you."
Her attempts to reassure me had done the opposite. I felt a dim sense of panic inside of me. Had she felt how strange I had been with her lately? Did she realize how sick I was?
"Ath, you can ask me anything. You know that, but..."
My sister held up her hand to stop me. It wasn't a motion of anger or annoyance. For the second time that night, tears welled in her eyes. She had something to say, and she wasn't sure she would be able to do it if she didn't do it fast.
"How do you feel about me?"
"I love you," I answered without thought or deceit. I didn't fill in the details, but I didn't hide any of the heat behind it.
"God. I mean. I know you love me. I mean...do you...feel...oh, this so isn't fair. I want to be safe. I want to ask you first, but that's not right. I love you, Od. You know, I do. You just don't know how much."
My world spun. I was ready for my big moment. My confession of lust and sin and the shattering of the most important relationship in my life. Instead, as always, Athena has shown how brave she was.
God, I must have been blind to have missed it.
"How much?" was all my coward's mouth was able to utter.
Athena did not look away, and I saw my own guilt reflected back at me. I knew then that she had felt the same sick shame and worried about how I would react. I wanted to reassure her, but she babbled, her mouth at a run.
"I'm in love with you. I have been since forever. I ignored it. I pretended it wasn't real, or that it was a crush. Maybe it was when I was little. But you're older than me, and I couldn't stop you from dating. I wanted to. I wanted to be annoying and bothersome and drive all of the girls in your life away. I didn't have enough time with you already, so I thought that I was competing for you. It was silly, and I knew it until it wasn't. I know you fucked her, you know."
"Who?"
Athena made a laughing noise deep in her throat, but there was no humor in it. I saw bitterness on her face, real and pure. I'd never seen anything like that.
"Don't you mean which one? There are so many, aren't there?"
"Not that many."
"You just told me that you have casual hookups!"
I got defensive at that.
"I also just told you that I haven't in
months. And why should I feel guilty about having sex?"
Athena looked lost, and I felt terrible. I could tell that this wasn't going how she had imagined.
"You...you should feel bad! Because...because..." Tears were rolling down her cheeks freely now. I had to say something.
"Ath, you don't have to say anything more, I..."
"Because you weren't fucking me, all right? Because I wanted you to fuck me! Not some random blonde from a bar! Me!"
The silence was all-encompassing. Athena looked at me, stunned at what she had just admitted, and probably by how she had admitted it. I realized that I knew exactly who she was talking about.
"You saw me with Sami, didn't you?"
"What?"
"The blonde. She was wearing a tight skirt with shiny boots. You saw us together. We dated for about three weeks."
"Y-yeah. I saw you together."
"Not just around town, though, either. You saw us together. Here."
"I just wanted to surprise you. We had practice, and it went late, and I thought about getting dinner with you or just saying hi. It went so well, I felt good about things."
"But, you didn't knock first."
"No. I saw you go inside with a girl. I stayed outside. I listened. I didn't want to, but I had to! You wouldn't understand!"
"You're wrong. So you watched us?"
"Yes. I listened outside until I heard...you know. Then, I let myself in with the spare key. It was so stupid, but...I had to know. I watched you. The way you just took her, the way she came on your bed. It was awful, and it tore my heart out. It should have made me realize how stupid and sick I was, but it just made me want you more. I wanted to be her. I wanted it so much."
I could have been offended. She'd violated my privacy. But I wasn't.
"Ath," I said quietly, "I love you."
"I know, you keep saying that, but..."
"No, Ath. I love you like you love me."
"You don't! If you did, you wouldn't have seen other women. You're not a coward like me, you would have told me and..."
"I didn't realize it until recently. I've always loved you, you know that. But something changed, and I started noticing you more. How beautiful you were. How sexy. How you would be an amazing lover."
Athena blushed, and I was amazed at myself now for being so bold.
"I...when did you notice? I'm not saying I don't believe you, but...I just need to know that you aren't just saying it to make me feel better..."
That was when I laughed. It may have seemed inappropriate. Ath's eyebrows certainly went up.
"You mean that I declared my love and intent to fuck you, my sister, just to make you feel better for wanting to fuck me? No. I'm not that selfless, and I wouldn't lie to you about this. Its been months for me, and I've felt awful about it."
"Don't! I mean...I don't want you to. I don't want to feel awful about loving you either. I...god. This is so fucked up."
"Maybe," I said, reaching across the table and taking her hand, "but it hasn't changed the way I feel about you. If you don't want this to go any further, then it won't. We won't even have to speak of it. But if you do...I'm not going to say no. I want you, and I can't pretend that I don't anymore."
Athena squeezed my hand hard.
"Oh god, I want that. I want you so much. You don't know, but...I have to confess something first. And even then...I won't be able to tell you everything that I want to. But I need you to listen, ok? And please don't judge me too harshly."
"You want to confess more?"
Athena laughed, but I was pleased to note that it was carefree and relieved.
"Yeah. So...you may have noticed, um, recently, that I have tended to dress in certain ways. Or find reasons to be physically close to you. Or...sleep next to you."
"You did all that to make me want you?"
"Well, no. I mean, I would have loved it if I had caught you looking or gotten you to say or do something, but...I did it because I wanted to. I wanted to be sexy for you. I wanted to sleep next to you. That night...when grandpa died..."
"Yeah?"
"I snuck into your bed to fuck you. I could blame the wine, but it was me. I wanted it so much. If you hadn't woken up, I would have touched you. I would have taken...taken your cock in my hand, and...oh fuck, I can't even say it..."
Athena was bright red now, and couldn't meet my eyes. I was, however, beyond shame. Now that I knew that she felt the same way, no amount of morality or brotherly protectiveness could stop me. I'd only stop if she asked me to. I stood up and walked around the table, then knelt by her so that I was looking up at her.
"Athena, I'm in love with you, and it's driving me crazy. If you tell me to stop now, I will, and I'll be good. I'll give you as much space or time as you need..."
"I don't want space, and we don't have time. I...I mean, I might be going to Sweden soon. What I want...is you. Tonight."
Our eyes met, and I was undone. Some of Athena's hair had escaped from its ponytail, and I reached out and pushed it behind her ear. She took my hand and pressed her face into it, kissing me on the palm before moving it down to her chest. She pushed it into her breast. I didn't resist. I grasped her gently, and she wasn't wearing a bra. Even through the thick material of her sweater, I could feel the hard pebble of her nipple. She moaned involuntarily and blushed bright red. I couldn't help but laugh a little.
"H-hey. Don't laugh at me!"
"I'm not laughing at you. You're just adorable, that's all."
"Oh, wow. What every woman wants to be told by a man who's groping her. 'You're adorable.'"
I hadn't stopped touching her. I never wanted to stop. I pinched her nipple gently through the fabric, and she bit her lip.
"Do you really think that it's a bad thing that I think my little sister is cute? Or that she's also very fuckable? Believe me, I tried to stop thinking about it. I thought I was sick. Maybe I am sick, but you don't want me to stop, do you?"
Athena shook her head.
"Well," I said, "then we should both be happy." Then I leaned in and kissed her. It was soft, and I could tell right away that she was inexperienced even at this. She wrapped her arms around my neck to hold me in place, and she was powerful for her size. I let my hands drift to her waist. I pulled away from her, and she chased the kiss, but I wouldn't let her.
"Hey," I said, slightly out of breath, "we need to talk about something."
"No more talk, just...um..." Athena said, too flustered to say the words.
"Yes, talk. Only a little bit. Are you a virgin?"
Athena looked away for a moment, then answered in a small voice: "Yes."
"All right. You know I don't care one way or the other, but if this is your first time, I think we might want to go slowly. We don't need to go all the way tonight, and if later you change your mind..."
"No!" Athena shouted, then more quietly: "No. We've waited long enough. I'm not a fragile flower who you're going to hurt, and I'm not impulsive or flighty. This is what I want, and I know you want it too. Please...please just...just take me. I'll tell you if I need to slow down."
Hearing those words coming from my little sister's mouth in that pleading tone pulled at my heart and my cock. There was no way I would be able to stop this.
I sighed, then stood up, taking Athena's hands and pulling her with me. I put my hands under her sweater and pulled it up slowly. She shivered but did not resist, raising her arms to make it easier. I set it on the table and took in the most beautiful woman that I had ever seen.
I knew that Athena was in good shape. I had no idea what effect that would have on me. Her belly was taut with firm definition and just the hint of abdominal muscles showing. Her curves were graceful and smooth, athletic if not voluptuous. Her breasts were small, well-shaped, and proportioned, with hard, dark nipples. Her natural skin, always pale, seemed to glow in the harsh kitchen light. I needed her, and she apparently felt the same because she stopped waiting for me to act and began to pull frantically at my
shirt, unbuttoning it with clumsy speed. I let her and felt more desired than I ever had been.
Once my shirt was off, Athena surprised me by tweaking my own nipple playfully, which sent a shiver down my spine. Then I could wait no longer. I pulled my sister into a fierce kiss, crushing her into my chest. She wrapped her arms around me and clung to me. I released her mouth and moved on to her cheek, and then her neck. I nipped and felt her gasp.
"You're going to leave marks!"
"Good," I said, consequences the farthest thing from my mind. I took Athena by the hand and led her to my small bedroom. I forced myself to slow down and got on my knees before her. I unbuttoned her jeans and unzipped them. I pulled them down, looking up at her. She stood nervously, uncertain, but excited. A flush had spread over her whole chest.
Athena's legs were, unsurprisingly, well defined, and muscular. I'd seen them before obviously, but never this close and never this much of them. She wore small, black panties, and I wonder if she genuinely planned for me to see them. I caught the scent of her arousal, and for a moment, my only thought was seeing more of her, but she stopped me with a nervous question.
"Do I look all right?"
"What?" I said, genuinely perplexed.
"I mean...I don't look too...I don't know, too muscular?"
"Athena, you are without a doubt the sexiest woman I have ever seen in my life, and I will fight anyone who says otherwise."
Athena laughed, delighted, and amused.
"You've never fought anyone in your life."
"Maybe I just never had anything worth fighting for before."
Then I hooked my thumbs in the waistband of her panties and pulled them down gently. She stepped out of them. Finally, my sister stood before me naked and vulnerable. God, she was shaved too. Completely. I guess she really had planned on going all the way tonight.
"Uh," Athena said, "w-what do you want me to do? I'm not very um, hey, what are you...oh fuck...oh, fuck yes..."
Athena was saying something, but I ignored her and started to kiss her on her thighs and mons. I stood and pushed her on the bed, on her back, then knelt between her legs again and began to lick and kiss her swollen, sensitive lips and clit.