by Olga Menson
"I'm sorry that things didn't work out, even if I am benefiting from you being here."
"Thank you. It's not like he's the worst person. He just wasn't who he led me to believe that he was. And when I realized it, we were tied together financially, had a house, and I felt like leaving would be like admitting defeat somehow. I'm so glad we didn't have kids. It would have made this all worse."
"What happened? If it's ok to ask."
"It is. He liked to spend money on women that weren't me. Oh, and fuck them, too, although by the end that was less of a concern. It would all bother me more, but I still have a job, and I'm out of debt, so I consider it a win. Really, if I compare this year to the last five, I'm on an upward trend."
"What a fucking dick," I said, feeling my face grow hot, "I can't believe that he'd do that to you."
I'd never been a guy who was interested in more than one woman at a time, and I really disliked cheating. And of course, I had a hard time seeing any situation in which I'd cheat on someone like Kerry.
"Of course you can't. Because you never would. Also my mom was right, you are swearing now."
There was a trace of the old adoring smile there. It disappeared quickly and I wanted it back. She went on.
"Where's Shanon? Is she not visiting this time?"
There was anxiety, an edge to her voice.
"No. Not ever again, either. We broke up."
"Oh. I'm...actually really surprised. What happened? I mean if you don't want to talk about it..."
"Nah. Its still fresh but I'm not keeping it a secret, at least not from you. She fucked one of my friends."
"Holy fuck, James. What a fucking bitch."
"I mean, she was so...so honest, so straight-forward. I never would have expected it. I probably wouldn't even have known if she hadn't told me. Granted, she did a bad job of it, but still."
I found myself wanting to defend Shanon still.
"How did she tell you? Did you get a text?"
"No. She showed up after work with the guy she was sleeping with and 'they' confessed everything. I know that it wasn't his idea. He'd have just kept it up because she's hot and he'd always wanted to fuck her."
"What the fuck is wrong with her? Oh my god I can't believe this!"
"You seem more upset about this than about your ex-husband cheating on you."
"Well, believe it or not I've had some distance on that. I was super-pissed at the time, and it was ugly, but none of them were...were my friends. That's really low, James. She has to know that. Did she even apologize?"
"Yeah. I told her to get out. That we were through, but I think she must have known that already. She's still fucking calling and texting. I blocked her but she just uses different numbers. I don't know why she's bothering. I'm glad you just showed up, honestly. I didn't want to risk answering again."
"Mom told me you were here so I dropped by on my way back from helping someone move. She obviously wants to work things out with you. Do...do you want to get back with her?"
"A part of me does. A stupid, masochistic, part of me that remembers all the good we had together. The rest of me also remembers the fights we had and the distance that was coming between us. A lot of that was my fault, but we're very different people, cheating aside, and I think it would just end with us really hating each other."
"It's not stupid to want to go back to her."
I laughed.
"Are you saying you approve?"
She looked away from me.
"N..no. I'm just saying. Its obvious she wants you back. And, you know..."
She trailed off into an uncomfortable silence. It was odd, to say the least. A second ago I was sure that Kerry would have beat the crap out of Shanon, and now, she seemed to be encouraging me to try again.
The kettle whistled, making both of us jump. We looked at each other and laughed. I put the water on the coffee and brought the press and the cups to the table, where I sat on the side of the table, close to her but not right beside her, like I really wanted to be.
Her face had a few lines on it, but I wouldn't call them wrinkles. She still looked much younger than someone in her thirties, at least to me. Maybe to me she'd always be that beautiful teenager that I'd fallen in love with. Her eyes were still amazing.
"Stop it," she said, laughing, "you're embarrassing me."
"Are you blushing?"
"No!"
"You totally are! You're blushing!"
"Only because you're looking at me like a weirdo."
"Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a creeper, I just..."
She grew serious.
"You just what?"
It reminded me of a different time, when I'd told the truth and been rewarded for it. Then I had simply been too stunned to lie. Now I told it on purpose.
"I'm just amazed at how beautiful you are. I probably always will be."
She leaned over the corner of the table and kissed me, smooth and fast. I knew exactly how she wanted me to respond and I did. The kiss lingered, but didn't intensify. We kept at it for a little while, then broke off, just looking at each other, in the eyes, inches apart. I was aware that she was breathing more heavily. Who knows where that would have gone if I hadn't heard my mom making a polite noise.
I didn't feel bad about being 'caught,' per se. We were both adults who'd known each other from childhood, and it didn't seem like my mother was surprised or disapproved of us being romantically involved. Kerry jumped back so hard she almost tipped her chair over, which would have been funny if not for the fear on her face, which I found pretty confusing.
"I didn't mean to interrupt," mom said, "I walked in just a moment ago."
"Oh god," Kerry said, "I am so sorry. I just, um..."
"Its fine, dear. At my age I'm not going to start judging two adults for taking comfort in each other."
I don't think either of us expected her to say that.
"Can I get some of that coffee? Then I'll leave you two alone to catch up."
I poured for all of us. Mom wanted hers black as midnight, I used cream, and Kerry liked a ton of milk and sugar in hers. Mom nodded and left, and for a bit we drank our coffee in silence.
"That is just so embarrassing," Kerry said, softly.
"Really? I mean I know when we were kids we kept everything a secret, but now...it just seems odd. Mom made sure I knew that you were in town, she was definitely encouraging me to see you. Hell, your mom seemed to be encouraging me too. If I didn't know any better I'd think that they were conspiring together."
Kerry's eyebrows shot up.
"No. That would just be...too weird. I mean, not that I would mind, its just. Ugh. Can we just say it's a lot to take in right now and change the subject?"
"Sure. You want to get out of here and go for a walk after this?"
"Oh god yes. I don't think I could look your mom in the eye right now."
Kerry's odd embarrassment aside, we finished our coffee and left into the early evening. It was dark already, and the wind made the leaves rustle in the trees. The smell of fall was everywhere.
As we strolled down the little residential street, I reached out and took her hand. She squeezed it and then leaned into my arm, like she used to.
"It's nice just to be here with you, like this."
"Yeah."
"So are we going steady again?"
"Going steady? I don't know," I said with false reticence, "we did just meet...I don't want to seem easy..."
"This is true, but your mom saw us kiss. That has to mean something."
"Speaking of which, why did you get so embarrassed?"
Kerry froze for a moment as I walked a few more steps forward.
"I just...I guess I was still used to us being friends-only in public..."
"I mean, I could understand the secrecy from back in the day. We'd been friends for so long and our parents trusted us and it might have been weird, and we didn't want them separating us or preventing us from being alone together. But now?
Are you ashamed to be with me?"
Her expression turned to shock, her eyes wide and earnest.
"No! Never that...just...you know, give me some time, ok? I wouldn't have any trouble being out with you anywhere. In front of my friends or anyone. Its just...well its weird to do in front of your mom. But I won't be weird about it any more, ok? I'll be open. Hell, I'll go on Facebook and change my status if you want me to..."
"That's not necessary. It just used to worry me, when we were kids. Even when we were so close. Even when my dumb teenaged brain wanted to run off and get married with you. I was always a little worried that it was a joke, or that I was just someone to fill the time, and that I was a secret because you were ashamed to be with me."
"No, James. Never. I...I should never have made you keep us secret."
I shook my head.
"Don't feel guilty. I'm talking about what I feel, not what others make me feel. I've had a long time to deal with...that voice."
"That voice?"
"Sorry. That's what I've taken to calling my depression. Its been worse in the last few years, but its under control. I don't think you ever meant to hurt me, not really."
She smiled, warmly, and took my arm again. We started walking in the dark.
"Good. Because to be truthful, I was proud to be your girlfriend. I just didn't want to mess us up."
I believed her. I had to. She was the dawn to the night that my life had become.
We told each other about our lives, our accomplishments, our small victories and minor defeats. Falling into old habits, we took the old route back to her house. Soon we found ourselves at her door.
"You, um, want to come in? Mom flew out tonight and won't be back until tomorrow at the earliest."
Kerry had a small mischievous smile on her face. How could I resist?
"Of course. Maybe we could order some pizza or something, I'm actually pretty hungry."
"If you're ok with it I can make us like a Caesar Salad or something. I do the dressing from scratch."
She must have seen my eyebrows go up. Kerry was never much of a cook. She chuckled as we went in.
"Come on," she said, "if you can become a published historical author, then surely I could have learned some basic culinary skills."
"My apologies," I said, taking my coat off, "my surprise was not meant to offend."
"I have some ideas about how you can make it up to me later..."
Kerry went up on her toes and we kissed again. This time there was no table to prevent her small body from pressing into mine and no one to walk in on us. Her hands were on my back and ass and things intensified quickly. I was starting to kiss her on the neck when she pushed me away. I was already very hard and now a little frustrated. She had a little teasing smile on her lips.
"Patience. You can't have dessert until you finish your salad."
"This is revenge for all the times I used to tease you before I entered you, isn't it?"
"No comment," Kerry said, laughing.
I was forced to admit to her that she did make a good Caesar dressing. We drank wine and flirted casually at her kitchen table. At the end I took our dishes to the sink and started rinsing them. Tradition dictated that since she made the food it was my job to clean up after. I felt her small form press up against me from behind and her hand rubbed my cock, which surged to hardness. I groaned.
"Oh, fuck, Kerry. That feels good."
"Dishes can wait," she said breathily, "It's time for dessert."
I spun in her arms, seeing the old hunger in her eyes. We kissed, hard, like striking flint on steel. Fire caught and I picked her up by her ass so I reach her mouth more easily. She giggled and wrapped her arms around my head. I wanted to carry her to her room but I suddenly wasn't sure if I could wait that long.
"You can still lift me so easily. Even if I have gained a lot of weight."
Now it was my turn to laugh.
"You haven't gained any weight. You're still the size of a baby mouse."
Kerry blushed.
"You'll notice it soon enough..."
"I don't exactly look like I did when I was eighteen either," I said, carrying her up the steps. It reminded me of another time, long ago, although I carried her more like a bride back then.
We were at the door to her room, and I nudged it open with my foot, walked in, and set her down gently on her old bed. She looked up at me, a mix of adoration and nervousness.
"Kerry, you're the one person who doesn't have to be anxious about what I think of you. You're gorgeous. I think I owe you though."
"What do you mean, you owe me?"
"I mean that you were naked and vulnerable the first time, and you trusted me so much. I guess it's my turn."
Kerry understood. As I took my top off I felt her hands eagerly undoing my belt and button. As I dropped my shirt she looked up at me as if for permission. I nodded and she pulled my pants and boxers down, my hard cock popping out, eager to say hi.
"Oh...I missed this," she said, licking her lips, "and...and you look amazing. Not like someone near thirty at all. God, James, are you sure you want me?"
I stroked her hair reassuringly and nodded.
"I want you so much, Kerry. I...I never stopped loving you."
Kerry smiled and took me in her mouth, briefly. I moaned. She released me again, quickly.
"You can have more of that James. As much as you want. Later. I need you inside me. Please."
She pulled her sweater off, revealing her breasts. They might have been a little bigger, sagged maybe the tiniest bit, but I wouldn't even have noticed if Kerry hadn't been worried. Her stomach wasn't completely taut like when she ran every day, but neither was mine. And really, she looked amazing. My cock twitched as I took her in, which probably did more for her self-esteem than any comment would have. It didn't have any idea how to lie, after all.
I needed to see the rest of her and as soon as she unzipped I was pulling her jeans off, and then her small black panties. I wanted to take more time but I needed to be inside her, needed it like air, like water. Her hips were a little wider, but somehow, all of the changes together made her even more attractive than she was at eighteen.
Sometimes I think that love, real love, is about appreciating someone and all the things that they have been through. We'd been romantically separated for a long time, but I appreciated every part of Kerry, and that included her past and any changes she'd experienced while we were apart. I loved all of her.
"God, Kerry. You're still so sexy."
Kerry blushed, beautifully, reddening not just in her face but chest and belly and the top of her thighs. She didn't respond, but she moved backward and turned, spreading her legs for me. She smiled at me, shyly. I moved over her, careful to support most of my weight on arms. I'd been with women closer to my own size or height, and for them, I could rest more of myself on them, but I was always afraid that I'd crush Kerry, no matter how tough I knew her to be. I think she loved the way I was careful with her.
My cock was at her entrance. Before I could do anything more, I felt Kerry's small hand on my shaft, guiding me in, impatient for it, demanding it. She made a little high-pitched noise, like a chirp, when I entered her. At first I thought I'd hurt her but I saw that she was looking at me with the most intense expression that I'd ever seen her make. It scared me a little, but it also aroused me even further.
"Oh, fuck, I forgot how good you felt inside me...James...oh god why...why did you ever leave me?"
That was, even in the heat of the moment, an odd question. Leave her? We mutually broke up, and by the time I met someone serious, she'd already been married for a year. I think I understood, though, deep within. Shanon had been the first real serious relationship I'd had after her. Prior relationships had been light, or one of us was more serious than the other, as happens often. I think Shanon might have loved me though, and I knew that I'd loved her.
Kerry must have felt like I did when she'd told me about the man that she would mar
ry. Happy for me, sincerely and truly, but also dying a little inside. All of this flashed through my mind as I bottomed out in my best friend, the love of my life. I was careful. It was easy for a larger man like me to hurt a small woman like her. I wasn't huge or anything, just about average for someone of my height, it was just the relative differences between our sizes.
"Fuck, Kerry, you're so tight, like...like before..."
Kerry smiled now, her old adoring smile. I knew that I was showing the same emotions. In that moment, there was nothing held back. We were both vulnerable and true. As I moved so did she. We were in perfect harmony, made for one another, flowing like water down a hill. We sped up and I edged her like the old days. Neither of us ever really had any trouble getting the other off, so we instinctively tried to make each orgasm better.
Kerry's nails dug into my back as she held on to me tightly. She was so close, so near, but I drug it out, slowing down, pulling just a little bit away. Then I returned, hard and fast, not rough, but certainly not gentle. She ground and rolled her hips against me. Her breath came in brief cries, She leaned back, desperate to kiss me, her small hands on my face, holding me where she needed me. Her body shuddered as the orgasm kept rolling through her, pleasure making her its puppet. At least, with a brief cry, the long, drawn out process ended. She relaxed in my arms, but I kept fucking her, bringing her back to the moment.
There were tears in her eyes, but I knew it wasn't from pain. I felt the same way, even if I couldn't express it. I was suddenly grateful for my bad fortune, for life putting me here at this moment, the right moment. Nothing was like making love to Kerry. At least in this way, nostalgia didn't lie. Each stroke brought me closer to my own moment.
"Oh James, that's it baby, let me make you feel good."
"Kerry, I'm..."
"I'm on the pill and I don't care. I don't care, baby. I need your cum and if I get pregnant, I'm ready."
Holy shit, that was too much. I came inside of her, rope after rope of cum filling her. She came with me, her muscles clutching me, milking me like she was feeding off of my life. I found myself looking into Kerry's beautiful eyes. That was when I saw it, just for a moment. Sadness and guilt, unmistakable. Replaced with love and pleasure as she came with me, more gently than before. Maybe she still felt a little bad about having sex with someone other than her husband. It wasn't uncommon and I wasn't going to say anything about it just because I wasn't decent enough to feel the same way about Shanon.