Like now, when he was sitting at his desk in his home office, staring blankly at the closed doors. He had just processed the payment that would take care of the funeral arrangements. The ones his mother was taking care of for them.
To his absolute horror, he’d found that Kylie had actually had a will drawn up. She had thought of everything, ensuring they were all taken care of in the event of her death. When? When had she done that and why didn’t he know about it?
Another tear escaped as he accepted the fact he probably did know. Kylie had likely mentioned it to him at some point, probably even encouraged him to do the same. Whatever it took to ensure the children were taken care of if something bad happened. She had always worried because their relationship was complicated. While Travis and Kylie were legally married, they weren’t legally married to Gage. Sure, there was a contract that bound them and covered some legalities, but it didn’t cover everything.
He took in a ragged breath, let it out.
How was he supposed to wake up every single day without her? How was he supposed to want to live another day without her? He wasn’t even sure he could. She was their everything. All of them. They were lost without her.
How in the fuck was he ever going to be able to sleep in their bed knowing she would never be there again? Knowing he would never have the rare moment of watching her sleep? Or waking up and making love to her before the day got started?
Tears dripped unchecked down his face as his chest constricted with every breath.
Who was going to be there to remind him that his socks did not belong on the floor of the bathroom? Or that it was his turn to pick up the kids from daycare? Or suggest he hire someone to mow the lawn because it would simply be easier and the kid down the street was looking to make some money for video games?
And the kids … God, how were they going to get through every single day without seeing their beautiful, loving mother? Who would make Kate chicken-and-stars soup when she didn’t feel well? Or add cut-up hot dogs to Avery’s macaroni and cheese? Who would cuddle with Kade on the couch and sneak bites of chocolate chip cookie dough right out of the tub while they thought no one was watching? Who would sing Haden those silly lullabies that Kylie made up because it made him laugh? And Maddox … would he even remember that his mother told him every night that she loved him to the moon and back?
She was gone. Kylie was dead and their lives were forever changed. The sun would never be as bright, as warm as it had once been.
And how in the fuck was Gage ever going to be able to look at Travis and not blame him for getting their wife killed?
A knock sounded on the door and Travis brought the room into focus. He didn’t bother wiping the tears. It wouldn’t matter. More would fall.
The door opened and his dad appeared. “Are you ready?”
Travis shook his head.
Never.
He would never be ready to say goodbye to Kylie one last time.
*
“We should go.”
Brantley looked up from his computer screen, saw Reese standing in the doorway to his office. He was wearing a suit, one of a few Brantley hadn’t even known the man had. Despite the gloom of the day laid out before them, he couldn’t help but think Reese looked handsome when he was all starched and pressed.
Sighing, Brantley glanced at his computer again, then closed the lid. He got to his feet, snagged his tie from where he’d tossed it on his desk.
“What were you workin’ on?”
“JJ sent a list of people Juliet’s associated with.”
“I saw it.” Reese started down the stairs. “I skimmed it last night. Sent her a couple more to add.”
Brantley followed, settling his tie around his neck. When they reached the bottom, Reese shrugged into his jacket while Brantley looked into the hallway mirror, adjusting the tie beneath his collar. He attempted the knot then grunted when he had to start over.
“Here,” Reese said, putting his hand on Brantley’s shoulder and turning him.
Brantley stared into Reese’s face while the man worked the tie like a pro. Less than a minute later, the damn thing was properly restricting his airway.
“I hate funerals,” Brantley admitted, although he wasn’t sure what speaking it aloud did.
“I do, too.”
With keys in hand, Brantley led the way out to the truck.
For the past few days, Brantley and Reese had divided their time between working with JJ and Baz to find Juliet Prince and assisting Trey and Charlie with family duties. Being that Charlie was dating Autumn Jameson, one of Travis’s cousins, she was helping out by babysitting and getting food when it was needed. Trey was filling in where he could, running errands for Curtis and Lorrie while assisting Reese with Walker Demo. Brantley hadn’t done much, but he’d made a point to ensure he was around if someone needed anything.
He figured it was beneficial in times like this to have such a large family. Not to mention to live in a small town. Every time you turned around, there was someone willing to help even if those grieving the most barely noticed what was going on around them.
The hardest part for Brantley was feeling as though this was his fault. It was difficult to look Travis or Gage in the eye knowing that if he’d only worked a little harder, searched a little more, it was possible he would’ve taken Juliet Prince down and this never would’ve happened. He knew the team was feeling the same, which was the reason JJ and Baz were working nonstop to find her. They’d enlisted the help of Luca Switzer as well as their new counterparts at Sniper 1 Security.
Still no luck and he hated the idea the bitch might go to ground again.
When he got to the truck, he held out his keys to Reese.
“You want me to drive?” The surprise in Reese’s tone almost made him smile.
“It seems fitting that it’s rainin’,” Brantley said as they headed toward town.
The temperature had dropped, too, almost as though Mother Nature was mourning this loss along with them.
“My brother and RT made it down,” Reese said. “They’re plannin’ to stay a while. Help with the investigation.”
“We’ve got a guest room,” he said absently, staring out the window.
“I offered it.”
They drove in silence the rest of the way, neither of them feeling the need for small talk.
A short time later, Brantley was filing into the church behind his uncle Joseph and aunt Rosalynn. They were greeted by Pastor Bob then by Kylie’s father, Joe Prescott, and Joe’s wife, Melissa. Curtis and Lorrie were there, as was Travis, who was standing off to the side, alone. Brantley didn’t see Gage or the kids yet but knew they were coming.
Everyone was coming today. It wouldn’t surprise him if the entire town was there to celebrate the life and mourn the passing of a woman who’d been beloved by all.
*
Gage stared out the window, watching the trees pass by in a blur.
From the backseat of the limousine that would take them to the church, then to the gravesite, Gage tried not to think too much, fearful he might throw himself out of a moving vehicle, refusing to do this, refusing to say goodbye to Kylie, to watch as they placed her in her final resting place.
Tears clogged his throat, but he held them at bay. He had to be strong for the kids.
“Where’s Daddy-O?”
“He’s comin’,” Gage assured Avery, planting a half smile on his face. “I promise, you’ll see him in a little while.”
Gage had spent the past four days feeling as though he was walking through a nightmare without the benefit of knowing he would eventually wake up, that the horror he’d experienced could be put behind him. But this wasn’t a nightmare and he wouldn’t be waking up. The horror was now his new normal.
Kylie was dead, Travis had retreated from the world, and Gage had been forced to explain to his kids what happened and help them understand that, with time, they would all get through this, even if he didn’t necessarily believ
e it himself.
Thankfully he had help taking care of the details. Lorrie and Curtis were pitching in, cooking meals, helping with the kids, and delegating tasks and chores to Travis’s brothers. They were also helping Kylie’s parents and her sister, ensuring they had everything they needed so they could focus solely on grieving. Gage knew Jessie was having a difficult time dealing with the loss of her sister. She continued to blame herself, claiming she could’ve done more, should’ve done more. She was in denial, a stage of grief Gage was all too familiar with.
In all the time Gage had known the Walkers, starting back when he’d first become friends with Kaleb in elementary school, never had he seen them rally together quite like this. And that was saying something considering the Walkers were always there to help those in need. But this … this sadness was like a wet blanket shrouding everyone. They were doing their best to ensure he didn’t feel alone, but even with their kindness, Gage felt as though he had no one to turn to.
He wouldn’t deny it helped to stay busy, to have something to take care of, but it would’ve been easier if he had Travis at his side. Never had Gage thought he would be the stronger of the two when it came to something like this. Then again, Travis wasn’t giving him much of an option.
When the car came to a stop in front of the church, the kids turned to him. He could feel all those sad eyes waiting for him to direct them on what to do next. He had already explained to Kate, Kade, Avery, and Haden that today they were going to say goodbye to their mother one last time. Kate was in denial, refusing to believe this was real, retreating from everyone just like Travis. Gage couldn’t blame her. If he thought it might bring Kylie back, he would do the same thing. As for the others, he knew they didn’t truly understand it, but he thought it was important, as did the rest of the family, that they be here today.
The only person who hadn’t chimed in, hadn’t offered his opinion had been Travis. Try as he might, Gage could not get Travis to speak to him, and he had a feeling the man believed he was responsible for what happened. Gage understood how he would because he blamed himself, too. If he’d only trusted Travis’s gut when he insisted they find Juliet Prince and bring her to justice. If he had only listened, Kylie would still be with them today, not being buried one day after what should’ve been her thirty-seventh birthday. She hadn’t gotten to celebrate her thirty-seventh birthday. Never would.
Gage fought to breathe around the knot in his throat while he helped the kids out of the car, walked with them toward the steps leading into the church. His heart physically ached as he ascended those steps one at a time.
The door was standing open, Pastor Bob waiting inside to greet them.
But it wasn’t the pastor Gage saw first. No, his eyes instantly moved to Travis, who was standing there, looking as lost and as gutted as Gage felt.
“Daddy-O!” Kate yelled, racing right into Travis’s arms.
Without fail, Travis picked her up, held her tight to him, and kissed her on the forehead as all the other kids, save for Maddox, who simply kicked his feet against Gage’s hip, wrapped themselves around Travis’s legs.
Their eyes met over the heads of all their kids, and Gage felt a fresh wave of grief. He could see that Travis was doing his best to pull away from them. Not physically but emotionally. Gage knew the man would be there because they needed him, but even if he was there in body, he wouldn’t be there in spirit.
Problem was, Gage had already lost Kylie, the woman he loved beyond measure. He didn’t think he would survive losing Travis at the same time.
*
After having experienced the devastation of one miscarriage, Curtis Walker had been blessed with the birth of seven healthy boys. And from the first moment he laid eyes on each of them, he had prayed they would outlive him, that he would never have to experience the loss of another child, that his beautiful bride would never have to suffer that loss either.
Unfortunately, he hadn’t been specific enough with his prayer, because he now knew the loss of another child, felt the gut-wrenching pain of sorrow as it flooded his body.
No, Kylie wasn’t his child by birth. He hadn’t had the honor of hearing her first word or holding her hand on the first day of school. But he’d had the pleasure of witnessing her grow up. Only he’d seen it through pictures her father proudly showed anyone who wanted to see. Ones of her holding up her lunch box on those first days of school, some when she was proudly wearing her Halloween costume and preparing to take her little sister trick-or-treating. Even one of her standing beside her first car, her smile wide, her joy evident. Joe Prescott had so many pictures—birthdays, Christmases, graduations—so many but not nearly enough, Curtis knew.
Regardless, Kylie Marie Prescott Walker was as much Curtis’s child as his own sons were. Without her vibrancy, a piece of his heart was now missing, and he knew the same could be said for Lorrie and every other member of his family.
Curtis had watched his wife these past few days, knew the only reason Lorrie was able to keep moving forward was because she had to. She had to ensure that Kylie’s sister had what she needed because Lorrie refused to let Jessie endure another ounce of weight upon her shoulders during this impossible time.
And Lorrie was doing her best to support Joe and Melissa, Kylie’s father and stepmother, so they could grieve the loss of their oldest child, something that was painful enough without also dealing with the fact that yesterday would’ve been Kylie’s thirty-seventh birthday.
Thankfully, Lorrie had help. Every single one of them was putting one foot in front of the other, holding each other up, celebrating the beauty that Kylie had brought to this world while also suffering on the inside. Zoey, Kennedy, V, and even Cheyenne, who had put her tour on hold indefinitely, were taking turns watching kids, helping Lorrie cook meals, and sitting with Jessie when they forced Braydon to give his wife and himself a breather.
Ethan, Beau, Sawyer, Kaleb, and Brendon were assisting with chores, helping the women with the kids, trying to keep them entertained as much as possible. They were doing what they could for Travis and Gage; all the while, they were handling the loss as best they could.
As for him … well, Curtis was trying to remain stoic for those who needed him. Especially today, as everyone in the church dealt with the pain of losing one of the most generous and kind women Curtis had ever known.
He’d been sitting here, listening as Pastor Bob reflected on Kylie’s life, the fact that she and Travis and Gage had celebrated seven years of marriage last December. He relayed a few details of the day he had performed the unofficial ceremony to unite the three of them.
What Pastor Bob didn’t mention was that Kylie and Travis had been married … well, it would’ve officially been nineteen years in June. The first eleven of those years, no one had known because Travis and Kylie had split up without ever sharing the news. It hadn’t been until Kylie sought Travis out to sign divorce papers that they’d rekindled what they’d once had, and Kylie had found herself falling in love with not only Travis but also with Gage. Curtis remembered those days, the way Travis and Gage had been battling it out, until they finally gave in to the love that had developed between the three of them.
And since then, they’d had five beautiful children, whom they cherished and loved. The very children who clung to their fathers now, sobbing because their mother had been taken from them far too soon.
Also here to celebrate her life and grieve her loss was every single member of Curtis and Lorrie’s family. Aunts, uncles, cousins. They’d all known Kylie, most having spent a significant amount of time with her over the years, at family gatherings, birthdays, celebrations. But family weren’t the only ones gracing the pews of the church on this cold, rainy Thursday. The place was at standing room only because of the love and support that Kylie had garnered over the years. People, most of whom Curtis had been introduced to, had come from far and wide to grieve the loss as well as show their support for Kylie’s family.
He was simply glad t
hey were here, grateful that there were those who could help hold up the ones who were suffering the most from this incomprehensible loss. Curtis knew this was only the beginning. They had a long road of healing ahead of them and it wasn’t going to be easy, but together, they would learn to cope.
And each day … starting far in the future … it would get a little easier to breathe, to reflect. And the memories that surfaced would be a bit more vibrant without the suffocating haze of such pain.
Chapter Eight
Travis was numb.
If it wasn’t for that fact, he would probably be cold considering he’d been standing at Kylie’s gravesite for the past few hours. He had endured the final words, the sobs, the well wishes, and the departure of those who’d gathered. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to leave. He intended to be here until her casket was lowered into the earth and covered with dirt, unwilling to leave her side until he absolutely had to.
He couldn’t count the number of people who had tried to console him, urging him to go home, get some rest. And he knew exactly how many he’d spoken to. None. He had no words because there was nothing he could say that would make this okay in any way, nor easier to bear, so he’d kept his mouth closed and pretended to listen.
“Travis, they need to lower the casket now.”
He managed to drag his gaze over to see his father looking at him with such pain in his eyes. Beyond him, Pastor Bob stood by, his expression solemn. Travis could understand it. He knew everyone was feeling the loss, and while he had nothing to say, he wasn’t diminishing their grief in any way. He was simply trying to deal with his own.
“I need a few minutes,” Travis managed.
“Of course. We’ll wait until you’re finished.”
Travis didn’t care if they waited or if they left. It didn’t matter to him. Nothing mattered anymore.
Alibi (Brantley Walker: Off the Books Book 5) Page 7