by Tabitha Bree
I search the room, looking for an answer, a sign, anything to help me with the task. And then my eyes settle on the face I need.
Evie.
I think back to our time in the movie theatre, the way she dug deep and helped me see the merit in my work. I think about the easy way she connects with people, not just me, but the whole damn crew. I think about how she knew Gus’s talents before I did, simply because she was curious enough to ask. She has a genuine interest in people; an understanding and enthusiasm that’s intoxicating. Hell, she should be the one up here giving the speech. But I’m the director. I have to find a way to go from grumpy boss to motivational speaker.
I have to find a way to be inspiring.
Fuck.
“I know some of you might not be happy with me about the whole Damon thing,” I go on. “And I’m here to tell you…”
Some of their faces flinch, like they’re about to cop an earful.
“… you’re right.”
The demeanors around the room shift.
“Damon was a pain in my ass, but I could’ve dealt with him better. And I’m sorry I’ve stalled production. Especially after you’ve all been working so hard. I know I don’t say this enough—or ever—but I appreciate you.”
I catch Dee’s eyes, and for the first time in days, she’s smiling at me.
“The thing is, I need to ask you to keep up the hard work. As they say, the show must go on.”
“So it’s true then? You’ve found a replacement for Damon?” Jackson asks from the back of the crowd.
“We have.” I shield my eyes from the lights on the ceiling so I can spot the person I need. “Gus, can you come up here?”
In a couple of limber movements, Gus is next to me on the second level, a coy smile on his face. I grab his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “Team, you know Gus. He’s our new leading man.”
If I was concerned about the reaction to this news, I didn’t need to be. The crew greets Gus with cheers and grins. It appears he has more people in his corner than just Evie.
“We’re going to shoot the rest of the film with Gus. With some clever camera work and a bit of CGI, we’re confident we can pull it off. But we need your help.”
I take a step closer to the edge of the set.
“We’re still working to the same deadline, so we need to muster all our energy to get this done. I know I’ve let you down, and I know some of you don’t even like me. I haven’t always been the best leader, and I’m sorry.”
I make eye contact with a few people, hoping they can see my sincerity.
“But I’m asking you now to trust me, to help me. If we’re going to do this, we need all hands on deck. Each and every one of you has a job to do, and each of those jobs is important. You’re all important. I know it’s a big ask, but we can do this. I know we can do this. They say the sequel is never as good as the original, but…” I turn to Gus and pat him on the back. “I think they’re wrong this time. The next week of shooting is not only going to be a success, but it’s going to be great, for all of us.”
I look back at the crowd, taking a deep breath in.
“So let’s take Primal Nature out with a bang. Let’s work our asses off and make this film something we can all be proud of. Who’s with me?”
The crowd is quiet, and for a split second, I think this might be the most humiliating moment of my life. But then a gruff voice breaks through the silence.
“Fuck yeah. You can count on us, boss.”
Everyone looks at Joel, taken aback by his sudden show of extroversion, and then they erupt. The crew cheers and claps, some people punching the air, some people nodding. I’d usually be dying from the cheesiness of it all, if I wasn’t so fucking relieved.
Just as I’m about to step down from the set, I catch a pair of big brown eyes on me. Evie, at the side of the group. Grinning at me from ear to ear.
Our first few shots with Gus are like a damn dream. It’s almost comical how much more efficient he is than Damon. I’m wishing we had of just cast him from the very beginning as the lead role. Even his American accent isn’t half bad.
I don’t know if it’s his talent, my speech, or the fact everyone already knows Gus, but the clunkiness Nolan was worried about feels nonexistent. The crew and Gus work together like sugar and water, dissolving into one. And I know exactly who to thank for all of it.
I’m sitting in the side office when I see her face peeking through the open door.
“Hey, I saw you come in here,” Evie says, stepping tentatively inside. “Have a minute?”
“For the girl who saved the show?”
I point my hand towards the chair on the other side of the desk, and she takes a seat. “I’m not sure I’d go that far.”
“I would.”
We share a brief smile, but then it’s like the cloud that’s been following us around finds its position—directly over our heads.
So much has happened the last few days. And although it seems the film is back on track, the whole debacle has had its consequences. We may have made it out the other side, but we are battered. Bruised. I don’t know if we are being civil, if we are friends. I don’t know how I feel about us… or if the concept of us is just a distant memory.
She looks at the desk, biting her lip, and I wonder if she’s remembering our last time alone in here together. Geez, to think we had problems then. I would give anything to go back to that time together, before everything got so… complicated.
“I wanted to say something to you,” she says. “Now that we’re back on speaking terms.”
“Oh?”
I brace for it. What I’m bracing for, I can’t be certain. An earful about my behavior? Another apology? I hold my breath, waiting for her to speak.
“I wanted to say I’m so proud of you.”
A warmth creeps into the hollows of my body. “Of me?”
“The way you’ve turned this all around, what you said to the crew earlier. Adam, it’s incredible. And I know how hard it must’ve been to stand up there and face everyone.” She looks down at the desk. “And I know your dad isn’t around anymore, so I thought someone should say it. I’m proud of you. You did great.”
My chest swells and surges, like my heart has received a fresh influx of blood, rejuvenating and revitalizing my barren insides. Like I’ve been dormant and have just woken up. I look at the girl sitting across from me, staring at me with such sincerity in her eyes that I actually believe it. I’ve done a good job. I should be proud.
Everything is going to work out.
Having Evie in my life under any capacity is like a breath of fresh air. I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I know I just want her around.
“Thank you,” I say. And I hope she understands the depths of my gratitude.
She stands to leave, but stops at the door.
“And for what it’s worth, I was never interested in Damon. It’s you. It’s always been you.”
She steps out and I have the overwhelming urge to chase after her. To wrap my arms around her and kiss her soft lips. But I know that professionally, nothing has changed. She still needs us to keep our space, so I need to express my feelings in another way.
I pick up my phone to make a call but am sent to voicemail, so I keep it short.
“Eric. We need to meet about changing the credit for a member of the crew. I think they deserve more recognition. Call me.”
“Someone getting a promotion?”
I jump at the voice, for a moment thinking Evie came back.
But it’s Kylie.
“Hey, ahh… yeah, kind of.”
She steps into the office and closes the door. I’ve barely spoken to this PA, but usually the closed door is a sign that someone wants to have a serious chat. She’s probably disgruntled—I suppose there has to be some fallout for this whole fiasco.
“Who’s it for?” she asks.
“Well… they don’t actually know yet, so I probably shouldn’t say.”<
br />
“Is it for Evie?” She looks at me, smiling. “Don’t worry, I can keep a secret.”
I know I should wait until it’s official, but she seems sincere. And it will get out, eventually. “Um… yeah. She’s been instrumental in replacing Damon, and I think she deserves a production coordinator credit.”
“Wow.” Kylie nods. “I guess her hard work paid off then.”
She stands from the chair, heading toward the door. I guess she’s not disgruntled after all.
“Yep. She’s definitely been a great member of the team.”
Kylie laughs, her hand on the door knob. “That’s not what I mean.”
I walk around the desk. “What are you talking about?”
Kylie sighs, dropping her arms beside her. “Look, I respect Evie as a colleague, and I can’t fault her for wanting to progress her career. But… I know she’s been… involved, with members of the crew.”
“If this is about Damon, that was just a misunderstanding.”
And for the first time, I actually believe that.
“I know she wasn’t interested in Damon,” Kylie says. “She’s just very good at making the rounds. Haven’t you seen her rubbing shoulders with everyone?”
I frown.
“I guess she bit off more than she could chew with Damon,” Kylie laughs. “Not that she would’ve been mad about it. I mean, who would be? A guy like that kissing you?”
She touches the sides of her short hair.
“I guess some people are easily fooled by her sunny exterior,” she goes on. “But that’s the thing about sunshine. It can be blinding.”
I know she’s talking about Damon, but her words sink into my stomach like lead.
“Not that I’m judging her or anything. I admire her ambition. Making everyone love her? She probably already has a job lined up for after this is over. And this industry needs that—more women with drive. And a girl who will stop at nothing to get what she wants? That’s a force to be reckoned with.”
She opens the door and steps out to the sound stage.
“I just hope she doesn’t hurt anybody on her way to the top.”
31
Evie
Gus is a superstar. His timing is perfect. He picks up every direction with ease, and not once does he complain about harnesses or shoes or balls in his face.
He lands on his mark stuck to the floor, snapping his head up to the camera.
“Cut!” Adam calls. “That was great, let’s move on.”
The crew set up for the next shot, and I follow Adam to the other side of the set.
“He’s doing so well, isn’t he?!”
Adam’s eyebrows bunch down, and he doesn’t meet my eyes. “Yeah, he’s a natural.”
I expect a bit more enthusiasm, seeing as we made this whole change-up happen together. But it seems like ever since I stepped onto set today, Adam has been frosty. It’s like we’ve been catapulted right back to after he saw Damon kissing me.
But we sorted through all that.
Didn’t we?
Someone nudges me in the side and I turn to see Gus.
“Well look who it is. I’m surprised you still have time for me now that you’re on your way to an Oscar.”
He laughs. “For the girl who got me the gig? I have endless time.”
“Well… at least one person likes me.” I watch Adam sit in another chair, many feet away, despite the fact his director’s chair is right next to me.
“Adam?” Gus follows my eyes. “He’s just like that. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.”
I know there is no point talking to Gus about this. There’s no way I could spill my secrets to him. And without knowing the full story, he can’t understand.
But maybe there is someone I can talk to.
I look across the room and spot Dee, and without a second to reconsider, I march over to her.
“I need to talk to you.”
She doesn’t look up from her clipboard. “Shoot?”
“About Adam.”
She looks up and appraises me carefully. Her expression tells me she may be a few steps ahead already.
“You know, don’t you?”
“Come again?”
“Seriously, Dee… I know you know. About everything.”
She stalls for a second, and then sighs. “I basically beat it out of Adam. Please don’t be mad at him.”
“I knew he would end up telling someone, and you’re his best friend. I told mine.” I can’t begrudge Adam for confiding in someone he trusts. He is only human.
She nods. “He knew how important it was for it not to get out, and your secret is safe with me. I promise.”
“I’m glad to hear, but actually… that’s not what I wanted to talk about.”
I pull her further to the side, away from prying ears.
“Have you spoken to him since yesterday? I feel like he’s mad at me… again.”
“About the Damon thing?” She rolls her eyes. “He better not be. He filled me in on that too and I told him he had it all wrong. If you said nothing was in it, then nothing was in it.”
“Right. And I thought we’d moved past it, but I don’t know.”
I look over to where Adam is sitting. I feel like he’s purposefully stopping his eyes from drifting toward me. I always catch him staring, but this morning it’s like he would rather look at Brian’s butt crack than my face.
“He hasn’t really talked to me in a few days. You know how he is… he doesn’t exactly wear his heart on his sleeve,” Dee says, raising an eyebrow.
This is the understatement of the century. I didn’t even know Adam liked me until his penis was inside me.
“Here’s the thing about Adam,” she continues. “I’ve known him a few years now, and he’s one of the most stubborn people I’ve ever met. He’s bitter, he’s cynical… he’s got some proper angry old man energy going on.”
I snort. “No kidding.”
“But the truth is, it seemed like he was evolving since you’ve been around.” She smiles. “You’re a good influence on him, Evie. But I don’t know… people get stuck in their ways, I guess. And no one changes overnight.”
Could that really be all it is? He is just holding a grudge?
Seeing him sitting there with his shot list, I feel a deep, unrequited yearning in my stomach. I miss the man I went to San Diego with, the man who stuck up to my parents, the man I made love to in that hotel room. Adam was the first person to make me feel valued, to really see me for who I am.
Now he is acting like I don’t exist.
Maybe Dee is right, maybe there once was something between us. But being around him now hurts. And still wanting him when he obviously doesn’t want me anymore breaks my heart.
Maybe what they say is right—you can’t have it all. I could chase my career and I could make new friends, but asking for love is too much. Wanting Adam at the end of all this is just me being greedy. And it’s too late.
So there’s only one option left. I could be like Dee, climb the ladder to success, and put my heart on the back burner. But what I realize now is that I can’t do it around Adam, not for the rest of the shoot, not even for another day.
I sit down for lunch next to George and Joel, and I’m glad that Adam is nowhere to be seen. The less I see him, the better. Especially until I decide how I’m going to keep my distance while seeing through the rest of the film.
“Did you get what I left last night, George?” I ask, flicking through a noodle salad. “I was worried a racoon might get to it first.”
He laughs. “We sure did, sweetheart. Elsa loved it.”
“Good, good.” I smile down at my plate, still not putting anything in my mouth.
“Do you have any plans for work after we wrap?” he asks, sending a jolt of anxiety through me. With everything that has been going on, I’ve had no time to line up another job.
“No, not yet.”
“Ah, not to worry. You’ll pick up something in no t
ime, lovely girl like you.” He shovels a forkful of pasta into his mouth.
Jackson sets his plate down opposite mine and digs in. It appears everyone has a healthy appetite except me.
“We may not see you kids around much, starting tomorrow,” George goes on.
“Oh no, why not?” I look at him with rounded eyes. I’m already getting sad about saying goodbye to everyone. I’m not ready to start the farewells early.
“Moving over to second unit with Joel, so we’ll be working in another sound stage.”
Jackson leans closer to me. “Second unit film shots that don’t include the principal actors. Establishing shots, exteriors, crowd scenes, that sort of thing.”
I nod to appease him. I know what second unit do.
“So you guys won’t be with the main crew for the rest of the shoot, huh?” I say, even less hungry now. George is one of my favorite people.
“Sadly, no,” George says. “But don’t worry, sweetheart, you’ll get to have all the fun on the main stage. Gus is a dream to work with. Your last week will be great.”
I wish he was right.
But at this point, I can’t wait for production to be over. And I didn’t think I could ever feel that way. Everything is a huge mess, and if I didn’t know any better, I would say that mixing business with pleasure was a big mistake. But I do know better.
I know I could never regret my time with Adam.
No matter how sad I feel it’s over, or how sick it makes me when he treats me like a stranger, I can’t bring myself to take it all back. Adam gave me a taste of what it could feel like.
Love.
But it’s done. Adam’s done. And I can’t bring myself to have one more conversation with him to try to make things right. He’s made up his mind about me. That stupid incident with Damon has changed everything, and I can’t change it back.
And not only that, but something has shifted in him. I saw it the day he made his speech to the crew. Adam’s found his passion again, and he’s finding a way to inspire others. I care about him way too much to let him lose it again… especially if it’s my presence that drags him back down.