by Pepper Paris
“Roxie, they’re over here.” Sophia motioned from one of the chairs in the lobby.
“Where?” I questioned, taking her arm as we moved toward the ER.
“Your mom is with her, but they’re waiting on you to make a few decisions before they transfer them. They’re both comfortable right now.”
I followed Sophia, barely hearing anything she said.
A doctor spotted us as we arrived at the curtain containing my family.
“Ah, you must be the daughter. Let’s talk over here out of the way for a moment.”
“What’s wrong?”
“They are both stable for now. Your aunt suffered a heart attack caused by her heart condition. We were able to get it working again and she’s stable for now. She hasn’t regained consciousness yet, and we are going to place her in the ICU. The time it took for the paramedics to start working on her, and then her already weak constitution all make it difficult to tell if she’ll recover from this.”
Sophia put her arm around me, and I braced for the worst news.
“Your mother, on the other hand, had to be sedated after she fainted and then came to, screaming. She was causing so many problems surrounding the care of your aunt that we had no choice but to sedate her. She kept saying that she didn’t want to pull the plug on her sister, but you’re the one who makes those decisions. Is she on any drugs that you know of?”
I almost snorted when the poor doctor asked that question.
“You mean, what isn’t she taking? Honestly, I’ve been at school, but she’s an alcoholic. I know that she occasionally takes a pill to make her sleep, but I have no idea how often she does that or if she’s still taking them.”
“Thank you. As her closest living relative, you have the right to have her submitted for evaluation. It might help her cope with the loss of her sister.”
“I don’t think that would be a good idea. Let’s see how she’s feeling when she wakes up before we make any decisions.”
“Got it. Would you like to see them?”
“Yes, please.” I reached out for Sophia’s hand and gripped it as we walked to the hospital beds.
Aunt Saundra was just lying in the bed with tubes coming out of her mouth. The machines were beeping and keeping track of her heart rate, but I knew by looking at her that she was gone. They may have brought her back for a moment and jump started her heart, but that was going to be the last time.
My mom was in the next bed with only a curtain separating them. I peeked my head in to look at her and noticed how many wrinkles had accumulated on her face since I’d left for school two years ago.
“You’re her daughter?” A nurse asked when I didn’t leave or come all the way inside the small space.
“Yes,” I answered automatically.
“Let me get the doctor.”
“Wait, what? I already saw the doctor,” I called after her retreating form.
“That’s not good, is it?”
Sophia shook her head no. “Let’s not borrow trouble, though, okay?”
A doctor joined us shortly after, but he wasn’t the same doctor we’d spoken to just minutes ago.
“This is your mom?”
“Yes, she’s the woman who gave me life. Now, can you tell me what’s going on?”
“Your mother was causing problems and then fainted, so the staff had to find out what caused it. She came to but was incoherent, so they had to sedate her. In the process of ruling out what did this, we ran blood tests to make sure that we didn’t cause any problems with her other meds. I’ve got the results back and thought you should know what’s going on with her. She has cancer.”
“You can tell that from a blood test? What kind…and how far along is she?”
“We need your permission to do some scans to determine that, but her blood counts are way off, signaling cancer.”
“So you don’t really know if she has cancer, but she has the markers for it?”
“Basically. We’ll know more in a few hours. I’d like to move her to a room upstairs after we do the scans and see if we can figure out a course of action for you.”
“Sophia?” I turned to her because I didn’t know what we should do. My mom wasn’t yelling at me about what she wanted.
“Honey, your mom was going crazy when they were trying to start your aunt’s heart. I think it wouldn’t hurt to go ahead and sign off on it. It might explain some of her behavior.”
“We can do a few things without her being awake, but at some point she’ll have to come to so we can find out if she’s been having problems anywhere. It will help us pinpoint the exact location of the cancer.”
“You know what? Do whatever you need to, I don’t care anymore. You have my permission.”
I turned and walked back out to where I’d parked my car with Sophia hurrying to catch up to me.
“Don’t try to make things better. They won’t get better. Aunt Saundra is just a vegetable, mom’s alcoholism caught up to her, and I’m left to make all of the hard decisions by myself.”
“Maybe this will be the wake-up call that your mother needs to have you in her life.”
“Sure. I’m going to start believing in the Easter Bunny and Santa again. Wait, I never got to believe in them because my mom said it was stupid and I didn’t need presents.” I stopped and took a deep breath. “Sophia, I’m sorry. You aren’t the one I’m mad at. It’s not fair to blame you when you’re just making suggestions.”
“Oh, honey, I’ve been there before. Anytime you need to vent using me as a sounding board, I can take it. Ready to get back in there?”
“Yeah.”
I didn’t need to worry about how I was going to spend my spring break because most of it was spent at the hospital.
The doctors updated me that it was indeed cancer of the liver.
When my mom woke up, I was left with telling her what was going on with her body.
“Mom?”
“What are you doing here?”
“They called me when Aunt Saundra was admitted.”
“How is she? Are they ready for me to take her home?” She started to climb out of the bed.
“Mom, she’s not going home. They still have her breathing, but they don’t think she’ll ever do it on her own.”
“No, they have to make her better. She can’t leave me alone.” My mom started to yell, but instead it came out a weak protest as she fell back onto the pillows, her energy gone.
“You’re not alone. I’m here.”
“Hmph, I beg to differ.”
“There’s something else, Mom. The doctors had you looked at, and you have cancer in your liver. It’s a stage three so it’s still treatable, but you’re going to have to start chemo or radiation. Once we see an oncologist, they can give us a better idea of how to treat you.”
“I have cancer?”
“Yes, and they made an appointment with someone to see you tomorrow before they let you go home.”
“I’m not doing any chemo or radiation.” She crossed her arms defiantly.
“You don’t want to live? You’re going to give up before you even have a chance to survive? Don’t you want to see your grandkids someday?”
“No, I’m not a good person. Be honest, you weren’t ever going to bring any grandchildren over. I’ve lived a hard life, and not much has ever gone my way. If your aunt dies, I’m done. I’m not going to fight it. You’ll be better off without me.”
“Mom, I know it’s tough being a single parent, but you’re still my mom. You can’t give up.”
“I gave up years ago, I’m not about to start fighting now. I’m just going to get a little sleep. Check on your aunt for me, will you?”
“Sure.” I was so confused, because for the first time ever, my mom didn’t yell or insult me.
Sophia had been standing out in the hall, waiting.
“I heard what she said. I think it might be good for you to spend the summer with her if your aunt’s gone. She’s going to need you.”
&nb
sp; “Why now?”
“Honey, I can’t explain or make excuses for her, but she needs you now, and you’re only going to have one chance.”
“I’ll talk to my professors, but I think I still have to finish out this semester.”
“Oh, don’t give up your hard work. This summer will be enough to test your patience, and I’ll look in on her for you until you get home.”
Impulsively, I hugged her. “You’ve been more of a mom in the past year than she ever has, and I can’t thank you enough.”
My mom didn’t want any fuss, but she stayed at home most of the week, leaving me to sit up at the hospital watching my aunt breathe with the help of a machine.
When the doctors agreed that we had two choices, I made the decision. My mom wanted to be there and say goodbye one last time before we sent her off to the afterlife.
I stood just outside the room, trying to give my mom some privacy, but really curious what she was going to tell my aunt.
“We’ve been there through thick and thin, haven’t we, old girl? Now we’re just on the last journey, and it won’t be long before I join you. Never thought we’d make it this far, but I’m glad I had you with me. Otherwise, I never would have made it. Until we meet on the other side.” She picked up Aunt Saundra’s hand and gave it a pat before leaving the room.
“You can tell them to do whatever now. I’ll be downstairs.” She walked slowly to the elevator, her head held high.
The nurses made all the arrangements, and within minutes, had disconnected the life support machines that had been giving her body life.
I stood there alone as her heart slowly quit beating, waiting for the long beep that would signal it was over.
A nurse turned off the sound and covered her face with the sheet. “Is there a funeral home that you want her sent to?”
“Yeah, I’ve got it here.” I held out a piece of paper with the name and information. “Thank you for taking care of her.”
“Sure, honey. We’ve got her.”
I wasn’t ready to see my mom yet, so I walked around for a few minutes instead of going straight to the car.
There would be so many things to do before I went back to school, but I’d already gotten some of it done with the funeral home the day before. Now we just had to wait until her body was ready and we could have the service.
The funeral home did an amazing job of making sure that we could have the service before I had to go back to school on Monday. So Sunday morning, I put on a borrowed black dress, determined to get through the day and be there for my mom.
We’d decided to have the funeral at the gravesite instead of doing two services.
Sophia had promised to be there, as well as others that didn’t hate my mom or aunt.
They had seated my mother and I as the only family in the front row under the small awning to provide cover from the sun.
I heard a few people come in at the last minute, but I had to be strong, and if I made eye contact with anyone, I would burst into tears.
The minister the funeral home provided gave a short biography of her life, and tried to make her sound much better than she was. Mom had given me a few funny stories about her sister, and I’d passed them on to the minister.
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. May her spirit find peace.”
I held onto Mom as I walked her over to have one last look at her sister before they closed the casket.
As we turned to head back to the car, I noticed the three guys standing silently at the back. I continued to walk Mom to the car and started it so that she didn’t get hot before racing to meet them.
“You all made it.” I stood there, amazed as I looked from Carter and Wade to Kelly and Jay. “How did you know?” I look over to see Sophia standing in the back with a grin. “Look, I need to get my mom home, but can we meet for lunch?”
“Babe, that’s all we have time for before we have to catch flights out of here,” Wade replied with a quick hug.
“We knew it would be short and sweet, but we wanted to be here for you while we could.” Jay shyly accepted his hug.
“Kelly and I will follow and pick you up in about an hour?”
“Sure thing. I’ll have to get Mom settled.”
I turned back to the car with a spring in my step. My guys had come back to show me their support. I couldn’t believe they were here. I felt no sadness as I headed to my house, only joy.
Chapter Ten
Roxie
The last four weeks of classes had been packed with make-up papers and extra work that had been neglected for the past two weeks.
I’d talked to my advisor and had gotten an extension on a few things, but really, I only missed one week of classes while I’d dealt with Mom and Aunt Saundra. I hadn’t wanted to leave Mom at home alone, but Sophia had insisted that I go back to school. She was going to check in on her for me and take care of anything that came up until I got home.
Finally, the last day of school arrived, and I was ready to meet Kelly over by his dorm. A friend had borrowed his truck, and I was his ride home once again.
As I pulled up into the loading zone, I noticed that while Kelly had several suitcases stacked up, he looked really nervous to see me.
Dread filled my heart as I took in the uniform and determined look on his face.
“Kelly, what are you doing?”
He didn’t answer, but continued to put a couple of his bags into my car.
I grabbed his arm. “Answer me.”
“I’ve joined the military, Roxie.” He didn’t meet my eyes as he walked back over to his other bags sitting on the curb.
“Just like that?” I snapped my fingers. “No warning? They put that uniform on your body and told you you have to sign up right now?”
He looked up with determination in his eyes.
“Roxie, you know I’ve been searching for something this last year. I haven’t found that peace yet. When you spoke so passionately on the 4th of July about those that have laid down their lives, it got me thinking. Someone has to do the dirty work, and I’m a fit young man with no real plans for the future. School loans will kill me this next year, and signing up will mean that in four years I can come back to finish school knowing that I’ve done something for my country, but most of all for myself.”
“Far be it from me to dissuade you, but how is this the best decision? I mean, it’s all good to say sure, the military protects us, but some of them don’t come home. I don’t want to lose you.”
He pulled me into his arms. “It’s really out of the blue, and I never mentioned it because I wasn’t sure that’s what I wanted to do. I’ve been puzzling it out since spring break, and I think it would be the best thing for me to do. I should have talked to you before springing it on you without warning.”
“I think I’m sounding like a broken record, but why?” I looked up at him through tear-filled eyes.
“It’s the next step for me. I’ll still be home occasionally, but it won’t be as often as I’d like. That’s what makes this arrangement with the guys so perfect. They’ll be here for you while I’m gone, and then when I come home, it will be so much better for all of us.”
“I love you, and want you to do what’s best for you, but I won’t be okay with this for a while. You’re about to join the military, and they’ll own you heart and soul. It won’t be your own because they’ll be in charge of everything you do.”
“Roxie, I’ve never had a problem with authority, I just didn’t like what I was doing. It didn’t feel like it was a team. With the army, you’re a team, a unit of guys who have each other’s backs. I’ll be challenged to do more than I’ve ever thought possible.”
“Did you tell your parents?”
“No, I’m calling them from the bus on the way to boot camp. I don’t want to argue about it, so I’ll let them know what’s going on before we get there. I won’t be able to call you for at least the first three weeks, and then it might only be for a few minutes. I’ll try to
write you, though.”
“All right. I’m not going to stop you or try to make you stay here, but just know that I’m going to miss you like crazy, you silly boy.” I reached up and pulled his head down until our lips touched.
What started as a simple kiss turned into a passionate goodbye as we each poured our feelings into what could be our last kiss for a long while.
“Where am I dropping you off at?” I bravely held back my emotions so that he would be able to leave without knowing my heart was breaking into pieces.
“You’re not. The recruiting officer is picking me up in a few minutes. Can you take those other things back to Wade’s to store them for me?”
“Sure, babe.” I wiped at my tears.
“Thanks, Roxie, you’re the best. I love you, and I promise I’ll write as much as I can.”
“Just let us know how it’s going and where we’re supposed to come when you graduate boot camp.”
“Will do.” A small bus pulled up and he picked up his two bags to get on board.
“Bye, Roxie. Can you tell the guys? Tell them I’ll do my best to keep in touch with them, okay?”
“I will. Stay safe, Soldier.” I touched his cheek with my finger. Giving him a last squeeze, I stayed rooted to the spot.
He got on the bus, waving goodbye as they drove out of sight.
This wasn’t what I wanted at all, but it wasn’t all about me. He needed to find himself, and I needed to have a good cry. I got in my car and headed back toward my dorm because Sarah was still there. She wasn’t leaving until tomorrow.
I burst into the room, letting the door bang against the wall. One of her boytoys was sitting on the bed with his tongue stuck down her throat. Both of them looked up at me like I’d gone crazy.
“You, get out!” I yelled at the poor unsuspecting guy.
“What?” he muttered.
“I need to talk to Sarah, and you need to leave.”
“Go ahead, Brian. I’ll call you when I’m free.” Sarah had never seen me in such a state before.
“Roxie, what’s going on?”
“Kelly just left to join the Army.” I sank to the floor, no longer able to hold it together. I hadn’t cried when my aunt died, or when my mother ignored me through the entire week of the funeral and arrangements.