Of all the things June remembered from their conversation over breakfast, it was the fact that Aaron still wanted June to help him get over his fear of the dark that pressed on him most. He focused on that now, considering how they hadn’t actually done anything yet, and how, if he were going to spend the rest of this summer here, then he would have to step up his game soon. If anything, it might circle them back to the place they’d been when they agreed to stay together.
Before June left the tiny market, he snatched a black sleep mask from a shelf covered in dust and vowed to make something better of the situation. Even if it cost him his patience and sanity.
“Just try it.”
“Honestly, I would rather start this tomorrow.”
“Aaron, if you can’t do this now, then you are never going to. Come on!”
June knelt on the foot of the bed beside Aaron, eye mask in hand and determined expression on his face. He’d cornered the other boy here after leaving him alone for the majority of the afternoon. June hoped he would come around to being himself on his own, but after a while, when it didn’t happen, he decided to throw caution to the wind and cross his fingers his plan worked.
He’d approached Aaron with the lights on and explained his idea about making him wear an eye mask. He would still leave the hall or bathroom light on, so if Aaron got nervous or accidentally took the thing off in his sleep, he would still open his eyes to some source of light, and therefore not panic. June had no idea if this was going to work, but it was the only thing he could come up with that Aaron may not have tried by now. It was better than nothing.
And yet Aaron leaned back stubbornly, eyes turned away and dull, refusing to give June a reason why he didn’t want to give this a chance. It was ridiculous. They’d gone back and forth like a pendulum with each other; swinging side to side from wanting help and not wanting help, and back again. June was done bargaining. He was done with whatever this irritation was between them too.
“Aaron.” He blew out a noisy breath and stretched the eye mask between his hands. The elastic was tight from lack of use. “What is going on with you?”
June wasn’t used to taking the initiative when it came to these kinds of conversations. It was much better suited for someone like Angie or his mother; who had a natural way of making you feel safe instead of confronted. All June had was an ardent temper and lack of patience.
He had to try, though. Relationships were all about trying.
Aaron flopped back into the mattress and stared up at the ceiling fan with a blank, almost numb expression.
“There’s nothing wrong, June. I’m sorry, I know I told you that I want your help, and I do, but I just don’t want to start tonight. I promise we can start tomorrow.”
June wanted to cuss but held it in. His mind reeled back to the afternoon Aaron had gone down to the ice cream shop to call Arco. What exactly had that man said to his cousin to make him stop being so…soft? Aaron was typically very emotional and touchy-feely, and since then he’d kept his hands and his heart to himself. It was odd. And confusing.
It was making June feel pathetically unwanted.
He’d thought since Aaron found out about him dying and begged to stay here with him, he would be even more clingy and supportive, not the other way around. June thought Aaron would smother him to death in affection and love and somehow, in the end, June might feel like this whole experience was worth it. He realized, with a gentle and sorrowful sigh, that he wanted that.
Sadness gripped June’s chest alongside the irony and frustration. He wanted to yell, but instead, he tossed the eye mask across the room and gave up. Getting angry wasn’t the solution nor was pushing harder.
June slid silently off the bed and headed for the door. His shoulders sagged helplessly.
“When you wanna tell me what’s really going on, I’m all ears.”
He expected Aaron to stop him or follow him or apologize or something. But what he got instead was a grunt of acknowledgement, and the sting of rejection so sharp he wasn’t sure he would ever recover from it.
June found his shoes discarded on the linoleum like always and left as quietly as he could.
Throwing rocks at Angie’s window wasn’t something he was proud of, but it was something he’d done so many times over the last several summers that he felt a wave of nostalgia hit him hard when he bent to find a pebble in the grass beside her house. In a strange way, it made him feel at home.
It was well past ten a.m., and Ms. Delgado would be fast asleep by now, but Angie’s bedroom still glowed with the light of her ancient desktop by the window. He hoped she would hear him before he had no choice but to climb the trellis.
He threw four different stones (one that completely missed) before there was a movement between the blinds. They flew up in a hurry. He wasn’t sure if she could see him standing there in the dark, but he waved at her anyway. The window creaked and groaned as she fought it open.
“Angie!” he hissed.
“June? What are you doing here?” Her back-lit silhouette leaned out and peered at him. “Are you okay?”
“I need advice,” he admitted, voice tight. “Aaron’s being an ass.”
Her silence was confirmation enough; she didn’t believe what he said. Of course, Aaron wasn’t being an ass. He was just being difficult. He was being someone June would not have fallen head over heels for. Someone reserved and somehow still aloof. Someone who was not soft, nor rough around the edges. Boring. Numb.
“I’ll open the back door for you,” Angie suggested and turned away from the window.
June stepped around the neatly trimmed bramble bushes that separated the side of the house from the backyard that gave into the thick, overgrown forest. Moths gathered in frantic bunches around the porch light, their wings uncomfortably loud in the silence. It was nights like this, with the moon hidden beyond the trees and the earth crawling with life, that made understanding Aaron’s fear of the dark easier.
He felt guilty for leaving Aaron alone on a night like this, but there wasn’t any other option. He could choose to stay in the cabin and toss and turn all night until he was furious at himself and the other boy, or he could confide in his best friend until she made sense of the situation and laid it out in front of him.
June had total faith in Angie.
She opened the back door a moment before he reached it.
“What do you mean he’s being an ass?” She worried at the ends of her oversized T-shirt. “What did you do?”
June ushered her inside and followed suit, swinging the sliding glass door shut quietly behind him. The house smelled like incense and leather furniture as it always did. A comforting scent from his childhood that made him remember building Legos in the center of the living room.
“I didn’t do anything!” June fought to keep his voice low. “Or…I don’t know. Maybe I did, I have no clue.”
Angie ran her hands through her messy, thick curls and shook her head. Now that June could see her face, he noticed she had slightly dark circles under her eyes. She must have worked late today.
“Alright.” She shook away the sleepiness and stepped past the kitchen toward the staircase in the center of the house. “Let’s go. You can start from the beginning.”
June explained everything he could while curled up next to Angie on her twin size bed. They shared a pack of stale Sour Straws as June grew more and more desperate for a solution. She was quiet mostly, absorbed in what he said and occasionally petting his silky black hair to instill some level of calm through her fingertips. June appreciated the gesture but couldn’t relax.
“Do you think his cousin doesn’t like me?” June worried. “If Aaron told him that I kept my secret for so long, he might be pissed off.”
Angie hummed, sucking the sugar off the candy and licking her lips. She flipped open her cell phone with her free hand and blinked at the screen a moment. June waited impatiently as she arrowed between the tiny icons and went to her call log.
“First of all, I’m really glad you told Aaron. You needed to do that. Secondly, I’m sure he is dealing with it as best he can, and…” She selected a phone call from several days ago and handed the cell to him. “If you’re really concerned, why don’t you just call Aaron’s cousin yourself?”
June held the flip phone in his hand, staring at Arco’s number in amazement. Technology was both powerful and dangerous, and never once did he stop to realize Angie’s phone could trace him right back to the source of the problem. He swallowed nervously.
If Arco was mad at him and defensive of his cousin, then June wasn’t sure he wanted to make the call. He remembered how gloriously intimidating the man was back in Ventura, and while they had seemed to hit it off from the beginning, he worried how seamless their friendship might be with his stupid tragedy of a future getting in the way.
Would Arco stay mad at June if he knew how badly he wanted to patch things up though? That had to count for something. New relationships always had bumps in the road. Arco had to know that.
He clicked the call button and took a deep breath, brought the phone to his ear and was grateful Angie’s fingers returned to play with his hair. It rang a few times, and then a breathless, low tenor picked up.
“This is Arco.”
June was thrown by both the shakiness and the casualness of his tone. He cleared his throat. Stammered, “A-Arco? Hey, its June.”
There were a few confused seconds of silence, and then the shuffling of what could only be bodies tangled in sheets. June heard the much higher voice of Brynn hissing obscene things from nearby.
“I-Is that Brynn? Arco?” His brain derailed from the whole reason he’d called. “Did I…interrupt something?”
“I told you not to fucking answer that!”
“Brynn, no one calls this late unless it’s important!”
“I can’t believe you, you fucking dipshit!”
Arco, always unphased, returned to the call with June. Voice a little more controlled now.
“June, what’s up? Is everything okay? Is Aaron okay?”
June gaped, blinking at Angie lying next to him in utter shock. He knew Brynn was pinning after Arco from the moment they met, but he’d never anticipated Arco…the two of them… There was no way.
“Where you two having sex?” he demanded. There was no way Brynn and Arco were in a more progressive relationship than he and Aaron were! No fucking way! How dare this Valentine.
Arco laughed instantly. Loudly at first until Brynn must have turned over and pinched him or something. He broke off with a pained squeak.
“Hey, June.”
“What!?”
“Shhh.” Angie poked at him.
“We weren’t having sex,” Arco said so smoothly it was hard not to believe him. The confidence in his tone was something June could only hope he’d master one day. “Why did you call?”
June rubbed a hand across his face and shook his head, trying to remember what he’d even called for. Arco wasn’t pissed at him; there was no denying the friendly way he spoke. This whole conversation was going to be pointless.
“Um…well…” June began anyway. Maybe at the very least, Arco would know why Aaron was acting the way he was. They had more history together than anyone else; if this were normal behavior for Aaron, then Arco would know about it.
“I know Aaron talked to you earlier this week, and since then he’s been really weird. He’s not avoiding me, but he’s not acting normal either. I was wondering if maybe…I did something to piss him off. Did he tell you anything?”
June waited, hating every bit of what he'd just said and wishing he’d stayed in tonight and fumed to himself.
“June…I didn’t talk to Aaron this week.” Arco’s voice sounded softer suddenly. Concerned. “Did he try and call me?”
June looked at Angie as if she had the answer. She shrugged; shook her head with wide, mystified eyes.
“He talked to you,” June insisted. “He used my friend’s phone to call you, that’s how I re-dialed your number.”
“June, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
From far off, June heard Brynn saying something, but couldn’t make out the words. He waited, chewing on his bottom lip in frustration. Angie shifted next to him and pressed her ear as close to the phone as she could.
“Oh, man…” Arco sighed after a moment.
“What?” June demanded.
“Here, talk to Brynn.” There was another bout of shuffling, and a loud beep in his ear.
“Brynn?” June pouted. “Hello?”
“Hey.” Brynn’s voice sounded timid. Unsure. “So uh…I’m actually the one who talked to Aaron.”
June couldn’t begin to understand why this kid would be answering Arco’s phone, but it lodged a sharp stone in his stomach and made him scowl. What business did Brynn have dealing with Aaron? Something like jealousy tingled in his veins.
“What did you say to him?” June growled. If this little punk did something to fuck up their already fragile relationship, June was personally gonna go to Monterey and kick his ass.
“Listen,” Brynn pleaded, “I was trying to help him out, okay? He called because he was having issues with you!”
“What!” June jolted upright, throwing the Sour Straws off his lap and to the hardwood floor. Angie cussed at him to be quiet and kicked him in the leg.
“What kind of issues?” June’s voice grew more desperate. This was worse than what he was afraid of! Why did Brynn have to get involved? Why did Aaron have to go to Brynn in the first place? Was he having second thoughts about their relationship? Was being with someone dying too much to handle? Had Aaron come to his fucking senses like June wanted him to from the very beginning?
Brynn half-sighed half-groaned in his ear. June could imagine his steely grey eyes rolling up toward the ceiling.
“Why didn’t you tell me Aaron called?” Arco asked nearby and was ignored.
“Look,” Brynn said, “It’s not that big of a deal. Aaron was just sad because you weren’t reciprocating his affection. So, I told him to stop giving you so much of it.”
June could not believe his ears.
“Are you kidding me!” He kicked the quilt off himself and jumped up, growing more furious by the second. All the rational, logical parts of his brain scattered in favor of rage. “I-I like his affection! What the hell is wrong with you!”
“June, shut up!” Angie followed him as he paced around the room. “You’re gonna wake mom!”
Brynn scoffed on the other line, sounding far too oblivious to June’s turmoil to be that irritated. “If you like his affection, maybe you should show it to him?”
June was seething now. Brynn didn’t know a thing about their relationship, how could he be spouting out horrible advice like this? He’d made everything worse! All Aaron had to do was come to June with the truth, and things would have been ironed out like they always were. They may not be perfect or even good at this (who was he kidding, they were like oil and water), but they always figured it out!
“Next time I see you…” June snarled, “I’m gonna knock your teeth out!” He snapped the phone shut and clenched his jaw hard.
“Don’t!” Angie grabbed both his wrists harshly, voice high in panic as he fought to pull back. “Don’t you dare throw my phone!”
June released his grip, and it clattered to the floor at their feet.
“Relax!” Angie forced his hands back to his sides and held them there. “Hey…look at me. Relax.”
June did as told, face twisting in instant regret. Of course, his anger stemmed from guilt. Aaron was such a decent guy, and he’d done so much to show June how he cared. What had June done to return the favor? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
“I’m so stupid.” He wheezed, stepping back up against her bed and collapsing on it. He held his head in his hands. “What the fuck is wrong with me, Ang? Every time I think I have us figured out, something else goes wrong.”
Sh
e sat next to him, slender arm flung around his back and head resting on his shoulder. She spoke softly. Soothingly. “What exactly did he say?”
June flinched. “That Aaron called him for advice because I wasn’t reciprocating my feelings.”
“How can that be true?” she asked, pulling back slightly. A concerned expression on her freckled face. “You care about him more than like, everyone else combined.”
June did, but with the stress of everything going on between them, he had to admit he might not be the best at showing it. Everyone knew he sucked with words. He couldn’t just open his mouth and tell Aaron how much he adored him—he would rather light himself on fire.
“I don’t know,” June whispered, anger fizzling out into anguish. “I…I guess I just—”
The sound of Angie’s phone vibrating on the hardwoods stopped him mid-sentence. Antagonized him. The blue light on the tiny screen showed the same unfamiliar phone number he’d just dialed.
June made no move to retrieve it. Angie patted the back of his hand.
“He’ll leave a message if he has more to say.”
June knew he wouldn’t listen to any such messages anyway. Brynn could suck his dick for all he cared.
“At least you know what the problem is now,” Angie said. Always the optimist.
June swallowed the knot in his throat down to this stomach, where it sat beside the sharp stone and made him feel lethargic and ill. She was right. He did know what the problem was.
Now he had to fix it.
16
Nice & Slow
Playing emotional-tag with June was probably the worst thing Aaron had ever been convinced to do. He’d regretted it from the moment he started and found with each passing day it only left him exhausted and uncertain. June had no idea what he was doing and grew quietly more suspicious. Always using a roundabout way to try and coax Aaron into talking when he’d promised himself he wouldn’t go back on his actions. He was guilty, but he wasn’t going to tell June it had all been part of some immature plot to get his attention. Looking back at the conversation he’d had with Brynn made Aaron realize he’d been in the wrong from the very beginning.
The Maple Effect Page 34