by Layla Silver
“Me, too,” I whispered.
Dr. Carlton produced tissues from somewhere and slid the box toward me. “Are you in a position to take care of a child, Gemma?” she asked gently.
No. The only honest answer was no, and my heart plunged. There wasn’t a client. That meant there was no one to pay the surrogacy fee. “Are you stopping the payments?” I blurted, fresh alarm flaring. If they stopped the payments, how would I take care of us? I’d been working on getting a new copy of my accounting certificate, but it wasn’t here yet. If they cut the payments off now—
“No,” Dr. Carlton said, quickly, her hand moving to touch my arm soothingly. “No, this was our mistake. The payments will continue on schedule until the baby is born. But after that, if you choose to keep the child, you will need to be responsible for its welfare.”
Responsible. For an infant. How would I raise a baby in my little apartment, on the run from the cult? Would I even be able to get my family out with a baby in tow? Did I even want to raise a child? Yes, I was thrilled that it was Caleb’s, but I’d signed up to carry it, not keep it. What about Caleb? Surely he could offer our baby more than I ever could. My heart squeezed. Would he let me see the baby at all if he raised it?
“I don’t … I don’t know. About any of this,” I admitted, wiping at my face with the tissues. “I can’t even think right now.”
“This is a lot,” Dr. Carlton said, sympathetically. “Take all the time you need, Gemma.” She shuffled the papers in front of her for a moment, and then pulled one out and slid it across the table to me. “As of right now, Dr. Hawthorne is no longer your physician. You will be my patient, and all of your care will go through me. All of my contact information is here, as is the contact information of our counseling department. I’ve appraised one of our counseling staff, Ms. Tallendae, about the situation, and you are welcome to contact her at any time of day or night if you need someone to talk to. In light of the circumstances, I’m rescheduling the appointment you should have had today for next Monday at the same time, all right? We’ll address the physical check then and touch base about this, as well.”
I nodded. I started to pull myself together to leave, but Caleb spoke up. “Gemma.”
I looked at him, self-consciously aware of what a mess I must look from the tears.
“I’d like your permission to keep following your pregnancy through the online system like the client would have. If you’ll let me.” He gave me a small, hopeful smile. “I won’t interfere, I’d just like to follow …” he swallowed. “Follow my baby’s progress.”
Again, I nodded, unable to find my voice. He beamed, and the expression made my heart flutter painfully. I escaped as quickly as I could after that, fleeing the agency and curling up into a back corner of the bus that would take me home. I stared blindly ahead, unable to think about anything except the baby. My baby. Caleb’s baby.
Try as I might, I hadn’t been able to banish my feelings for Caleb. Everything about him drew me, like the tides following the moon. I’d accepted that I couldn’t have him, but now … now I had his baby. How could I let go, knowing that? Knowing I could have a piece of him forever?
But what kind of mother would I be? My family couldn’t support me—they needed me to support them. My apartment wasn’t meant for children, and once the surrogacy was over, I’d be on my own financially. I thought I could have an accounting job by then; I nearly had all my paperwork in order now. But if I had to pay for child care and support my mother and sisters, too … how far would it really go? And what did I even know about being a mother? What made me think I’d be any good at it? Didn’t my baby deserve the best?
Disembarking on shaky legs, I took the elevator up and locked myself in my apartment. Taking the phone off the hook, I peeled off my clothes and crawled into bed. It was the middle of the day, but I didn’t care. Pulling the covers over my head, I prayed for sleep.
Maybe, I thought desperately as I shut my eyes, maybe things will make more sense when I’m not so very tired.
Chapter 13 – Caleb
When my last client of the morning left my office, I stared out the window. Without immediate distractions, my thoughts returned to the loop they’d been running in for the last three days. The urgency of them had ratcheted up every day. Today it was almost unbearable. On impulse, I grabbed my cell phone and dialed Maggie.
“Hey, Mags,” I said when she picked up. I winced at the strain in my voice. “Can you meet me for lunch? It’s important.”
“Of course.” I could hear the change in her tone as she shifted straight into ‘serious big sister’ mode.
“Sushi?” I offered. “That little hole-in-the-wall by the park you like?”
“Now I know it’s serious,” she said. I could hear her moving around on her end of the line, already getting ready to go. “I’ll meet you there in fifteen.”
By the time I’d gotten my office closed up, hopped into my SUV, made it over, and found somewhere to park, Maggie had already bought us two combo platters and secured a table in the corner of the restaurant’s small patio.
“This was supposed to be my treat,” I chided.
“Suck it up,” she retorted cheerfully, pointing me to the chair opposite hers.
“You sure you want to sit here?” I asked, looking around. “There’s a sunnier spot over there.”
She shook her head, her eyes darkening. “Clay is pretty sure someone from the cult is following him around again. I promised I’d keep my back covered and my eyes peeled.” She broke her disposable chopsticks apart and pointed them at me. “Now quit stalling. What’s wrong?”
Under her concerned gaze, I broke. Keeping my voice low to keep from being overheard, I spilled the whole story. How I’d been a donor and my material was supposed to be destroyed when I got hired. Seeing Gemma in the waiting room that first time and being ambushed by feelings I couldn’t explain. Taking her home from the nightclub and how gobsmacked I’d been when she kissed me. The mix-up by the lab. The meeting on Monday.
“It’s killing me, Mags,” I finished. “I know she’s my mate, I know it. And now she’s carrying my baby, and it’s agony to be keeping my distance. I want her, and I want our baby.”
“Does she know that?” Maggie asked, her brows furrowing as she popped another bite of sushi into her mouth and chewed.
“I don’t know.” I crumpled my paper napkin in my fist, frustrated. “I mean, she kissed me, so I think she’s interested, and she said she might want the baby, too, on Monday. It’s not like I don’t have a shot.”
“But?” Maggie prompted, swallowing.
“But I can’t ruin the agency’s reputation, or my own, by getting involved while I still work there.”
“Caleb,” Maggie propped her elbows on the edge of the table and leaned in, her green eyes intent. “You are an amazing doctor, and it sounds like your boss—what’s her name? Dr. Carlton? It sounds like she’d give you a glowing recommendation. You don’t need this job. Why didn’t you quit on Tuesday?”
I felt a deep wash of appreciation for my sister-in-law. She always heard what I wasn’t saying and got straight to the heart of things. “I took the job to make a difference,” I admitted, meeting her eyes bravely. “It feels … selfish—greedy, to walk away from helping other shifters create their families just so I can have my own.”
Maggie sighed. “You Hawthorne boys. What am I going to do with the lot of you? You’ve all got big hearts and big gifts, and half the time, I can’t decide if that’s a curse or a blessing.” Huffing, she leaned over and caught my hand, squeezing it tightly in hers. “Let me tell you two things I know for absolute certain, Caleb, all right?”
I nodded and squeezed her hand back, praying she was about to tell me what I so badly wanted to hear.
“One.” She held up the index finger of her free hand. “Shifters will always need doctors. Every kind of doctor. There’re a lot of ways to do good in your profession outside of that agency.” She waited until I nodd
ed again before sticking up a second finger. “Two. Strong mated relationships are the foundation of strong shifter communities. I have never, in all my life, seen good come from two mates not being together, no matter what the reason. It’s not good for them, it’s not good for their offspring, or their prides, or the community at large. If this woman is your mate, Caleb, your first responsibility is to her. Everything else comes second.”
The rush of peace and energy that came over me nearly brought me to tears. “Thanks, Mags,” I said gruffly.
“Don’t thank me until you’ve done what I said,” she shot back, smiling to soften the tart words.
“I’m going right now,” I promised, compulsively picking up the debris from lunch. “Come on, let me walk you to your car.”
“You don’t have to.” She started to wave me off.
“If Clay’s worried about someone from the cult, I damn well do,” I corrected her as we stood. “There’s no way I’m going to answer for being the last one who saw you before you got kidnapped or murdered or something.”
I was half joking, and she made a face, but she let me walk her back to her car anyway. Weirdly, I did feel like we were being watched as we approached it. “Drive safe,” I told her as she climbed into the driver’s seat.
“Be brave,” she replied. Then she shut the door, turned the engine over, and pulled out into traffic. I headed back for my car, fresh purpose adding a bounce to my step. I’d never been surer of anything in my life.
Back in my office, I canceled my afternoon appointments. Then I started going through my files, making sure that everything was complete and up-to-date and penning hand-off notes where necessary so the other doctors could pick up my patients as seamlessly as possible.
I had just finished and was tossing my few personal belongings in a bag when there was a tap at my door. Dr. Carlton stepped in and shut the door behind her.
“Caleb,” she asked, moving toward me. “Are you all right?” She looked around, her attention lingering on the stack of files and the bag on my desk.
“Yes,” I said, lifting my chin and meeting her eyes. “I’m resigning my position, effective immediately.”
Her eyes widened. “Let’s not be hasty,” she countered, using that calming tone doctors tended to use with skittish or unreasonable patients. “I know the last few days have been a lot and that you’re under a tremendous amount of pressure. But what’s happened isn’t your fault. There’s no reason for you to leave.”
I shook my head. “There’s every reason.” I met her eyes again and held them. “Gemma is my mate, Dr. Carlton. I’ve been trying to ignore it for the sake of professionalism, but she is, and now she’s carrying my child. I want my family, and, for everyone’s sake, I can’t pursue them while employed here. I regret that I can’t stay—you and the agency have been wonderful. But my family has to come first.”
She was silent for a long moment, then nodded slowly. “I understand,” she said simply. Then she stepped closer and held out her hand. “I’ll be happy to serve as a reference, of course, and I wish you the best—both of you.”
“Thank you.” I shook her hand firmly, then took off my badge and set it on top of the files. Picking up the bag, I left.
In the parking lot, I threw the bag into the passenger seat of the SUV and then climbed into the driver’s side, energy still pulsing through me. Unable to wait even a minute longer, I dialed Gemma’s number on my cell. Taking it from her file was a small breach of contract, but no one would care. Not under the circumstances. The line rang twice before she picked up.
“Hello?”
“Gemma.” Hearing her voice made everything feel surreal. “It’s Caleb.”
“Oh.” She sounded flustered but recovered quickly. “Is everything all right? Is there a change to my appointment on Monday?”
“Yes. No. I mean—” I took a deep breath and blew it out. “I’m calling because I’ve quit the agency, Gemma. Look,” I forged on, willing myself to just get it all out in the open, “this is probably going to sound incredibly forward, but I’ve suspected since the first second I saw you in the waiting room that you’re my mate.” I heard her suck in a breath and crossed my fingers that that was a good thing. “And now you’re pregnant with my cub,” I barged on, unable to stop. “I think we’re meant to be a family, Gemma, and I’d like to try if you’re willing. Now that I’m not with the agency, there’s no reason we can’t. So will you go out with me? Tomorrow?”
The silence couldn’t have been more than a few seconds, but it felt like forever. I waited with bated breath.
“Yes,” she said suddenly. I let myself believe her breathlessness was the same excitement I felt. “Yes, I’d love to.”
“Great.” Every nerve seemed to sing with joy. “I’ll pick you up. How does six sound?”
“Perfect.”
We ironed out a few more details, and then I hung up, grinning like an idiot. I was going on a date.
Chapter 14 – Gemma
In desperation, I knocked on Viv’s door at 5 p.m. She swung it open almost immediately, her expression sliding from pleased to worried when she saw me. “Gemma! What is it?”
“I have a date,” I said, waving my hands at my face in frustration. “I tried to do a look like the one you did for me, and I got this.” I didn’t say help me because I was pretty sure I’d burst into tears, but she clearly understood because one hand shot out and latched around my wrist.
“Come on.” Pulling me inside, she shut the door and steered me straight through to her bathroom, as she had before. “Sit.” I did, and she fished around on the counter. “Where are you going?”
“The Fire Chamber,” I reported, dutifully. “I looked it up. It’s a brick oven pizzeria and bistro.” I didn’t mention that I’d looked it up online by myself, which was a rewarding testament to my improving internet skills. With the money from the agency, I’d been able to sign up for some basic classes at the library, and my proficiency was growing by leaps and bounds. I’d even managed to submit applications for several accounting jobs online.
“Oooh, nice,” Viv cooed, approvingly. “Close your eyes.”
I did, and she started wiping away all my failed attempts at makeup with a cleansing wipe.
“I’ve been there a bunch of times,” she informed me as she worked. “Everything’s delicious, and it’s got all sorts of cozy nooks and corners for privacy. You’ll love it. You’re not wearing that, though, are you?”
Eyes still closed, I grimaced. “I don’t have anything else.” While I technically had the income to buy more clothes, I’d been spending it on other things—like getting my own laptop. Not only did that let me research how to free my family from home, but I was also going to need it if I got one of the remote accounting jobs I’d applied for. Besides, my body was changing so rapidly that I wasn’t sure that any clothes I bought now would still fit in a few weeks. I’d been putting the problem off, just leaving my jeans unbuttoned where the slight swell of my belly made them impossible to close.
“Right,” Viv said, decisively. “Well, I can fix that. I’ve got lots of clothes.” I felt her dab at my face with a dry cloth. Then there was clattering as she sorted through her makeup. “Tell me about your date.”
“He’s handsome.” I could feel myself blush even though I tried not to. “He’s a doctor. Smart. Chivalrous.” I gave a small sigh. I couldn’t help it. “He’s amazing, Viv. I don’t want to screw this up.”
“Oh, honey.” She clucked her tongue at me as she bustled around, brushing cool foundation onto my cheeks and following it with a tingly sort of setting powder. “Don’t you worry about a thing. He’s going to love you.”
He already might, I thought, a little giddily. Caleb thought I was his mate. Please, I thought to any cosmic force that might be listening. Please let us be mates. Please let this work.
At ten minutes to six, I was back upstairs in my apartment. Viv had done what she called an “understated” look, which meant that in
stead of glittering gold, my eyes were done in a muted bronze that still somehow made them look bigger and darker than usual. My long hair was twisted up and pinned in place with an elegant hair stick, and I was wearing a drapey, glittery backless top long enough to hide the undone button of my jeans. Eyeing myself in the mirror, I brushed my fingers over the dangling golden earrings Viv had lent me and giggled a little nervously. I felt gorgeous and daring and like I’d swallowed an entire bucket full of butterflies.
A knock at the front door made me jump, and I hurried over, my skin heating in anticipation. Peeking out of the peephole, I saw Caleb. His black jeans perfectly highlighted his trim, muscular lower half. His white shirt was spotless, the top few buttons unfastened, under a charcoal gray patterned sport coat. He was stunning enough that I felt my mouth go dry.
Quickly, I opened the door, trying not to look as nervous as I felt. “Hi.”
“Gemma.” His eyes slid over me, all the way down to my toes and back up. I felt it like a physical caress and blushed. Heat trickled through me at the possessiveness of it. “You look great.”
“Thanks.” Still blushing, I grabbed my small clutch purse. “My friend Viv helped with my makeup,” I confessed shyly as I stepped out and locked the door behind me. I’d never had a boyfriend before, but my parents had always told me that good relationships were based on trust. I didn’t want to start on the wrong foot by making him think I was something I wasn’t. “I haven’t really learned the art of doing it myself yet.”
He offered me his arm, and I took it, surprised but pleased as he escorted me toward the elevator.
“My sisters-in-law tell me it’s an art form,” he said easily as we rode the elevator down toward the ground floor.
“You have more than one?” I asked, immensely interested.
He chuckled as we exited the building. “Five,” he confirmed. “I’ve got seven brothers, though. I’m the youngest of eight if you can believe it.”
He told me about them as he held the door open and made sure I was safely belted into his SUV, and on the ride to the restaurant. About his big, happy family, all of them shifters, and their wives and busy broods of cubs.