by K. A. Linde
“Wow,” I breathed.
“Yeah. And well, it didn’t work out with us after that. She broke it off and asked to remain friends. That it wasn’t me, just that she couldn’t be with anyone right now. She’s in therapy in Atlanta and doing a lot better. But it will never be that way with us again.”
“God, Cole, I’m so sorry. That’s … that’s terrible. I can’t believe that happened … and yet …”
“Yeah, and yet I can. It’s so utterly fucked.” Cole shook his head, the anger of the incident still with him. “And Jess said it was okay for me to tell you. I wanted you to know the truth.”
I put my hand on his. “Thank you for trusting me.”
“Lila, I love you.”
My throat closed in shock. We’d been together almost six months. I was sure that I was in love with him, but I hadn’t wanted to say it since he’d never said it. “I love you too.”
He swiped my hair out of my face. “I’ve wanted to tell you for so long. I just … I was jaded. So cynical about relationships. You were everything I wanted, and I don’t know … I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. But I don’t want to feel that way anymore. I want us to be together.”
“I want that too.”
“Tell me everything,” he said, pulling me close again. “Tell me everything about you. All the barriers, all the walls, all the cynicism. And I’ll tell you everything too. I’ll do anything to make this work.”
I nodded, letting the words finally out. “It started with my dad. He left when I was a baby. He stayed around for my sisters, but it was like I was one too many kids.”
“Fuck.”
“I never met him. He left my mom the house so that she wouldn’t come after him.” I shrugged. “It’s hard to trust anyone after that. To not take it personal.”
“I understand,” he said, looking off into the distance. “I feel like I’ll always be in my dad’s shadow. How much of my talent is because my dad had talent? How much of it is his connections in football? How many more times do I have to hear that I’m the son of the great Hal Davis before that’s all I am?”
“I never thought about how upsetting that would be. I always envied your relationship with your dad.”
“I love him,” Cole said at once. “He’s a great dad, but I want to be great on my own. Without always following in my dad’s wake.”
“We’re both a little fucked up.”
He laced our fingers together. “I guess we are.”
“Maybe we can try to heal each other … be something besides what our dads made us.”
“I’d like that,” he said softly.
I could feel the fight leaving him. He’d played a four-hour game today. I was sure he was tired, and after our declarations and the shift in our relationship, he was ready to sleep.
And I could have let him.
I could have held back. I could have kept my secrets. But we’d agreed to heal. How could I heal without confessing everything? Giving him it all?
“Before you sleep, there’s more,” I whispered.
He patted my hand. “I’m awake. Tell me.”
So, I did.
I told him everything about me and Ash.
And how we’d burned to ashes.
14
Savannah
May 5, 2007
Prom on my birthday couldn’t have been more perfect. My mom had taken the day off from work, both jobs, to make sure she was here for the big moment. We’d gone shopping earlier in the month to find me the dress. Then Josie had come into town, and with Marley, the lot of us got mani-pedis. We spent the rest of the afternoon doing my hair and makeup.
Now, I stood in my bedroom with Marley and Josie impatiently waiting for Ash to show.
“I can’t believe your dad let you drive down here all by yourself,” I told Josie.
She grinned, leaning back in her midriff-baring shirt and tiny skirt. Clothes Marley and I could never get away with. “Yeah, he said if I wanted to be there for your birthday, then I should be. You only turn eighteen once!”
“Nothing about your mom?”
She shook her head. “He didn’t say that I had to stay with her. And thank God, right? That would suck. I’m crashing with Mars. We’re going to do the whole slumber-party thing.”
I rolled my eyes. “Do try not to corrupt our lovely Marley.”
Marley swatted at me. “You two need to cut it out. It’s not like I’m unaware of what happens in high school—parties and alcohol and boys and stuff.”
Josie shot her a wicked grin. “We’re going to find a party and get in trouble.”
“Your grandparents are never going to let you go.”
“They think we’re with you,” Josie said. “It’ll be fine.”
Marley shrugged. “It’s going to be a disaster.”
I laughed. “I wish I were going with.”
“We wish we could spend this night with you too!” Josie said.
“Your eighteenth birthday!”
“What do you think Ash is going to get you?”
I shrugged. “I have no idea.”
But my eyes drifted to my bookshelf, where four different copies of Little Women rested in a place of prominence. One for every month we’d been dating. And this was month five and my birthday. I was hoping for another book. I wanted to fill a library with them.
The doorbell ringing sent all of us shrieking with excitement. I stuffed my phone into my dainty little purse and exited out of the bedroom after Marley and Josie. My mom was already at the door, pulling it open.
“Hello, Ash,” she said.
“Mrs. Greer,” he said with a nod. He’d never gotten used to calling my mom Deb, like she’d asked.
“Why don’t you come inside?”
“Thank you.” He entered, carrying a corsage box in his hand.
It felt like something straight out of a movie. My friends parted, allowing me to step forward so he could get his first real look at me. My dress was a full-bodied Cinderella number in a silver blue that made my blonde hair shine. The top was strapless and corseted with a sweetheart bodice.
It was the first dress I’d tried on and the most expensive. I’d tried on everything else in the whole damn store to try to convince myself I didn’t love it. But in the end, my mom had conceded that I was only going to prom once and it was worth it. I’d never loved her more.
“Wow,” Ash breathed. His eyes were wide as they dragged up and down my body. “You look incredible.”
“Thanks. You look great too.”
He was the kind of guy who already owned a tuxedo, but he’d personally gone to get a bow tie and vest in the same ice blue of my dress. It was practically the same color as his eyes. As I stepped up to greet him with a hug, I’d never felt like we were more of a matched set.
My mom hurried to the fridge to retrieve the boutonniere that we’d purchased. After a few awkward moments and a pricked finger, I managed to attach it to his tuxedo. Then, he slid the bracelet corsage onto my wrist. It matched my dress with ivory and dark blue roses mixed with baby’s breath.
My friends oohed and aahed at the arrangement. My mom took pictures. Then we were herded outside, where we posed together for picture after picture. It felt kind of ridiculous, but it was Ash, so I couldn’t even be uncomfortable. He kept a smile on his face and didn’t complain once about the number of pictures my mom wanted of us.
What felt like an hour later, we were ushered into Ash’s Mercedes and driving away for our dinner reservations at Garibaldi’s, an upscale Italian seafood restaurant that I couldn’t even imagine stepping foot in, let alone eating in.
“So … how’d it go with your parents?” I asked him now that we were alone.
He’d only told him parents about me five weeks ago. Their blowup had been like dropping an A-bomb in his living room. His relationship with his dad had always been tenuous at best, but now, it was outright hostile.
“It’s fine,” he said.
“You didn
’t tell them,” I accused. Even though I knew that his parents were the worst and they would have stopped him from going, I still deflated.
“I told my mom,” he said with a sigh. “She kept my dad distracted.” He glanced over at me with a grimace and took my hand. “I know it’s not what we wanted, but at least I didn’t have to sneak out. Let’s forget about it.”
I nodded. It definitely wasn’t what we’d thought it would be. I still hadn’t really ever been at his house. He had a trellis that I used to climb into his second-story bedroom, but they had a full-time cleaning staff, and he didn’t want to risk one of them finding out and telling his dad. Nor had I ever met his parents, obviously. Ash after dark remained in full effect.
Despite that fact, I tried to let it all fall off my back. We couldn’t change any of it, and I might as well enjoy our night. Garibaldi’s was even more delicious than I’d imagined.
“You ready for the dance?” Ash asked.
He took my hand as we headed back to his car parked several blocks away. We hadn’t been able to find a spot downtown for fifteen minutes and had almost been late to our reservation.
“I am very ready,” I said with more bravado than I felt.
In fact, I was nervous. This was actually the first time Ash and I would be out together. We hadn’t gone to any parties or been seen together, except with my friends and family. We skipped Holy Cross parties. We avoided the St. Catherine’s bonfires on Tybee Island. Instead, we spent all of our time together. Where we didn’t have to deal with the rest of the high school having an opinion about our relationship. And where I’d also come to realize … no one could go back to his parents about us. Strategic, if a little heartbreaking.
But Ash had insisted on prom.
We were doing this.
His dad would find out, but it was one night. And we’d get to have this night. On my birthday of all days.
Ash parked in the Westin parking lot on Hutchinson Island across the river from the riverfront. We entered through the lobby to the first-floor ballroom. The two high schools had joined together for prom, as was tradition. Otherwise, prom would have been too small for both. The ballroom was decorated in some vague Hollywood theme. But the best part of the space was the outdoors grassy area, complete with a dozen chic couches and chairs in front of firepits. The view across the river into downtown Savannah was spectacular, and more than a few people were already posing for pictures with their dates outside.
“This is even better than I imagined,” I gushed.
“Me too. I thought it’d be cheesy.”
I laughed. “Same. Or like that time Meg went out into society and everyone called her Daisy.”
“Laurie saved her then,” he reminded me as he pulled me out onto the nearly empty dance floor.
“Laurie was an ass!”
He grinned devilishly. “Yes. He generally was. But they danced all night after he apologized.”
“True.”
“As we shall.”
I gasped as he spun me around in a quick circle. “And who taught you how to dance?”
“I, unfortunately, was part of a cotillion last year. I had to be an escort and dance and everything.”
“Oh my God.” I chuckled, picturing him being so uncomfortable, doing just that. “Who did you escort?”
He frowned slightly. “Shelly.”
“Oh,” I said.
“Yeah. Ancient history.”
I chose not to think about that fact and went back to dancing. I knew everyone at my school. It was impossible not to with only three hundred and fifty in four grades, but I wasn’t friends with pretty much anyone. Not after how Shelly had treated me about the ski trip. Even the other girls I’d grown close to distanced themselves.
“Y’all!” someone called, rushing into the ballroom. “Shelly just showed up in a Hummer stretch limo!”
A group of girls hastened outside to see the vehicle. I rolled my eyes and kept dancing. But I was anticipating the moment when she showed up. It was hard not to with that kind of entrance.
Shelly Thomas made quite an appearance with Chuck Henderson on her arm and her group of lackeys following in her wake. She had on a bright red dress that clung to her skin and rippled in the lighting. She’d bragged over the last weeks about how she’d had it custom-made by a designer in Paris. Her dad had flown the designer in for adjustments.
I’d rolled my eyes then, but it was truly stunning. Definitely nothing off the rack for her.
I chose to ignore her, and while Shelly and her entourage were outside, taking pictures, I spent the next hour enjoying the freedom to be with Ash exactly how I’d always wanted. It wasn’t like we were hiding our relationship, but we weren’t not hiding. So, this felt like a whole new world with him.
We danced and ate dry cake and watched one of the Holy Cross guys spike the punch. “Hey There Delilah” came on the set list, and we both groaned. But then I said fuck it, and we were out there, singing and dancing louder and bigger than anyone else. The night was like a dream that I never wanted to end.
Until Shelly appeared out on the dance floor.
I tried to pretend that she wasn’t there, but she tapped me on the shoulder.
I took a deep breath and whirled around. “Hey, Shelly! Love the dress!”
“Thanks, Delilah. Yours is … nice too.”
A few people snickered behind her.
“Thank you,” I said, pretending that she wasn’t trying to insult me. “Have a nice night.”
Shelly sighed heavily, and I could feel her eyes on us. “I can’t believe it’s come to this.”
“Come to what?” I asked.
Ash looked steely. “Let it go, Shelly.”
“I mean … you two really are dating.”
“We’ve been dating for months.”
“Yeah. It was one thing for you to say that and another thing for him to bring you here.” She looked over at Ash. “It was funny at first, but now, it’s just sad, Ash.”
“Stop it,” he ground out.
My stomach fluttered. “What’s funny?”
“I don’t know how long this joke can go on, Ash.”
My voice was very small. “What joke?”
“I mean, obviously, he went out with you as a joke because I asked him to,” Shelly said, as if it were obvious.
“What?” I asked. “That doesn’t even make sense. Why would you do that?”
“It was a joke. Just one date and I’d tell everyone that it was fake.” She shrugged.
“But no … it’s not fake.”
Shelly pulled out her phone and scrolled through her texts. “Here. See for yourself.”
I numbly took the phone out of her grasp and read the text messages. My eyes rounded as I read and the last two jumped off the screen at me.
So, you’ll do it? You’ll go out with her?
Yeah, I’ll ask her out. It’ll be funny. She’ll think I’m actually interested.
I shoved the phone away from me. My hands shaking. I didn’t want to believe this. I didn’t want to believe any of this. This was Shelly Thomas. She wanted to hurt me. And Ash…Ash and I had something special. We did, didn’t we? It wasn’t just a joke concocted for Shelly’s benefit.
My eyes found Ash, but he had his closed, as if he couldn’t believe this was happening. Then, those ice-blue eyes opened, and I saw the truth in that look. A gunshot went off in my gut.
I staggered back a step. “Ash?”
“Lila …”
“No, no, no …” I said over and over again.
“It’s not like that.”
“I mean, I know that you wanted to humiliate her. But you took this to another level, Ash,” Shelly said with teeth. “I keep waiting for the punch line. Were you waiting for sex?”
I stumbled back another step. There was buzzing in my ears. Everyone was looking at us. Shelly’s lackeys were laughing. Chuck Henderson stepped up to congratulate Ash. Ash shoved him out of the way. He must have said something
because Chuck gave him a look like he was insane. It all happened in a millisecond.
Then, it crashed back down around me.
“Lila, please,” Ash said, reaching for me.
And I couldn’t handle it.
I couldn’t stand here and see Shelly’s triumphant smirk and Chuck’s bewildered face and the laughs from the cheerleaders and the entire fucking world crumble into pieces. And Ash … Ash standing there, pleading.
Before I could second-guess myself, I fled the ballroom. More students laughed as I ran. A few teachers and adults looked on in concern, but no one stopped me.
I ran like Cinderella escaping the ball. I’d been living a fairy tale the last couple months, and now, I was finally about to turn back into a pumpkin. No glass slipper could fix this.
Once I was outside, I pulled out my phone and dialed Marley.
“Lila!” she gushed.
“How drunk are you?”
“I refused alcohol. Josie, however, is drunk.”
“Can you pick me up?”
Marley was silent a second. “From prom?”
“Yes. Ash …” I choked on the word. “It was a joke, cooked up by Shelly Thomas. He was to date me and then humiliate me.”
“Fuck,” Marley said, completely out of character. “I’ll be right there.”
“Thanks,” I said with a sniffle.
I stuffed the phone back in my purse and trekked away from the hotel. I couldn’t stay here another minute. I’d meet Marley somewhere along the main road.
“Lila!” a voice called from the entrance to the Westin.
I ignored Ash and kept walking.
“Lila, please, stop walking.”
I heard him jogging in his fancy shoes to catch up to me.
I cursed myself for wearing high heels and nearly took them off to fling at him.
He reached for my elbow, and I swatted at him. “Leave me alone.”
“Would you stop walking, so we can talk?”
“No,” I bit out.
“It’s not like Shelly said. That’s not what happened.”
“Leave. Me. Alone.”