Hold the Forevers

by K. A. Linde

  “I swear, that’s not the truth.”

  I glared at him. “I saw the texts Ash. I read them for truth.”

  “Lila …”

  “Stop!” I shrieked. “Go back to the party, Ash. Enjoy your victory.”

  “It wasn’t a victory,” he told me. “I swear …”

  “Your word means nothing.”

  “I’ve never lied to you about how I feel.”

  I stopped dead in my tracks. He’d been marching next to me, and he nearly stumbled as he came to a stop.

  “Then, tell me it’s all a lie. Tell me none of it happened.”

  I’d seen his face when Shelly blurted out the truth.

  “Gah,” he groaned, running his hand back through his hair. “I did go out with you at first because Shelly had told me to, but—”

  I put my hand out. “That’s all I need to know.”

  “But the rest—”

  “Stop! You lied to me! You told me that you loved me,” I screamed at him. Tears were now hot in my eyes, and I tried to blink them away, but I couldn’t. They ran down my cheeks. “You told me you loved me, and all this time, it was based on a lie! How could I ever believe another fucking word out of your mouth?”

  He was silent, his jaw clenched and body rigid.

  “I do love you.”

  “You don’t know what love is, Ash, because this isn’t it.”

  I saw Marley’s minivan speeding down toward me, and I flagged her down. Ash was still trying to stammer out some words to absolve himself when Josie practically jumped out of the still-moving minivan and vaulted between us.

  “Leave her alone!” Josie said, glaring at him. “Lila, get in the van.”

  “Don’t leave,” Ash cried.

  “If you don’t back up, I’ll deck you,” Josie threatened.

  “Please, this isn’t what you think.”

  I hopped into the van and took a seat with Josie following me. I didn’t glance over at Ash, didn’t say another word as Josie closed the door and Marley sped away.

  It wasn’t until we were home that the tears finally came. And my heart completely shattered.

  15

  Athens

  April 27, 2010

  Cole shoved his way through the crowd of people lining up along the sidewalk in downtown Athens. I waved at him, jumping a little so that he could see where I was standing. I’d staked out the perfect spot to watch the annual cycling competition, Twilight. It was optimal primarily because it was on a corner to watch the inevitable crashes, which was what people really came downtown for.

  Oh, and beer.

  Cole passed me a drink and squeezed in tight to me. Barry and Tony, much to the crowd’s dismay, shuffled around us.

  “Thanks for holding our place,” Cole said. He bent down and captured a kiss.

  “We should have probably left Tweedledee and Tweedledum,” I said, gesturing to his friends. “They take up more space.”

  “Hey!” Barry said.

  “We take offense to that,” Tony added.

  “No, you don’t.”

  “No, we don’t,” Barry agreed. “But it’s fun to appear upset.”

  I shook my head at the pair of them. I couldn’t believe in ten short days, all three of them would be graduating. Two years since Cole had asked me out that afternoon in Intro to Kinesiology. I was in all major classes and working at a physical therapy place in town. Tony and Barry were both moving to Atlanta after graduation with jobs in sales. But Cole …

  “So, have you heard anything else?” Barry asked Cole as the first round of cyclists rode past.

  “No,” Cole said tightly.

  Cole didn’t have a job. Not for lack of talent, but he was much more specific in his interests. He wanted to work in marketing and development or scouting for a professional football team. As anyone could imagine, these were sought-after positions. And not many people were getting those jobs right out of college without experience in marketing or scouting elsewhere.

  “Are you sure you won’t ask your dad?” Tony asked.

  “I’m not going to do that,” Cole said. “You know that I don’t want to ask him for anything.”

  That was the other problem. Cole could have had any entry-level job that he wanted if he dropped his dad’s name or asked for his help. But he was resolute that he was going to do this on his own. He didn’t need anyone’s help or a leg up. It was admirable, but again, he didn’t have a job.

  I’d learned not to bring it up. Tony and Barry could get away with nagging him about it. I knew the depth of his despair, the longer he didn’t get a position. As job after job came back filled. He wanted to prove that he could do it on his own, and … he was finding out that he couldn’t. I could see the existential crisis building.

  “Don’t badger him,” I said. “We’re supposed to have a night off.”

  “We’re just messing around,” Tony said.

  Cole put his arm around my shoulders and pulled our bodies closer. “Thanks, babe.”

  The guys changed the subject from there as we watched the cyclists. People left around us, and the spaces were filled back up with more eager watchers. Channing and her new girlfriend, Kandice, showed up for a half hour before retreating to a nearby bar.

  “I’ll be right back,” Cole said against my ear. “I have a phone call.”

  I waved him off. It was almost too loud to hear him right next to me. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to hear a phone call. Right as Cole left the vicinity, another round of cyclists came barreling down the street. I leaned in with Tony and Barry as they veered in our direction. And one cyclist cut the turn too sharp. He skidded sideways, taking out three other cyclists. All of them hitting the bales of hay on the corner at alarming speeds.

  The crowd all around them cheered as if they’d won the whole thing. It was what we’d all been waiting for. And of course, Cole had missed it.

  “I can’t believe he walked away, and it happened,” I said to the guys.

  “If that was all it took, we should have sent him away a long time ago,” Barry said.

  We all laughed, making jokes about when the next one would happen and waiting for Cole to return.

  “He’s been gone awhile. Maybe I should check on him,” I said.

  “We’ll save your spot,” Barry said.

  I nodded at them and then bullied my way back through the crowd. I inhaled deeply once I was past the crowd and back on the slightly less busy sidewalk. Cole wasn’t immediately visible. I stood on my tiptoes to find him. At least he was taller than the average guy. So, even if no one could usually find me, I could always find him.

  Sure enough, as soon as I stepped around the corner, I found him leaning up against the brick wall on Jackson Street. His phone was pressed to his ear, and his finger was in the other to block out the street noise. He hadn’t seen me yet, and I watched his adorably serious face as he talked on the phone.

  I got close enough to hear him end the call.

  “Yes, thank you so much.” He chuckled. “I look forward to meeting you. Thanks again.”

  He hung up and then stared forward, as if lost in a daze. Then he blinked out of it and saw me approaching.

  “Hey, you were gone forever. Everything all right?”

  He scooped me up into his arms and swung me around right there on the sidewalk. I held him tight. People grumbled as they passed us. A few girls aww’d at the scene.

  “What happened?” I gasped as he set me on my feet. “Tell me everything.”

  “I got a job offer.”

  “Oh my God!” I shrieked. “Doing what? Which one?”

  “Marketing. It’s an intro position, but it’s something. And I got it all on my own, Lila.”

  “I knew you would.”

  He cupped my jaw with his hand and kissed me long and hard. I was half-ready to drag him back to his house to celebrate. Forget the rest of Twilight. This was what we’d been waiting for.

  “What team?”

 
He paused infinitesimally. That should have been my warning, but I wasn’t prepared. “The 49ers.”

  I managed to hide how crestfallen I was at the news. I kept my smile on wide. “That’s amazing. San Francisco.”

  “I know it’s far away, but there are direct flights out of Atlanta every day. We can still see each other. We can make this work.”

  I nodded. “Of course we can. We’ve been together two years. What’s a little long distance?”

  Inside, my stomach was all twisted up as I wondered if it really was possible. I’d only heard nightmares about long-distance relationships. But I loved Cole so fucking much. I didn’t know how I was going to get to San Francisco or what the future held, but there was nothing that we couldn’t get through.

  16

  Frat Beach

  October 29, 2010

  Georgia–Florida weekend was called the world’s largest outdoor cocktail party for a reason. Every Halloween weekend, the two rival teams traveled to a neutral playing field in Jacksonville, Florida. The masses descended on the town and the surrounding beaches. The Landing, which was typically a desolate tourist trap, transformed into the biggest Jacksonville party scene. A mere hour north, St. Simons Island, dubbed Frat Beach, was one long stretch of beach parties, crazier than any spring break trip.

  And I loved every minute of it.

  My only regret was that Cole was in San Francisco and not here for the annual meet up.

  Even though I wasn’t in a sorority, many of my friends on the dance team were, and we were filling up a bunch of beachside hotel rooms for the weekend. I’d agreed to share the room with Channing; her girlfriend, Kandice; and our other dance team friend, Denise.

  As soon as we arrived Friday afternoon, we changed into bikinis and cutoff jean shorts and headed straight for the beach with a few bottles of cheap champagne and a case of beer. The dance team had erected a tent for all our belongings right next to a music platform. Everyone was drinking and dancing. The beaches were descended on like locusts.

  Denise had been crowing the entire drive about her “friend” from Brunswick coming here for the weekend. We were all wondering if this mysterious Tanner actually existed by this point.

  “I swear, he’s coming. He texted me and said he’s trying to find us.” She latched onto my arm. “Come up to the hotel with me to see if we can find him.”

  Channing shot me a look, and I just laughed. I was pleasantly buzzed. Why not?

  “Sure.”

  We left the team and hiked through the crowd and back up to our hotel. She had left the navigating to me as she typed fiercely on her phone.

  “Do you see him?” I asked.

  Denise looked around and then pointed. “Tanner!”

  She shrieked and then ran right to him.

  He picked her up and drunkenly swung her around in a circle. “Denise, there you are.”

  I stopped in my tracks when I saw who was standing next to the mysterious Tanner.

  I blinked.

  “Ash?” I breathed.

  He was shirtless, in nothing but board shorts the color of his sea-blue eyes.

  “Lila!”

  I hadn’t seen Ash since the beginning of last summer. We’d had it out after he visited for the Bama game sophomore year. Though I hadn’t exactly wanted him to hear what happened with Cole, it hadn’t made me any less angry with him for what he’d done in high school. We’d run into each other in Savannah some the next two summers, but I’d kept the encounters brief. It was easier to have him out of sight, out of mind.

  Cole didn’t say anything about Ash. He didn’t have to. I knew the fire of hatred that had been there from seeing me drunkenly walk in with him. The what-ifs running through his mind. There was a reason he’d pulled me upstairs and fucked me when Ash could still hear us. And Cole wasn’t going to like me running into Ash now.

  Ash stepped forward and pulled me into him. “It’s so fucking good to see you.”

  I tried to ignore my pulse racing from his presence. “Yeah. What are you doing here?”

  “Wait, you know each other?” Denise asked.

  “Oh, sorry, Denise, this is Ash Talmadge.”

  Ash nodded at her. “We’ve met. She’s friends with Tanner.” He gestured to the mysterious Tanner. “Tanner’s my roommate.”

  I really must not have been paying attention to Denise. I had no recollection that her Tanner from Brunswick was also at Duke.

  “And how do you two know each other?” Tanner asked.

  I glanced at Ash and shrugged. “We went to high school together.”

  “I thought you went to an all-girls Catholic school.” Denise waggled her eyebrows at me.

  “I went to the adjoining all-boys school,” Ash explained.

  “All-boys school,” Tanner said with a shudder. “Can’t believe they still have those.”

  “It’s not all bad.”

  “What a coincidence that you ran into each other,” Denise slurred.

  Ash looked straight at me when he said, “I don’t believe in coincidences.”

  I had to look away to hide my blush.

  Denise, however, didn’t seem to notice. “You should come party with us!”

  She didn’t wait for a response, just took Tanner’s hand and dragged him through the crowd. I glanced at Ash. My stomach was suddenly in my throat. This wasn’t a good idea.

  “It’s good to see you, Lila.”

  “You too,” I admitted. It was strange how much I could be furious with him for how everything had gone down in the past and also miss him. Because I did miss him.

  “When did you get here?” he asked me, falling into step with me.

  “This afternoon. No classes on Friday. Everyone wanted to drive up Thursday after classes, but I had to work. So, my car waited to come in today.”

  “Same. Well, we have classes. We’re skipping.”

  “Scandalous,” I said with a laugh.

  His eyes lit up as if he’d forgotten what I sounded like. Then we were lost to the crowd, meandering through the people to get back to our tent. I handed Ash a beer and was immediately attacked by Channing.

  “Wait,” she gasped, drunk and sloppy, “it’s the Ash?”

  Ash arched an eyebrow. “That’d be me.”

  “Oh my God, what are you doing here?”

  “Just in town with a friend.”

  “We didn’t get to chat last time we met,” she said drunkenly. “So, like, is it all that shit true? Like what happened at prom?”

  “Channing,” I groaned. “Can we not? Go find Kandice.”

  “Ugh. You ruin all my fun, Deedee,” she said, pinching my cheeks before disappearing again.

  “Deedee?” he asked.

  “Don’t even get me started on drunk Channing.”

  He glanced down at the lukewarm can of Natural Light. “So, you talk about me?”

  “Um …”

  “And she knows about prom?”

  “She’s been my roommate for more than two years. I would think that she knows most things about me.”

  “Hmm,” he said.

  I could sense an argument coming on, and I didn’t have the energy for it. We’d had the same argument over and over again since prom. I didn’t want to have to disagree with him here when I was with my friends.

  “Why don’t we forget about it today?” I suggested. “Just have a good time and not worry about anything?”

  He met my gaze, as if trying to find the catch but finding none. “I’m game.”

  Then he punctured the center of his beer can and shotgunned it. I gasped, and everyone else around us cheered him on as he guzzled the entire contents of the can in one go. I couldn’t stop laughing to see my refined Catholic school boy, who wore bow ties and boat shoes, shotgunning a beer.

  “Had to catch up,” he told me with a grin.

  Thankfully, after that point, it was so easy to be around Ash. It always had been. It was half the reason I’d avoided him this long. Not because I w
anted to kill him—though sometimes, I considered it—but because if I let my guard down, it was almost too easy to go back to how things had been.

  We got drunk and danced and made fools of ourselves. Frat Beach was the perfect balm for our blistered relationship.

  Night had long fallen when I remembered to check my phone. I patted down my jean shorts, extracted it from the back pocket, and flopped down on our already-sandy blanket. I blinked a few times to adjust to the unnatural brightness. Then I frowned when I saw the screen.

  Cole had called a bunch. That was weird. He knew I was here this weekend and that I wouldn’t be by my phone. I should probably call him back.

  I hauled myself off of the ground and hiked back up to the hotel where it was quieter. Though my mind was still spinning from too much alcohol. Probably not the best time to call, but I wanted to make sure he was okay.

  He answered immediately, “Hey.”

  “Cole!” I gushed. “There you are. Is everything okay? You kept calling.”

  “Not really,” he said, his voice rough.

  “What happened?”

  “Are you with Ash?”

  I glanced around. “Uh, no.”

  He ground his teeth. “I know that you’ve been with him, Lila.”

  “Oh, he’s here with his friend Tanner, who is, like, hooking up with one of my dance friends.”

  “So, he’s with you.”

  “Not right now.”

  Cole made a frustrated noise. “There are pictures of you with him all over Facebook.”

  I stopped smiling at that. There were pictures of us on Facebook? Of course, my friends had taken hundreds of pictures since we’d gotten out here. And I was with Ash. But I hadn’t considered that pictures of us together would end up on the internet.

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah, oh. He’s all over you. What is going on over there?”

  “Nothing!” I gasped. “Why would you think something was going on?”

  “What is he doing there with you?”

  “I already told you,” I snapped back. “He’s here with Tanner.”