by K. A. Linde
“They’ll get over it.”
“My mom will understand at least.”
He grinned. “She’s just glad that I convinced you to come back to church.”
“Well, sorry that I have a negative association with it now.”
“That’s why we’re going to write new memories. No more church fights.”
“God, no.”
The last year had been a blur of good. If I’d thought that I’d made a hasty choice, our year together had proven to me exactly what I’d already known. Ash and I worked. I’d sublet my studio and moved in with him in Atlanta. When he wasn’t busy with work or finishing his MBA, he spent weekends flying to football games with me. As soon as he’d graduated, he’d fully taken over the Atlanta branch of Talmadge Properties. He had both more freedom to do whatever he wanted and more work, but he was born for this job.
I’d also been promoted to a more senior position and found I loved the new responsibilities that came with the job. It was a relief to be seen as an asset in the training room.
Life was good.
Better than it had been in a long time.
Ash pulled me against him to steal a kiss. “I love you, Lila.”
“I love you too.”
He smiled wider and then linked our hands, drawing me toward the fountain. It was all lit up and empty. Just like it had been last year. A guy walking his dog passed us, and then we were completely alone.
“I like this. We’ll have to do this every year.”
He nodded. “I’d like that.”
We talked like that more and more. About a future. When we’d been together last time, I’d avoided all talk of the future. I was desperate to get through PT school. I didn’t know what I wanted, and I still hadn’t completely forgiven him. It was hard to believe we’d ever hurt each other that much.
We reached the fountain, and I leaned forward against the railing. A year ago, I’d still been a wreck. Running away from the past and memories. And now, I was in such a better place. It felt surreal to be back here with Ash.
“Lila,” Ash said softly.
I pulled my focus away from the fountain and found Ash holding a box in his hand.
I gasped as he sank to one knee.
“Delilah Grace Greer, will you do me the honor of being my wife?”
He opened the box to reveal a large princess cut diamond with a pair of matching diamonds on either side. It was stunning and glistened with brilliance.
Tears formed in my eyes. I’d never been the kind of girl who cared about weddings. I’d never pictured mine before. Never gotten to this moment in my mind. Not because I didn’t want it, but because there were always two men and not just one. Two sets of baby blues. Two smiles. Two different men.
And now, I was here. It was one pair of eyes, one smile full of joy and hope and wishes, one man. Just Ash.
“Yes,” I gasped. “Yes. Of course, yes! Oh my God!”
Ash stood swiftly, pressing his lips to mine. Then he removed the diamond from the box and carefully slid it into place on my ring finger. I marveled at the diamond, the weight of it on my hand. It felt … perfect. Like it was always meant to be there.
“I love you,” he told me fiercely.
“I love you too.”
I threw myself into his arms, and he picked me up, swinging me around. I laughed, giddy, my heart full to bursting.
He beamed. “Plus, I have one more surprise, love.”
“Another surprise?”
And then I heard my two best friends rushing across the expanse, straight to the fountain.
“Oh my God!” I shrieked as Marley and Josie barreled into me.
“Congratulations!” Marley crowed.
“We’re so happy for you,” Josie said.
We hugged and jumped up and down and made fools of ourselves there in that park. And I didn’t care one bit. This was the best second surprise that Ash could have planned.
“How did you get here? Were you hiding? How did this happen?” I demanded.
“Ash called me,” Marley started.
“For some reason, her and not me.”
“Because you’re thousands of miles away.”
“He told me he was planning to propose on Christmas Eve and wanted both of us there. So, I got with Josie, and we planned it out.”
“I fucking hid in the bushes for you, bitch,” Josie said with her imperious Hollywood voice.
“Josephine Reynolds, hiding in the bushes. Coming to theaters, Fall 2019,” I joked.
She swatted at me. “Let me see that goddamn ring.”
I held my hand out so that Marley and Josie could admire it. They oohed and aahed appropriately.
“This is a good first-marriage ring,” Josie said.
Ash cleared his throat. “Excuse me?”
Josie winked at him.
“What’s your third-marriage ring going to look like?” Marley teased.
“Look, I like to keep my options open.”
Marley and I exchanged a look. Josie’s second marriage hadn’t even lasted a year. I thought she needed to take her own advice and spend a year single. Not likely.
“Can we talk wedding dates now?” Josie asked. “I’m booked up for filming through May. So, my bridesmaid’s duties will have to be June or after.”
“This isn’t about you,” Marley said.
“Isn’t it?” Josie asked.
I shook my head at her. “We just got engaged. I have no idea what date we’ll get married.”
“June sounds nice,” Ash agreed.
“Perfect!” Josie said.
“June?” I said. “That’s only six months away.”
“We can’t do fall or winter because of the Falcons season, and I don’t want to wait until 2020. Who knows what could happen then?”
“June,” I whispered. “Fuck, I better get started.”
Josie laughed. “Get a wedding planner. It’ll be a snap.”
Marley touched my arm. “I’ll help.”
“Thanks,” I said. “I’m getting married!”
And all three of us screamed and twirled around in a circle. Until Ash couldn’t stop laughing at us.
“Do we still have to go to church?” I asked. “Or can we go celebrate?”
“Church was a ruse,” he said with a smirk. “Our friends and family are waiting downtown to celebrate.”
“What?” I gasped. “A third surprise?”
“Anything for you.”
Then he kissed me. My fiancé kissed me.
I drowned in him.
Nothing could ruin this night. Nothing at all.
39
Nashville
May 18, 2019
My stomach was in knots as I waited at the back of the procession. Kristen was dressed in an exquisite empire wedding dress, prepared to walk down that aisle. I should have been thinking about the fact that my own wedding was only a month away. Comparing it to everything I was going to be doing in a month’s time.
Instead, I was thinking about Cole.
Cole, who was going to be here today.
Kristen had told me that she’d received his RSVP. And since then, I’d spent the last two days in Nashville, stressed out and wondering what the hell I was going to do or say.
I hadn’t seen him in so long. He was on the road all the time, scouting for the Falcons. Even when he was in the office, I never saw him. We were secluded enough to not cross paths unless we wanted to. And the last year, it had been easier not to.
Up until Kristen had let me know about his RSVP, I’d been certain that he’d be gone this weekend. That he wouldn’t have time to fly to Nashville to see Kristen and Hong Min say their I dos. Either way, I would have been in attendance since I’d agreed to be a bridesmaid two years ago. It had taken a lot of time to coordinate bringing in Hong Min’s family from Thailand and Kristen’s extended family from Vietnam. And now, we were here and about to walk down the aisle, and I still had no idea what to say.
�
��Ready?” Kristen’s mom asked everyone. She was a wedding planner by trade and had taken on the task of her daughter’s wedding with glee.
“We’re ready, Mom,” Kristen said.
“Okay. And go.”
I was at the end of the long line of Kristen’s bridal party. Behind her two sisters, three friends, Hong Min’s sister, and an aunt. The entire thing was quite an affair with eight bridesmaids, eight groomsmen, four flower girls, three ring bearers, and two dogs. But it was perfectly Kristen. Huge, elaborate, and far from traditional.
I held my breath as I took the first step down the aisle. My eyes scanned the room. It was a large, open-air chapel in the Tennessee mountains. Large enough to accommodate the two hundred and fifty people in attendance and not feel packed in like sardines.
But still, I could tell at a glance that Cole Davis wasn’t in attendance.
My heart sank.
It shouldn’t have.
I was getting married in a month.
But it still did.
Ash was away at his bachelor party this weekend. He’d wanted to come to the wedding, but this weekend was the only time that Tanner could plan the bachelor party. I waved him off and told him to have a good time. There was a look in his eyes when I left for Nashville, the day before he jetted off to Vegas. Worry. He knew Kristen was my and Cole’s mutual friend. But he’d gone. He trusted me.
And here I was, disappointed that Cole wasn’t here.
Fuck.
I shook off the lingering disappointment and focused on the ceremony. I actually couldn’t see much of it, being at the end of the line, but it sounded beautiful. There was a whole section in both Thai and Vietnamese for their extended family. A proclamation that I couldn’t understand but also somehow understood perfectly. They declared their love in their family’s native tongues. A stunning display that brought tears to everyone’s eyes.
The pastor returned to English for the end of the ceremony. “And I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
Hong Min stepped forward, pulling Kristen into his arms, and kissed his new bride. Everyone cheered from the audience. I applauded from my spot as a bridesmaid, smiling so hard that my cheeks hurt.
Their exit music began, and they danced merrily down the aisle, all preceding me out of the room. I headed back down the aisle. Even though I knew Cole wasn’t here, I couldn’t stop looking. Hoping.
I hadn’t wanted to have this conversation. It was the coward’s way out to not even tell him that I was engaged. But I didn’t want him to know. I didn’t know if I could survive hearing his fury. Or worse … him convincing me otherwise.
I wasn’t naive enough not to know that what worked so well between me and Ash this time around was my avoidance of the elephant in the room. It was better if Cole was out of sight, out of mind. So much easier if I didn’t have to love him so acutely.
As I stepped out into the Tennessee summer heat, I inhaled sharply. Feeling like I could breathe for the first time. I didn’t have to have this conversation. I didn’t have to have the impending showdown. The anxiety had been a weight on my shoulders, and it had been lifted.
“Congratulations!” I said, hugging Kristen when it was my turn.
She pulled me close. “I love you. I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Me too.”
“I wish Cole had made it.”
I swallowed. “Me too.”
“He texted me right before we got lined up and said he couldn’t make it in. He was in Knoxville and thought he’d be done by now. I meant to tell you …”
“It’s okay. It’s your wedding day. Don’t even consider it! I’m just so happy for you.”
“Thank you. It was even better than I ever could have imagined.”
Kristen was whisked away by her groom and enormous family. I let her be. She hadn’t even needed to tell me about Cole, but that was Kristen. Ever the matchmaker. She was still bummed that it hadn’t ended up working out after she’d tried to get us back together in the first place.
I wandered back into the bridal suite while they took family pictures. I had a feeling that would take at least an hour, and I wanted a drink as I waited. I poured myself a glass of champagne, reaching for my phone.
I had the drink halfway to my lips when I saw that Kristen wasn’t the only one who had gotten a text from Cole.
Sorry I couldn’t make it today. I was looking forward to seeing you, sunflower. I’ll be back in Atlanta next month. Can we get a drink?
My stomach tightened. Next month.
Next month, I was getting married.
I couldn’t see him.
I wanted to see him.
But I knew that I couldn’t.
I didn’t plan on repeating my worst mistake. As much as I wanted to see him, I didn’t trust myself around him. It wouldn’t be fair to Ash.
So, I shut off my phone without answering, downed my glass of champagne, and went back out to the party.
Kristen and Hong Min made their grand exit, a horse-drawn carriage and all. Then I got into the first ride back to the hotel and was ready to crash. Even though a few of the guys kept insisting that I come with them to the hotel bar. I was definitely too drunk for that. I’d already scandalized some elderly family members with my dance moves, and I had an early flight. Probably best to just crash.
“No, no, I’m good,” I told Michael. “Go have fun. I’m too drunk.”
“Ah, you’re no fun, Greer,” he teased.
“I’m so lame, I swear.” I giggled and backed into the elevator. “Have fun.”
As the doors shut between us, I waved and then slumped back against the wall, relieved. Maybe I should have insisted that Ash come with me. Weddings were not as much fun, alone.
I stumbled into my hotel room, kicking off my heels on the way. My feet ached. I wanted to lie on my bed with my feet against the headboard to get circulation back into them, like I used to do with Channing in college, but the room was spinning, and lying down was starting to sound like a bad idea. I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and guzzled the entire thing, swallowing it down with some Tylenol.
I collapsed back on the bed just as my phone rang. Those assholes were probably trying to convince me to come back down to the bar. If I felt this bad right now, I couldn’t imagine how I’d feel if I went back out.
“Hello?” I said, answering the phone.
“Lila.”
“Cole,” I gasped as if I had been thrown into ice-cold water.
“Hey. You sound drunk.”
“I am drunk.”
“Good party?”
“Yes.”
“I decided to say fuck it and drive into Nashville.”
My jaw hung open, but I said nothing.
He continued in earnest, “Thought I could surprise everyone. I texted Kristen, and she and Hong Min are going to come down to party some more.”
“Oh.”
“I just pulled into the hotel.”
My mouth went dry. “Oh.”
“Say something, Lila.”
“I’m already in bed.”
“That’s not a problem,” he said softly.
“I have an early flight.”
He sighed. “It’s one drink.”
I laughed softly. “I’ve heard that before.”
“I want to talk to you. I’ve had an interesting year. Let me tell you all about it.”
Oh, he’d had an interesting year, huh?
One drink. One drink to tell me all about his interesting year. How I wished it were that easy. But it never had been, had it? I’d known what could happen when I had that one drink with him in New Orleans all those years ago. I hadn’t been able to pull away from him, and I’d ended up hurting everyone. That was my mistake. I couldn’t regret where it had led us. I couldn’t regret any time spent with Cole. But I didn’t want to do it again.
And there were only two options for what would happen if I went downstairs:
We’d fight
like cats and dogs. Scream at each other. Hate each other for the ring on my finger.
Or we’d fuck.
That was it.
Neither option was preferable. The fighting would be terrible. I already knew what he’d say about me marrying Ash. I didn’t have to hear him say it. I didn’t have to second-guess my heart. I already knew how I felt about Ash. I already knew how I felt about Cole. I was in love with them. Both of them. If I saw Cole, he’d know. He’d know exactly how I felt.
But I’d made a choice.
I’d made a commitment.
Ash had gotten down on one knee and proposed. I’d agreed.
That was all there was to it.
So, if we went with option two, I’d ruin everything. Again.
“I can’t,” I finally said.
“Lila …”
“I have to go actually.”
“Wait …”
But I didn’t wait. I hung up and threw my phone across the bed. I watched it light up again and again. Cole calling. Trying to get me to talk to him. But I couldn’t. I just … couldn’t.
I curled into a ball on my side and stared at the phone until it stopped lighting up. Then I cried.
I’d chosen.
But it didn’t make it any easier.
40
Rehearsal
June 14, 2019
“Okay, you’ll kiss,” Courtney said. “Do you need to practice that?”
The wedding party laughed at the wedding planner’s question. Ash and I joined in. He stepped forward and pressed a chaste kiss to my lips. His eyes saying he wouldn’t be so gentle tomorrow. I smirked up at him.
“Excellent. Then Lila and Ash will walk back down the aisle to the music change. Each bridesmaid will partner up with a groomsman. Josie with Tanner. Marley with Derek. Once they pass you, the front row will follow them out. Mr. and Mrs. Talmadge will go first. Then, Ms. Greer will lead the rest of your family out. Any questions?”
This felt like the easiest part of everything. The whole ceremony wasn’t going to be that long. Thankfully, I’d gotten it so that we didn’t have to do a full mass. It was bad enough that I was getting married in this cathedral. Ash’s mom, Cynthia, had insisted on it. And my conversion. Which had been a whole ordeal. We hadn’t been sure I’d get it all done in six months so that we could get married in a Catholic ceremony. But we were here.