But she had to be practical. She needed to protect herself. Perhaps that was something else she could learn from him; the ability to put up a wall so that another person couldn’t make her feel too many things.
“Ah… There’s Daniels now.” Which reminded her…
“Why did you give him money?” It was not necessary. Mr. Daniels was being paid his salary by her brother in law to bring her here.
Mr. Bateman glanced at her sideways but then shifted his gaze away quickly. “To secure rooms for us, in Amesbury. Why do you think I gave him money?”
She’d not thought of that. And of course, his explanation made perfect sense… only, it had seemed like considerably more money than would have been required to rent two rooms at a small village in.
“You should have asked me. I will pay for my own.” Perhaps she’d seen wrong. Perhaps it hadn’t been that much money after all.
The tension between them was even thicker after that, as they climbed back into the carriage and road the short distance into the very old town located conveniently close to the ancient landmark. Only Mr. Dog, who’d quite worn himself out seemed comfortable as he took his spot between them, tongue hanging out the side of his mouth, he immediately fell asleep.
“I want to kiss you, Princesse. You must know that.” Mr. Bateman didn’t look at her as he spoke, instead choosing to continue staring out the window. “And I wish...” He ran a hand through his hair. His words jolted her. Just when she thought she had him figured out he said something to cause her to question her judgment.
“You wish?”
“I am… When I’m with you, I feel… mon dieu.” Finally, he turned to stare into her eyes. “I simply like being with you and I don’t want to ruin the time we have left. But one or two days remain before we must separate.” His confusion tugged at her and his eyes seemed a little tormented. A frown of worry lined his forehead. “And I want…”
All she could do was stare back at him, holding her breath. Whatever was supposed to happen in Margate on his birthday was most definitely not something he looked forward to. She hated that he wouldn’t tell her what caused him so much anguish. Because, yes, she’d felt his anguish grow with each mile they covered as the carriage rolled closer to London.
“What do you want, Mr. Bateman?” She finally asked when he did not finish his sentence.
His eyes blazed at her question. Although they sat side by side with several inches between them, she felt his need as though it was a tangible thing. She recognized it so acutely, perhaps, because it matched her own. Every inch of her skin craved his touch, her breasts ached, and deep inside of her, a throbbing, a wanting, made her want to cry.
“I want… what I can’t have.” He ground the words out. “But even more than that, I do not want to hurt you.” He placed one hand along the back of the bench and his fingers played with her hair. “Will you forgive me for all of this? Will you smile for me again, Princesse?”
Aubrey swallowed hard, wanting to cry, wanting to throw herself into his arms so badly that she needed to grasp the edge of the seat to prevent herself from doing so.
“Please?”
There was nothing she could deny him. And so, she held back her tears and lifted the corners of her mouth instead, wishing she could laugh. Because laughing was normal between the two of them. “There is nothing to forgive.”
She was saved from saying anything that would make them both even more uncomfortable as the carriage rolled to a stop in front of the inn. Mr. Bateman smiled weakly and then assisted her outside once again.
Having his assistance was becoming far too familiar.
“Here are your keys, ahem, Mr. Bateman. Rooms seven and eight.” Mr. Daniels handed them down from the driver’s box. “I’ll put the horses up and be prepared to depart early tomorrow.” His attitude had altered considerably. He seemed to be all yes sir, and no sir, whereas before he’d literally rolled his eyes at them.
Perhaps that was what the money had purchased.
She didn’t want to think about it. Although she’d slept through most of the morning’s drive, she wanted nothing more than to lock herself away in a private chamber for a few hours and settle her wayward heart.
“Do you need either of your trunks?” Mr. Bateman held a hand up to halt Mr. Daniels departure.
Smoke from the campfire had permeated almost everything inside of them. Later she would unpack the contents and do her best to wash away the bitter odor… as well as her bittersweet memories. Nothing she needed now.
She had her cotton night rail, of course, and a day dress that she could brush out in her small valise.
“I’m fine.” She held up her small suitcase, which he insisted on taking from her so that she could manage Mr. Dog. The dog’s legs were so short that it was easier to simply carry him most of the time.
Mr. Bateman led her inside and upstairs and after inspecting both rooms, insisted she take the room facing the back of the inn, where it would be quieter overnight. It was also the larger of the two. After he left her and Mr. Dog alone, reminding her to lock the door after he closed it, she threw herself onto the bed and stared at the ceiling.
His eyes had been begging with her to understand all the things he couldn’t say out loud.
As well as those that he could.
I want… what I can’t have. But even more than that, I do not want to hurt you.
Had he been going to say that he wanted her? After enduring Mr. Bloomington through that first year of her marriage, Aubrey had not considered that she would ever want any man in that way. Knowing Mr. Bateman changed all of that. All sorts of new possibilities had entered her mind since she’d kissed him.
She rolled over, pressing her face into the bedding, and groaned.
She was certain he wanted to make love to her. It was possible, even, that he loved her. So why did he keep pushing her away?
Mrs. Tuttle had hinted to Aubrey a few years that after her husband died she’d taken a lover for a brief period of time. The idea of having relations with a man, however, without it being absolutely necessary, had baffled Aubrey.
But she quite understood now.
Before she could analyze this new…craving too closely, a knock sounded at her door.
“Are you hungry Princesse?” His voice rang out from the hallway.
She leapt up, smoothed her dress and opened the door. Ridiculous of her to feel excited to see him again. They’d only parted a few moments ago.
The look on his face was a sheepish one. “I had just stepped into my chamber when I realized I hadn’t fed you today.”
“You needn’t feed me. Besides, I haven’t cleaned up yet.” Except her stomach chose that moment to betray her with an unmistakable rumble.
Which turned his sheepish look into a wide grin. “Why don’t I take Mr. Dog here outside to do his business, make arrangements for a private dining room, and return for you in half an hour. Will that allow you adequate time?”
Mr. Dog had apparently taken to his non-name already, because upon hearing it, he began trotting in tight little circles of excitement at Mr. Bateman’s feet.
She ought to become accustom to taking responsibility for such arrangements herself. She should order a meal upstairs and take it, alone, in the privacy of her chamber. She ought to wean herself from his company.
“That sounds marvelous,” she answered instead, grinning back at him foolishly. And unwilling to question her lack of restraint with this man, she slipped Mr. Dog’s leading string over his head and promised to be ready when they returned. After the door closed behind him, she wiped the wrinkles out of her gown, washed her face and brushed out her hair before knotting it again. She would not berate herself tonight. There would be plenty of time to do that later.
For now, she would be with him… She would simply be.
In a day or so, she’d say goodbye to him forever and have no choice but to accustom herself to life without him—without his masculine presence and exasperati
ng sense of humor.
By the time thirty minutes passed she looked less like a woman who had slept in the wilderness and more herself: a respectable widow.
Surely, he should have returned by now? Already, the light from the window had dimmed, as the sun had nearly set. Was she mistaken to await him here? Perhaps he’d intended they should meet downstairs. But no, he must first return Mr. Dog to her chamber.
Aubrey paced to the window in hopes she’d see him chatting with one of the ostlers, or Mr. Daniels even, but it had grown too dark to see much of anything. She peeked out of her chamber and into the tight corridor next and even slipped outside to knock on the door to chamber number eight.
Nothing. Of course, though, because he would have brought Mr. Dog back to her.
Stifling her ever growing panic, Aubrey returned to her own room and stared out the window again.
Where was he?
He would not have abandoned her! He would not have! Especially not while in possession of her dog! Aubrey twisted her hands together, imagining all manner of calamities that might have occurred.
Some thieves could have set upon him, a man, alone. Or even worse, a murderer!
At the same time, she rebuked herself for imagining such dramatics… Oh, but where was he? She clasped her hands, twisting them together as she paced back and forth across the room. Perhaps he’s met up with an acquaintance and began conversing and had simply forgotten the time.
Or a woman.
She swallowed hard. But he has Mr. Dog with him!
By the time the sun had set completely, with only the light of the moon outside, she donned her coat and strode out of her chamber, scanning the faces in the tap room as she descended the stairs.
Mr. Bateman and her dog were nowhere in sight.
Feeling quite conspicuous, she ducked her head and marched past a few boisterous tables to the exit.
It was relatively quiet outside. He was nowhere in the yard… nor the stable… Staring into the deep shadows of the forest, she shivered. What could have possibly happened to them?
Worry warred with outrage.
Returning to her chamber, all hunger forgotten, she wondered if she’d ever see him and Mr. Dog again. How could he do this to her?
If he’d wanted to abandon her, why would he take her dog? And why not simply tell her? Why slink away in the night?
But he would not have done either! Something dreadful must have happened.
She fought the turmoil for what felt like hours although not quite two had passed. When a knock finally sounded at her door, she swung it open, took one look at his face and promptly burst into tears.
“Ma Princesse,” Mr. Bateman set Mr. Dog onto the floor and took her into his arms. “What is the matter? What has happened?”
“I thought… I was…” Aubrey had little success getting any words out while sobbing almost uncontrollably.
“Hush.” He lifted her chin and peeked down at her face. “You were worried about me? I am so sorry it took so long. A rabbit enticed Le chien, your son, and he slipped out of his collar, leading me on a merry chase. I could not return without your dog. I am so sorry, Princesse, for frightening you.”
“All this time? You were chasing after Mr. Dog? You were not leaving me?”
His brows rose at her question. “I would not leave you without a word. I would never leave you without saying goodbye, surely you realize this?”
She shook her head and then she nodded, still in his arms. “I didn’t know. I couldn’t find you.” And then catching sight of Mr. Dog, “You naughty boy. You naughty, naughty boy!”
“He disappeared into the forest. I lost him completely for a little while, but I could not return without your son!”
Aubrey was feeling foolish, though—to break down so completely. She pulled away, sniffled a few times and turned her back to him. “I’m sorry. I imagined all sorts of horrible things…”
“I would not leave you. What kind of person would do such a thing?”
“I know. I just… My imagination got carried away once darkness fell. You could have been attacked, murdered, even—“
“Or abandoned you, taking your dog.” He seemed sad as he finished for her. His shoulders slumped. “I’m going to go downstairs. Shall I have something sent up for you?”
Aubrey turned back. “I just didn’t know.”
He nodded and then ran one hand through his hair. “I understand, you don’t really know me, after all.” But she did!
She wanted to say something to make them both feel better, but he was already backing out the door. “You’ll want to put him on a stronger string,” he said, and with a parting frown, stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him.
Chapter 10
Aubrey
Following a night that was more restless than restful, Aubrey awoke early, donning the dress she’d brushed out the evening before, knotted her hair tightly behind her head, and determined she would most definitely not be acting like an emotional ninny today.
She closed her valise with a decisive snap. She would not sit in her chamber waiting for him to come for her this morning. She would go downstairs, order her own breakfast and then seek out Mr. Daniels.
She opened the door and would have collided with his much larger frame if he hadn’t reached out to grab her shoulders. “Whoa there,” his voice held a hint of laughter. “Did you plan on leaving without me this morning?” He was joking, she knew that. Because she would not…
“I did not wish to cause us any delay. You’ll be wanting to get to London as quickly as possible.” But when she looked up at him the only way she could think to describe his expression was tender…
And with no hesitation whatsoever, he engulfed both of her hands in his, and then squeezed them.
“Aubrey,” he muttered her name staring down at their hands, and then lifting his lashes to meet her gaze.
“I hate that I’ve hurt you.” His voice sounded gruff, his blue eyes begging her for… something.
“You’ve been nothing but kind.” She straightened her shoulders in an attempt to gather her wits and step away, but he would not release her hands.
“But I scared you. You were frightened last night. I followed the barking of your petit chien and every time I was near, the little monster bolted. I could not return without your pet. By the time I caught up with him, it was already dark, and I had to track my way back. It was ridiculous. I ought to have realized how frightened you would be and not blame you for thinking the worst of me. I am sorry, forgive me Princesse?”
“Of course, I forgive you, it’s just that I know…” That you are going to leave me eventually—that I will never see you again after we part.
He leaned down, hovered for an instant, and then dropped a kiss on the curve of her cheek. He hovered there longer than necessary, his breath heating her skin, almost as though he was contemplating his next move. Unable to check herself, she tilted her head so that he could kiss her neck, her shoulders…
“We will have a good day today, eh? We are friends, non?” He pulled away, leaving her chilled and a little embarrassed. His accent sounded heavier, though, and she reminded herself he did this when his emotions were high.
She nodded, avoiding his eyes, and reached down to retrieve the case she’d dropped when he’d startled her. “We are friends.” When she met his stare again, she forced a bright smile. “We will have a good day.”
And she meant it. She already cherished the time they’d spent together. She didn’t wish to ruin it by pouting or sulking through the last hours they had in one another’s company.
As he scooped Mr. Dog into his arms, she laughed. It didn’t sound as forced as she’d thought it would. “You really chased him through the forest? Did he ever catch the rabbit?”
Mr. Bateman growled in mock disgust. “I think I had a better chance at catching the rabbit than I did at catching him—the blighter.”
They climbed into the back of the carriage together
and although she couldn’t shed all of her disquiet, she managed to sit normally on her side of the bench when he lowered himself beside her.
Was it only yesterday that she’d slept in his arms, using him for both pillow and bed as they’d crossed the countryside? She glanced over, and the look in his eyes gave away that he might be thinking the same thing.
Aubrey lifted Mr. Dog to sit between them and turned to stare out the window. “I am so glad we visited Stonehenge. Thank you for thinking of it.” Oh, that sounded wonderfully cheerful, she congratulated herself.
“Anything to see you smile.” He remained solidly on his side of the bench, Mr. Dog proving an effective barrier.
“How much farther?” This time she glanced over to see his expression.
He scowled. “Daniels told me we were closer, but the inn keeper said we’re some ninety miles away yet. We won’t make it to London today but with good weather shouldn’t have any trouble arriving tomorrow.”
“Are you worried you won’t arrive in time?”
He settled his stare on her. “No, Princesse. I am not worried. I’ve enough time yet, before my… party.” The muscles in his jaw clenched. “And I’d rather spend it with you than arrive early.”
And by party he meant anything but. She just wished he’d be forthcoming with her instead of treating her like some little sister half the time, and the other half like a woman he’d like to…
Aubrey turned back to stare out the window.
They rode in silence for nearly an hour before either of them spoke again.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.” He lifted a sack off the floor that she’d not noticed before. “What’ll it be, Princesse, cherry or apple?” He held out two different pastries for her inspection.
“Neither.” She’d not eaten any of what he’d had sent up the night before, and surprisingly wasn’t hungry this morning. “And would you please stop calling me that?”
“Princesse? You don’t like it?”
“I don’t like what it implies…” It implied that he might find her attractive in some way. It reminded her that she’d kissed him.
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