“Come on, Princesse. You’ve nothing to fear. I’m not going anywhere this time.” He whispered the words under his breath.
The curtain slid aside but just as quickly dropped back into place. A moment later, however, the servant’s door opened and Aubrey herself surprised him by making her way across the garden to where he sat.
She twisted her hands together, staring at the ground. Chance drank her in. Hair the color of sunshine at twilight was tied in a knot at the back of her head but the simple style only drew more attention to her eyes––eyes the color of the forest after a cool rain. And her lips…
Blast and damn, he was beginning to sound like some god-awful poet himself.
“This is lovely,” She sat down beside him, on the bench he’d just built. “All of it, really.”
Feeling her warmth along his side, he congratulated himself on making it smaller than he’d initially intended.
They hadn’t been this close to one another since he’d climbed out of that bed two years ago. And he’d known he still desired her but was still taken aback by the way his heart started racing. He wanted to reach for her hand but she kept both clenched together in her lap.
“Lady Zelda and Lady Longewood did not just happen to come along to welcome me to Mayfair, did they?” She turned to stare at him finally, her face so close that it would be the easiest thing in the world to lean forward and taste her lips. “They said something that day in the park, when I realized you were here in London. They did not offer introductions between us. They knew that we already had an acquaintance.”
Chance had lied to her about so much in the beginning. He’d be truthful with her from this point forward.
“I left the Wootens in the early hours of the morning. Walked to Joseph’s Well where I bought a horse that I’d noticed the night before.”
“Did you ever get Guinevere back?” She tilted her head, giving him a sweet Aubrey smile.
He wanted that very smile in his life every day. “I did. She returned to the Fainting Goat Inn, in fact, where you and I met.”
She blinked away tears, but her smile grew. “I am glad.”
“I have her with me, here in London.” Perhaps he could lure her with his horse… but she had asked him a question before this one.
“I asked Mr. Daniels to drive you slowly, because I knew I wouldn’t have much time before you arrived.”
“Mr. Daniels knew?”
“One of the drivers at an Inn recognized me. I purchased his silence the day you saw me giving him money. I wasn’t ready…” Chance shrugged. “Anyhow, I had my solicitor investigate the details of your inheritance.”
“Wouldn’t that be personal information? Is that even legal?” Aubrey was frowning and then, “Is your solicitor, by chance, a man by the name of Mr. Burleson?”
Ah, yes. His Princesse was not dull of mind.
“I didn’t want you to meet up with unnecessary difficulties when you arrived. I knew you would be down hearted.”
“Devastated.”
Chance winced at her correction, but then nodded. “Devastated…. I told him what you wanted to do here. We arranged a few… improvements to your townhouse. Mr. Carrington supervised the preparation at your house and I spoke with one of my mother’s old friends. I didn’t have any time afterward… I had to leave for Margate…”
He’d stunned her, he could see. When she finally spoke, she didn’t look at him. “Mr. Carrington was very obliging. I want to be mad at you for it, Chance…” And then another question. “The money? Who paid for everything? I was assured I had plenty of funds…”
She would barely have survived on what her husband had set aside to maintain the townhouse. Chance rubbed his chin. “I may have… augmented the trust.”
She buried her face in her hands with a moan and began shaking her head. This time he did put one arm around her. But only to comfort her. In that moment he could not consider his own reaction to having her so near, to feeling her body touching his.
“I thought I’d done it on my own… with my own resources.”
“But you did… Practically.” Damn his eyes. He’d complicated everything for her by coming back.
“I had not even considered that it might be you. I’d thought perhaps that Milton had had a change of heart. What does this make me…? Was it some sort of payment?”
“Hush.” He drew back so he could look into her horrified eyes. “No! God, of course not, Aubrey! I’d decided to do all of it before that last night—for my friend. We were friends first. I only removed a few barriers to make your new life a easier. You’d been through too much already.”
He used his thumb to catch a wayward tear. “Aubrey.” God, he felt like crying himself. “Please, don’t let it take away from anything you’d done. It was a little thing. I wanted to give you so much more. You could have made your life on your own, eventually, with or without my help. But I was tormented having left you. I knew you’d be upset. I had to do something for you. Anything…” She wasn’t looking at him but seemed to be staring at the top button of his shirt. “Won’t you give me another chance Princesse?” He’d have dropped to his knees if he thought it might help. “I beg of you.”
“I am happy. I was happy.” Her voice shook. She seemed to be waging some sort of war within herself. “I can’t… It took so long for the hurting to stop. How can I ever trust you again? I’d always wonder…”
Chance removed his hands from her. God, what a state he’d made of everything. There was still so much that she didn’t know. He was continually reminding himself that he was doing this for both of them, but was that the truth? Was he only doing any of this out of selfishness? Because he needed her in his life in order to be whole?
If she didn’t think she could trust him now, how would she feel when she learned about Groby?
She rose from the bench, still reluctant to meet his gaze. “I’m… I’m going inside.” She hugged herself with her arms. “I’m afraid. I thought I could put all of this behind me.”
“I’m sorry, Princesse.” He didn’t know what the hell else he could possibly say, but he felt he was losing her.
She nodded again and sent him a sad wobbly smile.
Long after she had returned inside, Chance sat looking at the back of her house. He’d added flowers, and a hothouse and now a bench but none of that seemed to matter. He’d been away too long. He’d lost her.
By the time he made his way home darkness had long since fallen.
Chance greeted the butler who held the door wide for him but didn’t attempt to go to his chamber. His townhouse was massive, ridiculously so, and so he paced the hallways, he haunted them. A few of the sconces had been lit by servants, but mostly he walked, unseeing, through dark and empty corridors.
“I am happy. I was happy.”
The image of her, broken and lost, ate at his soul. When he’d first come to London, before she’d known he was here, she had appeared carefree, confident. She’d walked proudly down the sidewalk. She had been happy.
Since he’d come back into her life, he’d torn all of that down.
“How can I ever trust you again? I’d always wonder…”
He’d believed they were worth fighting for. God, he’d been a fool. For two years, he’d held onto the memories they’d made together… such a simple time. They’d known one another for barely a week.
And all the while, just as he’d thought he wanted, she’d been doing her best to forget him––to forget the two of them together. She’d fought to make a life for herself and to find some peace and contentment.
He’d hoped she’d kept her love for him alive but perhaps he’d been wrong. Perhaps she had successfully purged it, after all.
He’d left her, thinking that was for the best. He’d left her so that exactly this would happen. So that she would hate him and move on with her life. And she’d done just that. She was over him.
He wondered if he would ever be over her.
He doubted i
t.
She would always be his Princesse.
Chapter 20
Chance
Birds sang, the sun was shining and for a London day, the sky was surprisingly blue. Chance noticed none of it. He’d never been more uncomfortable in his own skin. Defeat was not something he was accustomed to.
It was not until he was a few houses away from Aubrey’s when he realized he was wearing the same suit he’d worn at Hannah’s funeral.
Today, almost even more so, felt like a funeral—a death.
Carrying a bouquet of flowers, he knocked at her door and Carrington opened it within seconds. “Is she here?” Chance met the butler’s eyes.
“She is. She is having an ‘at home.’” Chance easily noticed concern on his former butler’s features.
“It’s all right. You needn’t worry. I’ll only be a moment.”
Mr. Carrington pursed his lips but then nodded and gestured for Chance to enter. “The small drawing room, Your Grace.”
The temperature in the foyer was warm—too warm. Chance ran his fingers beneath the cravat tied around his neck. It was the end of May and most members of the ton would be leaving London soon. Although Chance dreaded this meeting, he also wanted to have it over with. Hollis was right, he’d dragged this out long enough already.
He followed the low murmurs from down the corridor and paused outside the entrance. Nearly a dozen guests sat inside, drinking tea and making conversation. It did not take long before he was noticed.
“Your Grace,” Dandy Dick—Mr. Cline—rose and greeted him with outstretched hand. An investigator had sent Chance a report the day before. Apparently, Richard Cline was flush after all. He was not a con man. The dandy’s intentions for Aubrey were honorable after all. Chance ought to have given her more credit for her judgement.
Despite the fact that she’d trusted him. Long ago.
Without having to look far, Chance’s gaze landed immediately on Aubrey. She sat at the far end of the room. The bright smile she’d had fell when her eyes met his. Was she concerned that he’d ruin her ‘at home,’ just as he’d ruined her life?
“A word, Mrs. Bloomington, and I’ll be on my way.” His voice sounded loud to his own ears. The others didn’t even pretend to mind their own business.
“Won’t you join us?” This from Mr. Cline.
Without moving his eyes from Aubrey, Chance shook his head. “I haven’t time, thank you. I came to say goodbye.”
She needed to know that he was serious. Surely, she must realize.
At his words she rose and made a few excuses to those sitting around her. He ought to have known, she was the center of attention, as she ought to be.
“Shall we go outside?” She asked once they stepped outside and moved toward the foyer.
If he had her alone in a private place, he wasn’t certain he could do this. He knew she was affected by him physically. He’d likely try to take advantage of that.
“No. But I wanted you to know I am leaving.”
“But you just got here?” She did not understand. Or perhaps she did but didn’t know how she felt about it.
“I’m returning to Trequin Bay—to Secours—my estate. I won’t be bothering you any longer.” He almost couldn’t get the words past the thickness of his throat. “I’m sorry—for everything.” And then he held out the bouquet of flowers he’d brought.
A short bark was followed by the scampering of little feet. Chance squatted down and used both hands to rub the dog. “I’ll miss you as well, old buddy.” He even allowed Lancelot to get a few licks in.
It would be the last time. He was glad she’d had this little creature for company when he left her before. “We’ll always have Stonehenge.” Chance smiled weakly up at her.
“Did I hear you say you were leaving us for the country?” Dandy Dick had followed them. Perhaps he wasn’t such a fool after all… The bounder.
Leaving us…
Leaving him and Aubrey…
Chance pushed himself back up. This was it. As it should be. “Make her happy.” The directive wouldn’t make much sense to the man, or it shouldn’t anyhow—unless Aubrey had told him the truth.
Not waiting for a response, he took one last look at her; he’d memorize her countenance to last him a lifetime.
But where to look? At her glorious hair? Her soft skin? Her alluring figure? In the end he settled on her eyes.
“Goodbye, Princesse.”
Her eyes looked panicked, and she licked her lips as though she wanted to say something. As though she would stop him?
“Have a safe journey, Your Grace,” Dandy answered for both of them.
Chance gave Aubrey one last look and seeing only sorrow on her face, nodded. And then refusing to torment himself even a second more, he turned and marched toward the door. Without looking back, he stepped outside and closed it silently behind him. He’d thought he’d felt empty two years ago, when he’d left her then. But perhaps inside, he’d kept an ember of hope alive.
On this day, there were no embers left burning.
It was over.
* * *
“We’re leaving tomorrow morning,” Chance didn’t bother greeting Mr. Edwards as he entered the master’s chamber in his townhouse later that afternoon. He’d had to finalize some details with Mr. Burleson. He’d told the solicitor that the transactions he’d executed regarding her estate need no longer be kept confidential. She deserved to know. He’d also ordered several hot house bulbs to be delivered after he’d gone.
He shouldn’t have. He ought to give her the clean break he’d promised, but it would be the last thing he’d do.
The consequence of his errands, however, made it impossible for him to get out of town that day. He sent word to Hollis that he’d thrown in the towel. They’d been going to meet at White’s that evening. He’d rather not face the bounder’s sarcastic insults, though. Later, he’d manage it, but his feelings, for now anyhow, were too raw.
He dismissed Mr. Edwards and changed out of his garments himself, tossing his jacket on the bed and tearing at his cravat.
Every curse word he knew tore through his thoughts, directed at himself. None of his good intentions had panned out, because of his own selfishness.
He’d left without saying goodbye to protect her.
He’d involved himself in her affairs in order to pave her way in London.
And then he’d ruined everything hoping that she might still love him.
Selfish bastard that he was.
He stared at the silver ring he’d worn on his right hand and then on impulse twisted it off. In Joseph’s Well, that night, he’d worn it on his left hand. He’d switched it to his other hand on his wedding day and hadn’t removed it since.
Whipping his arm around, he threw it into the corner. A very unsatisfying endeavor as the only sound it made was a high-pitched thud when it hit the wall. A foolish response, he knew, but he wasn’t used to losing. He…
He’d thought he could win her back.
Staring out the window, the feelings in his heart alternated between numb despair and excruciating pain. He’d not realized before that heartbreak could, in fact, cause physical pain.
He barely realized darkness had fallen when a knock sounded at his door.
“Your Grace, Cook has prepared supper and—“
“I’m not hungry.” Chance couldn’t even think about eating. “Thank you.”
“Very well sir. But there is another matter, Your Grace.”
“What is it?” Damn, but he wasn’t up to dealing with any of the minor details that would require his attention before he departed.
“A young woman has presented herself and wishes to meet with you. Most unusual for a proper lady to present herself alone. And in the evening hours, no less. She says her name is Mrs. Bloomington.”
Chance wondered if he had heard correctly. All the air whooshed out of his lungs.
“She is here?”
“Yes, Your Grace, I put her in
the Gold Drawing room. I wasn’t sure…”
But Chance was already heading out the door. “Thank you. She was here! His mind raced at all the possibilities. Was she here to berate him for showing up at her ‘at home’? Had she come to make sure he was truly going to leave her alone?
Or was she here because she didn’t want him to leave? The flames in the wall sconces flickered when he threw open the door where she waited.
His butler had not been mistaken. She had come. His Princesse.
Sitting stiffly, ankles crossed, she lifted her chin to meet his eyes. She wore the same gown she’d had on earlier. How had she become even more beautiful than she was in his memories?
“I thought it was my fault. I thought you’d left because of something I had done. Because I’d thrown myself at you.” She blurted the words out without bothering with niceties.
She’d come to him. And she was ready to talk.
Chance took slow steps into the room.
“I want to tell you everything.”
She nodded, her eyes looking large and almost fearful.
He lowered himself onto the chair facing her and stared down at his hands.
“My sister. I believe I told you back then that she could be… difficult at times.” Without waiting for her to respond, he forged onward. “About a year before I met you, she became involved with—a viscount—Lord Groby. I had told her to stay away from him. Lord Groby had a reputation for… depravity.” Chance swallowed hard. The memory of that night never failed to summon bile to his gut.
“On more than one occasion I’d dragged her out of Opium dens, and she’d fought me for doing so. Sometimes I felt as though she hated me. She’d insisted they were her friends. I didn’t suspect the extent of it, though. I never could have guessed. When I learned where she’d gone on that particular evening, I went to bring her home, hoping that her luck would hold out and no one would discover her indiscretions. But what I found there…” He would not tell Aubrey everything. “It was something I wish I could forget.” His sweet sister, drugged and tied to a bed, Lord Groby and a number of others having already… She’d knowingly gone to the gathering, but never could have known what they’d had in mind for her. Those villains had defiled his innocent sister and it had been unforgivable. Chance had chased them away from her, beating a few of them to a pulp in the process.
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