by A. R. Ford
“We should not talk about it,” Kallie whispered to Cherish. “Sleep now. We both need rest.”
Craving a change of scenery, Kallie climbed to a rocky outcropping not far from Donovan’s cabin the next day. Warm, golden sunlight fell on both of them. Cherish lay quietly on the ground while Kallie hugged a knee, scanning the valley below for signs of life.
A snapping twig alerted Kallie to someone’s presence. She scooted closer to Cherish when Donovan appeared. He sat on the ground beside Kallie, a questioning glance falling on the babe wrapped securely in a receiving blanket.
“Is it okay if I sit with you?” he asked with a sideways glance.
Kallie’s only response was a shrug. She gathered her legs beneath her, ready to flee if he touched her or asked annoying questions. Just to be safe, Kallie gathered Cherish in her arms. She would not leave her behind. Mothers should never desert their children.
Donovan broke a piece of grass from a bunch growing nearby. He chewed the sweet stem casually. “Who’s your friend?”
“She’s not a friend!” Kallie snapped, anger rising when Donovan did not recognize who she held.
A slow sigh escaped his lips. Lying, hurtful lips. “Would you tell me who she is?”
“You should know.” Her voice was flat, lacking any emotion. How could he? Apparently, this sort of thing was easy for Donovan.
“Kallie, you lost the baby. That’s a doll,” he murmured.
Kallie shot to her feet, Cherish clutched tight against her chest. Anger roared to life. “I know what happened!” she shouted with a stamp of one foot. “Cherish needs someone to love her.”
Donovan’s eyes caught and held her gaze for a brief time. She noted the dark circles beneath each eye with muted interest. Good. Maybe he should suffer in much the same way she suffered every day.
“I’m sorry, Kallie. I didn’t mean to upset you. Will you sit with me? I’d like to talk to you if it’s okay.”
Kallie backed away as suspicion twisted and writhed within her gut. She knew that voice. The hypnotic voice that snatched common sense and seduced unsuspecting girls. “I’m going home,” she murmured. “Before you try to talk me into trouble.”
“I wouldn’t do that,” Donovan assured her. He stood and brushed both hands across the seat of his pants.
“You have before and you would again,” Kallie replied. “Cherish needs to be safe.”
Leaving him standing there alone brought no satisfaction. She knew how it felt to be abandoned. Regardless of the pain he caused, she did not relish his pain. The security of the cave soothed her jagged nerves. She fell asleep that night with the doll clutched to her chest.
*****
A timid knock at the door carried the last bit of hope that lived in Kallie’s heart. She stood outside in the rain, drenched to the bone. Shivers wracked her body. Please open the door.
The door swung open. Donovan’s eyebrows shot up, eyes widening. Without hesitation he reached for Kallie’s arm to pull her inside the cabin. “Come in and sit by the fire. You’re soaking wet, Kallie.”
She huddled by the fire with hands outstretched. Cherish lay abandoned on the floor. Donovan wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. “Thank you.” At least she had not forgotten good manners.
“Would you care for something to eat or drink, Kallie?” Donovan’s voice was soft and low.
Try as she might, she could not find an ulterior motive cloaked in his words.
“I can’t remember the last time I ate. I forget sometimes.”
She sat on the floor after accepting the bowl of soup Donovan brought. Her stomach growled at the appetizing scent wafting from the food. They sat in silence, the first time for an occurrence of this nature since Kallie’s trip to Walden. Donovan refilled the bowl when it was empty.
“You should let me get you some dry clothes, Kallie.”
“I’m fine,” she assured even though a shiver chattered her teeth together. “You think I’m crazy now because of Cherish.”
“I want to understand. Can you help me with that?” Donovan left the chair to join her on the floor. He faced her, legs crossed meditation style.
“People get married and sometimes don’t wear rings. A ring only represents the marriage. Your heart tells you that you’re married. Cherish is the only thing I have that reminds me of the baby I lost and what I could have had. I have to let her go soon, though, before darkness pulls me so deep that I’ll never get out.”
She finished off the last bites of soup before handing the bowl and spoon to Donovan. With both knees drawn against her chest, she sat staring into the dancing flames. “I loved you once. You don’t have to say you loved me. I know what we had wasn’t love. I could’ve said no when I said yes. Maybe things would be different now if I had.”
His big hand caught hers. He held it without speaking for several minutes. “I wish for a lot of things, Kallie. Never letting Mallory back into my life is one of those things. Telling you how I felt and not turning my back on you are some of the others.”
At last. A normal conversation with words that meant something. Kallie wondered how long it had been since Donovan had a normal conversation. A wave of courage allowed her to look at him.
His face was different than before. Donovan was still ruggedly handsome, but his face was thinner, dark circles graced each undereye. Kallie recognized the signs of unhappiness. After all, she had experienced them for years, even more so after the miscarriage.
“I’m going to lay Cherish to rest when it stops raining. Will you come with me?”
A smile brought a twinkle to the grey eyes that once lingered on her with fondness and raw, feral need. “I would be honored, Kallie. Will you stay here tonight? And the offer still stands for dry clothing.”
”I think I’d like both,” she confirmed.
Without warning Kallie leaned close to Donovan. She brushed her lips against his. This was no kiss of passion. As gentle as a butterfly's wings brushing a fragile flower, her lips touched his. So much was communicated in the kiss.
Donovan wrapped both arms around her. “Thank you for that, Kallie.”
“My mom named me Kalypso. It means mystery. My dad didn’t like it, so he called me Kallie.” Her head came to rest against his chest for a moment. “I miss you, Donovan.”
“I miss you, Kallie Kalypso. Could I get you some dry clothes? I don’t want you getting sick.” He dropped a kiss on her head.
The sweet gesture made her smile. It reminded her of how things were before. Easy. Relaxed. The intensity was woefully lacking. She realized the fault lay with her. The wall she built between her heart and Donovan was massive. It would take more than a brief show of affection to destroy it.
“Yes, thank you,” Kallie agreed and rose to her feet.
He found a flannel shirt then frowned when he held a pair of jeans up next to her slender hips. “You’ve lost a lot of weight. I worry about you,” he explained.
Kallie took the shirt from his hand. She removed the wet clothing then pulled Donovan’s shirt on. The dry fabric made a definite difference in her body temperature. “Could I hang my clothes on the back of a chair to dry by the fire?”
Donovan turned his back when Kallie undressed. He turned to face her when she spoke. “Of course, you can, Kallie. Should we get Cherish out of the floor? Maybe she would be okay on the table.” He bent down then lifted the doll in his hands where he cradled it for a few seconds. At Kallie’s nod, he placed the doll on the table against one wall. “She’ll be safe there.”
They spent the evening together. Kallie would lapse into periods of silence followed by their quiet conversation. Donovan respected Kallie’s boundaries, never pushing for another show of affection. When day faded into night, he invited Kallie to join him in bed. She hesitated, eyes downcast, foot scuffing at the floor.
“Just sleeping, Kallie. I promise not to push you for more. If and when it happens, it will be because you’ve told me you’re ready and willing to go there.”
Donovan climbed beneath the blanket where he lay on one side facing Kallie.
Time stretched interminably between them as she weighed the gravity of the decision. He had not pushed too far today. He respected Cherish and her reasons for keeping the doll all this time. He had turned his back when she dressed. Kallie slid beneath the blanket. She curled against Donovan’s side. He welcomed her head on his arm with a quick kiss on her forehead. His warmth lulled her to sleep.
Sometime during the night Kallie woke only to find her fingers clutching Donovan’s hand. His much larger fingers were interwoven with hers.
“You were dreaming,” he explained. “I took your hand and it calmed you. Go back to sleep, baby. I’m right here.”
Drowsy emerald eyes drifted shut as the hypnotic warmth soothed her yet again. It felt good to rest, to sleep without worry. She missed that more than anything.
Chapter 24
Donovan
He woke the next morning to find Kallie spooned against his back. A hand clutched his bicep, fingers digging in slightly. Her breathing was soft and regular. Donovan turned toward her, very much wanting to watch her as she slept. A shuddering sigh came when she stirred, restlessly seeking something. A smile came when Kallie sought his warmth again, hand sliding about his neck as if she sought solace.
Donovan lay silently, the fingers of one hand stroking the dark auburn curls. His eyes followed the outline of her face. He wondered how long it had been since she ate more than a bite of food here or there. Her body was rail thin. It was worse than when she fought a fever for two weeks. And still the attraction pulled at him. No. He would not succumb to base needs. Mending Kallie from the inside out was more important.
The first order of business was to help her cope with the miscarriage. After that he would address the betrayal with Mallory. One brick at a time, he was determined to rebuild what once existed between them. For him it remained. He was not certain of Kallie’s feelings.
A soft sigh preceded Kallie’s restless movements. She frowned, delicate brows drawing together. “No! Donovan.” The first word echoed fear and desperation. His name was uttered with a depth of hurt he found difficult to imagine.
Kallie tossed and turned, arms and legs restlessly moving. He did not doubt a nightmare filled her sleeping mind. She sobbed and whispered, quieting only when he pulled her close, a reassuring hand stroking her back.
She woke briefly, eyes straining open, drifting closed only to repeat the process a half dozen times. “Donovan?”
“I’m here. Sleep as long as you want.” He kissed her forehead, fingers carding through her hair.
Her head pillowed against his arm. A half nod with a smile warmed his heart. Seconds later she drifted back to sleep. Donovan eased Kallie’s head off his arm. He carefully crept from bed, determined to have food ready when she woke up.
It was nearly noon when Kallie woke up again. Donovan sat beside her on the bed. He pushed a mug of coffee into her hand.
“Thank you,” she murmured. “I didn’t think I was that tired.”
“I have food ready if you’re hungry.” He remained silent, simply content to observe her. She sat up, making no effort to cover long legs exposed by the shirt twisted about her body.
Kallie tilted the coffee cup, sighing after the first drink of dark, strong liquid. “Has the rain stopped?”
“It has,” he offered. “I will go with you today. The task at hand would best be undertaken as a couple.”
Her vulnerability came through again. She drained the cup of coffee before crawling onto his lap. Donovan hid the secret smile that lit his face. Kallie’s head came to rest on his chest, fingers catching the fabric of his shirt.
“I wonder how life would be at this moment if Mallory had never come here,” Kallie offered. “You were the first person to show me what it might be like to mean something to someone. I mattered, then I didn’t. Pritchard showed me that I mattered. Nearly everyone in Walden did. I think only Luca’s influence made me matter there.”
He found it difficult to hear that Kallie thought she did not matter. Donovan knew he played a role in the belief’s development. Knowing they could only move forward if he accepted responsibility, he said the words rehearsed dozens of times in his head just for this moment.
“If I could take it back, I would, Kallie. I knew within days that Mallory was only here because she had nowhere else to go. My actions have had serious repercussions. I’ve hurt you. Luca and Nyssa will barely speak to me. Jack and Mary have withdrawn. You’re the only constant in my life.”
Kallie’s fingers released their grip on the shirt. She traced a pattern along his arm, down toward his knuckles. “I think I’d like to lay Cherish to rest before we talk through this. Will you come with me?”
“Of course, I will,” he reassured.
Kallie dressed and took Donovan’s hand. He allowed her time to collect the doll that served as a reflection of her feelings on the miscarriage. They walked together to the cave Kallie called home. She collected the remaining items.
She led him to the abandoned family home. Donovan followed without questions. This was about Kallie, not anyone or anything else. She entered the home to find a shoebox in a hall closet.
Kallie collected a rusty shovel from a shed. Donovan dug a hole at the base of a weeping cherry tree in the backyard.
He knelt with Kallie on the ground to help her dress the doll in a clean sleeper. Kallie placed the remaining items in the box. Donovan took the time to swaddle the doll in a large blanket. Together they placed the doll inside the box. Kallie placed the lid in place.
Kallie’s first muffled sob came after he placed the box in the hole. The first shovel of dirt brought a much louder sob. Donovan covered the box and all it represented with haste. He held Kallie close, a hand stroking her back.
“What can I do to help you work through this, Kallie?” A finger beneath her chin raised the tear-stained face upward.
She shivered and shook, hands clutching at his body. “Can I stay with you again tonight?” she murmured. “I don’t want to be alone.”
“Of course, you can, Kallie. We can talk later when you feel stronger.”
She allowed him to take her hand before they walked home. Donovan took measured steps along the path. He had no desire to walk in front or behind her. At her side was where his presence was most needed.
Kallie refused to eat that day. Donovan encouraged her to sit in his lap only to find that she fell asleep after a short time. He carried her to the bed. She sighed when he covered her with a blanket. He remained at her side until she woke later that day.
“Thank you.” Eyes wide and luminous, she looked up at him after waking. “I want to talk to Nyssa and Luca if you’ll go with me. I don’t want them upset with you.”
Donovan’s heart leapt. She was willing to sacrifice so much for him. The lack of guile combined with a generous portion of compassion were additional reasons he craved a reunion with her. Their visit with Luca and Nyssa was brief. Kallie played with Tristan on the floor until they both collapsed giggling uncontrollably.
Before they returned to the cabin, Kallie hugged Nyssa and Luca. “I’m trying to work through some of the bad things that have happened in my life. Donovan is helping me. Please don’t be angry with him. He thinks the world of you both and Tristan.”
“You sure you know what you’re doing, Kallie?” Luca questioned. His face was somber, mouth compressed in a line, brows drawn together. He glanced from Kallie to Donovan after asking the question.
Kallie stood on tiptoes and kissed Luca’s whiskered cheek. “I know what I’m doing. Thank you for caring about me, Luca. I feel like you’re the big brother I never had.” The man mountain grinned at Kallie’s words.
“I’ll take you at your word then, young lady. Our door is always open. To you both,” Luca assured. His eyes fell on Donovan. “I mean that, both of you, Donovan.”
Kallie danced along the path, feet twirling in the leaves. A smile lit
her face, something Donovan remembered seeing rarely since Mallory’s return. His face formed a replica of her smile.
Before they went inside the cabin, he caught her in his arms, lifting her until his face was inches from hers. She looked up at him, lips parted slightly. With the sun’s light shining on her, the chaotic mane of dark auburn hair resembled a flaming crown.
“Kallie, I’m sorry for everything that has happened. I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to spit it out. I never stopped loving you. I was confused and too blind to see what was right in front of me. Please come back to me.”
Her chest rose and fell rapidly at Donovan’s plea. The tip of her tongue wet her lips. “I think I’d like that,” she whispered.
Donovan caught her lips without warning. Every bit of longing, regret, and love within him poured into the kiss. When they broke free Kallie buried her face against his chest.
“I have a few things to collect from the cave,” she murmured.
“Tomorrow you can get those things. I’m cooking supper and you, young lady, must eat. You’ve lost a lot of weight.” His gentle chastisement made her smile.
Everything was different between them. She ate everything he put on the plate. They talked about Mallory, the miscarriage, and how difficult time apart was for them both.
When they went to bed that night, Donovan fully intended to only sleep with Kallie in his arms. She had other intentions. Their joining was sweet and tender. There was no desperation, only an unhurried sense of love.
Kallie fell asleep in his arms. It was the second night of peace he experienced since their separation. Last night was the first. He fully intended for every night to be spent appreciating and loving Kallie Kalypso, his mysterious, beautiful rose.
Part Three
After
Chapter 25
Nyssa
Things have changed in the woodland she calls home. The Fosters were not the last people to move into the valley. A half dozen families and couples trickled in, one at a time. Someone brought a couple of cows. A few people brought chickens. Before long, a thriving community brought light and laughter to the valley and surrounding woodland.