When I Was Yours

by Samantha Towle

  I can’t see straight. All I can see is Evie.

  All I need is her.

  I have her. I’m buried deep inside her, and even this doesn’t feel like enough.

  She sinks her nails into my back, scratching across my skin, moaning my name into my mouth, and I nearly explode. I know I’m not going to last much longer. I’m surprised I’ve managed this long.

  “Evie…” I huff against her lips. “Tell me you’re close. I can’t hold off much longer, and I need you to come with me.”

  It was always that way with her. I always needed her orgasm with mine. Her pussy squeezing my dick, making me come so fucking hard—there was nothing like it.

  “I’m close,” she pants. “Just keep…doing…that—ah, fuck, Adam. That’s it…I’m coming!”

  She buries her scream in my shoulder by sinking her teeth into my skin, and I blow apart, coming harder than I can ever remember coming, even with her.

  I’m literally seeing stars. My head is spinning. My legs feel like jelly.

  I press my head against the wall, breathing hard.

  Evie’s panting against me, trying to catch her breath.

  As our breathing slows, the sexual fog lifts, and reality seeps back in.

  I just had sex with Evie.

  A multitude of thoughts scream at me. Emotions burn in my chest.

  I was expecting regret to come first, but surprisingly, it hasn’t made an appearance yet.

  I guess having her here in my arms after all these years, is what’s keeping the regret at bay.

  And the feel of my cock still inside her makes me want to fuck her again.

  I can’t fuck her again.

  Forcing my head up, I look at her face.

  Her eyes look moist, her expression pained, and my first thought is that I hurt her. I was pretty rough.

  “Did I hurt you?”

  “No.” She moves her eyes to mine.

  We’re staring at one another, and I have no clue what to say or do, what my next move should be.

  I know what I want to do, I want to take her mouth again and kiss her until I can’t breathe.

  Again, not a good idea, Gunner.

  This is the first time I’m stuck on what to do or say when I’ve just screwed a woman. Usually, I’m pulling out and looking for my exit by now.

  Only, she’s not just a woman.

  She’s Evie.

  The only woman I’ve ever loved.

  The woman I married.

  The woman who broke my heart.

  That thought sobers me. I pull out of her, lowering her to her feet, and I see her wince.

  “Are you sure I didn’t hurt you?”

  “No, I’m fine,” she says, not meeting my eyes.

  Moving away from her, putting some distance between us, I pull up my boxers and pants, fastening them.

  By the time I’ve turned back to her, Evie’s already got her T-shirt on and is pulling on her panties.

  The air is tense and uncomfortable. That’s probably my fault.

  I’ve distanced myself from her, physically and emotionally. I feel so confused right now. I don’t know what to do or say.

  Evie pulls on her shorts, and she’s dressed.

  I’ve never seen her dress that quickly before. It actually pisses me off. It’s like she can’t wait to get her clothes on and get away from me.

  I have to grit my teeth to stop from saying something. Really, what would be the point? And it’s not like I’m exactly helping the situation, standing here like a fucking mute.

  “So…that happened.” She’s struggling to look at me, her hands twisting in front of her.

  Her teeth bite her lower lip so hard that I’m surprised it isn’t bleeding.

  “It did.” My voice is cold. I know it is because that’s the intention.

  I’m angry with her. I’m angry with myself.

  “I’m guessing…we probably shouldn’t have done that,” she edges the words out softly.

  “No, we shouldn’t have. Then again, we shouldn’t have gotten married, and we did. We’re not exactly known for our good decisions, Evie.”

  Pain lances across her face, her eyes instantly filling with tears.

  And I feel like shit.

  I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean it. I let my anger get the better of me.

  Her throat works on a swallow. She blinks, and a tear runs down her cheek.

  Fuck.

  But didn’t I want to hurt her? Hasn’t some part of me wanted to hurt her the way she hurt me from the moment I saw her standing there in the coffee shop?

  But seeing her like this, crying, in pain…it doesn’t make me feel good. It didn’t before I fucked her, and it sure as shit doesn’t now. If anything, I just feel worse.

  “Evie—” I start.

  But she cuts me off, “It’s fine.” She forces a bright smile. Drying her face with her hands, she pushes her feet into her flip-flops. “You’re right. We’re not known for our good decisions, especially when it comes to us.”

  She reaches for the lock on the door, clicking it open.

  “Evie…wait.” I take a step toward her. She turns back to me, and something that looks a lot like hope lights her eyes.

  What am I going to do? Say?

  Ask her to stay? For what reason, other than another fuck?

  Or do I ask her where it all went wrong for us?

  What would be the point? I already know the answer.

  It went wrong for us the day she decided to disappear and pretend like we never happened.

  So, what do I say?

  The only thing I can.

  “I’m sorry.”

  The light in her eyes dims, and she releases a sorrowful breath. “Yeah, I’m sorry, too.” Then, she opens the door, and she’s gone.

  Again.

  I’m nervous. And I’m not nervous often. But right now, I am seriously fucking nervous.

  It’s Evie’s birthday. She’s turning eighteen today. And what that means for us is sex.

  Evie told me a few weeks ago that she was finally ready, that she wanted to have sex.

  Gotta say, I nearly came on the spot when the words left her mouth.

  But then I thought about it. I knew her birthday was coming up soon, and I wanted this to be special for her. So, after talking it through, we both agreed for it to happen on her birthday.

  She’s in the bathroom, changing right now—or I’m guessing preparing for it, as women do. I don’t know why. She was perfect as she was, but she insisted on getting changed, said she had a surprise for me.

  I should be jumping for joy right now. I mean, my hot girlfriend, whom I’m crazy in love with, is in the bathroom, getting ready to have sex with me.

  And I’m a nineteen-year-old guy who’s been sexually active since he was fourteen, having sex on a regular basis for all those years, and I haven’t had sex since I met Evie eight months ago.

  I waited for her because she’s all I want.

  But now, it’s finally going to happen, and I’m scared shitless that I’m going to somehow fuck it up for her.

  Taking a girl’s virginity is a big thing. Taking Evie’s virginity, because of how much I love her, makes that big thing huge.

  And the thought of hurting her…

  Jesus, I don’t know if I can do this.

  It’s going to hurt her. I know that. I just wish there were some way I could stop that from happening.

  I get up from the bed where I’m sitting and put a CD on. Semisonic’s “Secret Smile” starts to play softly out of the speakers.

  I turn to the window, looking out at the darkness.

  I took Evie out for dinner earlier to celebrate her birthday. She insisted we come straight back here afterward. She didn’t want to wait any longer.

  Seriously, if Evie had her way, we’d have skipped dinner altogether and spent the night in here.

  But I wanted to do this right. I want this to be perfect for her and for me.

&n
bsp; She deserves everything, especially considering how hard things are for her and with Casey being sick.

  Once Casey was transferred to UCLA Medical Center, they did more tests on her, and Evie’s worst fear was realized. The tumor was cancerous, and it was more aggressive.

  Casey had surgery right after Christmas to remove the tumor.

  The morning Casey went in for surgery was a hard day for both Evie and Mick.

  I know they’ve been through it once before, but I think this time was even harder. Evie put on a brave face, but I could tell she was so afraid. I know her inside out. And I wanted to help her, make her feel better, but all I could do was be there for her, so I that was what I did. I stayed there with them until Casey came out of surgery.

  Once Evie knew Casey had come out of surgery okay and that they’d managed to remove a large part of the tumor, she allowed herself to shed a few tears.

  But we still have a long road ahead with Casey undergoing chemotherapy at the moment.

  I know the hospital bills are racking up, and Evie is working as many hours as she can while still going to school.

  I just wish she would let me help her financially.

  I considered just going to Mick and offering him the money, but when I said that to Max, he said it wouldn’t be a good idea. Evie might feel like I had gone behind her back.

  So, I didn’t do it.

  All I can do for her is try to make her happy, and I want to give her the best birthday I can.

  I glance over at the easel and pencil set I bought her for her birthday. I set it up in the corner over by the other window, so she can come up here and sketch whenever she wants.

  I can’t wait to sit and watch her sketch on it. Seriously, there is nothing hotter than watching Evie draw.

  “I love this song.”

  I turn at the sound of Evie’s voice.

  Holy fuck.

  Actually, I take that back. There is nothing hotter than the way Evie looks right now.

  She’s wearing a pale pink nightgown that stops just a few inches down her thighs. A silky-looking bow that I can’t wait to untie sits below her tits. And the material covering those beauties is lace. I can see her nipples poking through.

  She is the hottest thing I have ever seen.

  I’ve seen Evie in a bikini before. I’ve seen her naked when we fool around, which is often. But this, her, now—holy fucking shit.

  She looks stunning.

  I clear my throat. “I know. That’s why I put it on. I really like your nightgown by the way.”

  “It’s a baby-doll nightie,” she corrects me with a smile.

  “Well, I really fucking like your baby-doll nightie.” I grin as I start to walk toward her, a prowl in my step, even though my insides are trembling like mad.

  Evie looks so much more confident than I feel.

  You’d think I was the virgin out of the two of us with the way I’m behaving.

  Reaching her, I link my fingers with hers, and that’s when I feel the tremble in her hand.

  “Babe, we don’t have to do this tonight.” I tuck her hair behind her ear with my free hand.

  “No, I don’t want to wait anymore. I want this with you—tonight.” Her voice sounds so sure, but I can feel the nerves in her body.

  “I want this, too,” I tell her. I dip my head and softly kiss her just once.

  I lead her by the hand over to my bed, stopping when we’re beside it.

  “You have a lot of clothes on,” she says, fingers tugging on my shirt button.

  “I didn’t know you’d be wearing so little,” I tease, grinning.

  “Do you like it? I bought it especially for tonight…for you.”

  Staring into her eyes, I say, “I like it a lot.”

  She smiles at me, and it punches me straight in the chest, like all of her smiles do.

  She reaches up on her tiptoes and kisses me. Her fingers thread into my hair as I take over the kiss, tilting her head back with my hands, I part her lips with mine. I slip my tongue into her mouth, and she moans softly.

  The sound travels straight to my cock.

  Her hands move from my hair to my shirt, and she starts unbuttoning it. My hands slip under her nightie to her ass, and I find it bare.

  I break from the kiss. I lift the material, peeking over her shoulder and down at her ass.

  “No panties?” I grin, looking back to her face.

  Her cheeks redden a little. Then, she shrugs and says, “I didn’t see the point.”

  That’s my girl.

  “God, I fucking love you.” I grab a handful of her hair and take her mouth again.

  She undoes the last of the buttons on my shirt and pushes it off my shoulders.

  I have to let her go for a second to get it off, and the fucking cuffs get stuck on my wrists. I toss it to the floor, and my hands are straight back on her, touching her soft skin.

  I start to kiss her neck. It’s Evie’s sensitive place. All I have to do is run my tongue over the skin just beneath her ear, and she’s crying out, hips pressing into mine.

  I lick my way up her neck, to the sensitive spot, and she turns to putty in my hands.

  “I want you now,” she moans, her hands going for my pants.

  I stop her because I don’t want to rush this.

  It’s her first time. I want it to be one she’ll always remember.

  “Not yet.” I kiss her mouth again.

  Then, I lift her and lay her down on my bed. I climb up between her legs before lying on her. I support my weight on my elbows, so I don’t crush her. Then, I take her sweet mouth in a kiss again.

  Her legs come up, wrapping around me, pressing her sweet pussy against my bare stomach. She’s hot to the touch and so fucking wet.

  I slide my hand along her thigh. Gripping her hip, I kiss down her neck, loving the way she squirms against me, and I pull down one strap, revealing her breast to me.

  I take her already hard nipple into my mouth, laving it with my tongue. My hand leaves her thigh, pulling the final strap down, exposing her other breast to me, and I pay that one the same attention.

  “Adam, God, that feels so good,” she moans.

  Lifting up, I stare down at her.

  She looks so beautiful, and she’s all mine.

  “Even though I like this nightie, babe, I like you naked a hell of a lot more.” I start to pull it down her body.

  She loosens her legs from around me and lifts her hips, allowing me to remove the nightie.

  Once it’s gone, I lie back between her legs, and I start kissing her again.

  “So, how are we going to do this?” she asks me between kisses.

  I know she’s nervous. Hell, I am.

  “Really well, I hope.” I chuckle.

  She playfully swats my back.

  “I mean, what do we do? Do we just get right to it, or…I don’t know.”

  I run my thumb over her lower lip as I talk to her, “I’m going to make you come first, help loosen you up. You’re going to be tight, babe, and I want to make this as painless as possible.”

  “It’s going to hurt, Adam. There’s nothing you can do about that.” She cups my cheek with her hand.

  “I know. But if I can help make it hurt a little less than I will. So, I’m gonna make you come with my mouth.” I press a kiss to her lips. “And then I might make you come again.”

  “Twice?” she says, her pupils dilating.

  “Yeah, twice. The more orgasms, the better. You probably won’t come the first time we actually have sex.”

  “Wow, you’re really not selling this sex stuff to me,” she teases. “Also, you seem pretty knowledgeable about taking a girl’s virginity. Just how many virginities have you taken?” She’s smiling, but I can hear the hint of worry in her voice.

  “None. You’re my first—in so many more ways than just this.” I give her another soft kiss. “I love you, Evie.”

  Her fingers curl around the back of my neck. “I love you, too
.” She brings my mouth back to hers, kissing me.

  The kiss quickly turns into more.

  Then, I’m moving down her body, taking her pussy with my mouth, licking her and fucking her with my finger, just like I know she loves.

  When she blows apart, I climb up her body, lying beside her. Keeping my finger inside her, I kiss her mouth. She returns the kiss hungrily. I push another finger inside her and start moving them in and out again. My thumb moves up to her clit.

  She grabs my arm, her thighs pressing together. “I don’t think I can come again so soon.”

  “You can.” I slide my leg between hers, pushing them apart. “Let me make you come again.” I run my tongue over her lips.

  I know I have her when she relaxes, and her legs drop open.

  I start massaging her clit again while moving my fingers in and out.

  She moans, her fingernails scratching down my arm.

  My cock is solid. I could pound nails he’s that hard. Trying to get some relief, I press my dick against her hip.

  Her hand finds me. She opens the button on my jeans and slips her hand inside my boxers. Her hand curls around my cock, and I groan with the relief of her touch.

  I keep working her with my fingers while she works me with hers.

  “Jesus, Adam, I’m…I’m gonna come again.”

  I pump my fingers faster, rubbing her clit harder.

  Then, she’s tensing and crying out my name in release.

  Nothing sounds better than hearing Evie say my name when she comes.

  I kiss her lips, her cheeks, her eyelids while she comes down.

  Her hand is still around my cock but unmoving.

  She blinks open her eyes at me. “Wow,” she says.

  “Yeah. And it’s only going to get better.” I give her a wink.

  That earns me a smile.

  Every single time Evie smiles at me, I feel like I’ve won something incredibly precious.

  Lying on my back, I lift my ass up and push my jeans down, taking my boxers off at the same time.

  Then, I turn back to her. She runs her fingernails down my chest, and it makes me shiver.

  I reach over to my nightstand and grab the new pack of condoms I bought. I rip it open and get one out, keeping it in my hand.

  Then, I come back to Evie, who’s staring at me. I can see the nervousness in her eyes.