by Jaci Burton
His face paled, his jaw clenched tight. He breathed in and out rapidly through his nose, and she knew he was holding his temper in check.
He was pissed. Good. She needed him to be, needed to strike out and hurt him to get him to back away, to quit giving her that sympathetic look that made her want to melt into his arms, to hold him close and never let go.
Because she finally realized that loving Max would mean giving up her soul, her very freedom. And that she wouldn't do.
Her heart wrenched at the hurt she saw in his eyes, but she steeled herself to ignore it. She had to. Self-preservation won out and she'd do whatever she had to do to get him to back off.
She marched into his closet and grabbed a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. Granted, they were way too large but she had no clothes to wear. "I'm calling my sister to come and get me. I'll wait downstairs. Do not come near me, and do not attempt to talk to me. I want nothing to do with you, Max. I'm disgusted by what you are, and I don't ever want to see you again."
Before she lost her nerve, before she looked into his eyes and once again saw the pain she knew she'd put there, she turned and hurried downstairs.
After calling Kaitlyn, grateful to realize the phones now worked, she stepped outside on the porch and paced. A hundred times she wanted to go back inside, fling herself into Max's arms and beg his forgiveness for hurting him, for lying to him.
But she couldn't do it. She had to stand firm. If loving him meant losing herself in the process, then it wasn't love. It would never work between them.
Knowing it didn't stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks, nor did it stem the anguish threatening to tear her up inside.
Kaitlyn pulled into the driveway and she hurried into the car, slamming it shut.
"Just drive," she said, noting Kaitlyn's concerned expression. "Don't ask, because I'm not going to tell you anything right now. I just want to go home."
As Kaitlyn nodded and drove away, Shannon had the feeling that she wasn't going home at all.
She'd just left home.
Chapter Thirteen
Max paced the confines of the back porch, stepping up to the screen to look out over the water, then beginning his walk from one end to the other again. He felt caged, frustrated, desperate to take a run into the woods, but knowing it wouldn't help.
Shannon wouldn't take his calls, wouldn't see him, wouldn't speak to him. She hadn't shown up at work, and it wasn't like she was required to be there. The ad campaigns and press releases were finished. Now they just waited for the grand opening, so there really was nothing urgent that required her attention there.
How could he talk to her, to explain how he felt, if she wouldn't see him?
Alphas did not beg. It wasn't in his nature to lie down on his back and bare his vulnerable belly to anyone, especially a female.
Besides, Shannon had made it quite clear that she was disgusted with what he was. He sure hadn't counted on that reaction from her. Maybe he'd been too confident that she cared enough about him, wanted him enough, that it wouldn't matter what he was, especially in light of the fact that she possessed magic of her own.
So now what? What did an alpha werewolf do when he finds his mate, falls in love, but she doesn't return his feelings? It wasn't like he could go pick another. The thought of doing that left him empty. He'd already mated with Shannon. They were bonded. In a werewolf's world, that meant for life. His blood was inside her now. Hell, for that matter, his pup could be growing inside her, too. And he'd be damned if he'd allow her to raise his child without his presence. Or, God forbid, raise his child with another man.
Over his dead body.
Shit. He'd handled this whole thing badly. He should have told her about who he was before they made love, before they bonded. He should have waited to touch her, to taste her, until he was certain she'd accept him.
One helluva predicament.
His hearing picked up a car coming up the drive, his heart pounding at the thought that it might be Shannon. He stepped inside and went out the front door, disappointment racing through him as he saw Aidan step out.
"Hey there," Aidan said, waving an envelope in front of him. "Thought you might want to see the press releases that are going out next week."
Max had left the office early today, tired of wandering around aimlessly, unable to concentrate on work, and waiting to see if Shannon would show up. He pasted on a smile and said, "Thanks. Have time for a beer?"
Aidan bounded up the stairs and grinned. "Always have time for a beer."
After grabbing a couple bottles from the refrigerator, Max led Aidan out onto the back porch. They sat in the chairs and Max scanned the press release. "Looks good. I'd say we're ready to roll."
"Yeah, I think so too."
They both stared outside for a few minutes, drinking their beer in silence.
"You've got to give her a little time," Aidan finally said.
Max looked at him. "I don't think time is going to help much."
Aidan's mouth curved in a half-smile. "You'd be surprised. I know my sister. She's stubborn. Damned stubborn."
Max took a long swallow of his beer and nodded. "Don't I know it." It was one of the things he loved best about her.
"She also loves you."
Arching a brow, Max asked, "How do you know that?"
"We're connected. All of us. Not mind readers, but we can feel each other's emotions. She's miserable right now."
Great. Misery that he'd caused. That should endear him to her even more. "I never meant to hurt her."
"I know that. If I wasn't certain of that fact, I'd be here to kick your ass, not share a beer with you."
Max laughed, understanding that sentiment. He'd do the same thing if anyone hurt his sister. "So now what do I do?"
Aidan shrugged and finished his beer. "Wish I could tell you. I had enough trouble trying to figure out what to do about Lissa. I finally had to swallow my pride, smack myself upside the head and find her. I was going to tell her I loved her and keep telling her until she believed me."
"If only that would work in this case."
"All you can do is try. Granted, my relationship with Lissa isn't like yours with Shannon. You bring a little something 'extra' to the relationship that she'll have to deal with."
Max was taken aback. Did everyone know about him? "How did you know?"
Aidan grinned. "Mom told us the other day, after Kaitlyn explained that Shannon was a mess. She also warned us to stay out of it and let you two settle your differences by yourselves."
He made a note to thank Angelina for that. "Do you have any reservations about it?"
"Nah. If Shannon agrees to it and it doesn't hurt her, then what you two do and what powers you possess are your own business. I have enough of my own to deal with as it is," he said, winking.
"Thanks." Max shook Aidan's hand and walked him to the door.
"I hate to sound corny and all," Aidan said, "But you really have to dig deep and search your heart. You'll know what to do."
He nodded and watched as Aidan drove away, then went outside and walked to the edge of the water, staring into the murky depth as if they could provide the answer he sought.
Search his heart? He already knew what he wanted. He wanted Shannon. He loved her, needed her, and wanted her for his mate, by his side forever. But going to her and telling her that wouldn't convince her.
There was something else he had to do, and he knew what it was. It went against everything he stood for, his very genetic makeup. But if that's what he had to do to get her back, then he'd have to swallow his pride.
It was either that or lose her, and the concept was unfathomable.
He'd do it. It would kill him to make that sacrifice, but he'd do it for Shannon. He had to.
Tonight.
*
Shannon sat on the picnic table in the backyard of her parents' home. She drew her knees to her chest and rested her chin on them. Closing her eyes, she breathed in the crisp fall
air, the slight breeze tinged with the sharp scent of earth's changing grounds.
Full-fledged change of season had finally come, cooling things off and leaving her with a melancholy feeling she hadn't been able to shake for days. Although she knew, at least partly, what caused her mood.
Max. She missed him. Desperately. Craved the sight of him, his touch, the husky tone of his voice and the smell of him, so like the cool, crisp earth she inhaled right now.
She'd argued with herself for days now, refusing to lend credence to what her heart was telling her. She couldn't go to him, couldn't become one with him. Not if it meant giving up her independence. She'd never be able to tolerate being dominated, being told what to do and when.
If they couldn't be equals, then they couldn't be together. And knowing what she did now about alpha wolves, she knew that Max would require control one hundred percent of the time. He would dominate her, make all the decisions, and she would have to follow along blindly. That she could not do.
"You gonna sit here all day and mope, or are you going to help serve?"
She looked up at the sound of Kaitlyn's voice, then slipped off the table and went inside.
Friday night dinner with the family. She hadn't wanted to come, but her mother told her in no uncertain terms she was expected to be there. She slipped into the kitchen and grabbed the salad and plates, making a quick turn and hoping she'd be able to sneak into the dining room before she was spotted.
"Shannon, wait."
No such luck. She halted and cringed at the sound of her mother's voice, knowing what was coming. Turning, she offered a carefree smile. "Yeah? Is there something else you'd like me to take in there?"
"No. Put those down and come sit with me."
With a forceful sigh, she handed off the bowl to Kaitlyn, who winked and headed into the dining room. Shannon followed her mother into the sitting room by the front window.
"Come sit beside me," her mother commanded, patting the sofa cushion.
Shannon sat and turned to face her mother, resolving to sit through the lecture and inevitable questions without offering any detail.
"What happened between you and Max?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"That's what Kaitlyn tells me. You have to talk to someone about this, ma belle."
"No, I don't. There's nothing to say, Mom. It didn't work out."
"Did he hurt you?"
She had to smile at her mother's narrowed eyes, and she suddenly felt very loved and protected. "No, he didn't hurt me."
But she'd hurt him. Badly. He'd easily accepted her powers, the fact that she wasn't entirely human, without blinking an eye. Had she done the same for him?
No.
He'd risked his life to save hers, had taken on six wolves in a battle that could have easily killed him.
Had she thanked him for that?
No.
Then, he'd told her what he was, no doubt expecting the same acceptance of his unusual genetic makeup as he'd done for her. Had she accepted him?
"He's different, Mom," she said, pushing the guilt deep inside herself, praying that some day she might be able to forgive herself for hurting him.
"I know what he is, petite," she said, smoothing her hand over Shannon's hair.
She couldn't hide her wide-eyed stare. "You do?" When her mother nodded, Shannon shook her head. "You can't know. No one knows but me."
Her mother laughed. "I've known for a long time. Almost since he first arrived here."
"You know that he's a--" She stopped mid-sentence and looked around to be sure no one was within earshot, then finished in a whisper. "A werewolf?"
"Yes. I know that."
Shannon sat back on the sofa, unable to believe that her mother knew. "Does Dad know, too?"
"Everyone does, now. I told them the other day, after Kaitlyn said she had to come and get you. She sensed you were hurting. She also sensed your guilt."
Shannon didn't doubt that. It was difficult to mask remorse the size of the entire state. She turned her head to regard her mother. "So you all know."
"Yes."
"And you're okay with it."
Her mother shrugged. "It doesn't matter whether we're okay with it or not. None of us are in love with Max. You are."
She blew out a sigh and stared up at the ceiling, feeling more confused than ever. Sure, her family was fine with Max being a werewolf. Clearly they didn't understand what that entailed. For that matter, she didn't understand all of it. Other than the fact she'd have to give up control.
"You don't have to dominate every aspect of your life, Shannon," her mother said as if in answer to her thoughts. "Sometimes it's good to share, to give up a little control to the one you love. Not only does it take the burden off you, but it makes a relationship a true partnership."
"We could never have a true partnership. He'd want to be in control all the time. He'd want to dominate me all the time."
"Are you certain of this?"
"Yes."
Her mother took Shannon's hands and rubbed her fingers. "Don't be so certain you know. I have felt Max's heart. He has a deep love for you."
"Funny, he never told me that." She turned her head and looked at her mother. "Did he tell you?"
"No. He didn't have to. I'm not sure he even realized it at the time."
"He doesn't love me."
"Don't be so quick to decide how he feels. It's not your place to control his feelings. Maybe you need to step back a bit and give him another chance. You've always been quick to judge people, Shannon. Typically, your instincts are better than your outward logic. Let your heart decide on this."
Could her mother be right? Had she jumped to conclusions and just assumed Max would want to dominate her? Oh, she didn't know what to think anymore! Frankly, she was tired of thinking about it at all.
After dinner, she drove home alone. Kaitlyn was spending the night at the house so she and their mother could get an early start on shopping the next day.
Thankful to have the place to herself, Shannon took a shower and read for awhile, but couldn't concentrate. She tried to do some paperwork, but her mind kept drifting to Max.
She didn't want to think about Max. She didn't want to feel the guilt, the uncertainty, the intense longing that threatened to double her over.
Giving up, she slipped between the sheets of her bed and tried to sleep, but found she could only drift in and out, her dreams filled with a gray wolf with eyes of golden green. A wolf that stayed by her side, protected her, revered her, and transformed into a man who took her very breath away with his beauty.
She dreamed of Max crawling over her, whispering that he loved her, that he'd always take care of her. She felt the soft caress of his fingers over her bare skin. Her breath hitched as he slid his palms over her nipples, following the trail with his fiery hot tongue until she was writhing, begging him to--
She heard the growl on the fringes of her consciousness and sat up in bed, blinking her eyes, trying to adjust them to the darkness. Surely it had been part of her dream.
Then she heard it again, coming from the corner of her room. She looked over and saw the window was open, the sheer curtains billowing out in the cool breeze.
Shannon shivered and pulled the covers up to her chin, scooting away until her back hit the headboard. The growl grew closer. Yellow eyes glowed in the darkness as he approached the foot of her bed.
She shrieked in surprise when the wolf leaped onto the foot of her bed. He stared at her, not advancing, his watchful eyes waiting.
Waiting for what? For her to say something?
"Max?" she whispered, knowing full well it was him. Could he even answer her when he was in wolf form?
Obviously not. He didn't speak, didn't growl, just slowly crept up the bed toward her. When he reached her feet, he began to claw at the sheet, pulling it away from her until she was exposed. He sniffed at her feet, licking her toes. She fought back a giggle, still wary of his intentions.
>
She was more curious than afraid, knowing that he'd never hurt her.
"Your being here doesn't solve anything," she admonished, feeling stupid for talking to him. But surely he understood her.
He cocked his head to the side and looked at her as if he were intently listening.
She supposed he was giving her the opportunity to talk to him, without his being able to respond. She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.
"Why are you here, Max? And why in wolf form? I've seen you like this before, so it's not a shock to me. Besides, you showing up here like this doesn't change anything between us."
He stood on all fours watching her, not moving.
This was her chance to tell him what was in her heart.
"I'm sorry I hurt you the other day. You don't disgust me at all. I fully accept what you are."
He leaned forward and licked her legs, rubbing his snout against her calf.
Tears filled her eyes at what might have been between them. Tentatively, she reached out and touched his head, loving the feel of his fur under her hands. She stroked his ears and he leaned against her, his long tongue licking at her palm.
She shuddered, wanting him naked here with her. In human form, their bodies entwined and making love. But that could never be. Not after what she'd done to him.
She hitched a breath and continued. "I can't be what you want me to be, Max. I can't be docile and let you control my entire life. It's not in my nature to give up control like that. Not all the time. Not the way you'd expect me to."
Then he did something that stunned her. He moved next to her and laid down, then rolled over, exposing his belly to her. Even the novice she was knew that was a sign of submission.
The alpha wolf of a pack would never show his belly to anyone.
But Max had just given her a sign. He gave up some of his control to her. He wasn't here to take, he was here to offer. And while she knew he'd never take a submissive role with her, she knew this to mean that he was willing to share equally with her.
Tears of joy streamed down her face. What it must have cost him to do this was incredible. She reached out and wrapped her arms around him, letting the tears fall freely onto his fur.
He stood and moved to the end of the bed. She watched in awe as his back legs elongated, his snout shrinking, his fur disappearing as he changed into a human again. The transformation took only a minute and yet was the most amazing thing she'd ever seen.