Nick says: “That means outside of putting up with the rest of your family, we’ll have to listen to her troubles with Robert. I won’t—”
Nora says coaxingly: “But you like Selma.”
Nick: “Not that much.”
Nora: “Please, Nickie.”
Nick: “I won’t go sober.”
Nora pats his cheek, saying: “You’re a darling.”
Abrams comes back from his whispered conference with the other detective and says: “Mrs. Charles, I’ll have to ask you who you were talking to on the phone.”
Nora, puzzled: “My cousin, Selma Landis.”
Abrams: “She married?”
Nora: “Yes.”
Abrams: “What was her last name before she was married?”
Nora: “Forrest, the same as mine.”
Abrams: “She ever go by the name of Young?”
Nora: “Why no! Surely you don’t think—” She looks at Nick.
Abrams: What was she so excited about?”
Nora, indignantly: “You listened?”
Abrams, patiently: “We’re policemen, Mrs. Charles, and a man’s been killed here. We got to try to find out what goes on the best way we can. Now is there any connection between what she was saying and what happened here?”
Nora: “Of course not. It’s probably her husband.”
Abrams: “You mean this fellow that was killed?”
Nick: “That’s a thought!” He asks Nora solemnly: “Do you suppose Selma was ever married to Pedro?”
Nora: “Stop it, Nick.” Then, to Abrams: “No, no—it’s her husband she was talking about.”
Abrams nods, says: “Maybe that’s right. I can see that. I’m a married man myself.” After a moment’s thought he asks: “Did she know this fellow that was killed?”
Nora: “I suppose so. She and my husband and her husband were all friends and used to come there before any of us were married.”
Abrams: “Then her husband might know him, too, huh?”
Nora: “He might.”
Abrams turns to Nick: “How come you didn’t recognize him before Mrs. Charles told you?”
Nick: “Who notices a gardener unless he squirts a hose on you?”
Abrams: “There’s something in that. I remember once when—well, never mind.” He addresses the detective who phoned: “Find out anything about Dominges?”
The Detective: “Did a little bootlegging before repeal—bought hisself a apartment house at 346 White Street—lives there and runs it hisself. Not married. No record on him.”
Abrams asks the assembled company: “346 White Street mean anything to anybody?” Nobody says it does. He asks his men: “Got all their names and addresses?”
“Yes.”
Abrams: “All right. You people can clear out. We’ll let you know when we want to see you again.”
The guests start to leave as if glad to go, especially a little group of men who have been herded into a corner by a couple of policemen, but this group is halted by one of the policemen, who says: “Take it easy, boys. We’ve got a special wagon outside for you. We been hunting for some of you for months.” They are led out between policemen.
Abrams, alone in the room with Nick and Nora, looks at Nick and says: “Well?”
Nick says: “Oh, sure,” and begins to mix drinks.
Abrams: “I didn’t mean that exactly. I mean what do you make all this add up to? He’s killed coming to see you. He knows you two, and Mrs. Charles’s relations, and that’s all we know he does know. What do you make of it?”
Nick, handing him a drink: “Maybe he was a fellow who didn’t get around much.”
At the Landis home:
Aunt Katherine, in the doorway of the drawing room, is surveying the occupants of the room grimly.
Aunt Katherine: “Good evening all.”
The men of the family all rise to their feet, some of them with difficulty, to greet Aunt Katherine. The next to Katherine in point of age is Aunt Lucy, Katherine’s cousin, a tottering old lady whose only interest is her accumulating years. Next, there is the General, Katherine’s brother. He is a tall, solidly fat man of eighty, with a bald head, bushy white brows and whiskers, and the shiny appearance of just having been scrubbed. Although Katherine calls him Thomas, the rest speak of him as the General.
The others, in order of their ages, are:
Burton Forrest, a gaunt man of seventy-two, who has a tic, which makes him crinkle his nose as if he had suddenly smelled a bad smell.
Charlotte, Burton’s wife, a short, roly-poly woman of seventy, who is more interested in her dinner than anything else.
Hattie, a spinster of sixty-something. She is very deaf, and wears an audio phone, with its sounding box conspicuously pinned on the front of her chest, and cords going from it to her ears.
William, a few years younger than Hattie. A plump man whose clothes are too tight. He has a great deal of difficulty in understanding things, and, even in this family, is considered not quite bright.
Lucius, a tired man in his late fifties.
Helen and Emily, colorless women of fifty-three or fifty-four . . . married to William and Lucius. They stick together as if not sure of their places in this family that they have married into.
As Katherine makes her entrance, they all greet her with deferential murmurs, addressing her as “Katherine” or “Cousin Katherine” or “Aunt Katherine,” according to their ages.
The women sit stiffly erect; the men stand stiffly erect. The men wear white ties and tails. The women’s gowns range in style from the Victorianism of Katherine’s to the comparatively modern, but none of them is gay. Aunt Lucy, the very old lady, comes tottering up to Katherine.
Aunt Lucy: “I had a birthday last week, Katherine. I’m eighty-three years old. Eighty-three years old. What do you think of that?”
Aunt Katherine: “That’s fine, Lucy.”
Aunt Lucy: “Eighty-three! Next year I’ll be eighty-four.”
Aunt Katherine dismisses Aunt Lucy with a brief word: “That’s splendid.”
She turns to the rest. “While we’re alone, I have something important to tell all of you.”
Aunt Hattie leans forward in her chair, holding her audio phone toward Katherine.
Aunt Hattie: “What’d she say?”
Lucius: “Shush!”
Aunt Katherine, looking at Hattie, irritated: “Isn’t that thing working, Hattie?”
Aunt Hattie: “This works perfectly. It’s you! You mumble!”
Lucius, stepping into the breach: “What is it, Katherine?”
Aunt Katherine: “Nora and her husband are coming tonight.”
They all look at Katherine, appalled.
Family: “Her husband!”
“After the last time . . .”
“But Katherine . . .”
“Really, Katherine . . .”
This news has brought on Burton’s tic worse than ever. The General is regarding Katherine with offended dignity.
The General: “But you said yourself that you wouldn’t have him again.”
Aunt Katherine: “I know I did. And my opinion of him and what he represents hasn’t changed a particle.”
Burton: “Then I can’t understand why you asked him.”
His face twitches violently.
Aunt Katherine: “I have a very good reason for asking him, which you will know in time.” There is a muffled sound of a bell. “That’s probably they now.”
She turns to include the others: “Understand now, I want you all to be pleasant to him.”
She walks toward Hattie and Lucius, near the door. The rest of the family look after her. There are murmurs from them.
The Family: “Of cou
rse, if you say so. . . . It’s going to be difficult. . . . Poor Nora. My heart bleeds for that child.”
Hattie is still looking from face to face bewildered. Katherine passes the old butler as he goes slowly through the hall: “If that is Mr. and Mrs. Charles, show them right in.”
Butler: “Yes, madam.”
Aunt Hattie: “What is it? What’s happened?”
Lucius, bending down and talking right into her audio phone: “You’re to be pleasant to Nora’s husband.”
Aunt Hattie: “Who said so?”
Aunt Katherine: “I did!”
Aunt Hattie: “I’ll be just as pleasant as you are . . . no more!”
Nick and Nora, in evening clothes, are waiting for the butler to open the door. Nick is muttering to himself. Nora looks at him, puzzled.
Nora: “What are you muttering to yourself?”
Nick: “I’m getting all the bad words out of my system.”
Nora: “You’d better pull yourself together.”
Nick: “Don’t worry. One squint at Aunt Katherine would sober anyone!”
The door is opened by Henry, the butler.
Nora: “Good evening, Henry.”
There is a chill in the massive hallway, with its dim lights. Nick and Nora come in as Henry holds the door open.
Henry, in a hushed whisper: “Good evening, madam—sir.”
Nick: “Is this the wax-works?”
Henry: “I beg pardon, sir?”
Nora, smiling at Henry: “Nothing, Henry. Nothing.”
She gives Nick a warning look. Starting for the library: “I’ll just leave my things down here.”
She goes down the hall, taking off her evening coat as she goes. The butler turns to Nick and helps him off with his coat. He touches Nick’s things as if the mere contact with them might contaminate him.
Nick: “It’s all right—it’s not catching.”
The butler puts them down and starts toward the drawing-room door.
Butler: “Will you walk this way, sir.”
The butler hobbles away ahead of Nick, hardly able to move on his rheumatic legs. Nick looks after him.
Nick: “I’ll try.”
He starts to follow the butler, giving a grotesque imitation of his walk. As he passes the library door, Nora comes out, catches up with him, and grabs his arm, laughing at him.
Butler, announcing them at the door of the drawing room: “Mr. and Mrs. Charles.”
As they hear the announcement, they straighten up.
Nick: “Here goes!”
They start to walk in, sedately.
As Nick and Nora come in the door, Aunt Katherine comes forward to greet them.
Aunt Katherine, to Nora: “How do you do, my dear?”
Nora kisses Aunt Katherine and then turns to include Nick.
Nora: “You remember Nick?”
Although she is doing her best to be gracious, Aunt Katherine finds it impossible to look at him.
Aunt Katherine: “How are you, Nicholas?”
As Nick hears his name, he starts. Katherine turns back toward the roomful of people: “Come right in.”
Helen comes up to Nora, who turns to greet her.
Nora: “Hello, Cousin Helen.”
Helen, giving her a peck: “How are you, you poor child?”
Nick gives Cousin Helen a swift look as he hears the commiserating tone of her voice. But Aunt Katherine has him in tow, and he follows her.
Aunt Katherine, speaking to the whole family: “This is Nora’s husband.”
Nick looks from one to the other of the people. They are doing their best to appear pleasant, but the result is not very cordial. Aunt Katherine turns back to him: “I think you know everyone.”
Nick: “I seem to remember the old faces.”
Nora quickly takes Nick’s arm and pilots him toward another group.
Nick, under his breath to her as they go: “What’s up? They’re all so polite.”
Nora smiles and takes him to Charlotte and William.
Nora: “This is Aunt Charlotte, and Uncle Willie.”
Nick acknowledges the introduction with the same sickly sweet smile that they give him.
Nora: “And now for Aunt Hattie.”
From behind them, Charlotte’s voice is heard: “Poor Nora is so brave.”
Again Nick hears the commiserating “poor” Nora. He whispers to Nora: “What’s this ‘poor Nora’ business?”
Nora: “That’s because I’m married to you.”
Then, as they reach Aunt Hattie: “Aunt Hattie, you remember my husband?”
Nick: “How are you?”
Aunt Hattie: “Don’t mumble, young man. Don’t mumble.”
Nick, a little louder: “How are you?”
Still Aunt Hattie doesn’t hear.
Nora: “She’s deaf as a post.”
Nick: “You’re telling me!”
Aunt Hattie, holding out her receiving box of the audio phone: “What did he say?”
Nick, taking the box, and speaking into it as if it were a microphone: “When you hear the chime, it will be exactly . . .”
But Nora gives him a slight boot from behind. Nick turns sharply toward her. Nora catches sight of Selma in the doorway.
Nora, with a note of relief at seeing a friend: “Selma!”
Selma has managed to regain some of her composure. Nora comes quickly to her, kissing her warmly.
Selma, on the point of breaking again: “Oh Nora . . . Nora. It’s so good to see you.”
Nora, affectionately: “How are you, Selma?”
Nick approaches, and Selma turns to him.
Selma: “Hello, Nick.”
Nick: “Hello.”
Selma: “It’s sweet of you to come.”
Nick, who’s really enjoying himself by now: “I wouldn’t have missed it for a million dollars.”
Nora: “What’s the trouble, Selma? Tell me.”
But Aunt Katherine comes up quickly, putting a firm hand on Selma’s arm: “We’ll postpone any discussion until after dinner.”
She turns to speak to the rest: “Shall we go in now?”
She holds out her hand to the General: “Thomas?”
The General comes quickly to her side, and gives her his arm.
Nick, to Selma: “Where’s Robert?”
Selma is about to speak, but Aunt Katherine hastily intervenes.
Aunt Katherine: “Robert telephoned that he was unavoidably detained. So we’ll start without him.”
Selma gives her a bitter look and turns away. Nick notices the look between the two.
“We haven’t quite enough men to go around, so, Lucius, will you take Hattie and Charlotte? Willie, you take Helen and Ethel? Burton, will you take Nora? And Nicholas, will you take Aunt Lucy?”
Aunt Katherine walks toward the hallway, on the General’s arm. Nick goes toward Aunt Lucy, as Burton comes up to Nora. He offers his arm to her.
Nora: “How are you, Cousin Burton?”
Burton: “I’m very well, thank you.”
He makes a sudden violent face, as his tic starts in.
Nora: “That’s fine.”
Unconsciously, she imitates his tic. She realizes with horror what she has done, and turns and starts off quickly without him.
Nick offers his arm to Aunt Lucy. She looks up at him as she takes it, resenting having him as a partner.
Aunt Lucy: “Maybe you didn’t know it, but I’m eighty-three years old.”
Nick: “Eighty-three?”
Aunt Lucy: “Yes.”
Nick: “Well, well. You don’t look a day over a hundred.”
Aunt Lucy: “That’s wha
t they all say.”
In the drawing room after dinner, Hattie, Charlotte, Helen, and Emily are sitting back in their comfortable chairs, surfeited with food and very drowsy. Aunt Lucy is frankly asleep. Aunt Katherine has the coffee table in front of her and is sipping her coffee, her eyes on Selma, who is at the piano, playing mechanically. Nora wanders over to the piano, her coffee cup in hand, leans over, and speaks softly to Selma: “What was it you wanted to tell me?”
Selma stops her playing and is about to answer, when Aunt Katherine calls sharply: “Nora, will you come here?”
Nora: “In a minute, Aunt Katherine.” Then turning quickly back to Selma: “What was it?”
Selma: “Robert has disappeared.”
Nora: “Disappeared!”
Aunt Katherine: “Selma, go on playing!”
Selma, looking over at her aunt desperately: “I can’t play anymore, Aunt Katherine.”
Aunt Katherine: “Nonsense. Go on.”
Selma tries to control herself for a second and then she suddenly smashes down on the keyboard with both hands: “I can’t! I can’t!”
Selma puts her hands to her face and runs from the room to the library beyond, while Aunt Katherine rises to her feet and the other women look wide-eyed and alarmed. Nora says: “Let me talk to her,” and goes out after Selma.
In the library, Selma is sobbing on a sofa. Nora sits down beside her, puts her arms around her, says: “Don’t, dear. Nick’ll find Robert for you. I’m sure he’s just—”
Selma sits up, pushing Nora’s arms away, crying hysterically: “Sometimes I hate you and Nick. You’re so happy together, and here Robert and I haven’t been married half as long and I’m so miserable. I wish he’d never come back. I wish he were dead. I don’t really love him. I never did, really. I was a fool to have married him instead of David.” She puts her head on Nora’s shoulder and begins to sob again.
Nora strokes Selma’s hair, says: “Well, then, dear, divorce him. Don’t let Aunt Katherine keep you from that. If you—”
Selma raises her head again, says: “But I’m such a fool. This is the first time he’s gone off like this without a word—without even telling me lies about where he’s going—but there have always been other women and I’ve always known it. But I’ve let him twist me around his little finger and made myself believe his lies even when I knew they were lies and—he doesn’t love me. He married me for my money. Yet he does horrible things to me and then when I see him I let him smooth everything over and I want to think we love each other and everything will turn out all right. And it won’t, it won’t. It’s all lies and I’m a fool. Oh, why didn’t I marry David?” She bursts into tears again.
Return of the Thin Man Page 4