"Okay," I mumble, nodding with understanding. My eyes return to my boots, as they shuffle back and forth nervously against the concrete.
"I did talk to her, Kohl. I told her what you said. She's willing to hear you out, she just needs a minute to get there. You can understand that, right?"
"Yes, ma'am. I can, and I do. It's just… I couldn't stop myself from coming over here this morning. Ella means the world to me, I just—" I sigh loudly. "Here I am," I say, tossing my arms out to the side.
"I know." She reaches out and squeezes my hand with her own. "Just give her time, she'll come to you."
"I'll try my best. Will you tell her I love her, please? And tell her when she's ready to talk she can call or text me anytime, it doesn't matter how late. She's welcome to come over, or I'll come here. She just needs to say the word and I'll make it happen."
"I'll tell her. We'll see you soon." She gives me a small smile before walking back inside, closing the door behind her and crushing the small amount of hope left in my heart. In reality, it makes almost no sound, yet in my head it's like metal slamming against metal.
I'm so disappointed at the situation, at myself. I'll do all I can to give her time. I'll keep myself busy with work and school, and maybe Mr. Bradley will need some help tying up loose ends down the street. Maybe she'll see me out her window each day and her heart will lead her back to me soon.
21
Ella
Once again, I find myself standing behind sheer curtains, peeking out my bedroom window, trying to catch a glimpse of Kohl. He's been pulling up to Mr. Bradley's house, well, his house soon, every evening around this time. I know classes started back for him a few days ago, so I imagine he's been extra busy this week.
It's been nine days since I received the texts that sent my world spiraling. I sat at the top of the stairs last Wednesday morning, listening as he spoke with Gram. He sounded as hurt as I felt. It wasn't the right time to speak to him though. My emotions were all over the place, I knew I would end up saying something I would later regret, and once words are spoken, they can't be taken back. So, I sat there, out of view, wiping the tears from my cheeks as my heart fought against my brain to run down the stairs to him.
The first few days after he returned home, I watched as he and Jax carried boxes and throw-away items out to the curb for the garbage trucks to pick up. The past couple days, he's been alone though and the trips in and out have stopped. Once he's behind closed doors, I don't see him again until I hear his truck start up, then I rush to the window attempting to catch a glimpse of him as he drives past.
I miss him so much it hurts, and I honestly don't know why I've waited so long to hear him out. One minute I'm angry, the next I'm hurt. It's like a never-ending battle of emotions, each trying to fight its way to the front of my brain.
He's left message after message, sent text after text. I've read them all, listened to them all. I want to believe him when he tells me things weren't as they seemed. And I do, for the most part. I just haven't had the courage to reach out. I'm not too eager to hear the detailed encounter.
That changes today though, thanks to my therapist. I had a visit with her yesterday. She, like always, helped me come to terms with the situation. She told me I have the right to feel however I want. I'm allowed to be hurt, it's alright to be angry, but I can't let it control me. I need to acknowledge it and then set it free. After speaking to her, I've decided to face things head on and deal with it, so I can move past it. My wounds may still be raw, but things will never get better with me hiding behind these curtains. I'm tired of being a coward and licking my wounds. It's time to face my fears.
I watch Kohl's truck pull to a stop in front of the garage. He steps out and enters a code into the pad before disappearing under the rising door. I take a few deep breaths, attempting to rid myself of this anxious energy before making my way down the stairs to walk down the street.
I take my time, practically moving at a snail's pace, but I'm standing at the end of his drive all too soon. My hands twist together nervously as I walk up the steps to the front door. I ring the bell, take a couple steps back and turn to face the road.
The truth is, I may be acting brave, but I'm scared to face him. I'm trying to be strong but the coward that lies deep within is trying to rear her ugly head. I stand here for what feels like hours but can only be a couple minutes and my entire body stiffens when I hear the door open.
"Ella," Kohl gasps.
I turn, meeting the pale green eyes that have captured me, heart and soul. His dark brown hair is a tousled mess. His white t-shirt fits snug around his biceps and faded ripped jeans sit low on his hips. God, he's a sight for sore eyes.
"Hi," I whisper.
He takes two steps forward and wraps me in his arms, my feet dangling off the ground. He's squeezing me so tightly against his chest it's hard to breathe. I can't complain though, I've missed the comfort of these arms, the hard muscles of his chest pressed against mine.
"I've missed you so damn much, Ella. I've been losing my mind without you," he breathes into the side of my neck. "You don't know how hard it's been to stay away." He returns me to my feet, taking my lips with his own. His kiss is slow and deep, so full of love, my eyes flood with tears. "I love you so much, sweetheart. So damn much," he says, resting his forehead against mine.
"I love you, too, Kohl. I've missed you so much."
"Come on, let's go inside." He leads me through the door and into the living room. We stop in front of a huge, floor to ceiling gas fireplace.
I look around at the large empty room before taking a seat on the hearth. "This is really beautiful."
"Thanks, it'll all come together quickly. There's really not much to change. Maybe a fresh coat of paint and that's about it. I was just measuring the rooms when I heard the doorbell ring. I can't tell you how happy I was to open that door and find you standing on the other side."
I offer him a small smile, before pulling my phone from my back pocket and unlocking the screen. I scroll down to the incriminating messages before presenting it to him. "Here, before anything else is said, I need you to explain this to me," I say, handing it over.
Kohl reads through the messages once before watching the video. His jaw clenching tighter and tighter as the seconds tick by.
"Kennedy really knew how to make me seem guilty, didn't she?" He stands, smacking the wooden mantel with the palm of his hand. "Here," he says, extending my phone. I reach out and take it, pushing it back into my pocket. Kohl returns to his seat next to me, his thigh pressed against mine. He scrubs a hand roughly down his face before letting out a deep sigh, sounding frustrated.
"It does look bad, Kohl. Really bad, but I'm willing to hear you out because I know there's more to it than the video shows. I need you to explain. Tell me exactly what happened."
He clears his throat before beginning. "We had been out on the beach all day, swimming, and playing volley ball, just hanging out. The sun was just about to set, and I was tired and worn out. We had been drinking beer throughout the day, nothing major but I realized too late that I had drank more than I thought and decided to call it an early night. When I got up to head inside, I noticed Lily was sitting a few yards down from where we all were. She was alone with two guys I had never seen before, so I decided to go check on her. When I got down there, I could tell she was totally wasted and there was no way in hell I was going to leave her alone with them. I made her get up so I could walk her to her room. I wrapped my arm around her to keep her from falling because she was stumbling around."
Kohl stands and begins to pace back and forth in front of me, frantic irritation pouring off his rigid shoulders in waves.
"I should have known something was off when she put her hand under my shirt, but I just chalked it up to her being drunk and clinging onto me. As soon as we stopped outside her door, I turned to ask for her key, she grabbed onto my shoulders and jumped on me before I knew what was happening. I clutched onto her legs with e
verything I had and fell back against the wall. It was all I could do to keep us from tumbling to the floor. At first, I thought she was just being silly because she was laughing like crazy. I turned to face her so I could tell her to knock it off, and that's when she latched onto my lips. What the video didn't show, during the time it had fallen to the floor, was me immediately pushing her face away from mine. I completely lost it at that point, yelling at her at the top of my lungs. We had people coming out in the hall threatening to call the police."
I nod in understanding. "That still doesn't explain why you didn't put her down, or what your arm was doing, moving like that between the two of you."
"I have to admit that video is awful, but I promise it was totally innocent. I did try to put her down as soon as I pushed her face away from mine, but she clung to me like a second skin. She buried her face in my neck and started crying hysterically. My arm was between us because she said her room key was in her front pocket. I was frantically digging around trying to find it before someone followed through on their threat to call the police, getting us both arrested. As soon as we got inside her room, she dropped to her feet and started telling me how she's been in love with me for years and how she knows I'm in love with her too. She said she waited around patiently for me to be through with Kennedy and the random girls I used to hook up with. When I set her straight, she got violent and started throwing everything she could get her hands on, then started pounding her fists against my chest. Before it was all said and done, she had thrown up all over me, the floor, herself—it was a fucking disaster. I cleaned my arms and legs off and rinsed my shirt out. Then, I helped her clean herself up, before she passed out across the bed. After that, I scrubbed the floor and got the hell out of there while she was still passed out. When I got to my room, I sent Sophie a quick text, telling her to go back to their room and check on Lily. I had no idea Kennedy had taken that video and sent it to you. I went to bed with one thing on my mind that night, getting the hell out of there and getting back to you. I planned to tell you everything as soon as I saw you. I'm so damn sorry you were hurt by all this, Ella. Hurting you is the last thing I ever want to do."
"I know, Kohl. I believe that, I truly do. So, what does your best friend, Lily have to say about it all now?"
"I don't know, and I don't care. She's rung my phone off the hook and practically pounded my door off its hinges, but I haven't answered. I don't have anything to say to her. Not yet, maybe not ever."
"Wow, I don't know what to say. That's—"
"Fucked up," he answers for me.
"Yep!" I agree, nodding my head.
Kohl pulls me onto his lap and slides us to the floor, his back resting against the brick hearth. I turn, placing a leg on each side of his thighs and lay my head on his shoulder. His arms circle my back, holding me tightly against him.
"It feels so good to hold you in my arms again, Ella. I've dreamed of this day every single day since I pulled out of my drive to head to the beach that morning. Not once did I think it'd be this long before I got my hands on you again." He buries his face in my neck as we sit bound together, each enveloped by the other's arms, at total peace.
"Awe, aren't you two just the sweetest thing." We both spin around at the sound of another voice, to see Lily standing just outside the kitchen door.
"How the hell did you get in here? Better yet, why the hell are you in here?" Kohl barks.
"If you didn't want visitors, you should've closed the garage door," she shrugs. "Did you seriously think I'd let you avoid me forever?" she asks, her voice filled with hate.
"I kind of hoped, yeah," Kohl replies.
"Well, isn’t that rich. I see how it is. You have Ella now, so you don't need anyone else. Is that it? As long as you have her, all's good in the world? I just wonder, hmm…" she taps her finger against her lower lip as she stalks further into the room, never taking her hostile eyes from mine. "I wonder just how long she'd stick by your side if she knew all the dirty little secrets, you're keeping from her."
I turn my face back to Kohl. "What's she talking about?"
"Nothing," he clips out. "You need to leave, Lily. Right now, you're not welcome here." He sits me off his lap and stands, heading directly toward her at a fast pace.
She starts for the other side of the room, to avoid him.
"What's wrong, Kohl? Afraid to see this true love crumble?" She laughs manically, glaring back over at me. "Just how honest has he been with you, Ella?"
"I'm warning you, Lily. Shut your fucking mouth!" Kohl practically screams.
He reaches her side and takes her by the arm, dragging her toward the front door. She screams loudly, digging her heels into the floor and yanking her arm fiercely. Kohl releases her immediately, as if he's hurt her.
Lily turns, stalking toward me once again. Her malice filled eyes announce the hurt I sense coming. I glance briefly to Kohl. The devastation written across his face takes my breath away. I steel myself for the first verbal blow. This is going to be bad.
"Lily, I'm begging you. Don't do this. Let me tell her, please," he pleads.
She doesn't even flinch, just stops in front of me and completely destroys my world. "Has anyone told you how your dad died?"
I'm unable to speak, unable to move, but she continues without missing a beat.
"I have to say, I'm not surprised Kohl hasn't been exactly forthcoming. I mean, if my dad killed my girlfriend's dad, I'd probably lie to her about it, too."
"Wh—what? What's she talking about, Kohl?" He opens his mouth to answer before closing it again, his face is white as a ghost, eyes filled with guilt.
"He didn't mean for it to happen. Ella—"
I can't listen to another word, I jump up, and dash for the door. I hear him yelling my name, accompanied by the slap of his boots on the pavement behind me. I cut through the alley beside my house and fall to the ground behind a group of overgrown bushes. I pull my legs against my chest, sobbing silently into my knees as I listen to Kohl shout my name desperately.
When the coast is clear, I get up and run. I run for the river as fast as my legs will carry me. My heart pounds loudly in my ears as I suck as much air into my lungs as they'll hold. I make it to my spot by the tree before collapsing onto my hands and knees. Tears pour from my eyes faster than I can swipe them clear, my world a blur of pain and confusion.
The sound of screeching tires has my head lifting. I swipe the tears from my eyes long enough to see Kohl rushing toward me. I'm quick to jump to my feet, but not quick enough to flee. Kohl stands before me in an instant. I watch through blurred vision as his knees buckle, and he falls roughly to the ground. He wraps his arms behind my thighs tightly and buries his face against my stomach, his shoulders shaking violently amidst his sobs.
"Please, sweetheart," he cries, looking up into my eyes. Tears stream steadily down his face as his entire body shakes uncontrollably against mine. "Pl—Please, don't leave me. I'm begging you with all that I am." His closed fist hits his chest, just over his heart before returning to my legs. "Don't run away from me. I never meant to hurt you or lie to you. Yes, there are things I kept from you, but only because I didn’t know how to tell you. I tried... that night in my truck after I hit Zach… I wanted to tell you so bad, but I couldn't stand the thought of causing you more pain. Seeing you destroyed after all you've suffered through already, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted to tell you, I promise I did, but I just love you so much… I wanted to protect you at all costs. You've got to believe me, Ella. I never wanted to see you like this,” he pleads.
I stand there, as still as a statue with Kohl wrapped around me. I can feel the unrelenting vibration of his body against mine. I watch the tears pour steadily down his cheeks as his eyes beg me to reach out to him.
But, I can't. My mind is empty, blank. My world fallen completely silent. You know that saying about the sound of a heart breaking? It's not true. Mine just fell to the ground and shattered at my feet, not making a sound a
t all. Can a heart break twice? What happens the second time around? Does is shatter beyond repair? Because, that's the way I feel. Like my heart has been destroyed to the point of no return, like I'll never feel again. I'm numb.
I reach out, placing my hands on Kohl's shoulders. His arms tighten as I begin to push him away, but then he stares into my eyes and slowly releases me. I guess he sees it too. I'm lost.
I walk slowly to the sidewalk that will lead me home. I glance back one last time. Kohl hasn't moved an inch. He remains on the ground, his face staring blankly at his knees. He looks like me, broken.
Somehow, I find my way back home. I don't remember noticing a single thing on the way. Gram is waiting for me out on the porch. I don't know how she knows, but she does. I see a mixture of sadness and sympathy painting her face.
She wraps an arm around my shoulder, guiding me inside. Neither of us speak. There's nothing to be said that can make this better. I continue across the foyer and up the stairs as she watches silently from the bottom floor.
I shut my door and turn the lock once I'm inside. Lying down on the floor, I stare at my ceiling, a lifetime of pain pulsing through my veins. And all at the expense of Jack Kingsley. He's the one who sent my world into a tailspin, before I ever took my first breath.
How could Kohl have kept it from me, betrayed me in such a way? And why is my heart so torn between loving him and hating him for the part he played in this web of deceit? How can I ever allow him to be a part of my life again?
I can't. There's no way I can do that when his dad is responsible for the death of mine. All the pain and suffering he caused my mom is unforgivable. I've struggled my entire life because of that man. How can I love his son despite it all? I don't see any circumstance in which we could possibly survive.
I've laid here so long, the ache in my back is almost too much to bare. I push myself up off the hard wood floor and walk over to my closet. I hastily fill a suitcase with a mixture of clothes. I pay no attention, grabbing whatever my hands land on. I swipe some panties and a couple bras from my dresser, then make my way into the bathroom, sweeping the entire contents of the counter inside as well.
Heartfelt Lies Page 21