The call ended, and my brother sat up to look down his handsome nose at me. “I’m not leaving.”
“I didn’t expect you to, but you need to sit in the bedroom,” I insisted.
“Really?” he deadpanned.
“Yes, really.”
“Fine,” he said a little too easily, leaving me suspicious. It seemed like barely five minutes before Alex was knocking on my door. Wanting to rinse my mouth again, I hurried into the bathroom to do it. Jake answered the door for me. Nosy asswipe.
“Oh, shit!” I heard him shout, and I went running out to see if he was beating the shit out of Alex. He was standing there bug-eyed. When I came skidding to a stop, he spun to look at me and point at Alex. “That’s Alex Kosinski.”
I blinked at him. “Um, yes.”
“Alex Kosinski is standing in your living room.”
“Yes,” I again replied.
“Alex Kosinski,” he drew the name out in way more syllables than it was supposed to have.
“I think we determined that. Now what did I say?” Jake gave me a disbelieving look when I pointed to the hall.
“For real?”
“Yes.”
He huffed, then gave me a sly look, and instead went out on the porch. He pulled one of the folding chairs up to the glass and stared inside with his arms crossed and a brow raised.
“Don’t worry! I can’t hear you!” His yell was muffled through the sliding door.
“Jesus,” I grumbled before I turned my back to him.
“So, uh, friend of yours?” Alex asked, trying not to grin as he tipped his head and scratched his short beard. We both cast a glance toward the glass door. Jake continued to stare back.
“My brother,” I said with a roll of my eyes.
“Ohhh,” he said, and his grin slipped out.
“What did you need to come here to say?” I asked, ignoring Jake.
“Can we go in the bedroom?” he asked as he tried not to look at my brother glaring through the glass. “That’s a little awkward.” He motioned toward my intense sibling.
“No. I don’t think that’s a good idea.” The thought of having him in my bedroom sent my brain into overdrive remembering the things we’d done in there the night before. A chill skated down my spine, and I swallowed hard.
His eyes dilated as his tongue traced his bottom lip, and I was pretty sure he was remembering it too. The couch was a no-go because it faced the patio. He glanced around and went to the table to pull out the two chairs. Then, he turned them so they faced away from the door my brother was staring through.
“Ugh! You’re so weird!” I shouted to Jake, who pursed his lips then mouthed, “I don’t care who he is—I’m watching him.”
I sat in the vacant chair next to Alex and waited for him to speak.
“Look, I didn’t know about the baby until yesterday morning. We still don’t know if he’s mine.”
“Wait. What?” My brow furrowed in confusion. He ran a hand through his mussed hair and exhaled unsteadily.
“Last season, I was playing in Pittsburgh. I, uh.” He cleared his throat. “Got together with Hank’s mother.”
It didn’t matter that it was before we had met; the thought of him with anyone else made my stomach churn. Then it dawned on me what else he’d said.
“She named him Hank?” I asked in disbelief, my face very much reflecting my feelings.
“Don’t even get me started. Anyway, she showed up today and dumped him on me because she found someone who must’ve had more dollar signs behind his name than I did. They left for Mexico, I guess.” He leaned forward, resting his forearms across his legs.
“Oh, shit” was all I could say. My heart was in my throat at what this might mean for us. I also couldn’t believe someone could be such a gold digger. “So now what are you going to do?”
“I have no clue. The first thing I need to do is try to hire a nanny or line up babysitters. Something. Fuck, I never wanted kids. I’ve been careful because of that. They fuck everything up.”
“Surely you don’t really believe that,” I said. Shock slammed through me. As sweet as he could be, it was hard to believe he had such strong convictions related to children.
He huffed out a disgusted sound that somewhat passed for a laugh. “Don’t I? My parents’ relationship obviously didn’t survive having kids. Now we can barely be in the same room with each other as a family. The tension is usually so thick it could choke you.”
“I think that might be a rather harsh opinion,” I tried to argue. He shook his head and dropped it so his hair covered his face. I wanted to brush it back. Any excuse to touch him, no matter how dangerous I knew he was to my sanity.
“You have no idea what it was like.”
“No, but I know my parents are still together and happy. Not everyone who has kids falls apart. I’m sorry things didn’t work out with your parents, but that doesn’t mean it won’t for everyone who has children.” I didn’t know what else I could say to him when I was still reeling from the entire situation myself.
“We’re going to have to agree to disagree on that,” he said, then looked up at me. “I know this situation isn’t ideal and there isn’t much I can do right now, but I don’t want to lose you.”
“I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep.” His face fell at my words. “How about if you get things situated with little… uh, Hank… and then we’ll take things one day at a time.” Once things settled a little, we needed to revisit the conversation, because though I didn’t plan on having kids right that minute, I did eventually.
“Really?”
“Yes. But, in the future, you need to communicate with me. It’s not fair for me to get blindsided like that.”
“You mean like I was?” He huffed as he shook his head. He had a point and I felt bad, but he still should’ve told me as soon as he found out.
“Yeah.”
“Will you come back to the house tonight?” he asked me in a hopeful tone. His hand started to reach out for me and I drew back. He curled it up and set it back down.
Unsure how to answer him without sounding callous, I hesitated. My nail traced a scratch on my tabletop.
“I take it that’s a no?”
“Alex, I just don’t think tonight is a good idea. If you need help Thursday night for the game, I can probably watch him.” It took a helluva lot to make that offer. It wasn’t going to be easy taking care of a baby that Alex made with someone else, but it wasn’t the baby’s fault his mother was a flake. And I reminded myself, not only did all that happen before me, it might not be his.
Did it make me a bad person if I prayed it wasn’t?
“Thank you, but that’s not fair to you. I’ll figure something out.”
“Oh. Okay.” Relief washed through me, but I kept it hidden.
“I’m going to fix this. I’m not giving up on us. No matter what anyone else says,” he said with a determined glint in his eyes.
“What do you mean by that?” I questioned.
“Nothing. Never mind.” He stood, grabbed my hand, and hauled me down the hall toward the bathroom. He pulled me in and closed the door right as my brother stormed in and beat on the door. Alex flipped the lock and lifted me to the counter in one slick move.
He was standing between my spread knees and his hands were buried in my hair, cradling my head as he tipped it at the perfect angle. Before I could offer up a whimper of protest, his lips were on mine and we were grinding like horny teenagers.
My hands roamed and clawed his skin.
We both ignored my brother outside the door.
He broke away and we both gasped. “Holy shit.”
“Come back with me to my place,” he coaxed, and my traitorous body leaned into his.
I heaved a massive sigh as I studied him as if I needed to commit him to memory. As if this was goodbye.
“I can’t.” He had no idea how badly I wanted to go back to his house. The thing was, I also knew I had no control
with him, and I’d end up in his bed and letting his dick make my choices.
He was my biggest weakness. More so than chocolate or wine.
Eyes closed, he pressed his face into the side of my head. He breathed in my hair and placed a gentle kiss on the shell of my ear.
“Fine. I get it. It’s been a fucktacular day, and I know we both had a lot of shit thrown at us. I’m not giving up. That’s a promise.”
One last kiss, and he helped me to my feet and opened the door. My brother stood there, taking in our disheveled appearance with narrowed eyes.
“Nice meeting you,” Alex said with a nod to Jake and let himself out.
My brother turned to me.
“Your boyfriend is Alex Kosinski?”
I rolled my eyes.
“The Mountain”—Three Days Grace
My brother lined up some of the ol’ ladies from his club to help with Hank Isaac. Mattie babysat for Thursday’s game.
Sydney didn’t show, and I played like absolute shit.
“Get off my fucking goalie, you fuck!” I yelled as I jerked the player off Beck. No, the guy didn’t mean to land on our goalie, but the end result was the same. That the refs allowed the goal was a shit call, but they called the shots. Dickwads.
“Fucking bullshit!” Beck roared as he snapped his stick on the poles. He was right, their winning goal was a bullshit deal, but there was no helping it now.
We lost, and Coach was pissed. Rightfully so. It wasn’t only me. Everyone seemed off their game, as if we fed off each other’s shit until it was a gigantic snowball. We were four weeks into the regular season. Still time to pull our heads out of our asses, but it didn’t matter. We were all disgusted with ourselves.
Saturday’s game wasn’t much better. Again, we lost by one point. Some might say it was a close game and be happy. I wasn’t. None of us were.
We’d lost. And on home ice.
“We’re gonna hang out at McGregor’s tonight. You game?” Beck asked. I almost said hell yes, then I remembered Mattie was at my house with the baby.
“I’ll have to take a rain check,” I muttered on a sigh as I dried off after my shower.
“Oh. Shit, yeah, I forgot.” Beck and McGregor exchanged a silent look that clearly said they were glad it was me and not them. It rankled, but I understood.
“When are you supposed to hear something?” Baranov asked as he tied his shoes.
“Simon said they were supposed to have the results by now, but the lab they used had half of the staff out sick so shit got backed up.” I pulled on my T-shirt and shorts, then threw a ball cap on backwards.
“That sucks. Have you figured out what you’re going to do if it’s yours?” Baranov asked.
“Fuck, no,” I replied as I shoved my suit and tie in my bag. The bigwigs could fuck themselves; I wasn’t putting that shit back on after the game we’d had. Besides, it was a home game and we were all going to our houses.
I sent off a text to Sydney.
Me: Not sure if you saw the game or not, but we lost
There was slight consolation that she answered immediately.
Sexy Sydney: I saw. Sorry, I know that sucks
Me: Can I call you on the way home?
Sexy Sydney: yes
Me: Talk soon
“I’ll catch you guys at practice Monday morning.” I tucked my phone in my bag and hefted it to my shoulder. After several conciliatory pats on the back, we dispersed our separate ways.
As soon as I was in my car, I called her. She answered on the third ring.
“Hey,” she said, her voice hesitant. It could’ve been from our strained relationship, or it could’ve been from the game. Hell, it could’ve been both, but either way, I missed the easy banter we’d had before this shit.
“Game sucked, huh?” I asked her.
“Well, I’ve seen you play better, but you’ve had a lot going on,” she said, obviously trying to make me feel better. It actually caused me to chuckle because it was so ridiculous.
“Syd, you can say it—we sucked monkey nuts out there tonight. The only reason it was such a close game is because Beck is a fucking wall most of the time. At least when he isn’t being buried in the damn ice.”
“Oh my God! I know! I saw that!” It kept the smile on my face that she was adamantly jumping to our defense.
I’d hopped on I-35 to try to get home quicker, but there was an accident, and I was stuck in damn near standstill traffic. “Shit,” I muttered, thinking it was the perfect nutty turd on top of my shit sundae.
“Everything okay?” A mirthless laugh escaped me, because that was a loaded question if I’d ever heard one.
“That’s debatable, but I was referring to this accident on 35.”
“Oh damn, be careful.”
We spoke, but it was stilted and uncomfortable. I fucking hated it.
When ten minutes had passed and I was barely a mile up the road, I knew I needed to call Mattie to tell her I was going to be late. “Syd, I’m sorry to do this, but I need to let you go. I have to call the babysitter.”
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I winced. Her small “oh” further made me feel like crap. I’d tried not to rub Hank in when we’d talked over the last few days. Maybe it wasn’t the best strategy, but I was desperate and exhausted, so I wasn’t on my game mentally either.
I wanted to bang my head on the steering wheel.
“I guess I’ll talk to you later,” she said, and I wanted to shout at her to not hang up. But I held my tongue.
“Yeah. I’ll call you in the morning,” I offered.
“Okay.”
The call ended, and I was angry with myself because I’d wanted to ask her why she wasn’t there at the game. I wanted to ask her if this was salvageable or if it was an absolute wreck. I wanted to tell her I was coming over. Instead I’d tiptoed around like a dumb fuck.
Roaring out my frustration to no one inside my car, I threw my head back to the seat. When I’d gotten it all out, I called Mattie.
“Hello. Sorry about the game,” she said apologetically.
“Thanks,” I said on a huff. “How’s Isaac?” I’d started calling him by his middle name because it was a far cry better than Hank for a baby. If the kid wanted to go by Hank when he was older, that was up to him.
“He’s good. Much better than Thursday night.” He’d been fussy for her all night Thursday and had kept me up the rest of the night after she left. My sleep cycle was so fucked-up, it was no wonder I was a mess on the ice.
“Thank God. Anyway, I called to tell you I’m running late. There’s an accident on 35 and I’m barely creeping along.”
“No worries. He’s sleeping, and I’m sitting here reading. I’ll see you when you get here.”
“Thanks, Mattie. I appreciate it. See you soon.”
“See you when you get here,” she repeated before ending the call.
Traffic finally started moving, and I drove the rest of the way home with Architect blaring through my speakers to keep me awake. That and the thoughts running through my head. I still hadn’t told my parents about the whole baby thing.
For a few minutes I sat in my garage in the silence. I made the decision to call my dad the next day to get his advice.
The house was quiet with most of the lights off. The dim lights in the living room led me to where Mattie was lying on the couch with a Kindle. Victor was stretched out between her and the back of the couch. She gave me a small smile as she sat up.
My mind in turmoil, I dropped into a recliner and rested my arms over the back. “Thanks for helping me out with the kid. I know it’s not how you wanted to spend your Saturday night, but I really appreciate it.”
“It’s really not a problem. He’s not bad at all. Besides, I’m used to it with my little sister.” She tucked her Kindle into her backpack and stood. Victor opened his eyes and glared at us for disturbing him.
“I already sent you money through PayPal while I was in traffic.”
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br /> “Thank you. I got it, but you really didn’t need to give me that much, especially when I told you not to worry about it since you overpaid me Thursday night,” she said as she slung the bag over her shoulder.
“Hell, no. You’re taking time out of your night, and this is a job. Besides,” I gave her a crooked grin, “I wouldn’t want your dad kicking my ass for taking advantage of you like that.”
She snickered. “Whatever.”
“If you want to crash in one of the spare bedrooms, you can.” I’d offered last time, too, but she had declined.
“Thank you for the offer.” She twisted the backpack strap in her hands. “I, uh, am going to stay with a friend tonight. She doesn’t live far from here.”
My eyes narrowed slightly. She was acting a little out of character. “Your dad know?”
It wasn’t my business, but I didn’t want to get on his bad side. He was a big motherfucker, and even though he was damn near old enough to be my own father, I knew he could beat my ass.
“Oh! Yeah. Of course he does. Anyway, I better get going.” It wasn’t my imagination. She was acting fidgety, but I was too tired, and she wasn’t my kid.
I got up to set the alarm after I watched to make sure she got in her car and down the road okay.
Shuffling to my room, I paused outside Isaac’s room. The door was cracked, so I quietly pushed it open. He was lying on his back, tiny little arms up, hands curled softly. His lashes feathered over the tops of his cheeks, and his chubby cheeks moved every so often as he sucked in his sleep.
Fuck, he sure was cute when he was sleeping.
Unable to resist, I feathered my fingertips through his fluffy dark hair. It was amazing how tiny, yet perfect, he was.
With a sigh, I made sure the baby monitor was on and left the room, closing the door most of the way as I did. It was incredible, the number of things a baby needed. Thanks to my brother and his club, I’d been able to borrow a bunch of the stuff for him. Not that I couldn’t afford it, but they insisted.
When I got into my room, I turned back the covers, went to the bathroom, and brushed my teeth. Victor followed me in and hopped on the bed.
After climbing in bed, I checked for messages from Sydney. The last few days had been hard in so many ways. The minimal contact with her was probably the worst. She’d said we’d take it one day at a time, but I didn’t think that meant going to whatever this was.
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