He turned to look at her, his brows shooting to his hairline. "I do."
She smirked slightly. "Even when she finds out why you want to marry her?"
"I've been clear about my motives from the beginning."
"Not all of them."
"I don't know what you're talking about. But I think it's time you left, my lady." He walked to the door, opening it for her. She sauntered toward it, but before she left she rested her hand on his forearm.
"Tell her the truth and see how loyal she remains."
She left Hotaru, and he was left with a slight buzzing in his head as if he'd just had too much to drink.
21
Riku had not risen from his bed for three days. Yuki sat by his bedside tending to him. She watched his shallow breaths and his sunken body shriveling away to nothing. She felt just as powerless as she had when her father died.
She stroked his fevered brow. There were already rumors around the palace. Dissent was growing stronger. It started when Riku showed the first signs of the illness and it was growing louder all the time.
They needed a strong leader. But her brother had no heir. Riku told Yuki her child would rule once he was gone. She wasn't even married. Riku had assumed she'd chosen to marry Hotaru because she'd defended him. And she had to admit she was grateful to have him to lean on during this difficult time. But could she marry him? Since the inception of the clan, her line had ruled. Her father had no brothers, any cousins she had were distant at best. No one had a good claim to rule. If her brother died, it would be chaos. Unless she could take control.
"What should I do, brother?" She stroked his fever brow with a cloth.
Her stepmother came in carrying a tea tray and she set it down beside Yuki. "You look exhausted," she said.
Yuki blinked the exhaustion from her gaze. "I can't leave him."
"Get some rest. I'll watch over him."
She was bone tired but she was afraid if she left his side, he would slip away while she was gone.
"No, I'll stay a while longer."
Not long after that, her head started to bob as exhaustion got its hooks into her. She was forced to take her stepmother's advice and get some rest. But only after getting the promise that her stepmother would wake her at the slightest change in his condition.
She had her futon brought to his room, and she slept close to him just in case she was needed. Her sleep was fitful, full of odd images and at one point she dreamed she was in Hotaru's arms. She woke up drenched in sweat. She crawled over to Riku and watched the steady rise and fall of his chest.
The room was stuffy, kept warm by multiple braziers. Her stepmother was seated by his bedside, just as she had been with her father. She checked his temperature and changed a cold cloth on his forehead. She was a natural and nurturing. All that Yuki was doing was getting in the way.
"You're drenched in sweat, why not get some air?" her stepmother suggested.
Yuki frowned at her. "I don't want to leave him."
"I will send for you. You're not doing anything for him as you are."
Her words stung, but Yuki took her advice and went out to cool her head. The night air was refreshing on her skin, and breathing in the scent of the forest did help to rejuvenate her. Yuki stretched and stared up at the quarter moon.
As she did, she overheard some of her cousins talking.
"We've made multiple appeals, but he will not budge. He has declared Yuki's son his successor."
"The girl is unwed. It is a farce to make a woman elder," replied another.
"But if she were to marry Lord Kaedemori..."
Yuki came around the corner glaring at her cousins.
"How dare you speak of him, my brother is still your lord."
"We've seen how this played out before. For the good of the clan, a strong ruler must be secured."
She bristled at the insinuation. "I would rule just as fairly as my brother and father before me."
"We will never bow to a woman, especially not a witch," they snarled back at her.
In anger, Yuki shoved them. It only agitated them further, and shoving degenerated into a skirmish in the halls. Other family members came and broke apart the fight, while Hotaru grabbed onto her, pinning her arms to her side.
"Your brother and father tried to hide it, but we know. And once he is dead, you will no longer be welcome here!" said one of the men who was being held back.
"Leave now! Before I teach you how to properly address a lady the hard way," Hotaru snarled at them.
They scampered away like scared dogs. Yuki broke herself from Hotaru's embrace.
"I don't need you to fight my battles for me."
"I was trying to protect you from yourself."
She scowled at him. A woman ruler was unheard of; she knew that. And the clan members only tolerated her. She knew that too. But it still stung to hear it.
"I don't need you to do that either." She stalked away from him. Her anger forced her to put distance between herself and her problems. She ran down the hall and toward the garden and climbed the tree out into the forest beyond. She ran, and ran, until her legs burned with exertion and her lungs seized.
When she couldn't run anymore, she found herself at the edge of the forest pool. The only place she could think to go to solve all her problems. She knelt beside it and offered up her prayer. Please save my brother's life. I'll do anything if you just spare him.
But as when she came and prayed the same for her father's life, the guardian did not answer. As usual he appeared only when it suited him. But still she remained kneeling by the pool, hoping for a miracle.
"I'll marry Hotaru if that's what it takes!" she shouted, slapping her hand into the mud at the water’s edge.
The wind rustled through the trees but there was no answer. Yuki clawed her hand into the mud, making a fist.
If she could take the life from her breast to save his, she would. Her brother was a good man, a good leader, and more deserving of life than her. Why had the guardian saved her life, if he would save no one she loved? Was this the price, to be robbed of happiness?
A twig snapped as footsteps approached behind her. She stood up to see Hotaru standing at the edge of the glen. Had he heard what she offered to the forest guardian?
"How did I know I'd find you here?" He gave her the ghost of a smile.
She crossed her arms over her chest. She hated being exposed in such a way in front of him.
"Why did you follow me?"
"I was concerned about you."
"What do I matter to you?"
Tears rolled down her cheeks. She hadn't even realized they were there until he was wiping them away for her. She grabbed his wrist, and held it when he tried to pull away.
"I would give anything to take this pain away." He pulled her into his arms and enveloped her in his embrace. She let go of all the pain and grief she'd been holding onto.
He stroked her hair and said, "My own family went through a similar unrest. I want to guide you, but I do not want to overstep my bounds."
She clung to his haori, holding onto him, to feel something real and in the flesh. If she married him, it could save her family. But it also meant putting herself in a cage. I cannot save my brother, but maybe I can save the clan. As an experiment, she leaned forward and kissed him. She meant for it to just be a peck on the lips, just to see if it felt as magical as the first time. But as soon as she did, he pulled her in closer and his arms wrapped around her. At first, she tensed, but then very gently, he parted her lips with his tongue. And it was as if everything but the feel of his body next to hers melted their surroundings. She was lost in him. In the feeling of his arms around her, of the taste on his lips. There was nothing in the world but the two of them.
They broke apart, panting for breath.
He took a step back. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have."
But she grabbed him and kissed him again. It was just as earth-shattering.
"I wanted you to," she said.
He leaned his forehead against hers. "What are you doing to me?" He exhaled.
She laughed. "What are you doing to me?" She'd never felt like this before, never felt like she was willing to give everything up for someone. It wasn't just to save the clan, she couldn't stand the idea of letting him go.
She didn't dare speak the words that were on her heart. But she thought she felt the brush of the guardian's presence. When she looked up there was nothing there, but Hotaru was staring at the place she'd last seen him.
22
The guardian revealed himself shimmering and translucent. He spoke to Hotaru not so much in words, but a feeling. The message he tried to relay was unclear but he was certain it had something to do with Yuki. She needed him.
"What is it? What do you see?" Yuki touched his shoulder.
Hotaru blinked and looked away from the guardian back to Yuki. The same ethereal glow he'd seen around the guardian illuminated Yuki as well. There was no doubt the two were tied together.
"I think he was trying to warn me of something."
"What?"
"If your brother dies without a clear successor it will become a bloodbath."
She flinched. "I have a plan. I'm going to convince them to let me rule."
"Talking won't be enough. You've seen how they feel."
She balled her hands into fists at her side. "Do you not think I can handle this on my own?"
He hated to ruin their moment, but this was urgent. He'd seen the chaos that ensued when he'd taken control of the clan from Hikaru. Even with a strong hand to guide them, there had been hiccups. He wouldn't be embroiled in this war otherwise.
"You've seen how they reacted to the idea of you as an elder. But your brother made your child successor. If you had a husband—"
"How convenient. Isn't this what you wanted all along?"
He took a step toward her and she didn't run away this time. He wouldn't force her. "The choice is yours. If you tell me to walk away right now and never come back, I will. I am yours to command."
She searched his face. "You say that now, but the moment we're married I become a pretty doll used to entertain, locked away in a cage."
He cupped her cheek. "That's not what you would be to me."
"You swore you'd never bring this up again." She didn't sound nearly as angry as before.
"But this is different."
She looked away from him, back toward the palace, where her cousins and clansmen were likely tearing one another apart for the chance to rule. If only she'd felt or seen what the guardian had shown him. She needed him, and what other way could he help than this?
"I don't know," she said.
"It would be in name only. I won't ask anything of you in return. You can remain here and be free."
She pulled away from him, putting a gap between them that he knew he could not breach. She crossed her arms over her chest and turned away from him.
"Give me time to think about it."
They returned to the palace together. Yuki scaled the palace wall, and Hotaru followed after her. But as soon as he was over the wall, he felt it on the air. Like the buzz of insects. She must have sensed it too, and ran ahead without a word. Hotaru followed after her toward the audience hall. There they found the household in chaos. It appeared a gathering had been underway but it had degraded into an all-out brawl. Some men wrestled on the floor, while others were shouting at one another, their faces turning purple.
Yuki dived into the fray, ducking between squabbling clansmen and weaving around others who were wrestling on the ground. Hotaru attempted to follow her, but one man dodged a punch that then came toward him. He took a blow to the jaw and stumbled backward. Hotaru came back and knocked the other man flat on his back. By the time he disentangled himself from the fight, Yuki was at the front of the room. She whistled to get everyone's attention. The shrill noise worked like a bucket of water poured over the crowd.
Everyone in the room turned toward her. "Why are you fighting? Now more than ever we should be unified!" Her voice carried over the room, filled with authority and power.
The bright light he'd noticed in the guardian's glen shone from within her. She was beautiful and fierce, and he realized he would follow her to the ends of the earth if she asked him.
"This is no concern for a woman!" one of the clansmen shouted.
"I know you are all afraid for the future. But we have been through worse before," Yuki replied, her arms outstretched.
"Who will lead us?" shouted another man from the back.
Yuki jutted out her chin and stared across the room. For a moment her eyes met his and he felt a jolt roll through him. He nodded his head, giving her what support he could from a distance. This was her choice.
"I will lead you," Yuki said.
It felt as if the air had been sucked out of the room. Then the men all roared, rushing forward. But the consensus was clear, they would not take a woman's rule. Yuki needed him. Hotaru elbowed his way through to the front. Even as they pressed in around her, calling her horrible slurs, she did not back down.
One man reached her, trying to grab her, and she flipped him onto his back, just as she had done to him. It didn't deter the mob, and instead more men reached for her. Hotaru got to the front, punching a man who was pulling at Yuki's haori.
"Stand down!" he shouted, putting himself in front of Yuki.
The men glared and jeered at him but did not come any closer.
"This does not concern you, outsider," a man closest to him snarled.
"I will not let you harm her."
"She's not a woman but a beast!" Another man shouted from the back.
Yuki growled and lunged forward but Hotaru held out his arm to keep her back.
"She is Lord Fujimori's chosen heir, and you should all be bowing to her."
"We will not be ruled by a woman!" someone said.
"You know Yuki, you know she could beat any of you here in a fair fight. She could rule just as well as any man, perhaps better."
They only grumbled and shouted. "She can rule if she has a husband," came one of the elder’s replies.
There was more grumbling but less violent than before.
He did not turn to look at her, but he felt her stare from his side. He wanted to give her the choice, but he couldn't put her in danger. They'd never accept her alone. This was the only way he could protect her. Hotaru took a deep breath.
"I am going to marry Yuki. It was decided by Lord Fujimori and me before he fell ill."
He felt Yuki's stare on the side of his head. He should have told her sooner, but it was too late now.
"Why should we trust you?" asked an old man near the front.
"Because you need a strong leader in the coming days. Lord Fujikawa is gathering an army. He is coming this way. Either you join me and keep your own family in power, or let him destroy everything you hold dear."
There was more rumbling and a lot more back and forth. It took hours of deliberation and a vote among the elders. But then it was decided, Hotaru would be the new elder once he married Yuki and Lord Fujimori passed. Hotaru had been so absorbed in settling the clan business, he had not even noticed Yuki slipping out.
He went in search of her and found her in the garden.
"There you are. I was looking for you."
Her glare threatened to melt him into a puddle. He'd been expecting this.
"I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner. I wanted to let you decide, but I couldn't think of any other way to protect you."
He reached for her, but she knocked his hand away. "I told you. I don't need you to save me." Would it hurt her to thank him? They were about to tear her apart. This had to be what the guardian was trying to tell him, Yuki needed him. Even if she couldn't accept his love. He could do this much to protect her.
"You do need me."
She turned around to slap him but he caught her wrist.
"You lied to me. I was a fool to trust you." She yanked h
er hand away and stormed down the hall. He didn't try to chase her, it was too late for that.
23
As much as it pained her to think about marrying for convenience, giving up her freedom could secure her father's legacy and fulfill her brother's dying wish. But marrying Hotaru? She'd been an idiot to think it was ever her choice. He said he would give her wings, but this was a cage. He couldn't be trusted. He'd lied to her at every turn. The very idea clawed at her throat and made it difficult to breathe.
She paced the length of her brother's room. He had made no improvement, and while she should be tending to him, instead she was letting thoughts of Hotaru consume her. The tanuki had come looking for her. Since she hadn't been in the forest in a while, they were worried. They sat lined up along the route she paced, watching her walk back and forth. Their heads bobbed with the rhythm of her steps.
"I can't marry him," she said as she went one direction. And then as she turned and walked the other direction, "I can't let the clan fall apart either."
The tanuki had no advice. They were much better at playing tricks than making life-altering decisions. Happi leaped up and followed after her as she stalked back and forth, quickly followed by his brothers.
She was completely absorbed in her pacing until her brother wheezed and gasped for breath. Yuki froze, her eyes pinned on Riku, waiting for him to inhale once more. It was several painful seconds before he took a breath. Only then did Yuki exhale. The tanuki, unprepared for her abrupt halt, collided with the back of her legs.
They squabbled with one another for a moment until Yuki settled their arguments and gave them a shiny hairpin to play with. She knelt down beside her brother's bed, staring at his gaunt face. He’d grown thin in the preceding month. Now he looked almost skeletal. She replaced the rag on his forehead with a fresh one.
"Brother, what do I choose?" she asked his sleeping form, but there was no answer.
She leaned her head on his chest, listening to the gentle rise and fall of his breathing. How much longer could she cling onto his dying body? Just like her father before him, her brother would not recover. It was up to her to keep the family together. She had no choice.
Yuki: A Snow White Retelling Page 10