"Not that I'm ungrateful, but how is it that I'm breathing right now?"
Yuki kept her gaze on the blankets over Hotaru's knee.
"I couldn't let you die for me, so I tried to give you back the breath of life. And well..."
"I was trying to be heroic you know." He grabbed her chin and tilted her head up to meet his gaze.
His eyes were different from before. There was a golden ring around the outer edge, just like hers.
"Why did you do it?" she asked, but it felt like a stupid question.
"I think you know why. Just like I know why you really saved my life."
She bit her lip. So the memories and feelings went both ways.
"What are we?" She asked.
Hotaru sighed. "I was hoping you knew?"
They were husband and wife. Their life bound in more ways than one. She hadn't even given him the choice. And now she'd lost her connection to the forest as well. They were forever entwined. There was no knowing how deep this connection went. Her thoughts might never be her own again. A sudden wave of anxiety washed over her and she found it difficult to breathe.
He placed his hand on hers and squeezed. "It's going to be alright."
His touch soothed her and she took a deep breath.
"Before, the guardian lived inside me. I could feel the forest, and I sensed his presence when he was near. But I cannot see him or the tanuki anymore. I used the last of his power to split your soul between us." She paused to fidget with the hem of her haori. "I can sense you and your heartbeat the way I did the forest."
"I guess I had enough energy to share. Maybe that's why that yokai was after me." He chuckled.
Yuki laughed as well. And then awkward silence filled the room.
"I know how you feel about me," Hotaru said. "But I also know you're afraid of being tied down. I won't force you—" Before he could finish his sentence, she leaned forward and kissed him. It was easier to use her body to speak for her rather than words.
Hotaru smiled against her lips. "I was hoping you'd say that."
She pulled back but kept her arms around his neck. "Even if we weren't soul bonded, I would choose you. I never should have let you go."
He leaned his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry I took the forest from you."
She shook her head. "I chose you over the forest. That's all I ever wanted was the choice."
He kissed her again, deepening it, his hands caressing her body. "We still haven't had a wedding night."
She laughed as he pulled the covers over the pair of them.
It was several more days of convalescence, and quite a few secret rendezvous with furtive kisses before they could be officially together as husband and wife. Normally when a pair were wed, they'd present themselves to the elder of the clan. Because Riku had been sick during their wedding, they hadn't had the chance. Before Yuki could start her life with Hotaru, they'd have to take this step. She had thought Riku would do away with formalities.
Much to her discomfort, her brother had them present themselves in full ceremony before the entire clan. Her brother's health had improved greatly since the yokai had been killed. On a steady diet and being free of their stepmother's spell had helped him fill out. He waited for them seated on the dais. He looked very much like her late father, and she did a double take upon entering. The clan was gathered around silent and solemn.
When Riku had first taken over the rule of the clan, he had often appeared meek and shrunken. But now he looked powerful and wise. He watched the pair of them as they approached. Yuki wore a bright, colorful kimono, and Hotaru was in a matching haori and hakama. They knelt down in front of him, falling into a deep bow as was expected. It was out of character for her to rely on ceremony, but she hoped by playing by the rules they’d get her brother’s blessing, but she couldn't leave the clan until she did.
Hotaru, sensing her fear, reached over and gave her hand a subtle squeeze. It was going to take time to get used to having her thoughts and feelings exposed to another. But it was nice to have him there to support her without asking. Her brother noticed and cleared his throat in disapproval.
"Lord Kademori, you plotted to take control of my clan and put my sister's life at risk," he said, listing Hotaru's crimes.
Yuki looked to her brother with pleading eyes. "Brother, please. I've explained it to you already!"
He made a slashing movement with his hand to silence her.
"You're no more innocent. You knew what he was after from the start and went along with it. Then you went missing for days, and I thought you were dead." His voice caught, and Yuki saw a hint of the brother she knew. This wasn't about the marriage, she'd worried him.
"I'm sorry." Yuki bowed her head lower.
"Yuki is the heart of the household. I would rather not see her go."
Hotaru looked at Riku with sincerity in his gaze. "I came here searching for an alliance. But if you will let me have her, then I can ask nothing else of you."
Riku stared at her for a moment. Then he said, "Answer me one question. Do you love him, Yuki?"
Yuki took her husband's hand and squeezed it. "With all my heart."
Her brother's shoulders relaxed as did his stern expression. "I promised you that you could marry the man you loved. You have my blessing."
Yuki leaped up to hug her brother tight, ceremony be damned. She grabbed onto him, and for the first time in a long time, his strong arms wrapped around her, holding her tight. She would miss him and the only place that had been her home.
"Father would have been proud," he said in her ear.
"Thank you, brother." She had to struggle to fight the tears that came to her eyes.
Then her brother slipped a necklace into her hand. Her mother's necklace. She hadn't seen it since she threw it at Riku's feet.
"This belongs to you. There will always be a place for you here in the forest."
Yuki's hand closed around the necklace. Even if she no longer felt the forest inside her, it was always there with her.
Epilogue
The forest was still, the pond motionless. Not even a single leaf fell to disturb the surface of the water. It was as if the place was frozen in time.
Though the weight of the child she carried was great, and getting up and down was getting more difficult each day, still Yuki knelt by the waterside. She pressed her hands together in prayer.
I know you cannot reveal yourself to me any longer, but I came to say thank you. For everything. I never realized how precious life was until I had one growing inside me.
The wind rustled through the trees and Yuki looked up. A single, glowing light bobbed on the air in front of her, and she smiled.
"The war is over; the clans have come to a truce. Thanks to the guardian Akio we are safe from the witch. She has fled far away, though no one knows where she went." She told him as if the kami cared at all about the dealings of humans.
Her knees were getting wet from crouching down so long on the bank of the pond. She groaned and started to rise. But as she did, Hotaru came up behind her, putting his hand on the small of her back.
"I'm fine." She playfully smacked at his arm.
"I may have indulged you in coming here when you're this pregnant, but I'm not going to stand by while my wife struggles to stand."
She stuck her tongue out at him and he only shook his head. She liked to pretend she didn't need his help. But he knew of course. They'd learned ways to keep things from one another, but she found little need for it now. Their bond, especially while she was pregnant, had only grown stronger.
But as their child grew inside her, she was forced to get help more often than she liked to admit. The closer to her time she got, the more restless she became. She often thought of her mother, who'd died giving birth to her, and she longed for the forest and the reassurance of the guardian. Though her connection with it and him were gone, she liked to think he still cared about her.
"I don't think he heard me," Yuki remarked as Hot
aru guided her from the clearing.
"I think he heard. He may no longer be a part of you but he's always watching."
Yuki leaned onto her husband's shoulder. "Perhaps you’re right," she said. "I wish I could have seen the tanuki again though."
"Me too," he said, placing a kiss on her forehead.
The pair of them walked away, and unseen to them, the guardian sat on top of his shrine, a smile on his face. The tanuki also gathered along the shore, surrounding the place she had been. They'd gathered around her while she prayed, invisible to her now that she had lost the sight. A few wiped tears from their eyes. It had been a difficult transition for them losing their playmate, but such was the course of nature. The yokai and kami lived in a time and place outside that of the humans. The Lord of Animals had known it was time for her to rejoin her own kind. Though it pained him that they must conceal themselves from her, it was a comfort to see she'd found happiness at last.
"You've done well, child," he said.
Yuki, almost out of sight, turned toward him and tilted her head to the side. Her eyes were searching for what she could not see. Hotaru watched her, his face beaming with love.
"I thought I heard something, but perhaps it was the wind.” She turned away and walked hand in hand with her husband.
Want even more tales inspired by ancient Japan? Be sure to check out The Priestess and the Dragon. A story about an arrogant dragon, a smart mouthed princess. And the fate of Akatsuki which rests in their hands. Get your copy today.
Read on for an excerpt from The Priestess and the Dragon.
Excerpt The Priestess and the Dragon
The shrine maidens made short work of packing supplies for Suzume and the Dragon's journey. They seemed eager to be rid of her, or perhaps it was the Dragon they were happy to see the backside of. She waited for him at the gates, a pack on her back that felt heavy enough to drag her down to the ground. Why can we not fly, or at least ride in a palanquin? Even when my father dumped me at this forsaken place he had the decency to send me in a proper conveyance.
The Dragon came storming through the courtyard. Fallen leaves kicked up in his wake and swirled around his head. From the crackle of energy she felt tingling up and down her arms, she suspected the Dragon was still in a foul mood. Oh good, this shall be a delightful trip, off to kill my entire family. She crossed her arms over her chest as he approached.
"Where are we going?" she asked him.
He looked her up and down. "To my palace in the south."
South towards the White Palace, where her father and siblings resided. She had never been close with any of them, but to think the Dragon would slaughter them all filled her with fear. She had never felt so helpless in her life.
"You did not mean what you said before about killing my family, right?"
He did not respond and instead stomped over to the torii arch that separated the shrine grounds from the road leading up to the mountain. He stopped beneath the arch. A string of ofuda on the archway twisted in the wind. He stared at them for a moment. Suzume crept up behind him, crossed the threshold onto the road, and with a hand on her hip, she faced the Dragon.
"You've been here for centuries, are you afraid to leave?"
He narrowed his eyes at her. She did not know what she expected to get out of taunting him, but it made her feel better at least.
He took a step, his mouth pressed closed. She may have imagined it, but it almost looked like he was expecting something to happen. When nothing did, he took off at a fast pace down the road. Suzume stared after him. I do not understand him at all. He was moving so fast he was nearly around the bend. She watched him go for a moment, wondering what would happen if she refused to follow him. Then he stopped, turned around and beckoned to her.
"Come, Priestess, I haven't got all day."
She balled her hands into fists. "I am not your pet to command."
"But you are mine."
She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. She'd be damned if she would come chasing after him like a dog. She did not know he was beside her until he was lifting her up into the air and threw her over his shoulder. "If you will not come, I will bring you," he said.
"Put me down!" she shouted, beating on his back with her fists.
He laughed but ignored her threats. Her skin prickled and heated where his hands wrapped around her calves, but no matter how she tried, she could not summon the same power to defend herself. It would be helpful right about now.
The journey down the mountainside was tedious and not worth mentioning, in Suzume's opinion. When she gave up fighting him, he let her down to walk on her own two feet. She insisted on numerous breaks, which he argued against, but she won in the end. It was nearly sunset by the time they reached the foot of the mountain.
By then her limbs ached in a way they had never done before. She dawdled behind the Dragon as they meandered over the hilly countryside. Trees blocked the dying sun and a breeze rippled through their branches, the wind cool as the sun descended below the horizon. The glare reflected off the water of a nearby river and blinded Suzume. She shielded her eyes with her forearm and scowled at green shoots of river grasses growing along the water's edge, struggling to break through the murky water and reaching towards the sky.
"By the way, what's your name?" the Dragon said from atop a small rise.
She stopped and squinted at him. That's it, she thought, I cannot walk another step! The coarse fabric itched and sweat plastered it to her skin. Her feet hurt from these inferior bamboo sandals the high priestess had given her and the straw hat and veil she wore kept slipping forward. Her arms were tired from adjusting it and carrying this infernal pack. A fly had also gotten under her veil and buzzed near her face.
They had been on the road for hours now and it just occurred to him to ask her name? She forced down a string of curses that were on the tip of her tongue. Not only were they not appropriate for a lady of her stature, but she didn't need another reason to incite the mercurial Dragon's wrath.
"Suzume," she ground out and took the opportunity to try to adjust the sandal on her foot. She missed her platforms and her palanquin. Small blisters had formed beneath her dusty socks.
"Soo-zoo-me." He rolled her name around on his tongue and she regretted telling him immediately. He repeated her name several more times—only to further infuriate her, she suspected.
She knew she should stay on his good side. He had threatened to kill her and her entire family, after all. I would fry him now and walk the rest of the way if it meant I could return home, she thought. If I knew how, she amended.
The Dragon laughed suddenly. He startled her and she threw her arms out, throwing her shoe. She almost fell over and saved herself by rocking forward on the balls of her feet.
"What is so funny?" she asked with hands crossed over her chest once she had regained her balance.
He was bent over taking large belly laughs and did not respond right away. When he did, it was halting. "Your… name… means… sparrow!" As he said this, he laughed harder and clutched at his side.
Suzume frowned and considered throwing her other straw sandal at him, the head priestess' warnings be damned.
"Why would a sparrow be so funny?" she asked again. She took a deep breath and tried to keep her own temper in check.
"It's not the sparrow that's funny. It's you! A loudmouthed arrogant woman! You're nothing like a sparrow." He pointed at her as he said this and Suzume colored and turned away to hide her embarrassment.
She sat down on a nearby fallen tree, removed her other sandal and pelted it at the Dragon. He dodged it and continued to laugh uproariously. I don't care what he thinks. He's just a lying fool.
"Then what is your name, oh Great God of the Mountain?" she said.
He stopped laughing and stared straight at her, and storm clouds seemed to gather behind his eyes. Suzume shrank back. What's gotten into him? The slightest thing upsets him.
"A Yokai's true name is
a secret no mortal shall know, but I was once called Kaito." His voice echoed through the valley, rippling along the river. She stared him in the eyes and refused to be cowed. He measured her, staring her up and down before turning to walk away without another word. Probably something to do with that woman again, she thought and fought the urge to roll her eyes.
She was perplexed by his reaction, but pleased; her short temper and violence towards the false god had not summoned his wrath, not yet at least. Nothing worse than a man scorned! Suzume thought. They probably had a spat and she rightfully locked him up. She sighed. And now I am cleaning up the mess.
She scanned the area for her sandals and found them floating along the river's edge, tangled in the reeds along the shore. She cursed aloud this time and went to find something with which to fish them out.
Down the road Kaito called out, "You shouldn't wear socks with those, you'll get blisters!"
"Thanks a lot," she muttered as she hoisted a sopping-wet straw sandal out of the water with a twig.
As she pulled the other sandal out, something else came out of the water with it. A green webbed hand held onto the sandal as well.
Suzume screamed and dropped the stick and fumbled backwards, falling onto her rear. The sandal landed in the water with a splash. The hand grasping the sandal was followed by an indented head, almost as if the creature had a dish in its skull. It emerged from the water's surface and blinked large black eyes at her. Suzume screamed again and the creature opened its beak and squawked at her.
Suzume, over her initial fear, grabbed the stick and struck the thing with it.
"Get out of here! You strange creature!" She shooed it.
The Yokai flailed and splashed about, trampling the reeds.
"What's all this commotion?" Kaito asked, coming over to Suzume, who was actively hitting the creature now.
"This toad thing attacked me!" she said, pointing an accusatory finger at the creature, who had sunk down in the water. Only his black eyes and indented head were above the water's surface.
Yuki: A Snow White Retelling Page 14