A beat of silence passed between the two women. Finally, Carmen continued, “Elizabeth, I have something I want to propose to you. It’s weird and awkward, but I need to do it. I’ve been thinking about it for a while and wanted to talk to you, but there hasn’t really been a good time because of all this Heather crap.”
“Okay, I’m kind of scared,” Elizabeth responded with a laugh.
“Don’t be. Reading Heather’s book reminded me how badly you want a sibling for George. You and I have been talking a lot about women helping each other and being kind, and that doesn’t just mean in the workplace. So you know how I froze those eggs of mine a while back? Well, I’m done with them. I don’t want another child. I want to go get my MBA and maybe really go allin on the career thing. I might be forty, but I look ten years younger than the rest of you, and I deserve a chance to be miserable in the work world too.”
“Wow, that’s a lot to process,” said Elizabeth quietly. “I appreciate how generous your offer is, but doesn’t it sound a little crazy?”
“Does it? It doesn’t to me. We’re forty. Let’s throw away the rule book and just go for what we want. What do you have to lose? You want to be a parent again. So let’s give you one more shot. Who gives a shit what people think? And, for the record, no one has to know it’s my egg. C’mon, live on the wild side. You know you will have a much better shot with a younger egg than your own.”
“Well, that’s true. Our doctor thinks that I’m showing signs of premature ovarian failure, which explains why I’ve had so much trouble the last few years. The best shot for me is probably IVF with a donor egg.”
“Alrighty then. That seals it. Let’s do this.”
“Fine, I’ll think about it and see if I can get William on board,” Elizabeth said, unable to stop her voice from breaking a little. Trying to pull herself together, she added, “I’m sorry. This is a happy moment, believe me. I just can’t believe you want to do this for me. For us. Thank you, Carmen. I have to be honest, I wasn’t excited about using a donor egg. I mean, it is like half your baby is a total stranger. This certainly fixes that problem.”
A few moments of silence passed between them.
“So, I could use a little help with something myself,” said Elizabeth.
“What’s that?” asked Carmen.
“Since you are going to be getting your MBA, I’d like to pick your brain about a few business ideas I’ve been bouncing around. You know I’m frustrated with parts of how my firm runs things. And maybe I can change that.”
“Deal,” said Carmen. And as she hung up the phone, she mentally closed the book on the life of the old Carmen and opened the cover of a new, fresh volume. Nothing in recent memory had ever felt better.
MARTHA
“Mom, Heather didn’t write anything about my life that isn’t true, and that everyone didn’t already know for that matter. Honestly, who cares?” said Martha with exasperation. Of course, Martha cared mightily, but she wasn’t going to give her mother the satisfaction of knowing that she was, in fact, very upset about Heather’s book.
“Well, Bunny saw it on the Facebook, and she has been telling everyone at the club. It’s very embarrassing. I really think you should rethink filing suit. In my day, no one would have ever dared to do that to an Adams. If you had made different friends in college, this all might have been avoided, you know.”
Here we go again, thought Martha, rolling her eyes and vowing not to snap at her mother.
“Mom, I like the friends I have. If I wanted to mingle with your crowd, I would have stayed in Boston. I left town to do things my own way.”
“You always did like to bring home pathetic stray animals and try to save them. Look, darling, all I’m trying to say is that your friends aren’t like us. And they obviously think nothing of airing dirty laundry in public. Even my worst enemies wouldn’t behave like that. There are just some things that are simply unacceptable in polite society.”
“Mom, I’m sorry if this is embarrassing,” Martha snapped. She took a deep breath and continued in a kinder tone. “Really, compared to what happened with Lucy, it’s inconsequential, isn’t it?”
“We don’t need to discuss Lucy. It’s in the past.”
Of course, thought Martha. Let’s not talk about any of our pain and disappointment. That’s always been so effective. She considered arguing the point with her mom, but instead she said, “Okay, Mom. Tell Dad I said hello.” And with that, she hung up and started to get ready to go out and meet her girlfriends for a drink.
She still couldn’t believe that Sara hadn’t understood how horrible it was that Heather had missed Lucy’s funeral. She was glad she had been able to make her point before they all got together tonight. Otherwise, Sara would have found herself the odd man out.
SARA
The girls decided to meet at one of the bars near the train station in downtown Milwaukee.
Sara was the last to arrive since she had the farthest to travel, and, as she entered the bar, she saw that her three friends were already nodding their heads in agreement.
“Well, we’ve already kicked Heather out of the group,” said Carmen with a laugh. “Any objection?”
“Isn’t that a little extreme?” asked Sara. “I mean, c’mon, guys. Let’s not overreact here.”
“Uh, no, it’s not extreme,” responded Carmen with an irritated frown. “Did you even read the book? I mean, I know you’re too busy to ever go out with any of us and all, but I would have thought you could carve out some time for this one.”
“Okay, that’s kind of bitchy, Carmen,” said Sara. “And I did read the book. Cover to cover. I get why you guys are upset, but let’s try to put this in context. First, I think she’s actually trying to help younger women learn from our mistakes. I mean, c’mon, aren’t there things you wished you had done differently? I actually agreed with what she said about my choices. I think she has a point. It’s been exhausting trying to do things the way Scott and I have been doing them. I’m going to take Heather’s advice and outsource some stuff so I can give it my all in my new job.”
“What new job?” asked Elizabeth.
“I’ll tell you later. Let’s finish this Heather stuff. All I’m saying is that we should admit that she might have written things that were uncomfortable to read, but they weren’t secrets.”
“They certainly were!” countered Carmen. “No one knew I thought Mark might be cheating. Which, by the way, he wasn’t.”
“Come on. He might not have technically cheated, but it’s not a big secret that Mark is a douche,” replied Sara.
“It was a secret from Avery,” said Carmen hotly.
“And she did talk about my pregnancy, Sara,” Elizabeth reminded her. “And I lost the chairmanship because of it.”
“Be fair, Elizabeth. It was your fault for telling her you were pregnant and then forgetting to tell her you had lost the baby,” said Sara.
“Well, if she had shown up at my baby’s funeral, then Elizabeth might have had a chance. And Heather certainly knew I lost Lucy, didn’t she?” asked Martha angrily. “And she couldn’t break away from her low-class tell-all to attend the funeral.”
“Martha, I get that you are angry about that choice, but Lucy’s death really has nothing to do with Heather’s book. I agree she should have come to the funeral, but her being there wouldn’t have changed anything. And she did send those lovely flowers,” Sara pointed out.
“Sara, I can’t believe you actually think that’s an equivalent,” said Martha, looking incredulous.
“Of course it’s not, that not what I meant,” said Sara in frustration.
“Well, why don’t you say what you do mean,” replied Martha, crossing her arms.
“Martha,” Elizabeth interjected, clearly trying to play the peacemaker, “I somewhat agree with Sara. It’s not Heather’s fault Lucy died. Personally, I think I got a pretty bad deal too. A miscarriage and a hit at work. But Heather is a good person. Remember sorority rush.�
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Martha looked at Elizabeth with disbelief. “Okay, I really hope you aren’t suggesting that a dead baby and a missed promotion are the same thing.”
“Of course I’m not saying that,” said Elizabeth defensively.
“And sorority rush? What the hell are you talking about?”
“I never told you guys, but she actually got into all four houses in the second round but pretended she had been rejected so we could drop together.”
“Holy shit, Elizabeth. What an inconsequential nothing,” Martha practically spat. “Grow up. You know, I think I want to go home. The fact that any of you think that what Heather wrote is worse than losing a child is unbelievable to me. I’m not sure that I want to be around you guys right now. And Elizabeth, did it ever occur to you that your ‘hit’ at work was actually just that Kenny won because he was better? You’re such a narcissist.” Martha quickly rose and headed for the door.
“Martha, please don’t go—we’re on your side!” Carmen yelled after her.
As Martha retreated, Carmen spun on the other two. “Look what you two did! Sara, you need to find a little time in your schedule to get a clue. And Elizabeth, I know your career is a big deal, but that wasn’t exactly the best moment to make it about you. And sorority rush? What the fuck?”
“Back off, Carmen,” said Elizabeth. “My life has kind of been sucking lately. I get that my situation is not the same as losing a child. But Martha is wrong,” she continued defensively. “Me not getting chair had nothing to do with my performance. Heather screwed me, plain and simple. And you know what? Sorority rush was a big deal. When you and Martha got all those callbacks and I didn’t, it was Heather who pretended she was rejected and stuck with me. You guys were happy to drop us both like a hot potato.”
Elizabeth sighed and continued, “Look, I’ll call Martha later and apologize. But not because you told me to, Carmen. You should too, Sara.”
“What am I apologizing for?” exclaimed Sara. “I didn’t do anything wrong! And Elizabeth, after everything Heather has done for you, I would think you could find a way to get past this. You know what, I’m going home too. I have a family of six to support on my own now, and I don’t have time for this drama. It’s a long way home. You guys can have at Heather on your own.”
“Fine, Elizabeth and I will stay and have another drink while I help her rehearse her apology,” replied Carmen, to which Elizabeth rolled her eyes.
As she left the bar, Sara considered that the evening might be the end of their happy group. Maybe that was okay.
She bet that Elizabeth would forgive Heather. And she also bet that Martha and Carmen never would. She thought that this was partially because they were jealous. Sara thought that they always had been a little jealous of Heather, and Elizabeth and Sara, too, because of their professional success.
It’s easy to be friends when you’re eighteen, she thought. Forty, not so much. Maybe she needed to give up on the idea of having lifelong female friends, but whatever was going to happen among them in the long run, Sara had to ignore all of it right now and dig in at work. Her family’s future depended on it.
DECEMBER
HEATHER
From: Heather Hall
Sent: Sun. 12/6 2:15 p.m.
To: Elizabeth Smith
Subject: Gift idea!
Hi girls! I know we are all crazy busy over the holidays, but just want to drop you a note to let you know that if you would like to give my book as a holiday present, I can send you signed copies. Just let me know how many. Just you, though. I’m overwhelmed with requests.
Let’s try to get together next year in Carmel. Maybe March? June? I miss you and really want to catch up. I know I’ve been a bad friend and haven’t kept up with what’s going on with you guys, but I’ll make it up to you. Also, I kind of can’t believe you are too busy to e-mail me your thoughts on the book—seriously, come on!
Kisses,
Heather
P.S. Elizabeth, you need to update your profile with pictures of the new baby!
ELIZABETH
Fall always has a way of evaporating before it even starts, thought Elizabeth.
After the blowup at the bar, things had changed. Sara had returned to her busy life and new job. Martha had hunkered down in her house and basically ignored them all. Carmen and Elizabeth were the only ones who had kept the lines of communication open, although Elizabeth had been so busy in the fall that December had come faster than she ever remembered, and Christmas was just a couple of weeks away.
Elizabeth was wrapping presents on her Sunday off. Her cream-colored duvet was stacked with ribbons, paper, tape, and a possibly obscene number of presents. Elizabeth couldn’t help reflecting on her year as she wrapped up a “make your own gin” kit for William. It had been an eventful one, for sure. First, of course, her sad loss. Then Heather’s book and the ensuing embarrassment, just to magnify the pain. She had lost her window at work for a promotion to the next level, maybe, but she still had a great job, even if she had to watch Kenny enjoy the opportunity that should have been hers. But then there was the thing that she never saw coming—Carmen’s offer.
She looked down, her hands lingering over her midsection. If everything went perfectly in a few weeks, she would give birth in the fall.
She still couldn’t believe William had gone for it. But he had.
“Carmen’s eggs, huh?” he had said when she’d brought up the idea. “Honey, look, I want a baby as much as you do. But I’d rather adopt. The Carmen thing seems like it could go really sideways.”
“Why’s that?” Elizabeth had asked defensively.
“Because she has been wanting a second for so long. Really, Elizabeth, can’t you see the problem with this?”
“I think I know her better than you do,” she had insisted.
“Fine, but if you’re wrong, this is a really bad one to be wrong about,” William had said gently, sensing how important this was to his wife.
“William, I know what you’re saying, I do. But Carmen has changed. I can’t really put it into words. The old Carmen is gone. There’s this new one who is on fire again. The Carmen from college. The Carmen who’s going for her MBA. That’s the Carmen who wants to do this for us.”
“Okay, then, if you want this, I’ll go along. For the record, I’m delighted on the DNA front. Carmen’s whip-smart and athletic too. Can’t ask for better than that. But, hey, I want to be sure that we won’t stop trying,” he had teased her with that look in his eyes that made her feel a little dizzy.
William didn’t seem phased at all by the fact that this child was not likely to look like his wife or her blond-haired, blue-eyed dad. This was the part of William that Elizabeth loved the most. He just really didn’t give a shit what people might say on skin-deep issues like that.
Elizabeth had wondered if they should ask Carmen for a more detailed family history. “Like whether her dad played football?” William had laughed. So they hadn’t bothered to worry about that either. The trick, of course, was whether Elizabeth’s body would respond. None of them could control that part. It was up to God.
Elizabeth looked past the presents stacked on her bed at the rows of pictures lining the top of her dresser. There was one of her and William as newlyweds, looking much younger than she remembered feeling at the time. And, of course, a whole series of shots of George as a baby. And last but not least, a picture of her and her four friends on their graduation day. They were standing in front of Baker Library, their arms linked, all smiles. That had been a perfect, sunny day. She still remembered how bad the commencement speaker had been. He was the prime minister of some northern European country and had spent a good portion of his halting commencement address recounting his excellent experience at the local Ben and Jerry’s ice cream shop.
Maybe she should break ranks and e-mail Heather. Her book was
awful, but if this year had taught her anything, it was that she was blessed, and whatever happened with the IVF, her life was enough just as it was. Maybe it was time to bury the hatchet and forgive her old friend. She guessed it was possible that being surrounded by the rich and famous had made it impossible for Heather to realize what she had done to her real friends. She would just have to keep her peace offer a secret from Carmen and Martha.
She picked up her phone and dialed Heather’s number.
Of course, it was the same old “Don’t bother to leave a message, I don’t check this phone” routine.
Elizabeth sighed. Heather sure didn’t make it easy.
CARMEN
It was a blessing that Dartmouth operated on a four-quarter schedule because it meant that Avery was already done with exams and was home for a long stretch over the holidays. Carmen had been worried that her Christmas without Mark would be painful, and she was relieved that she would have her daughter no matter what. Now that December was here, Carmen realized that she shouldn’t have been so concerned. For the first time in a very long time, she was feeling the joy of the season. She suspected it was because she was knee-deep in planning her new life. This time, her needs and wants were at the top of the list.
Carmen was planning to take a full class load in the spring, and, if she was successful, she would graduate with her MBA from Booth in just a few short years. She was also dating a new man, her forensic investigator, Paul. He was kind and, even better, fun. She didn’t have to walk around on eggshells or make elaborate plans to please him like she had done for so many years with Mark. Paul was the one who would surprise her with tickets to a great concert or convince her to do some weird, spontaneous activity like getting up early just to watch the sun rise.
Their relationship wasn’t serious, and she had decided right away that she didn’t want it to be. She was going to have a good time and find herself again.
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