All the Right Mistakes

by Laura Jamison

  Today was Wednesday, which meant that she would be expected at the weekly all-attorney lunch and learn. She would have preferred to sit at her desk, but she decided to be a good sport and attend. It would do all those guys good to have to hang out with a pregnant woman now and then anyway.

  They always had the lunch in the same room, and they were always organized pretty much exactly like the high school cafeteria had been. The popular kids always sat together, even if one of them had to squeeze in an extra chair rather than sit at a lesser table. It was Elizabeth’s strong suspicion that none of these lawyers had ever been anywhere close to the cool-kid table in high school. This was their big chance to right that wrong, and they weren’t going to let that chance pass them by this time around.

  Elizabeth walked past them toward a group of older associates, mostly women, positioned in the far corner. She checked under the table to make sure none of them were wearing red patent leather heels.

  “Hi, guys. Is this seat taken?”

  “No, but you know this isn’t the table for management,” one of the young men joked. The women gave him a sharp look and said, “Of course you’re welcome, Elizabeth, please join us.”

  The guy shrugged and went back to looking unimpressed by Elizabeth.

  “Well, thank you, and I’m just here as a person, not as a partner,” replied Elizabeth awkwardly. She probably sounded like a total idiot to these attorneys who were a good ten years younger than she was.

  “When’s the baby due?” asked one of the women with interest. “I know you’re not ever supposed to ask that, but, well, it’s pretty obvious now, isn’t it?”

  Elizabeth had never noticed this woman before. She was dressed plainly but attractively, and her intelligence radiated from behind her tortoiseshell glasses. So pretty much the opposite of Blake.

  “September. I know, I’m big as a house already. In my defense, it’s twins.”

  “I think you look great,” the woman replied sincerely.

  Huh, this woman is either really kind or a really good liar, thought Elizabeth.

  The woman continued, “You should really be nicer to yourself. Women get enough negative messages from the media that we don’t need to add our own voices to the chorus.”

  Elizabeth wondered how in the world this woman was surviving the firm.

  “What practice area are you in?” asked Elizabeth.

  “Litigation. I’ve actually been here for nine years. I was passed over last year, but I’m hoping this is my year.”

  Nine years and Elizabeth had never noticed her. The firm was big, but not that big. Elizabeth knew with near-certainty that this woman would never be selected to make partner. She didn’t have that aggressive bearing that every litigation partner seemed to have. She had nine years of disappearing into the background. She must be an excellent researcher and writer if they were keeping her around, though. It was a shame. She probably added great value to the firm, but because she wouldn’t attract clients or be a star in the courtroom (or in Joe’s office), she probably wouldn’t be valued properly here, assuming they could convince her to transition into a salaried non-partner role.

  “I got passed over my first year, too,” said Elizabeth. “Hang in there.”

  “You’ll make it next time, Jenny,” said a younger-looking blond associate from corporate.

  “You’re Cassie, right?” asked Elizabeth. “How are things going for you in the group?” She was surprised Cassie wasn’t hanging with Blake and the other girls. She certainly had the looks for it.

  “Well, I’ve been working a lot with Kenny,” said Cassie tentatively, as she pulled nervously on her long blond hair.

  “He’ll get you working on some top-drawer stuff,” replied Elizabeth.

  The young man seemed to decide he was going to mostly ignore Elizabeth and get back to their original conversation.

  “Cassie, you need to just get on with it.”

  “Jeff!” she said sharply, and looked in Elizabeth’s direction.

  “Hey, she’s pregnant, maybe she’ll be sympathetic,” said Jeff, his eyes flashing with mischief.

  “Sympathetic about what?” asked Elizabeth.

  “Thanks a lot, Jeff,” said Cassie. “Who needs enemies when I have you as my friend?” But she didn’t actually look angry. She looked like she wanted to talk. Elizabeth knew that look well.

  “Well, I’m pregnant too,” said Cassie defensively, turning to Elizabeth.

  Ah, thought Elizabeth. That would certainly explain why she’s not hanging with Blake.

  “Congratulations!” said Elizabeth. “Good for you.”

  “No, not good for me,” said Cassie and her checks started to get red. “I want to go part-time, and when I talked to Kenny about it, he said I would be dead in the water if I went down that road.”

  “Well, Cassie, that’s a little harsh, but there is some truth there,” said Elizabeth. “It’s not easy to become a mom for the first time and practice here. But it is doable.”

  “I want the option of part-time, maybe a telecommute day. I don’t know exactly what I want, but it can’t be the way I work now. I just want a more human schedule in general. My husband is a teacher, and he’ll do a lot, but I’m still the mom, you know? I want to be a good mom. My mom worked, and she was gone, all the time, practically all day long. I love her, but I don’t want to be like her, in that way at least. Please don’t take that the wrong way, Elizabeth. You seem really nice. I’m sure you’re a great mom. My mom was in that first generation of women, you know. They had to be hard as nails. I’m probably going to be a big disappointment to her. God, I’m sorry. Talk about TMI.” Cassie went quiet and looked at her hands.

  “I get it,” said Elizabeth softly, and someone quickly changed the subject.

  Did she ever get it. Elizabeth made a mental note to give Cassie and Jenny a call in a few months. And maybe even Jeff, too, if he could be a little friendlier. She didn’t blame him for his hostility. She remembered that Kenny had recently taken him off a deal because he was “too soft,” whatever that meant. These were the people she wanted at her firm. She was going to make them the workplace they wanted. No, she corrected herself, it was the workplace they deserved.

  CARMEN

  She and Paul had been discussing where they should live for the last few months. Carmen may not have wanted to marry him, but she was more than willing to shack up. Paul was a master of breakfast, and Carmen loved being the one sitting on the stool at the kitchen island for a change. Plus, there weren’t many things sexier than watching a man make a frittata.

  Paul had been campaigning for them to move to a new home in the Milwaukee area. Carmen was torn. She loved the Lake Geneva home, but she could understand why Paul wanted to start fresh in a new house. And Paul had pointed out that if Carmen and Elizabeth were going to make a go of the new firm in Milwaukee, she would have to move anyway. Finally, Paul liked the idea of having some land, and the Texas girl in Carmen had a hard time arguing with him.

  Paul had taken the day off work so that they could go look at houses. They were looking around Fredonia in Ozaukee County because there were a lot of properties there with substantial acreage, many of them backing up to the Milwaukee River.

  They pulled up in his black truck to a property with a long, winding drive. In the distance, she could see a beautiful old farmhouse. Old, but very spacious and well-kept, at least from the outside. To the left of the main house was a riding complex and a neighboring field for the horses to graze.

  It had been so long since she’d been on a horse, thought Carmen. She had grown up riding in Texas and had nothing but fond memories of those weekends with her dad and her horse, Trudy. City living had pretty much made riding impossible, and once Avery was born, she had never gotten back to it.

  As they drove down the winding path, Carmen thought about what her life could be like here. Different, she thought. Very different. They keyed in the code on the realtor’s lock and started to explore the ma
in house. It was exceptional, she had to admit. There wasn’t a lot she would have to change.

  Paul was interested in taking a look at the woodshop that was supposed to be in the little shed neighboring the barns. Carmen decided to check out the stables.

  She walked in to find a cream-colored dappled mare standing calmly in her stall. She looked like she could be Trudy’s foal. Carmen grabbed an apple from a nearby bushel and walked over to feed it to the lovely animal. As she fed the mare with her left hand, she reached up with her right to stroke the animal’s neck. The mare seemed to welcome Carmen’s caress. Carmen flashed back to the feeling she used to get as a child when she was on Trudy’s back, galloping through the Texas fields. Free and wild and full of life.

  I used to be fearless, thought Carmen. What happened to me? Why am I willing to move, to live with Paul, but not marry him? It was a nonsensical boundary, really. Avery had been on her case about it ever since she had told her what happened in Coronado.

  “Mom! Don’t be stupid. Paul loves you. You love him. What else is there?” she had said. “Just because you’re over forty doesn’t mean your life is over. Look at all the couples who got married after waiting decades for the laws to change. Appreciate your right to be with the person you love. And Mom, it will be different this time. Paul is not Daddy.”

  Maybe her daughter was right. Carmen was finally finishing her education, and this time, she was the one with the dream job lined up. Not to mention that she didn’t have a newborn, which was definitely going to make things easier. Maybe it was time to finally let down her guard and let herself be happy. Maybe someday, she thought as she left to find Paul.

  “Well, what do you think?” he asked when she met him outside the shed.

  “About what?” Carmen responded.

  “The house, what else?” said Paul with a laugh. “Are you thinking about the firm again? You’re going to need to learn to compartmentalize if you’re going to be a successful CFO, you know.”

  “Actually, I was thinking we should get married someday. And we should definitely buy the house too.”

  Paul stood there blinking slowly.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “Did you just propose to me?” He laughed with delight.

  Oh, crap, thought Carmen. Can’t turn back now.

  “Yeah, I guess I did. Paul, will you marry me?” asked Carmen, softly smiling.

  Paul grinned and said, “I thought you would never ask. Would you like your ring now?”

  “Are you carrying it around in your pocket?” asked Carmen incredulously.

  “Well, sort of. It’s in the truck. I didn’t want to let it go just yet.”

  Paul jogged over to find the box.

  As she watched him retreat, Carmen started to doubt herself. What if this was a horrible mistake? Maybe it was too soon. Why was she so impulsive?

  As he walked slowly back over, Carmen tried to calm her nerves. He was soon standing in front of her holding a familiar box, the same one he had been holding in San Diego.

  He handed it to her. She took a deep breath and opened it. She didn’t know what to expect. She had seen a lot of bad engagement rings in her days, and she hoped Paul had just gone simple and classic.

  Nestled in the white satin was a ring that was most definitely not bad. It was stunning, in fact. It had a beautiful art deco design that was unique but still clean and elegant in its design. The ring looked familiar, but she couldn’t quite place it. And then she knew. “This is my grandmother’s ring!” she said with surprise. “How did you . . .”

  “I asked your father for permission back in March,” Paul explained quietly. “We had a long talk. He’s such a good man, Carmen. He loves you so much and wants you to be happy. And he wants you to have his mother’s ring. He said that he would have given it to Mark if he had thought to ask.”

  Carmen was overcome with emotion. She couldn’t wait to show the girls. And Avery. Avery would love this. It was all too much. She started to cry despite her best efforts to hold it together.

  “One thing,” said Paul. “Your mom wants to be part of planning the wedding this time. I said that was fine by me. I hope that’s acceptable.”

  “Sure,” Carmen replied, laughing through her tears. “She’s certainly waited long enough. But we are having it in Milwaukee because Elizabeth will be too pregnant to travel.”

  “I’ll let your mom down gently,” said Paul, joining in her laughter. “So we have another hour to tour the place. Let’s walk through the main house one more time. There’s one room I think we should pay particular attention to. We’re going to be spending a lot of time in there if I have my way.”

  “Actually, I’m more a fan of the stables,” teased Carmen.

  “Well, then,” said Paul, “let’s check out both.” He pulled Carmen into his arms for a kiss, and she felt the defenses she had so carefully crafted over the long years with Mark begin to melt away. She was ready to trust again.

  MARTHA

  The contractors had outdone themselves and finished all their renovations by June, which turned out to be just in the nick of time because Martha had returned from China with Hope just last week. The trip to China had been quick and uneventful, and their little family had gone from four to five in the blink of an eye. In some ways, it felt like she had always been there.

  Even though the renovations were complete, Martha was still unpacking boxes. She didn’t mind. This move was permanent, and she wanted it done right. She would take all the time she needed and make sure everything was in its proper place.

  Hope was down for her afternoon nap. Martha was being very strict about Hope’s nutrition and nap schedule because her heart surgery was scheduled for Friday, and she wanted Hope to be as strong as possible for it.

  Martha was unpacking and organizing today in her favorite room in the new house—the library. She had tried to make minimal changes to the space. Just a fresh coat of paint to highlight the gorgeous built-ins. It took her a while to decide upon a scheme for which books would go where, but she had it figured out now and was ready to load the shelves. It would be going much faster, though, if she could stop lingering over every book that she unpacked.

  Her books were the thumbnail history of her life. There were her favorite novels, of course. But there were also hundreds of biographies, obscure histories, travel books, her old favorites from her childhood, and even her old textbooks. As she took them out of the boxes one by one, she would run her hand over their spines and sometimes sit and leaf through her favorites for a while. At the rate she was going, it would take her a month to get all the books shelved.

  She was nervous about Hope’s surgery. While the travel and pickup had gone remarkably smoothly, the medical process had been a little rocky.

  To begin with, it had taken a great deal of planning to get the right doctors together at the right time for Hope. Robert had been instrumental in getting an A team for their baby. She wondered how regular families navigated that process. Then there was the wrangling with her insurance company. And finally, there was the startling lack of information on the specifics of Hope’s condition—both the procedures required to treat it and the prognosis. Part of this was because things might change when the doctors saw what they were dealing with when they opened her up. Martha understood that full well, but she still wanted every piece of information she could get her hands on to help Hope. And she disliked uncertainty, particularly if she wasn’t able to directly manage it herself.

  Martha understood now why people were reluctant to adopt children with special needs. The system was indeed not easy to navigate, as Robert had said at the outset, even for someone like her with a medical degree. She was trying to be patient, but the waiting and the wondering were emotionally exhausting.

  As she fished through the next box of books, she looked outside her window and scanned around for the boys. School was finally out, and she knew they were somewhere outside playing. She hadn’t seen them in a while, though, so she decide
d to go check on them. She started to turn toward the door to make her way outside, but then she saw them out of the corner of her eye.

  They were with those same kids she had seen all those months ago walking home from school. There were maybe seven of them today, and they all appeared to be on scooters. Maybe racing? Bobby and Jack didn’t have scooters, so the kids must have lent them a couple. Her boys were both smiling broadly as they whizzed down the sidewalk. She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen them looking so happy and unburdened.

  She made a mental note to buy popsicles the next time she was at the grocery store. A box big enough to share.

  SARA

  Sara was back in her old cube while her boss negotiated for her new office.

  It was amazing how easily she fell back into her old routine. She had forgotten how much she enjoyed legal work. It was only Wednesday, but she had planned a long lunch anyway. She had decided to take Katherine out to lunch, and her old friend had Sara in stitches with the stories of the various screw-ups her colleagues had endured at the hands of Sara’s temporary replacement.

  “I promise, I won’t leave again!” Sara had said through her laughter.

  “You better not!” Katherine had replied. “And by the way, he also clipped his toenails in the cube. His toenails, Sara. And don’t even get me started on the weird food he brought from home. And then there was this time at the Thai place when the waiter asked if I wanted to take my leftovers home, and after I said no, he asked to have them wrapped up for him. I mean, seriously, how gross is that!”

  This was the part of work she had missed. Operations was so go, go, go that they hardly had time to interact with one another, much less go to lunch together.

  Sara was planning to leave soon to pick Mikey up from day care. She had taken that duty back over, much to Scott’s relief. She was happy to do it. She had missed that sweet baby face staring at her in the rearview mirror.