by Fallon Hart
I was feeling more confused than I ever remembered feeling as a teenager.
Eric had never made me feel this insecure or vulnerable.
Then again Griff wasn’t my boyfriend. He was the man paying me to marry him. The fact that he was sexually attracted to me was just an inconvenience to him and I had to remind myself of that.
That’s all I was to him.
The silent car journey and his cold, remote tone now was evidence of that.
“Okay,” I said.
He nodded, expression blank, then got out of the car to round the hood. He opened the door for me and I exited, unable to meet his eyes.
“Go on in. I’ll get your luggage.”
At the doors I nodded hello to the weekend security guards, Mason and Ivan. There were four sets of security guards—the full-time day and evening guards and then the weekend day guards and weekend evening guards. I didn’t know the weekend guys as well as the full-time staff so I didn’t stop to have conversation with them like I did with Hyde, Williams, Eddie and Jones.
My sandals clopped dully on the marble entrance as I walked into the silent club. It was too early in the morning for hustle and bustle, and as much as I liked him, I was glad Xavier didn’t appear. I swiped my keycard in the elevator and let it go up before Griff could catch up with me.
I needed a break from him.
He didn’t come to me, and later I found my luggage outside my room where he’d left it without bothering to knock, so I knew he’d needed a break from me too.
Unfortunately, that break extended into more than a day. The next morning Xavier informed me that Griffin had called the wedding planner and a Miss Hayley Lauderdale would be arriving the next morning to speak to me about our plans.
It was supremely uncomfortable to sit with Hayley and try to act like an excited bride. In fact, I did a terrible job. To cover my misery, I had smiled weakly at her. “I’m not much for a lot of attention. To be honest, the idea of a society wedding intimidates me a little.” I thought it was okay to say this. In fact, it laid the ground work for our upcoming elopement.
And Hayley bought it and was extremely sweet to me.
I managed to get through the hour appointment with her without breaking down into a bundle of nerves but I was so grateful when she left. Afterward, I closed myself in my room and worked on my book.
When no invitation from Griff came to join him for dinner for the next few nights, I stayed locked in my room with my laptop, answering emails from Hayley about suggestions and plans, and working on my novel. The only time I left my room was to swim in the pool in the morning when it was empty.
Four nights after the house party, I hadn’t left the club.
I didn’t want to see anyone.
When Octavius called me I sent it to voicemail and then texted him so he wouldn’t call again.
The only call I took was my weekly call from my sister and Mel kept asking if, “shit was okay?”
I said yes but I couldn’t pretend to be happy.
Somehow being ignored by Griff had affected me so spectacularly that it made my mood even worse.
I had feelings for him.
It felt like a betrayal, not only of Eric to have feelings for a man so completely different from him, but more a betrayal of myself. Where was my self-worth? Griff was guarded, remote, selfish!
I suddenly heard Esme’s voice in my head, her brutal assessment of her husband’s personality.
But I didn’t have any overwhelmingly positive experiences with Griff like she did with her husband. We’d shared easy conversations about superficial likes and dislikes, and he’d made me laugh with his dry wit, but that’s as far as it went. I’d begun looking for something in him without even realizing I was doing it, searching behind the pain I saw buried in the back of his eyes, and wondering how much it had to do with his mother and father. I wanted access to that vulnerability, to know him, to understand him…
All so I could forgive myself for being more sexually attracted to him than I ever was to Eric.
What an idiot.
Restless, wishing I could run from this place and never set eyes on Griffin Mandeville again, I turned and looked at the alarm clock on my bedside table. It was four o’clock in the morning.
The hazard room would be quiet at this time on a weeknight but even if it wasn’t I wouldn’t have been able to hear it. The sounds of the club didn’t penetrate the penthouse. Hearing my stomach grumble and remembering I didn’t finish the tray Xavier had sent up to my room I got out of bed.
I’d been avoiding Xavier’s concerned looks all week.
Griff and I weren’t doing a very good job of acting like the newly engaged couple the society pages had announced us to be. Yet, that was Griff’s fault. I was just following his lead. If he wasn’t worried, why should I be?
I grabbed the short silk robe that cost more than two month’s rent and pulled it on over one of the many silk nightdresses I’d bought with Anna. Belting the robe, I quietly left my bedroom and made my way toward the penthouse kitchen.
I switched on the under-cupboard and baseboard lights to give me enough illumination to find the freezer.
The kitchen made me feel guilty.
It was a glossy, shiny, modern-take on a farmhouse kitchen and it was fully equipped with everything. But other than to stock drinks and snacks, and be there for me when I wanted to make a sandwich, it went mostly unused.
Xavier had started to note my preferences for snacks and he’d started stocking cookie dough ice cream for me. Anticipating that ice cream more than I’d anticipated anything in days, I grabbed a spoon, pulled the tub out of the freezer and popped the lid.
That’s how he found me.
Leaning against the kitchen counter in the low-light, eating cookie dough ice cream straight from the tub.
I didn’t even notice him at first but he eventually must have made a slight movement and my head jerked up from the tub, the spoon clamped between my lips.
Griff was bare chested in just his pajama bottoms, his arms crossed, his ankles crossed, as he leaned against the doorjamb, watching me.
Awareness shivered through me, and that awful cloud that had hovered over my head for four days disintegrated.
“What are you doing?” he asked softly.
I slipped the spoon out of my mouth and realized I was trembling a little.
“Ice cream,” I whispered.
He pushed off the jamb and walked slowly toward me.
I sucked in a breath.
But he stopped, near the island, leaving plenty of space between us.
“You need to leave the club, Melanie.”
The words felt like a shot to the heart.
What?
“You need to be seen out and about, spending money, planning the wedding.”
Oh.
Relief shivered through me.
Jeez, I was such an idiot.
“Okay.” I shrugged.
Griff’s eyes narrowed on me. “No more hibernating in your room, writing that fucking novel.”
Just like that, my happiness at seeing him disintegrated. I bristled. “Well you’re not doing a spectacular job yourself, Mister. Maybe you should start acting like a fiancé and eat dinner with me once in a bloody blue moon.”
His dark eyes glittered dangerously. “I’ve been busy.”
“A man who is supposed to be in love and newly engaged is never too busy to spend time with his fiancé. Xavier keeps looking at me like I’m wounded animal.”
“Maybe if you stop hiding in your room like one he wouldn’t,” he retorted.
“Well maybe if you’d stop avoiding me like I was a tawdry one night stand I wouldn’t!”
The muscle in his jaw flexed and he stepped toward me predatorily. “Ah but see, I’d have to have fucked that sweet cunt of yours for it to have been a one night stand and I don’t remember having that pleasure.”
Shock shoved me back against the counter; at his crude words or t
he way my body flushed with arousal at his crude words, I wasn’t quite sure.
“Griffin,” I whispered.
Whatever he heard in my tone stopped him. His gaze dragged down my body and back up again, his eyes blazing. He cursed, running a hand through his hair. And then quite abruptly, he turned on his heels and stormed out of the kitchen. A few seconds later I heard the door to his bedroom slam shut.
Loudly.
Trembling, I put away the ice cream, washed the spoon and returned dazedly to my room.
He was avoiding me because he wanted me.
And he didn’t want to want me.
That hurt surprisingly more than I ever thought it would.
Unfortunately for me, I was about to learn Griffin could cut me deeper than even that.
◆◆◆
That morning I did venture out of my room. I ventured out of my room with butterflies in my belly to walk across the penthouse to Griffin’s office. Too long I’d mooched over my own feelings. It was time to make sure my sister was doing okay and the only way to do that was to visit her.
He hesitated when he said “come in” probably because he realized there were only a couple of people that had access to the penthouse and there was a large probability it was me on the other side of that knock.
I braced myself and walked in, standing stiffly in the doorway.
Griff looked up from his desk, a frown pinching his brow. His hair was messy, like he’d been continuously running his hands through it, and there were shadows beneath his eyes that suggested he hadn’t slept well last night.
I didn’t want to dwell on the why because I’d decided it should no longer matter to me.
“I wanted to ask you something,” I said politely, keeping my expression neutral.
He gave me a somewhat impatient (and arrogant!) wave of his hand to continue.
“I miss New York,” I lied. “I was thinking I could go there tomorrow for a couple of nights on the pretense of wedding dress shopping. Hayley can book me appointments to keep up the pretense, and for the rest of the time I get to hang out in New York.”
To my surprise Griff scowled. “I don’t think it’s appropriate you spending a few nights away from the club after we’ve just become engaged.”
Coming from the man who had been treating me like I had the plague. I almost huffed with laughter at that.
“I think the wedding dress shopping part will suffice as an explanation.”
He sat back in his chair, appraising me for such a long time I felt like squirming. However, I refused to let him think he was intimidating me. Finally when he spoke it was in a gently caustic drawl, “If I let you go I’d have to trust you not to meet with any regular clients while you’re there.”
The words hurt so much it took a minute for me to respond because I was trying so damn hard for him not to see how much they hurt. I clenched my fists and noted his gaze flicker to them and I forced myself to relax my hands. “First of all,” I said, proud of how calm and unaffected I sounded, “You do not ‘let me go’ anywhere. You’ve paid for my deception, you have not paid for the right to own me. And second of all, I am nothing if not professional. You’ve paid for the pleasure of my exclusive company.” I gave him a brittle smile, enjoying the flash of anger he couldn’t bank in his eyes. “I don’t break contracts.”
He tempered it, however, and returned his attention to his laptop. “You’re not going to New York without me and I’m too busy to leave Boston. That’s my final answer.”
Arrogant bastard!
Turning on my heel, I stepped out into the hall and slammed his office door as hard as I could behind me.
I felt a grim sort of satisfaction at hearing his muttered curse beyond the door.
Griff wasn’t going to stop me seeing Mel. I’d just have to talk to Octavius and see if we could come up with a plan to make that happen. Even if I had to go behind Griff’s back. He barely paid attention to me anymore so I didn’t see how hard it would be to leave The Patrician without his knowledge of where I was going.
The only problem was Xavier who still reported my comes and goings to the boss.
I’d have to figure that part out and soon.
Because it wasn’t just about seeing to Mel. I needed breathing space and distance from my fake fiancé. I glared at the diamond on my finger.
I needed to remind myself not to confuse lust with anything deeper.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
I know we discussed how overwhelmed you feel by the concept of a society wedding, but this would be a wonderful opportunity to solidify you as significant members of Boston Society, if that is what you and Mr. Mandeville desire. Let me know if I should arrange.
Hayley
I stared at the email for the hundredth time.
It was the next afternoon and I’d been in the middle of writing when I got the email from Hayley that the Boston Globe wanted to put a small article in their lifestyle section about my engagement to Griff. It would mean an interview and a photograph of us together.
My gut instinct told me that as much as Griff wanted the world to know we were engaged that even he’d be uncomfortable with the idea of this.
I was worrying my lip, realizing I’d have to go speak to him about it, when a knock came at my bedroom door. Before I could say ‘come in’ the door opened and Pete Svenson walked in.
Shocked, I froze momentarily. Pete had done as told and avoided me for weeks now. Shock was quickly replaced by anger that he’d walk into my room without permission.
Glowering, I pushed my laptop off my lap and stood up from the chaise.
“I think you misunderstand the purpose of a knock.”
He flashed me a disingenuous smile. “Apologies. I forgot myself. I just wanted to see how you were doing. I haven’t seen you around since the engagement. Griff’s been keeping you all to himself up here.”
My pulse raced, wishing he’d just get out. “What do you want, Mr. Svenson?”
“Mr. Svenson. So formal.” He took a couple of steps toward me, his gaze dropping to my ring finger, and I tensed against the chaise. Thankfully he stopped when there was still a body’s worth of space between us. His eyes came back to my face and he studied me speculatively. “I have to admit you have me intrigued, Melanie. I mean, I get it, you’re extremely sexy. But Griff has dated beautiful women before. So why are you special enough to ring a proposal out of him?”
“Why do you care?”
He shrugged but there was a hard glint in his eyes. “You’re distracting him. I’m not sure how I feel about that.”
“Your feelings on the matter are unimportant. I want you to get out of my room, Mr. Svenson, and don’t ever invite yourself in here again.”
He smirked. “You’re not queen here yet, Melanie.”
Fury rushed through but I kept calm as I repeated, “Get. Out. Of. My. Room.”
“Miss Jennings, is everything alright?” Xavier’s voice was like a shot of relief.
I glanced over Pete’s shoulder to see Griff’s butler standing stiff in the doorway, his brow furrowed with concern.
“Everything’s fine, Xavier.” Pete spun around and sauntered casually toward the door. “I’ll see myself out.”
Xavier looked at me and we both remained silent until we heard the elevator door open and then shut.
“Mr. Svenson has a keycard to the apartment, I take it?” I asked.
Perturbed, Xavier nodded. “Yes, Miss Jennings, he does. Would you like me to suggest to Mr. Mandeville that we make the penthouse more private?”
I think I pretty much loved Xavier. I gave him a smile. “I’ll do it, thank you. Do you know where he is?”
“Mr. Mandeville had an appointment with a prospective member. It should be over now, Miss Jennings, but you might still find him in the club’s office on the third floor.”
The club office was the one Griff used when members or lower level staff members wanted to discuss anything with him. It allowed him to keep the penthous
e office extremely private.
If only we could keep the entire penthouse free of unwanted miscreants that would be great!
Thanking Xavier I took the back staircase to the third floor, and was so angry at Pete —who seemed hell bent on trying to make me as uneasy as possible—and ready to direct that anger at Griff, I didn’t stop to knock on the door of the small office.
I barged right in.
And stumbled to a frozen stop at the sight of the woman kissing Griff.
She was a petite, elegant little brunette standing on the tiptoes of her Louboutins, hands pressed to his hard chest as she kissed him hungrily. Griff was half sitting on the edge of the desk, his hands flat to the surface. He wasn’t leading the kiss but he was goddamn participating!
A million feelings hit me at once as they broke their kiss upon my entrance.
Jealousy. Fury. Resentment. Bitterness.
Worst of all hurt.
I didn’t even see her.
I just stared at him in raw open disbelief.
“Melanie.” He stood up from the desk, gently shoving her aside. “Mel—”
“You lying bastard,” I whispered, thinking how stupid I was to believe him when he said he’d been celibate to keep up the ruse.
“Mel—”
Feeling sick and knowing I had no right to didn’t make feel any less so. “Fuck you,” I huffed out in bitter laughter.
I spun around and stormed out of the office, rushing to the staircase and swiping my keycard. The doors opened as I heard him call my sister’s name and even that reminder that I was deceiving him too didn’t defuse my rage. I’d never deceived him about wanting him but he had lied to me. Apparently I was just conveniently there at Amelia and Quentin’s house party. I was such an idiot!
I slipped into the back staircase, the door slamming shut so he’d have to fumble with a card in order to get it open.
Hurrying up the stairs, I pushed into the penthouse, adrenaline coursing through me as I stormed into my bedroom and then my bathroom, locking the door.