The Highest Hurdle

  MaryFran Kolp Vigil, June 25, 2018

  First reading: Revelation 14:13: “Blessed are the Dead for their Good Deeds go with Them.”

  Psalm 27: “The Lord is My Light and Salvation.”

  Gospel: Matthew 11:25–30: “Come to Me and I will Give You Rest.”

  Andy, Danny, Megan, Mr. and Mrs. Peterlin, Natalie, and all of the family and friends, on behalf of the entire St. Francis faith community, I wish to offer our deepest and sincerest condolences on the loss of MaryFran.

  You all are bearing some heavy crosses now.

  Andy, you lost your love.

  Danny and Megan, it is really hard to lose your mother. It leaves a hole in your heat that really never can be completely healed.

  Mr. and Mrs. Peterlin, I am so sorry. No parent should bury their child.

  Natalie, next to parents, siblings are with you from almost the beginning of your life. The grief you are experiencing right now is hard for us to comprehend.

  Even though MaryFran’s death was expected and she bore the heaviest cross, it is events like these that are stark reminders that life is a gift, something that is very precious. So precious that every single day, and every relationship we have, is a gift that should never be taken for granted.

  When we lose a beloved wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, and friend, we are at a loss to make sense on an aspect of life that seems impossible to understand.

  The gospel passage from Matthew just proclaimed is a comforting one. And one we have probably heard many times before. In fact, it is the first reading of choice for the sacrament of the anointing of the sick.

  Yet our culture is so far removed from Jesus’ time, we miss some of its meaning and richness.

  Jesus says, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart. And you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”

  How can a yoke be easy? The very fact a yoke is being used means that the pull will be a tough one. How can you find rest by taking on a yoke?

  And how can a burden be light? If a burden were light, it wouldn’t be a burden.

  Yokes are used to pair up oxen, to distribute the weight and make their load easier to pull and to make it more comfortable. Yokes are typically custom made for a specific pair of oxen. Usually, the pair is made up of oxen that are of unequal size and strength. Those oxen bear the same burden together, and because of that yoke it makes the load easier for both.

  When life is at its darkest, we may not realize it, but it is exactly when God is closest to us. When there are no answers, yet Jesus is still at our side. He is there, whether we know it or not, bearing our burden right along with us and helping us to shoulder our yoke. He is the Big Ox pulling more than his share for the team.

  He also uses us to help others bear and lighten their burden.

  All you ladies who made up the crew that seemed to be a constant presence at Andy and MaryFran’s home, what you did was incredible. The atmosphere at the house on visits was always welcoming, warm, upbeat, and cheerful.

  When MaryFran couldn’t use her arms, you became her hands. When she could no longer care for herself, you cared for her. The weaker she became, the stronger you became, and in turn made her strong. You made her yoke easy, and the tremendous burden she had to bear, light.

  MaryFran is truly blessed to have all of you.

  God was right there with MaryFran, and supported her and inspired all of you to be His instruments, so that through you He brought consolation, strength, and courage to MaryFran so that she could face all the challenges that came her way.

  MaryFran is a very special person.

  When I visited MaryFran, more often than not, I felt she ministered to me more than I ministered to her.

  I will never forget her.

  There is a fifth-century Latin hymn that starts with this line…

  Ubi caritas est amor, Deus ibi est. Where charity and love are, there God is.

  The opening song we just sang is based on that hymn.

  Charity is here,

  caring loving people are here,

  and God is right here now.

  Everyone’s presence here says more than any words can. We are all grieving in our own way and are here to support each other.

  Danny and Megan, I have one more insight on the yoke and Big Ox for you. Up to now, MaryFran, along with Andy, was your Big Ox. I know she loved you very much. She spoke of you often, was very proud of you, and deeply cared for you both.

  I think she would tell you that now is the time to take over her part of being the Big Ox for your family now, your future families, and all the people you will have the opportunity to share your lives with and touch. Just look around here and see all the hearts she touched, and there are many more besides. Remember all the things MaryFran did for you and others.

  We are all truly blessed to have had MaryFran touch our lives.

  Our Lord said, “I am the resurrection and the life. If anyone believes in me, even though he dies, yet he will live.”

  You see, the whole point of our faith is that when we are met with this fear of darkness and death, we are not ashamed to call out. Because the whole point of believing is the conviction that there is someone there who will answer. And that someone is God.

  Godspeed, MaryFran.

  Danny Kolp Memorial Speech to his Mother

  I usually have a well-prepared speech that she helps me with every time. I remember she told me after we beat TC Central—at TC Central my senior year in basketball—to not regret anything, and so that’s why I am up here. I remember she told me, quote, “Every book has a beginning and an end, and that’s why we live each day to the fullest.” I think that speaks really well for itself. I was with my aunt Nat a couple of days ago when she came in, and I remember her talking about why we live, and although my mom’s only fifty and would be fifty-one this July 3, it’s as though she has lived 150 years. She was a people person, and being her son, I wanted to be a people person. I did everything I could to be with my mom every day. I know we don’t always have the best days, but that is what builds character. My mom definitely had character. From AU tournaments, to traveling the country, going to Vegas, Los Angeles, New York City, Boston, Atlanta, I’ve been all over the country; there’s no other place I’d rather grow up than in Petoskey. I think that has a lot to do with you guys. The community was something special for her. She was someone who lived by example. She didn’t have to say the words for you to understand it; she simply lived it. I remember her telling me that she was happy that she had to go through it so that no one else had to. That was the hardest thing for me to understand. I have been telling a lot of you people whom I have said hi to that she would not want us to be sad but to be happy, and I don’t think that is any more, true, than today. She has affected so many people, and in so many different ways. There is not a day that won’t go by that I won’t think about her. I remember as she got sicker, for my grad party it was May 28th, and probably for a month before that, she should’ve been in the hospital bed. She didn’t want other people to see her like that. I think that shows the strength she had. She was the strongest person I ever met. And I know she would want to say thank you to everyone. Going through hard things in life builds character. Although I just turned nineteen, that is something I will always remember. Frantabulous. So, be as selfless as she was and make this world a better place.

  My Completely Unplanned, Heartfelt Speech

  I want to thank Megan because I didn’t think I would be able to come up here. For those of you who don’t know me, I am Kim Wroblewski, and I am the head of the care group. I was appointed by MaryFran to be the head of the care group. Those of you who don’t know, a lot of the time you don’t get a say in these things. We met twenty-one years ago and she kind of guides you, and as Natalie said, once you meet her that’s pretty much it. We found that we had a lot of similar interests and we parented the same and we had similar ideals in raising our kids.
You know, through her diagnosis, I just found it really changed me for the better, even though we went through a lot. I never imagined I could grow as a person. But the one thing I won’t miss before the texting and emails was my call, “Hey, Kim. It’s Fran. Hey, you want to go to this?” or “Hey, the school needs this. We got to go volunteer. I signed you up.”

  I would go, “Ugh, what are we going to do now?”

  “Come on. We’re going to go do this! We volunteered for the medical alliance, we were co-presidents of that.” We volunteered for the school and church.

  I volunteered so much with her, and she’s right, you know? I always felt better. We always did so much together, and up until the end it was always, “Kim, come over here. Okay, this is what I want you to put in the email. Don’t forget this. Kim don’t forget this.”

  And I would go, “I got it, Fran. I got it. I know what you want me to say.”

  “It’s Danny’s birthday, Kim. Don’t forget to put in the email it’s Danny’s birthday.”

  “I got it, Fran. Don’t worry about it.”

  But I want to say to this care group, all these women, a lot of them I knew a bit, but we became such a family. I think we’re forever bonded because of her. We were maybe a little friendly, but for the rest of our lives we are in it. And you three, if you think that you are rid of us? Because your mom made me promise, you’re not going to forget about them, right? You’re still going to bring the meals? Promise me you’re not going to forget? I told her we’re going to take care of them.

  Andy told me, “Kim, you know I do know how to cook, right?”

  I am like, “Andy, please just let me do this. You know how she is. You can’t say no.”

  And for those of you who don’t know, Fran had asked me—or told me—that I was going to help her write a book about her journey. We have probably completed about 90 percent of it. When she talked to me about it, I was like, “I really don’t know if I can handle that.” But it has been a wonderful journey to do this with her, and even though we didn’t find a cure she felt it was so important to put out there what she went through so that other people, if they got dealt this horrible diagnosis, they could at least go somewhere, that they could find a book where your faith is so strong. She wanted to be positive in facing such a horrible diagnosis and show where people come together and show how your faith could help you. Show all her treatments and everything that she tried. I asked her one day if there was anything that she would’ve changed or done differently.

  She said, “No, because how would I know if something would work or not? If something would’ve worked, I could save somebody else from having to go through this, and maybe somebody could get a care group or maybe they could find friends like I have, and it would make a difference in someone else’s life and they wouldn’t have to go through this.”

  I love her for that. I will miss those phone calls, but nobody else can call me and ask me to do this again because she was special. Everyone keeps telling me that they can’t believe I did this for her, but I know she would’ve done the same thing for me in a minute. Just remember, you two (pointing to Danny and Megan) you are not rid of us yet.

  Father Dennis Stilwell’s Eulogy

  I am very happy this morning to welcome Bishop Lynch, and Father Matthew has returned. On behalf of all of us here, I would like to extend our condolences to you, Andy, Danny, and Megan, on the loss of your beautiful wife and mother.

  We are here this morning to celebrate something that’s very, very important for all of us, and what we’re celebrating, it is that love never dies. Love never dies. That was what St. Paul said. He said everything passes away. But not love. Love is eternal. Jesus said whoever abides in love, abides in God, and I don’t think that there could ever be anything more consoling to us that we are believers, than that promise that love never dies.

  Well, MaryFran wanted her funeral to be a celebration of life and love. No black. Do you see any black up here? No black. She wanted colors so we’re wearing colors. We can celebrate life and love as MaryFran requested. Because we know that MaryFran abided in love, therefore she abided in God who is eternal. And now MaryFran is eternal. She chose the readings; she chose everything—music—and everything that she chose filled with hope and promise and joy. Just as she was filled with all of that.

  I think in my forty-seven years of presiding over funerals, I have never heard or saw or experienced what I did in the Kolp home during these past months. A virtual army of volunteers coming forward out of sheer love for MaryFran. Around the clock, giving MaryFran so much that she needed in terms of love and caring and so on, but they were not the only ones who were doing the loving and giving. I think MaryFran, maybe was doing consoling and comforting as much as she was being consoled and comforted.

  But also, in the way that she chose not to die but to live until her last breath, her attitude was filled with a really profound gratitude for life that have been given her, and that life that she was able to share with Andy and Danny and Megan, and all of us. I mean that’s a lot of loving and caring life to share with all of us, so many of us. MaryFran’s home was and always had been home wherein love was both given and received. A home where everybody is welcome, and you can feel it, feel something special in that home. I don’t know if you were all able to identify it yourself, but what you felt was that God abided in the Kolp home. It affected everybody who visited that home. So, what we experience at the Kolp home, I believe, was an authentic experience of the Kingdom of God. Because the Kingdom of God is all about real love and real love is all about what Christ said when he said, “Father, I pray that they will love each other as you and I love each other.” The commitment and the willingness to do whatever it took, whatever sacrifices were necessary, in order to be the family that was needed to be with all those friendships, all those people coming together. You know, it is something marvelous to behold when we see human beings truly being human and the way that God designed us to be, and that is when we care for each other, giving and receiving love. Who was it that said that when life is given and received, one’s life is successful? Human beings need love. We not only give what we have, but we give who and what we are, and that was so obvious in the Kolp home. So, this whole dynamic was present in the Kolp home, and when we enter into the dynamic, it affects us and something within us changes.

  I love the Chinese proverb that says a bit of fragrance always clings to the hand that gives you roses. MaryFran gave out an awful lot of roses and fragrance has clung to all of us. There’s nothing more beautiful than human beings just being human the way God created us to be. It’s amazing how often we forget that. There’s a wonderful law of nature that the things we crave most in life, freedom and peace of mind, are always attained by giving them to someone else. Look back on the most for filling happy moments of your life and you’ll be able to connect the dots because that’s when you gave of yourself sacrificially for all the right reasons without the holding back. That makes life so good. I think this seems to be a summary of MaryFran’s life. I know that last night at the wake, a number of you shared some memories and experiences of how MaryFran touched your life. So, I would like to give him my own memory of MaryFran. I think the one that sticks out the most. You know, shortly after I got here, I tried to get organized an annual dinner auction that would raise a lot of money for our school. Because schools need a lot of money and so on, gradually, over time, it came to be on one of those occasions, MaryFran had directed and guided our parish through that whole dynamic and we had a very successful dinner auction. But then things began to fall apart. I mean they really just completely fell apart. I knew that we were going to be in a lot of trouble if we didn’t have the fund-raiser, so I called MaryFran and she knew what was going on. I asked her if she would take charge, and then we would organize this and give it new life—and she said, “Absolutely! Don’t worry about it!” I was scared to death that I would have to beg her. But she said, “Absolutely! Don’t worry about it at all. It
will be done.”

  So now what? Where do all of us go from here? So many of us were in the Kolp home, so many of us were there hour after hour, day after day, week after week, giving of our time and of ourselves to administer to MaryFran. So now all of that’s over. So now what? No doubt we are relieved, and at peace that her suffering is over. I think not so much that her suffering is over but because we know where she is. Love never dies. Everything else does, but not love. We know that on this earth God abided in her, and she in God. And there’s every reason to believe that that is not changed. She abides in God and God in her, and she continues to abide in all of us. You know, as time passes memories fade. It’s the natural way of things, but there are some people, some special people, who touch us on such a level that it takes a very long time for their memory to fade. Sometimes it never does. Because we can always recall the way that someone had touched us, the way it made a difference in us and perhaps caused change to take place in us. What an incredible gift that is. There is no better gift to give to another than the gift of self. Selfless love is when God gives Himself to us. So, you know, we still have own life span to live, however long. Perhaps MaryFran has taught us how to walk through this life with grace, with beauty, with hope, and with love. We’re celebrating a life well lived, a life that has touched us all, and how grateful we are and that our hearts are filled with joy and how good God is.

  ♦♦♦♦♦

  In August, I invited the ladies from the Frantabulous Friends group to my home for a little lunch and margaritas. I had to fulfill my last promise to MaryFran. I wanted to do something special and finally came up with an idea that I had hoped would be meaningful and in the spirit of “MaryFran.” Not everyone could come, but I think I had at least fifteen people show up. I waited ‘til I felt was the right time and I handed out the packages and margaritas and told them they could open them. Inside was either a group photo from our margarita toast at MaryFran’s funeral—or if they couldn’t attend the funeral, I found a photo of them with MaryFran to give them. I also included a Hershey bar. I told them about MaryFran’s Hershey bar story, which she told all of the teams she coached, and how we were MaryFran’s team, but now that she is gone our team is broken. But just because she is gone it doesn’t mean that we won’t forever share a bond. They all wanted to make sure they could eat the Hershey bar, and I laughed and said absolutely! It ended up being a beautiful day and we had a great time!