During these days, I clearly recall a phone call by my brother. He was asking how we were all doing in Michigan. Were we meeting people? I told him that, yes, I was meeting the nicest bunch of people, that they are kind, welcoming, generous, and happy people. I told him this group of people were amazing, but I was baffled because, and I quote, “They are all friggin’ Republicans.” I never imagined being friends with people who are so far from my political thinking.
But here’s the thing, MaryFran, you and I are on opposites in just about every way imaginable. You are athletic, a born leader, extroverted, social… a friggin’ Republican. I am not any of these things. The thing with you is that you love in a huge way, and in my own way I do, too. I’ve never known anybody who is so able to make people feel loved. At the end of the day, that’s all that matters. When you were first diagnosed with ALS, there was a flurry of activity of people sorting out how to help you. You have so many people around you who love you because you were simply so full of love. I have envied the talents of many of these ladies who seem to know what you needed, when you needed it. It took me time to be satisfied with my own way that I could make this whole thing easier, a little better…in the end it’s you who was continuously teaching us all, not how to die, but how to live. Value every day, make time for things like vacations… We’ve seen so many states since July 2014. I’ve been wearing my “Be Brave” bracelet for four years; the meaning of it has changed for me. You’ve shown me that the best way to be brave is to turn everything over to God. Everything you have, you’ve given so graciously and in sickness, you have clearly shown so many of us how to live. Some people wear a lot of religious medals to remind them of their faith… For years to come I’ll have my “Be Brave” bracelet, which makes me think of one of the loveliest, kindest, strongest friggin’ Republicans I could ever hope to know.
I love you dearly, my friend, and I am ever grateful for you.
—Kathy
Theme from The Courtship of Eddie’s Father, rewritten and performed for MaryFran Kolp
by Marie L
People let me tell you ‘bout our best friend
She’s a warmhearted person
on her we can depend
People let me tell you ‘bout our best friend
She’s a right-brained fantabulous gal
through ups and downs she’ll be your pal
People let me tell you about her—so much fun
Whether she’s coaching man-to-man
or Whether she’s talking one-to-one
She’s our best friend
Yea, she’s our best friend
LA-LA
ba-da-da-da-di-ya
ba-da-da-da-di-ya
ba-da-da-da-di-ya
She rocks an auction like 1-2-3, and we
teamed up for Springtime in old Pariee, Oui, oui!
Brushed up our game face and stayed carefree, C’est la vie
People let me tell you ‘bout our best friend
She’s a tall drink of water
with a taller son and daughter
People let me tell you ‘bout her BFF
Andy’s her one boy, cuddly toy
Their love produced their prides and joys
The day she saw him out there playing basketball
Her heart went boom-bah-boom-dah-boom,
With him she was enthralled
She said, “He is SO hot”
“We’re gonna tie the knot”
LA-LA
ba-da-da-da-di-ya
ba-da-da-da-di-ya
ba-da-da-da-di-ya
She earned her Masters and PHD degree
She has great insight to share when I’m in need
Her faith inspires beyond belief, she’s taught me…
Everyone she knows feels like her BEST friend
She’ll often tell you, “You’re the best.”
And makes you better in the end.
People let me warn you, don’t pronounce it “dadda”
It’s one-of-those-little-things
that just drives-her-up-a-ladda
(Pause)
People it’s no secret, Fran is one tough miss
Yea, from taking on the big boys down to fighting ALS
It’s so sur-real
A crappy deal
LA-LA
ba-da-da-da-di-ya
ba-da-da-da-di-ya
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA
And every angel atop a Christmas tree
Now bares your smart-a&& smile, at least, for me
Forever grateful, I am, to call you my friend
My best friend
I first met MaryFran at St. Francis School in Petoskey, where we both did playground duty. Megan was a toddler and Danny had just started school. I came to know MaryFran as a woman with not only physical beauty, but also an inner grace and gusto for life that led her to chair multiple events at school while engaging in more than one entrepreneurial endeavor at one time. All this was accomplished while wearing the rewarding but challenging gift of the hat of mother.
Along with Andy, MaryFran continues to guide her children to recognize their gift of athletic prowess, refining it as it carries them to greater and greater successes. MaryFran inspires me to reach for multiple goals at once, with enthusiasm and encouragement for others along the way. The group of ladies that gathered around MaryFran at the beginning of her illness and continues to ride the undulating waves of laughter, sadness, prayer, and solidarity is a lifeboat that will never sink, but will inspire future generations of faith-filled sailors.
—Mary H.
By nature, I’m very care-taking.
There’s something really beautiful about cooking for
someone and feeding them.
—Eric Balfour
This is a quote I found regarding feeding people. It summed me up beautifully because I do very much like caring for people, and in particular feeding them. Cooking and love of food found me after recognizing that my family art gene had been utterly absent, or at least badly mutated in me. I cannot draw a straight line or a normal-looking circle. Somewhere along the way I realized I can cook the apple, not draw it. Spatula replaces pencil and eureka!
I had known Fran for many years and shared many tears, laughter, and walks with her. She was a tremendous cheerleader of a friend, encouraging in a way that made one believe that they could actually do anything. It was my pleasure to be a part of her life and especially a part of her trial. She decided on a ketogenic diet—lots of fat, some protein, and a little carbohydrate—all organic. It is a very anti-inflammatory diet, and as it turns out, very yummy. First ingredient: butter! Let’s face it, fat is delicious! I had a wonderful time week after week making her different foods, from Italian to Thai to Polish, all following the mandates of the diet and all high in nutrition with a lot of vegetables, all organic. As her disease progressed, we landed on a few very calorie-dense soups, shakes, and custards that were easy to swallow and sustaining. I can cook for anyone, but I fed Fran. I shopped for it, prepared it, sat with her and fed it to her, and it transformed me. When you hear about spiritual food, food for the soul, well, that kind of nourishment comes from serving others. I am improved by far in every way because she asked, and I answered.
Following are a few recipes that were critically beneficial when Fran had progressed. She no longer desired variety; her tastes were hypersensitive, and they were easy to swallow. One is Green Soup, a vegetable-loaded soup high in potassium and magnesium. It is not a pretty soup but don’t let it fool you. I have a pot on now while I write this, and I eat it all the time. The others are her shake base and custard.
Green Soup
1 stick of butter
2 leeks, cleaned and chopped
4 large garlic cloves
2 large zucchinis, chopped
1 large bag of frozen spinach or kale
1 8-oz. container of sliced mushrooms
1 box of chicken broth or bone broth plus water
2 tsp of organi
c Better Than Bouillon Chicken Base
1 tablespoon of dried dill
Melt the butter in a large stock pot. Add all of the vegetables and sauté until they become a little brown. Add the broth plus enough water to just cover the chunks. Add the base and dill, and pepper if you like. Bring to a boil and then reduce and simmer for thirty minutes, until everything is soft. Cool and puree in blender. If you are eating dairy, add some heavy cream at this point. This soup freezes well.
Shake Base
In a blender, put:
1 can full-fat coconut milk
2 cans of milk of choice (cow, almond, coconut, cashew…)
2 scoops of high-quality vanilla protein powder
Store in a pitcher, and when needed, add any of the following: frozen fruit, nub of banana, spinach, frozen cauliflower, unsweetened cocoa powder, and almond extract…
Franacotta
Panna cotta is an Italian uncooked custard that uses gelatin to thicken it. This can be made chocolate by adding cocoa powder or chocolate protein powder. It really is a blank canvas—flavor at will!
1 can full-fat coconut milk
1 can of milk of choice
1-2 scoops of vanilla protein powder
Stevia to taste to sweeten
1 tsp of vanilla extract
1 packet of gelatin
Put three tablespoons of water in a shallow bowl. Sprinkle the gelatin on top and let it soften. In a soup pot, heat the milks to a simmer. Whisk the gelatin and add it to the pot along with the protein powder and sweetener. Whisk well and cook for five more minutes. Remove from heat and whisk in vanilla. Pour into ramekins (we used mason jam jars with lids) and chill until firm. If you like it firmer, add a little more gelatin. While I did not try it, you can freeze this. If you have a problem with it setting, return it to the pan, add a little more softened gelatin, and heat again, whisking.
Peace be with you and with Fran.
—Cheryl H.
I met Fran at St. Francis School in our hometown of Petoskey. She was always so welcoming and just so sweet. She was also so incredibly active in many fund-raisers for our parish, always giving back. I knew her—not very well—but I was aware of the struggles and weaknesses that she was having before she was even diagnosed. From the beginning MaryFran was going to fight the diagnosis no matter what and she sure fought an amazing battle. I promised her I would help her with whatever she needed. I had a nursing degree and worked in the ICU for a long time, but had never cared for an ALS patient. This was a journey for me, too.
Taking care of people is what I do best, doing God’s work. There was a ton of us who decided that we are going to help Fran along this journey—be her warriors! When Fantabulous friends was started to help Fran, I was all in. It was such a great idea! Here is where the beginning of mine and Fran’s friendship started.
My days with Fran went from helping her around the house, to helping her eat, to getting her medications together and counted them out for the next seven days, to ordering anything she wanted from Amazon, to talking about God, to showering her, toileting her, taking her to acupuncture, to giving her shots and starting her IV’s, to finding the right medical equipment that could make her life easier. We talked about everything and anything.
I started with helping her in the shower because her left arm went first; it was hanging at the side of her body and her other was becoming weak, too. So, I started going into the shower with her. My friend Jen and I alternated days. I would undress and get her in the shower. I would wear my underwear and a sports bra. I would joke as I would wash her. We had certain code phrases that would give her a heads up on what I would wash next. I would shave her legs and wash your hair, towel her off, and get her dressed.
Things got harder as time went on. My friend Jen and I needed to shower her together. It was becoming unsafe to do it by ourselves. I never thought I’d be sharing a shower with another woman, let alone two other women, LOL.
As Fran’s weakness grew worse she got more and more claustrophobic, and we would have to shower her with the door open. The showers turned into a race against the clock. Fran wanted to be done as quickly as possible; she would get very panicky. We were blessed with a shower chair that Jen had gotten from her father-in-law, and Jen and I had a good routine down. We would have the towels all set and ready, the chair ready for her to sit down after her shower. We would dry her, dress her, and do her hair and whatever facial treatment she needed. She absolutely loved having her ears cleaned. She always said the ALS made her hears itch something awful. During all this, we three would laugh, cry, crack jokes, and share intimate details of our lives.
Eventually, we had to give Fran a bed bath instead of the shower. She just didn’t have the energy or muscle strength to stay sitting upright, and her breathing was easily labored with activity. We could still get her up to a bedside commode; I was pretty amazed at Fran’s ability to still stand and walk with help. Her legs were weak and her balance off, but she could still do it, almost till the end.
Watching Frannie slowly lose so many functions and her ability to do anything for herself was heart breaking. Many, many times Jen and I would leave after our morning of Fran care and cry. Thru it all, she remained so faithful and never said, “Why me?” Every day I visited, I would enter her bedroom, hop into bed with her, and she and I would talk and pray. She always wanted to know what kind of things were going on in my life, my family. She was always telling me she prayed for me all the time. She worried about me; that was her nature. She made sure, all the time, it was not all about her. Such an amazing lady!
I feel so blessed to have known Fran, to call her my friend, and to have spent time with her during her journey. Sadly, I didn’t really get to say good-bye. My father was also ill and I went downstate to care for him and was gone when Fran passed. She slipped out of this life and into heaven four days after my dad did. I had a feeling when I last saw Fran that it was going to be the last. I think she did, too.
Since Fran has been gone, it’s been weird going back to a schedule without her and her family. Every time I drive by her house, I feel pulled to turn in. I miss her, the kids, and coffee time with Andy, her amazing husband. God bless her and them. She was truly one of the wisest and giving persons I have ever met.
Mary Fran, you will be greatly missed but never forgotten.
Hugs to you, Kolp family! With the blessing of knowing MaryFran, I also got to know and love you all!
—Cheryl E.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I sincerely hope that you have fallen in love with MaryFran the way almost everyone she has come in contact with. I hope that this will help your journey in some small way if you or a loved one has received the diagnosis of ALS. Know that every day since her diagnosis, she has prayed that no one else would receive this disease, and that she felt she was given this diagnosis because maybe someone else could not have handled it. My own thoughts are that God chose her because He needed her to plan some parties up in heaven, and that He needed another person to help Him bring people together. That is the only way I am able to understand her diagnosis.
I leave you with this. Here comes the preachy part, so hold on! I promise it won’t be too bad. Live your life as MaryFran did. Smile! Hug someone! Give a compliment! Tell someone you love them! Be kind! Life is short—make the most of it.
There are way too many people to thank for this book. The most important are my husband Fred, who is a saint for putting up with me; MaryFran’s husband Andy, who is a special kind of person who loved her and worshipped her through the worst; my son Kevin and my daughter-in-law Sarah for their suggestions; my son John, who had to patiently wait for me for many days as I was helping MaryFran, and who always told me, “It’s okay, Mom, you are helping MaryFran”; Danny and Megan, your mom loves you more than anything; and Deanna for always being there for me.
If we tried to list everyone we know, we would miss someone and that would break MaryFran’s heart. So, if you brought a meal, a card, f
ed MaryFran, sat with her, rubbed her feet, bathed her, or basically helped the family in any way through her ALS journey or were a member of the Frantabulous Friends—she thanks you from the bottom of her heart and know that she loves you eternally. She calls all of you her angels and know that she is now our guardian angel.
—Kim
The Highest Hurdle Page 20