She captured my face in her hand. Her lips trailed along my jaw. And I fucking lost it. She couldn’t use sex to placate me.
“I’m not in the mood, Avery. Go and sit over there before I fucking make you.”
She moved away from me immediately, her eyes flashing with hurt and confusion. It hit me. Avery wasn’t withdrawing from me. I kept pushing her away. I ran a hand through my hair.
For fuck’s sake, stop being a dick to her.
“Sometimes you make me feel like I’m completely alone.”
She looked after her hands.
“Is it so wrong that I want to be close to you? That I want to know you? We sleep in the same bed every night. We have sex, but I’m not really a part of your life. I’m a toy you play with when you’re bored or horny. I can’t say no because I want you but I don’t want to feel like this.”
She thought I treated her like a toy. No fucking wonder she sought out her best friend. I was the fucking problem. Not her. I put my hand out to her.
“I want your help with something.”
She eyed me with suspicion.
“Did you even hear what I said?”
I nodded. I wasn’t about to respond to her outburst since I had no fucking clue what to say. All I knew was I had to fix it and stop making her feel like I only wanted her for sex. I wanted inside her head. I wanted to see her smile. And I fucking adored the way she always had a dimple in her cheek when she was concentrating too hard on her drawings.
“Why am I not surprised you won’t say anything?”
“Avery…”
She shuffled over to me but didn’t look happy about it. I didn’t try to touch her, instead, I turned the laptop towards her. Her eyes fell on the screen. The moment it registered, she looked up at me.
“Why are you looking at artificial Christmas trees?”
“Because it’s in three weeks.”
“So?”
I rolled my eyes. Hadn’t she gotten the hint yet? Perhaps I had to spell it out for her.
“So, I want you to have a proper Christmas since you can’t go home.”
Her eyebrows shot up.
“You do?”
“Yes.”
“Is it just going to be the two of us?”
“Yes.”
A smile played on her lips.
“Am I allowed to pick out the decorations?”
I nodded. She curled into my side, resting a hand on my chest.
“Aiden…”
“Hmm?”
I wrapped an arm around her, stroking my fingers down her arm.
“Can we have that one?”
She pointed at one which already had lights built into it.
“We can have whatever one you want.”
Twenty minutes later, she’d picked out the tree and silver and blue decorations. None of it fancy or extravagant. She told me she preferred tasteful and understated. The light in her eyes when she’d chosen a silver star to go on top damn near fucking killed me.
“Do you even celebrate Christmas normally?” she asked me.
I shrugged.
“Not since I left the army.”
She frowned, shifting ever closer to me as her fingers ran down my chest.
“Am I allowed to get you something?”
I turned to her. Why on earth would she want to do that? Gifts were traditional, but she didn’t need to do anything for me. This was for her. Although, there was really no harm in her getting me something.
“If you want to.”
She put her hand out. I raised an eyebrow.
“I can’t exactly access my own accounts right now.”
I rolled my eyes before handing her my credit card which we’d be using to purchase the other bits. She stole the laptop off my lap and sat away from me. I watched her fiddle with it and gave her the flat address when she asked for it.
“What are you planning?” I asked.
“You just have to wait.”
“I don’t like surprises.”
She eyed me for a moment.
“Tough shit.”
“Are you sure you want to play that game with me?”
She pouted.
“Don’t be such a spoilsport. Why can’t you just let me do this and not ask questions? I thought you wanted me to have a proper Christmas.”
And that put the discussion to bed. If I pushed, she’d just get upset. The very last thing I wanted.
“Okay. You win. I won’t pry.”
It made her smile. So fucking radiant. When she was done, she handed the laptop and the card back to me. She’d closed down whatever she’d been doing. I wouldn’t try check the internet browser history. I was going to be good for her sake.
I caught her face before she moved away from me and kissed her. She melted into me, her hands curling around my neck. When she pulled away, she rested her forehead against mine.
“Are we going to have a proper dinner and everything?”
“Yes. I’ll get it all, don’t worry.”
“Okay, but I hate sprouts so don’t bother with those.”
I grinned.
“For the record, I hate them too.”
“I knew there was a reason I liked you.”
“Is that the only reason?”
“No…”
Her face flushed. I knew exactly what she was thinking. And she thought I had a dirty mind. She’d wound me up about it only last night in bed after I’d listed all the places I wanted to come on her. She hadn’t said no.
Now I’d sorted out the bits for Christmas with her, there was something else we needed to get on with. I hoped this would show her I wanted her in my life.
“Do you want to go get dressed? We’re going out.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“Why and where?”
“We’re going to see someone.”
“Who?”
I shook my head, pushing her back.
“No questions.”
She frowned but got off the sofa and went into the bedroom. Ten minutes later, she was ready. She braided her dark hair down her back and wore a smattering of makeup. I made her put a hoodie on underneath her jacket.
The drive over was quiet. She stared at the streets passing us by. I should really take her out of the flat more often, but it was too dangerous. She could get recognised and then we’d be in the shit.
When I parked up, I made her flip up the hood. Her scarf covered half her face.
“Is this really necessary?” she mumbled.
“Yes, come on.”
I took her hand when she got out the car after me. We walked up the street until we came to the right house. I pulled her up the steps and pressed on the doorbell.
A few minutes later, it opened revealing one of the only people in my life who knew everything there was to know about me.
“Well, I was wondering when you’d finally make an appearance,” Tina said with a smile.
Her blonde hair was greying and her blue eyes shone with age, but she was still beautiful. She stepped back, allowing us both in. Avery’s hand shook in mine.
Tina shut the door and I gave her a kiss on the cheek. Turning to Avery, I flipped down her hood and unwrapped her scarf for her. She looked nervous.
Tina’s eyebrows were raised when I looked at her again.
“I’m sure you know who this is.”
“Yes.”
“Avery, this is Tina.”
Avery looked between us, confusion evident in her expression. Tina smiled at her.
“Aiden, don’t just leave the poor girl hanging. Honestly, I thought I taught you better.” She turned to Avery. “I take it he hasn’t told you anything about me.”
Avery shook her head.
“I was Aiden’s nanny and after what happened, I raised him. Although fat good that did. Grown up to be temperamental and sullen. Don’t even get me started on all those tattoos
.”
Avery bit her lip. I knew she wanted to smile.
“He’s not so bad,” she said.
“No? Well, perhaps he’s improved in the past couple of months. I hope you have a good excuse for not visiting sooner.”
I shook my head, smiling at her.
“Come in then.”
I helped Avery out of her jacket and took mine off, hanging them up on the hook by the door before taking her into Tina’s living room. I got her settled on the sofa. She looked around. Her fingers fidgeted in her lap.
“Would you like a drink, Avery?” Tina asked.
“Um, tea please.”
Tina eyed her for a moment before going over to the bookcase and picking up something I recognised. She placed it in Avery’s lap. I was about to object when Tina gave me a sharp look.
“I’m going to have a word with Aiden. Why don’t you flip through this?”
Avery fingered the photo album for a moment before opening it up. There were pictures of me from when I was a kid right up until recently. Tina was, for all intents and purposes, my parent. She was there when I’d gone through my exams and got my A-Level results. She’d come to my passing out parade when I’d joined the army. She meant the world to me and I to her. Tina would never replace my mother, but she’d been the only constant in my life since I was five years old.
“We’ll be a few minutes,” Tina said.
I followed her into the kitchen, knowing I wouldn’t get out of this. I leant up against the counter whilst she filled the kettle.
“After the news broke, I knew you’d taken her. What were you thinking?”
Tina helped me devise the plan to take down Mitchell and Kathleen. She knew the hows and whys.
“I had no choice. She saw everything.”
“Aiden, I told you to be careful.”
I had been up until I reached their kitchen. Then I’d seen red and nothing else mattered but destroying them.
“Too late for that now.”
I couldn’t take back anything I’d done. Especially not to Avery.
“You care about her.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. Fucking hated how well Tina read me.
“So what if I do?”
“You do remember what her family has done.”
All too fucking well. Could never forget it. And neither would Tina.
“She’s not a part of it.”
She sighed, taking out three mugs from the cupboard.
“Except you’ve made her a part of it now, haven’t you?”
“Are you going to tell me she doesn’t deserve the truth?”
Even though it had fucked her up, I didn’t regret telling her. What I still had left to tell her was another matter entirely. As difficult as the previous conversations had been. The ones to come were worse. So much fucking worse.
“Do you think this will end well, Aiden? I know you. Your plans have changed because of her.”
My future plans, yes. Changed, adapted and expanded upon. And I wasn’t going to involve Tina further. She deserved a quiet life without the Daniels on her case.
“Nothing ever ends well for me.”
My life had been one shitshow after another.
She eyed me closely. Then she gave me a knowing smile.
“You’re in love with her.”
My heart fucking stopped. What the fuck? No, I wasn’t. I felt things for her, but love didn’t exist for me. Not romantic love. I loved Tina and Ben because they were my family. Otherwise, that fucking emotion could get fucked.
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I see you’re in denial.”
“I am not in love with her.”
“But you are sleeping with her.”
And now I just wanted to bash my head against the wall. As much as I cared for Tina, she was a certifiable busybody who’d only got worse with age.
“Are you done?”
“Not even close. Does she know what you intend to do?”
“No.”
Her expression soured.
“I suggest you don’t leave the poor girl in the dark much longer if you want to keep her by your side.”
“You need to stay out of it.”
She poured the water into the mugs. I didn’t need Tina reminding me of a future I could never have. I didn’t fucking deserve it. Avery was mine. Would always be mine. But eventually, I’d have to let her go. She needed more than me.
“Why did you bring her here then?”
“You’re my family.”
“And yet you won’t admit you have feelings for her.”
What did she want from me? Avery and I were complicated.
“I never said… Okay, fine, you win. I like her.”
She smiled. I had to give her that.
“You’ve never brought a girl to see me.”
None of them meant anything to me before. Not until her. I rubbed the back of my neck.
“She told me she feels like I don’t let her in, that she’s just a toy to me.”
She raised an eyebrow, her expression amused.
“Do you treat her like she is one?”
“No. She’s different. I’m trying but I keep upsetting her or hurting her or making her angry. I’m not good at this stuff. You know that.”
She put a hand on my arm, giving it a squeeze.
“She’s young, Aiden. Be gentle with her. Show her you care. You know how. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten everything I taught you.”
“No.”
“Then you know what to do. How to fix it.”
She handed me two mugs and shooed me out of the kitchen.
Avery was running her fingers over a photo of me when I walked in the living room. I set the two mugs on the coffee table before sitting down next to her.
“Is that your tattoo artist?”
She pointed at a photo of me and Ben from our army days. His green eyes peered back at me. Reminding me it’d been too long.
“Yes, that’s Ben.”
I wrapped an arm around her and kissed the top of her head. She tried to pull away.
“Aiden, what if—?”
“She knows.”
“Did you tell her?”
I laughed. I didn’t have to. Tina knew me like the back of her hand. I was in no doubt the second she saw I had a girl with me, she knew that girl had to be important. Not wrong. Avery was the most important girl in my life.
I’d try to do what Tina told me to. Try to show Avery I cared, that she meant something to me.
“I’ve never brought anyone to meet her other than Ben and his wife. She guessed.”
She turned to me, eyes wide.
“What, never?”
“No. Do you still think you’re my toy now?”
She flushed, looking at her fingers.
“No,” she mumbled.
I leant into her, nuzzling her neck and breathing her in.
“Good. You belong to me. I need you. I want you. I’m going to fuck you up against the wall in the shower later. I can’t get the thought of it out my head.”
She wriggled in my grasp.
“Aiden, that’s not fair.”
“Don’t tell me you haven’t been imagining it too?”
A cough interrupted both of us. I pulled away but kept my arm around her waist. Tina gave me a knowing smile before sitting down across from us. Avery pressed her hands to her burning cheeks. I picked up a mug and handed it to her.
“So, since Aiden is notoriously cagey about everything, why don’t you tell me about yourself?” Tina said.
Avery took a gulp of tea.
“Um, well… I…”
“Why don’t you tell her about your art?” I said.
“Oh. I like to draw. In my flat, I have a studio where I paint as well. I lived alone until well…”
“Until he took you,” Tina finished for her. “Don’t worry, I’m aware o
f your circumstances. Have you drawn Aiden?”
Avery eyed me for a moment.
“Um… yes. Although someone took my drawing and hasn’t given it back yet.”
“Now I’m intrigued.”
My hand around Avery tightened. I still had it pinned up on the board in my office.
“She drew me with wings, Tina. Wings and a gun,” I said.
And it still fucking killed me every time I looked at it. Avery had always seen me as something I wasn’t. I wanted to be that person for her, but I was incapable of it.
“It was stupid. I told you that,” Avery muttered.
“You’re not some amateur, Avery. You’ve got skill.”
“I’d love to see some of your drawings one day,” Tina said.
“She can bring some next time.”
Avery nodded, sipping her tea. She smiled at me. I wanted Tina to like her despite her family. Avery was the fucking brightest star in the sky. And if I could, I’d hold her close and never let go.
But that was never an option for the two of us. Not with my plans. Ones I was aware I’d have to tell her about sooner rather than later. I hated myself for it. Fucking hated every part of it.
Avery wouldn’t forgive me. I wasn’t even sure she’d agree at this point. She cared about me. Told me she’d fight for me. Help me destroy her family. What she didn’t know is I wanted to take down more than just the Daniels. I was going to burn their empire to the ground and everyone involved. That meant going up against worse foes than just Chuck. So much fucking worse.
And I was about to throw Avery right in the middle of the lion’s den.
Come the new year, everything would change.
And this thing between the two of us might just be lost forever.
The thing I refused to admit or acknowledge.
Avery Daniels had something of mine and I had something of hers.
If she left me when I told her the truth, I’d fucking break.
I let her have power over me.
And the day I realised that was the beginning of the end.
Chapter Twenty Three
Avery
Aiden taking me to meet someone he considered family was a big deal to me. It showed me I was someone to him. I hadn’t really meant to tell him I felt like I was his toy. It just came out. My usual filter was wearing thin. My nerves fraying as I tried to work out what the hell he wanted me to do for him. He’d told me I’d hate him for it numerous times. There were things I hated about Aiden, but there were things I adored too. He was complicated. I didn’t want to change him. I wanted to make him happy. The deep-seated unhappiness inside him killed me. My heart bled for his. My stupid heart.
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