Pulling away, she bid him farewell on his journey to London and then did the same to her mother and Sarah. Both women wished to have lengthy conversations and Kim allowed it, since it would be some time before she saw them again.
She arrived home with barely enough time to change into her gown for dinner.
But first, she decided to visit James.
She found him in his study.
* * *
James stood as Kim entered the room. He was anxious to know how her meeting with her family had gone. Her concerned expression did not put him at ease. Immediately, all his greatest fears rushed to the front of his mind.
Not that he hadn’t been thinking heavily on what the result of the time she’d spent with her family would be. He’d considered what they could say and the influence they would have as her kin.
And then he thought about the time they’d spent together and the warmth that still resonated within him even when she was not present. And he decided that if she decided to leave him, he would let her. He could only imagine the inconvenience having him as a husband was for her. Life would be easier if they were not seen together.
As she approached him, he couldn’t help but notice how she kept her hands pressed to her middle, as though reminding herself not to touch him. Her jade eyes held his with utter gentleness. “Might I have some time alone with you tonight? There is something I wish to discuss.”
“You need never ask for my time. It is yours.” He frowned. “What is it you want to talk about?” Surely, she didn’t think to keep him in a state of wonder throughout their meal.
She pressed her lips together. “It’s about your… capture.”
He narrowed his gaze. “What do you wish to know about it?”
She was silent for a moment and then said, “Everything.”
Everything.
He swallowed and had to work at not shuffling his feet. “I suppose it is your right to know.”
She moved closer. “If it is too much for you…”
“No, I’ll tell you everything. Let’s get ready for dinner.” He started out of the room.
He’d need time to put his words together. To make sure he told her everything, just as she’d requested, without making the entire event as bloody as it had been.
James was surprised to find the meal pleasant. His friends carried it for the most part. Lore seemed genuinely glad to be around him again, and James caught himself forgetting about his scars more than once during the various discussions.
As Kim had implied, this was his family in a way and as they moved onto the drawing room, he realized just how much of a fool he’d been to push them away. These people accepted him.
When he and Kim stood alone by the fireplace he said, “What do you think about visiting Ayers’ Castle come fall?” It was only after the words left his lips that he realized he had no clue what Kim planned to say after she heard his story.
But he was startled by her enthusiasm at the suggestion. “Oh, that sounds wonderful!” Then she touched his arm before continuing to engage the women in discussion.
And that move alone relaxed James for the remainder of the night.
It was late when Kim finally came to his room. She’d changed into her night rail and James talked himself out of staring too intently at the curves that became visible in the dim lamplight when she moved.
She crawled on the side of the bed she’d occupied last night, and it was only then that James realized her intentions.
She hesitated as she lifted the blanket. “Is this all right?”
Was it all right?
He was already hard as stone for her. Sleeping beside one another was maddening torture, but he would bear it. “Of course.”
She smiled and then crawled onto the bed farther until she settled into a sitting position not far from his own. “All right, I’m ready.”
He’d been holding a book and put it down then. “This is not the sort of story to tell someone before they fall asleep.”
“Don’t you dare think about pushing it off until tomorrow. I wish to hear it tonight.” There was fire in her gaze.
It made James smile. “Very well. It all started when I decided to take a journey from London to Oxford. I’d gone as a favor to a friend. A musician.”
Kim leaned forward. “What sort of instrument did he play?”
“Many,” he said. “He’s a composer. He can sing as well.”
“You really enjoy music, don’t you?” Kim asked.
He nodded. “My father liked to sing. He sang all the time.”
“Can you sing?” Kim asked with wide eyes. The expression was fetching upon her upturned face.
He laughed. “I’ve not done so in some time.”
The light in her eyes began to dim. “Since the incident, you mean?”
He nodded again.
She looked down and her fingers pleated the corner of the blanket. “What happened in Oxford?”
He saw no easy way to get around this part of the story, so he told it to her just as it happened. “My friend sent me on an assignment to fetch a girl he’d once heard play the harp from a brothel.”
She leaned away, and the pulse in her throat beat rapidly against her thin skin. “A brothel? But why send you?”
“Because, my friend had sworn to his wife he would not go anymore.” He twisted his lips. “They’d had an unpleasant discussion about it. In the end, she won.”
Kim smiled shyly. “Though I hate to think of you anywhere near a brothel, I’m very glad your friend thought to honor his wife’s wishes.”
James had been as well… Until John Goody had butchered his face.
He stilled then and wondered at Kim’s first words. She didn’t like the thought of him in a brothel?
Kim asked, “What happened at the brothel?”
He cleared his throat and reoriented his thoughts. “I recall taking a meal and then I awoke in the basement of a house, chained to the wall and floor. The most logical explanation is that someone put something into my food. When I wasn’t alone in the basement, either a maid or Mr. John Goody was there. He wore a mask, taunting me, telling me that if I was good, I could sit at the table with the adults.”
“What did he mean?” Kim asked. “Sit at the table with the adults?”
So far, he’d found no struggle to tell his story. “He meant that once I accepted my position underneath his rule, I would be allowed to sit at the dining table with the other lords.”
“What did Mr. Goody want from you?” Kim asked.
∫ ∫ ∫
3 0
James shook his head at Kim’s question. It was one he’d asked himself over and over again. “I’m not entirely sure. Recognition, I suppose. He was not liked by the public and blamed it on the fact that his mother was a commoner.”
“How did you get free?” she asked.
“I woke one night, and the chains were simply… loose. I believe the little maid set me free.” Though even now, James wasn’t sure.
“Then I am thankful to her,” Kim said. “But Mr. Goody still makes no sense to me. Commoner blood or not, his actions were horrible.”
“And that’s just it,” James said. “While a few would have considered him not good enough to take part of polite society, the reality was it was his attitude that no one cared for. He was a horrible man. He mistreated women, children, and had no respect for anyone.”
Kim frowned, and he waited for her to rebuke him for speaking ill of the dead. “I’m glad he can’t hurt you anymore.”
He was surprised and beginning to wonder when he’d simply learn to accept the gift that was Kim. She clearly meant him no malice.
“Were the other lords hurt?” Kim asked. “As you were?”
He shook his head. “Not from what I could see. When Lord Cartelle and I rescued them, I saw no physical scars except for the ones around Lord Ganden’s throat and wrists. They’d been of his own making though. It seemed he never stopped fighting, even though h
e’d been there years before I got there.”
Kim moved onto her knees, a position he was beginning to think was most comfortable for her. And if that was the case, he’d have a pillow made for the next time she thought to sit on the floor.
“I spoke to Charles. The other men live in London, but they scorn anyone who comes near them. He said none of the other men are as well-adjusted as you.”
James scoffed. “I’m not well-adjusted. If it seems so, it is only because when I am with you...” He took a deep breath. “You are good for me.” He felt as though every vital part of him was exposed at that moment.
She leaned forward, and her nose slid by his. A slow and tender caress. “You are very good for me as well.”
He opened his eyes when she pulled away. “How so?”
She wore a lazy smile. Her head tilted, and a lock came loose from her braid. “I found the strength to be myself with you.”
He tucked the lock of hair behind her ear. “Anyone who doesn’t accept you for who you are is a fool.”
She pressed her hands into his chest. “I feel the same way about you. I wish people would see what I see, what your family sees when they look at you.”
“And what is that?” He wanted to know the answer to that question more than anything in the world.
“A good man.” She frowned. “It’s unfortunate the others have not recovered as you have. Perhaps, you should speak to them.”
“Me? Speak to them?” He shook his head. “I was not held as long as they were. It only seems right that they lost their sanity.”
“But you were hurt,” she protested. “And according to you, it was a greater hurt than any they gained. Have you reached out to them at all?”
He slowly shook his head. “We were not very close before the incident.”
“But now you’ve something that binds you.” Her hands went to his shoulders. “Who knows? Perhaps speaking to them would be a benefit to you as well. You don’t have to befriend them, but perhaps sharing one another’s experiences can help you all heal.”
His heart jumped and then started an irregular rhythm. “Speaking to them would involve going to London.”
“Doesn’t mean you’d have to join Society.” She lowered her voice. “We don’t even have to let anyone know we’re there.”
Her plan could work… if he were a selfish enough man to take his wife to a beautiful city and force her to hide. But, if they were to go to London, she deserved to be seen.
James couldn’t believe how his thoughts had turned. He was against going to London, wasn’t he? No one accepted him.
Actually, Lore and the others accepted him.
And so did Kim.
Valiant would likely be willing to show Kim around town, and he could remain home or go search for the other lords in the cover of night.
Was he truly thinking to go to London? Weeks ago, he’d have killed the thought before it could grow, but now, because of Kim, he was considering it.
She held his eyes and asked, “What are you thinking?”
“I’m considering going to London,” he groaned.
Kim gasped and then bent forward and kissed him, scorching him deep within until his body burned with such an intensity that he knew only having Kim underneath him could help.
He placed his hands on her hips and did just that.
Kim fell against the sheets and sighed as his body covered hers. Her fingers threaded through his hair, urging him on. “James.”
He groaned, and his body shook violently with need. But the need was something more than sexual. He needed Kim in a way that would marry their souls, not just their bodies. He needed her to love him just as much as he loved her.
He did love her. Every precious thing about her. But he could never be sure until she was tested.
London would be that test.
What would she say when she learned that it was more than her family who pitied their union? That all of Society likely still became undone by the spectacle he’d made of himself when his wounds had been fresh.
He pulled away from her grasp but didn’t move entirely. Suspended over the woman who owned his heart, he said, “We’ll go to London.” He had to know if Kim could bear the reality of being Lady Denhallow, of being married to a man who most saw as little more than a beast.
Kim smiled and then locked her fingers at his nape. “Excellent. I’m sure we’ll have a wonderful time. You’ve no need to worry.”
But worry he would, because his future, and any bliss he would ever find, rested in the hands of the woman before him.
∫ ∫ ∫
3 1
Kim had seen a city before. She was from Leeds and while there were not as many people there as there were here, Kim hadn’t expected to be too impressed with London.
Yet she was.
The population alone was stunning. There were just as many ladies and lords on the streets and sidewalks as there were servants. And how the city could manage to hold them all she’d never understand.
They’d followed the Curbain and Balfour family into the city, yet while the rest had headed straight for Mayfair, James had decided to take a detour.
“There’s far too much to see in a single ride,” he said. “But I wish to be the one to show you the best of the city.”
And he did. From Covent Garden to the royal palaces.
Kim was in awe. “I’m sure my mother would faint at the thought of sleeping in the palace. Just for one night.”
“I could have it arranged,” James said. “The Prince Regent and I are acquainted. He often writes for financial advice.” Then, under his breath, he added, “Not that the man actually puts any of my advice to use.”
Kim reached for his hand, and James immediately gave it to her.
She’d been glad when he’d not become distant once they’d entered the city. “This is wonderful. Thank you for showing me your London.” Because that’s what she was getting a piece of, the parts that he enjoyed the most.
He inclined his head and then lifted her hand and kissed her knuckles. “We’ll end at Hyde Park and then we’ll go to Lord Ayers’ residence.” They were to stay with Lord and Lady Ayers, and Kim was looking forward to having the entire family’s company for dinner.
She also needed to write a letter to her own family, who’d likely made it to the city by now. Charles had written her the address before departing, reminding her that all she needed to do was ask for his aid and he would give it.
“Look,” James instructed with a chin lifted to the window. “Hyde Park is not as beautiful as an open pasture of the country but has its own enchantment. The children run through the grass and the young ladies and gentlemen stroll through the paths, each displaying their best, all the while wondering if they’d suit.”
“I’m very glad I do not have to worry about courting while I’m here.”
His voice was at her ear. “Indeed not.”
She turned and was surprised when he initiated their kiss. His lips applied a steady pressure that forced hers to part. She moved her body into his just as his tongue invaded her mouth. His hands moved to her lower back and brought her impossibly closer. Their tongues locked. Her heart raced. Her pulse in her most sacred of places was a living thing.
Kim gripped his jacket and pushed away slightly. “Cease teasing me. I want you.”
His nostrils flared. “Soon.”
“Soon?” She didn’t understand. “What are you waiting for?”
He didn’t answer. He swept a curl back from her face. “Are you ready to become a part of Society?”
She thought the change of conversation odd. “I suppose, though I wish you’d come with me.” She lifted her hand before he could protest. “I’m not asking you to. I’m simply saying what I feel. I simply hate to do this alone.”
He frowned. “You won’t be alone. You’ll be with Valiant.”
“But she is not you. She is not my husband.”
He smiled. “You’ll get over it
.”
She glared and then laughed. Kissing him again, she moved into her seat. “I suppose I’ll have to, since my husband is ashamed to be with me.”
He immediately grabbed her shoulder and didn’t speak until their gazes were locked. “Is that truly how you feel? That I am ashamed of you?”
“Of course not. Don’t be silly.” She leaned toward him and placed her head on his arm while she locked their fingers together. “It was my horribly attempt as jesting. Excuse my efforts.”
He was silent for a long time, and Kim wished she could take back her words. Then he said, “Be prepared for your first invite tonight. Valiant is a very popular woman. I would not put it past her to accept an invitation.”
“Tonight? But it’s our first night here. I thought I’d have some time before that. I thought she’d ease me into Society.”
“This is London. One is rarely eased into anything.”
Kim stared into his dark eyes and a heavy emotion bloomed within her chest. Love. She’d not been eased into that either. She loved James. She was in love with her husband.
The realization nearly made her dizzy, but she put on a tight smile before she ducked her head away. She had no clue how James felt about her but knew she’d wait for the right time to reveal her own feelings.
She was in love.
The feeling was overwhelming and a little unpleasant, honestly. For years, she’d been too afraid to get close to anyone. Now, the very thought of not having James made her envision doing terrible things just to get to him, just to keep him safe.
“Are you all right?” he whispered in her hair.
She loosened her hold on his hands after realizing she’d been squeezing the life out of them. “What will you do if I am at a party?” she asked, glad her voice was normal.
He sighed. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll start by dealing with the matter for which I’ve come. I’ll find the others and see if they wish to… meet and discuss. It seems like an entirely strange idea, yet while there is a part of me that believes it will go terribly wrong, there is another part that believes it could help.”
Mark of The Marquess (The Valiant Love Regency Romance) (A Historical Romance Book) Page 15