by Laura Brown
Izzy slipped out of the room, heading back to hers to check on her sleeping baby. He lay on his back, one hand over his head as he often did. Love sprouted inside her, and she’d always cherish that. Sure, she wanted more, but she had him, and she’d make that enough.
Then he farted and broke the spell.
…
A week had passed since Nolan met Izzy again, a week since he’d learned he had a son. Too long, he knew it, but necessary to let this new reality settle into place. The whole situation felt new and unsteady, but he was done being a coward. Today was the day. He’d talk to Izzy, maybe at the coffee shop again, and figure out what she needed. Money, childcare, support, he didn’t know the first thing about babies and kids and what it all would entail. Didn’t matter. She’d done it all on her own until now, the least he could do was try.
Until then, he had work to do and a project he had to get up and running. A whole series of vlogs for the website to usher the agency into the current level of virtual accessibility. ASL was a visual language, and not all of the community read written English with ease. The agency served the community and the community needed their online information to be in a visual, three-dimensional form that made it accessible. Nolan needed to get the videos filmed and edited, plus add in captions and voice-overs to include all communication styles. The first of which would be debuted at the upcoming board meeting. For the life of him he didn’t know why it took this long for his job to be created. Funding in nonprofits was often a struggle, and the less computer-savvy staff did the best they could with the time they had. Now that he was here, he’d be able to help them better reach the community and showcase the services they provided.
He checked back over the social media accounts, his overactive brain juggling multitasking like a champ. The first two accounts had been quiet, and he clicked over to the third. A few inquiries had come in while he’d been out to lunch and he checked them over. He stopped short at Izzy’s response to a workshop, with the wrong date and time.
A horrible flashback to his previous job played in technicolor in his mind; he knew far too well how one tiny mistake could snowball into a colossal error of epic proportions. The issues weren’t the same, not even close, but for a fleeting moment he’d lost control, again.
Nolan quickly posted an update, and included a link to the calendar for more details. A few minutes later a “thank you” popped up, and he relaxed. Crisis avoided. He scanned over the rest, mind now focused on the task at hand, noting no other mix-ups. Good.
Mistakes happened. A simple double check usually prevented them. He didn’t want to be that supervisor who got on his coworkers’ case for every little thing, but the social media rested on his shoulders, and he didn’t need anyone’s help messing things up.
He left his desk and headed toward the central area where Izzy worked, his past as a screw-up breathing down his neck. Not her fault, he reminded himself and tried to stay calm. A light talk could settle most things. Would settle this. No need to go in with guns blazing like in an action-packed fighting game. This was more of the lighthearted puzzle sort. Pep talk solidified, he rounded the corner and stopped short at the sight she created: her hair hung in a messy ponytail, dark circles swirled under her eyes, and her face read “Caution, trespassers get shot.” Probably why no one else sat in the area.
She pulled her phone from her ear, stabbing at it with her finger, a scowl on her face that he didn’t think had anything to do with his presence.
He approached slowly, having never seen her like this. Screw fighting game or light puzzle, this was the interpersonal relationships game, and one wrong move would cause the whole thing to implode.
Before he could sign or gain her attention, her hands moved. “Yes, I know I had the wrong date, I saw your update. I’m sorry, I had two events mixed up.” She met his eyes, steel lining them, but he caught the vulnerability shining through. Something was wrong. And out of the million and one things that could have Izzy messing up, he narrowed in on one single thought and couldn’t let go.
“The baby O.K.?” A strange and new panic bubbled up inside him, even though rationality said she wouldn’t be here if Archie were hurt.
A tight smile crossed her face. “Archie is fine.” She used a simple name sign for the boy, a shaking A. Nolan didn’t know if it was something she’d set up with her sister’s Deaf fiancé or a placeholder. Either way, it thankfully wasn’t a rocket.
Izzy leaned back and shook out her hands. “My sister and Levi are going on vacation next week, and I can’t find childcare I trust. I just spoke with one and even if they had availability, I can’t afford it. I’m going to need to take the week off or something.” Her hands fumbled. “I know, I haven’t been here long but…my son comes first.”
Her son. He didn’t know why that crawled under his skin and itched like a motherfucker. Her son. He didn’t have a leg to stand on; all he’d done was provide half the genetics.
But there sat Izzy, frazzled beyond anything he’d seen before as she tried to juggle her job and their son. He’d wanted to talk after work, but the opportunity sat there in front of him, tingled on the tips of his fingers. Izzy needed him. His son needed him, and he’d be damned if he let more precious time fade away. Regardless of his position in their lives, this wasn’t on her shoulders. Not alone. Not anymore. “Bring him here. He can stay in my office.”
Her eyes grew wide. “Here?”
“Yes, here. I’ll talk with Deanna.” He’d seen Madisyn at the front desk often enough, surely a baby wouldn’t be that much of a problem.
“And what? Sleep? He’s nine months old, he’s active and going to need attention.”
Nolan hadn’t had a clue, but he refused to back down. “We can figure it out together.”
Izzy’s gaze traveled the perimeter, and Nolan followed it, finding no one else there, just the two of them. “And that isn’t a problem for our jobs?”
He scratched his head. The no-dating policy made no mention of past relationships, or past interpersonal connections. Treading carefully would be best for both of them, but as long as they didn’t start dating again, he’d make sure it wasn’t a problem. “No one else has to know. You’re working mostly with me; it makes sense for me to help.” It made sense because he was the one responsible for the kid and he hated himself for letting the job be his buffer. “Please, let me help. I’ll talk with Deanna.”
“No, that wouldn’t make sense. I’ll talk with her.” Her shoulders didn’t relax and his intuition claimed it didn’t have anything to do with Deanna. Challenge not complete.
“What else is wrong?”
She froze, her shoulders tightening. “I’ve never been alone with him for a week. I’m used to having Gaby and Levi for support. And, as if that isn’t enough, the kitchen is being upgraded so I’m going to be largely without a kitchen and dealing with who knows what sounds while a hearing baby is trying to sleep.”
In a moment of disconnect from his brain to anything resembling rational thought, Nolan signed, “So come live with me for the week.”
Chapter Seven
Izzy’s jaw slipped open as she tried to come up with any other possible meaning for Nolan’s signs. He couldn’t possibly have meant what she thought he meant. “What?”
Nolan scratched his neck, shifting the collar with one button undone, and glanced around, but the other desks were empty at this hour of the day. She expected him to back down and change his mind. Yet when his eyes met hers, he held firm. “Stay with me for the week. We’ll care for Archie together. I’ve got the presentation at the board meeting to prepare for and I need your help. And the baby is partly my responsibility.”
Izzy blinked. And blinked again. Nope, not an illusion. This wasn’t a dream or daydream or hallucination of her unyielding hope. Even though she didn’t catch all the signs, not yet, she knew she caught the meaning. Hell of a time for Nolan t
o step up to the plate. “But you don’t want kids.”
Nolan dropped his head and she half expected him to walk off. But then he faced her, shoulders squared. “I never planned on having kids, no. But we’ve got one. I don’t know what is needed from me, what helps you and Archie the most, but I can help.”
It wasn’t a grand proclamation of long-term involvement in his son’s life. But Izzy had never depended on that. She decided to bring Archie into this world, and keep him, on her own. Which meant she accepted the full and sole responsibility, even if she had to depend on her family to finish college and stay afloat. This offer was more than she had banked on, and she’d do well to accept it.
After all, Izzy had the nine months she’d been pregnant to make up her own mind. She could give Nolan at least that long to figure out his.
“O.K.,” she signed. Then added, “You sure you can handle this?”
Nolan smiled. “No. I’m not. But you didn’t have a choice back then.”
She did have a choice, and she had made all the choices on her own. She’d give him that. If she had chosen differently…
Her hand went to her stomach. No ifs. She loved Archie, and from the moment she saw his little flickering heart on the monitor, she’d known. So maybe Nolan was right—she hadn’t really had a choice. Planned or unplanned didn’t matter, not when it came to the heart.
…
“There’s my little man,” Izzy squealed as she came in the front door and took Archie from Gaby. She snuggled in, breathing that intoxicating baby smell, as Archie gripped her hair. Painful, but she couldn’t let go, not when she missed him so much.
Being a working parent sucked.
“Any leads on someone to watch Archie next week?”
Izzy shook her head, still stuck to Archie like Velcro. “No, and I know he needs day care, but I can’t even afford to pay you rent on my salary.” She pried baby hands off her hair, losing only a few strands. “Nolan offered to help.”
Gaby crossed her arms. “Good. He should pay up.”
Izzy set Archie on the floor and watched him crawl over to his toys. “Actually, he suggested we both watch Archie at work. I talked with the director and maybe it’s because of how small the agency is, or because she’s got kids of her own, but she approved it.”
“That’s great.”
“And Nolan invited us to stay with him.”
Gaby stilled. “What? Are you out of your mind? What do you even know about this guy?”
Izzy narrowed her eyes. “Says the woman who invited a stranger home for Passover.”
Gaby fisted her hips but said nothing. Izzy had her on this point and they both knew it.
“But this is your baby,” Gaby said.
“His baby, too. And a lot better than dealing with kitchen construction.” Baby eclipsed random date for Passover, which had worked immensely in her sister’s favor, a fact Izzy still harbored jealousy over. Who picked a random guy at the gym, brought him home as a fake date, and fell in love? Sure, she’d created a kid with a random guy at a Deaf event, but that hadn’t exactly worked into love, just lust.
And scarily on-point fertility.
They stared at each other as Levi walked into the room. Gaby turned to him. “Sorry we weren’t signing.”
Levi picked up Archie. “No. That’s fine. I don’t need to see you two fight. And neither does he.” He tossed Archie into the air amid squeals of delight, before leaving them alone.
Izzy’s heart ached. That should have been Nolan and Archie. But at least Archie had that connection with his future uncle.
“Are you sure about this?” Gaby asked, her voice softening.
Izzy raised her chin, as she’d done each time she came up with an idea that someone else would call impulsive. The only one she’d ever regretted were the bangs she cut herself, not that she’d done a bad job, she just didn’t have a face for bangs. “Not one hundred percent, no. But I trusted him enough to bring him home and create Archie in the first place. If anyone should help while you two are gone, it’s his father.” She bit her lip. “And maybe it will give him a chance to see how wonderful his son is.”
Gaby pulled Izzy into a hug. “Archie is wonderful. And if Nolan doesn’t realize it, then he doesn’t deserve him.”
Izzy wanted to cry, but she shoved her emotions down. She had never been a crier before, and postpartum hormones were no laughing matter. “So let me do this. Then I’ll know whether to hope he comes around or cut my losses.”
Gaby gave Izzy a final squeeze before releasing her. “Okay. But know you’ve got me and Levi.”
“You two need to start living your own lives.”
“Family is family.”
Exactly why she had to do this.
…
Nolan stood in his living room, scoping out his two-bedroom apartment, wondering what he needed to have a baby stay with him.
Everything.
And he hadn’t the foggiest idea what fell under everything. Images of the kid sitting on his couch, video game controller in hand and nursing a soda while they played rang as 100 percent false. For starters, Archie would be nursing a bottle, or getting his milk directly from his mother. And considering how everything he touched went directly into his mouth, the controller would, too. Though Nolan had to admit, he wondered what type of sick moves that might create.
Foolish fantasy images aside, he should text Izzy and find out what he needed to prepare, but he somehow hadn’t managed to get her phone number yet. Or still. Another failure on his part. They had a kid together—shared phone numbers should be the least of their connection.
His phone vibrated and he wondered if she’d found him, only the text came from his mother.
Mom: How you doing?
Yeah, he hadn’t checked in with her in a while, not since Izzy informed him of the son he hadn’t known he had. Because he had no clue how to have this conversation.
Nolan: Good.
Mom: Job okay? I should know the answer, since you are close by now, but you seem more adrift than when you were in NY.
Adrift. Not too far away, always adrift.
Nolan: Good.
Mom: Good. Good. My talkative son. How about a sentence?
He pinched the bridge of his nose.
Nolan: The job is going well. Lots to do, since the position is new and their social media interactions have been lacking.
Mom: And that’s why they hired you. I knew always having your head in technology would work out for you.
If he didn’t mess it up first.
He wanted to type more, to mention Izzy, but mentioning Izzy meant mentioning Archie, and he wasn’t doing that via text.
He switched to video.
His mother’s face with her short bob of salt-and-pepper hair appeared on screen, too close at first but then she adjusted her phone. “Oh, my son still has a face, look at that. Handsome as ever.”
He grimaced and his mother’s smile faded.
“What’s wrong?” The sign held steel behind it. She hadn’t known ASL when he’d been born, but she learned for him and mastered it for him. Izzy hadn’t known much ASL when they first met, but she’d continued and made sure their son learned as well. He might not have a father figure in his life, but he had his mother, and he could live up to her example.
“I have something to tell you, something I recently found out.” He wished he had a picture, something more than his words to give to his mother. In order to have a picture he needed more than one meeting with his kid.
Prepared or not, he was glad Izzy had agreed to stay. More time with the both of them meant a chance to see if he had any paternal instincts at all.
“I’m waiting.” Her eyebrows raised and he’d bet his entire salary she hadn’t a clue what was coming.
“I met up with someone I had dated.
She has a son.” He swallowed. “My son. He’s nine months old.”
“Explain now.” Her stern face demanded he comply.
“History repeats itself. Condom didn’t work.”
Her shrewd gaze bored into him even through the phone. “You know that fails sometimes and it’s important to be there, to be present.”
“We were drunk, what do you expect?”
His mother closed her eyes and signed with them closed. “Words a mother loves to see.”
He waved until she opened them. “Like alcohol didn’t have a part in my conception?”
She bobbed her head side to side, her short hair swishing with the motion. “Fine. And you wait until now to tell me?”
“Izzy was an ASL student. She didn’t catch my name and we didn’t exchange numbers. We met again a week ago.”
His mother blew out a breath, lips pursed. “Always get a number.” She glanced up. “You have a son. When can I meet him?”
“I’ve met him only once. They’re staying here next week while construction is being done where Izzy lives. What do I need for a baby?” He angled his phone, taking in his apartment.
“Oh my dear child, you are not set up for a baby at all.”
“I know that. What do I do?”
“Unless you know the first thing about Babyproofing 101, I’d wait on the mother for this. She’ll know what that child needs.”
Not the help he had hoped for. “No words of advice?”
“You be there for that child, for the mother. Figure something out. I know you are not your father. Prove it.”
“Thanks.” As far as pep talks went, that one fell off the radar. But every word she signed held truth to it.
He disconnected the call, no calmer or more prepared than before. He moved to his office and looked around the small room. The space could barely be called a bedroom; his desk and futon left a sliver of an area for walking and nothing else. Granted, when the futon unfolded that sliver disappeared. Nolan scratched his head. There had to be some way to fit a baby in here. He’d have to move things one way or another, but he had no clue where Archie would sleep.